What if Jim told Pam how he felt on the Booze Cruise?
Jim looked bravely at the camera, "You know what? I would save the receptionist. I just wanted to clear that up."
He walked determinedly over to Pam. He didn't exactly know what he was going to say to her, but his silence was becoming too loud for him to bear.
He approached her and bent down slightly to speak quietly. "Pam, can I talk to you for a minute?"
Pam stared back at him and nodded immediately, realizing by his unusually serious face. As she stood up, Jim ushered her first, gently grazing the small of her back. His touch sent a warm tingle up her back, but she shook the feeling away with a shake of her head and scolded herself silently for noticing.
They walked out on the deck, and Pam instinctively wrapped her coat tighter around her. They unconsciously stopped and stood at the same place where they talked, or rather didn't talk, earlier that night. When that fateful silence began again, eager to avoid similar awkwardness, Pam spoke up. "So, what's up?"
Jim stared at her for a moment, it suddenly dawned on him that he had no idea how to put his feelings into words. He smiled at her, and opened his mouth, but no words came out.
Pam raised her eyebrows expectantly and giggled.
Pam's smile gave Jim a sudden surge of courage, "I don't really know how to say this, and it's probably not great timing seeing as we're on a boat, well I guess one could argue that it's the best time since we can't escape, but-"
"Jim!" Pam cut in, "You're rambling. You never ramble!"
Jim shrugged, "I do sometimes, when I'm really nervous."
Pam looked quizzically at him, "Nervous?"
Jim nodded slightly, "It's just that, well, I'm…I'm sort of in love with you. Well, not sort of, I am in love with you Pam. I love you."
The smile on Pam's face disappeared slowly. She looked up at Jim, and then turned away and looked out on the lake. She looked back at Jim, "What?" She asked, genuinely confused.
"I know we're friends, and I love being friends with you, but it's always been a little more for me. It's been a friendship with the gentle tug of longing attached to it. I've wanted to be with you since the very first day I met you."
Pam didn't look any less confused, "Jim, what are you doing?"
For the first time, Jim took his eyes off of her he looked at his shoes, feeling a little embarrassed. "I just needed you to know the truth, because I don't think I can keep it inside anymore."
Pam nodded slightly, "It's just that, Roy…" Pam trailed off, not really knowing what to say about Roy. "What about Katie?"
Jim shrugged, "She's a really nice girl." He looked earnestly at her, "A really nice distraction."
A quick shot of relief flooded Pam's head. She knew that Katie wasn't 'the one' for Jim, but it was still nice to hear it out of his own mouth. For the second time that night, she scolded herself for letting Jim creep into her thoughts. Pam nodded and Jim, and bit her lip.
"Jim," She started slowly, apologetically, "You have no idea…"
"Don't do that." Jim said, cutting her off, "I don't want to do that."
Pam ignored him and continued anyways, "What your friendship means to me."
Jim's eyes darkened slightly with hurt, "I want to be more than that."
Pam's eyes welled, "I can't."
Jim nodded. He understood, he was crushed, but he understood. "Okay. I just needed you to know." He leaned into Pam and kissed her gently on her cheek.
It was a sad and tender gesture that spoke alarmingly of goodbye. Pam pulled Jim into a tight hug. She closed her eyes into shoulder, letting herself get lost in her friend. Jim embraced her and took in everything about her. He felt a calmness wash over him as he held the one he loved, but that feeling soon disappeared as he realized this was the closest he was going to get to being with Pam.
An angry voice cut through their connection. "What the hell?!"
Before Jim could even see Roy, he felt his large hands grip his shirt. Roy pinned Jim violently to the wall of the boat. Roy's face was contorted with rage. His arm came back to gain momentum to hit Jim with, but a set of hands grabbed on to his huge fist.
"Roy stop it!" Pam yelled, grabbing his arm and stepping between Roy and Jim.
Roy looked through Pam and pushed her aside effortlessly, causing her to lose her balance and fall to the ground.
Jim's face changed from fear quickly to concern. He made a motion to move towards Pam, but Roy immediately pushed him against the wall again.
"You don't touch her!" Roy commanded.
Pam, embarrassed, got to her feet and tucked her hair behind her ears.
Jim looked at her, "Are you okay?" He asked gently.
Pam nodded.
Roy had calmed down a little bit, but still had Jim pinned tightly to the wall. "How long has this been going on between you two?"
Pam shook her head, "Roy, it's not like that I swear. There is nothing going on between us! We were just hugging, we're friends."
Roy was comforted by these words, but he looked to Jim for confirmation.
"Roy, there really isn't anything going on."
Roy grudgingly let Jim go from the wall. "And you don't have any feelings for her Halpert?"
The irony of this question was not lost on Jim. He smiled a sad half smile, "It doesn't matter."
Roy advanced towards Jim, but stopped short of actually pinning him again. "It matters a hell of a lot to me Halpert!"
Jim looked back to Pam, who was scared to make eye contact with either one of the men.
Jim was prepared to ease Roy's temper with whatever it took to sooth the situation for everyone, but he couldn't let himself back down. He just kept thinking that this was the guy that Pam was going to spend the rest of her life with.
Jim shook his head, "She deserves more than you." Jim said softly, but not trying to hide it from anyone.
Roy stared at Jim. "What?" He asked angrily.
Jim advanced towards Roy, which actually made Roy take a step back. "You are the worst kind of person because you have something amazing and you don't even realize it. You push her aside and keep her down and you don't deserve her."
Roy didn't say anything. He didn't even look particularly angry, but his fist moved faster than Jim could react, and he hit Jim squarely on his eye, and Jim fell to the ground.
"Jim!" Pam shouted out, running over to him.
As the commotion continued, several people began to gather on the deck to see what was happening. Katie emerged through the small crowd, "What's going on?" She noticed Jim's slumped figure, gripping his face. "Jim!" She shrieked running to his side.
Pam, unwillingly let Katie comfort Jim and she stood up. Roy had left right after he punched Jim, so Pam left to find him.
She walked back into the party room of the boat. Roy was sitting in the now deserted back room. She walked angrily towards him.
As Pam was opening her mouth to let Roy have it, he cut her off.
"Pammy, don't say anything." His anger was completely deflated. "Do you know why I came looking for you?"
"No…" Pam said slowly, cautiously.
"I wanted to set a date." Roy said quietly.
"What?" Pam breathed, sitting down, across from him.
"I was talking to Captain Jack, and I just realized that I'm ready to get married."
Pam shook her head, "Roy, I don't know. Something changed inside me. I mean, seeing you hit Jim,"
Roy cut her off, anger sparking in his voice again, "Pam, he was making a move on you!"
Pam continued, not shaken by his outburst, "It's not about Jim though. I just, I can't be with someone that hits another person, especially a close friend of mine. I'm sorry Roy, but this is over." Pam was gentle, but firm.
Roy's eyes widened slightly, he had never heard Pam be so definitive. "But Pammy, I'm ready to have a future with you!"
Pam shook her head, "But Roy," She took one of his hands in hers, "I'm ready for you to be my past. We're just not right together. This relationship has become routine, and it shouldn't be like that."
Roy couldn't give it up this easily. "Pam!" His voice was pleading with her, "I'm ready to start a life with you!"
Pam gave him an ironic smile, "We're just not in the same place Roy."
"What do you mean?"
Pam shrugged, "You're ready for us to start, but I'm ready for us to end." Pam let go of Roy's hand and gave it a gentle pat. She stood up and walked away from Roy, never turning back.
Pam walked back to the deck, looking for Jim. She was surprised to find him sitting alone, his back against the railing of the boat. She figured he would still be crowded by their coworkers, specifically Michael.
She walked gently up to him, "How's the eye?"
Jim shrugged, "Which one?"
"What?" asked Pam.
"Katie got me pretty good in the other one when I broke up with her."
"You broke up with her?" Pam asked sitting down next to him.
Jim nodded, "Yeah, I probably should have waited till we got off the boat though. It makes it a little hard to escape."
"Yeah," Pam agreed. "I know what you mean?"
Jim looked at her and raised a curious eyebrow.
"I ended things with Roy. For real."
Jim's mouth hung open, "Wow, I didn't expect that."
"What?" Pam asked surprised, "He hit you! I couldn't stay with him." She paused, "Listen, I just wanted to say 'thanks' for, I don't know, defending my honor I guess. It was really nice to hear you say those things."
"Well, it was easy. I meant them all." Jim cleared his throat. "Are you sure you guys are done for good?"
"Yeah," Pam nodded definitively, "It wasn't just because of tonight. We're just not right together, ya know?"
Jim smiled, "Yeah, I know."
Pam smiled back at him and sighed. "I just want to crawl into bed and get off this damn boat!"
Jim laughed, "Yeah, a booze cruise in January was definitely not one of Michael's best ideas."
Pam laughed and rested her head on Jim's shoulder. Jim smiled at her, and then lost his smile in his thoughts. After a brief moment of silence, he spoke up. "Pam?"
Her eyes were closed, "Hmm?"
"Well," Jim said as he swallowed, "I was just wondering, if this changes anything. I mean you breaking up with Roy."
Pam lifted her head and stared at Jim. "Yes." She said simply. She was tired of goose stepping around her feelings, and she was too emotionally exhausted to weave through half truths and her mixed feelings.
This simple answer caught Jim off guard, "What?"
"This changes things." She added.
"Uh, well, how?" Jim asked, his hopes beginning to rise.
Pam sighed deeply and bit her bottom lip. "I don't really know to be honest."
Jim furrowed his brow, trying to think of an appropriate thing to say. "Okay…"
Pam spoke up, wanting to ease his confusion, "Jim, you are the best guy and truthfully, nothing makes me happier that we are both unattached. But, I just got out of a nine year relationship, so I can't really think about what this means because I need some time to get used to that being over. It's like you said," Pam smiled, mocking Jim, "I'm amazing, and I think I could use a little time to hang out with myself, seeing as I'm so great."
Jim smiled, "That's true. I understand that."
Pam, seeing that Jim was slightly crestfallen touched his shoulder gently, "Hey." She said softly. He looked at her and she spoke softly. "It really does change things though." Pam leaned in and kissed Jim very gently on the mouth.
Jim was surprised, but quickly embraced her and the kiss deepened slightly. When the broke apart they were both grinning. "I thought you needed time to get used to being single." Jim said slowly.
"I do," Pam said, "And one of the best things about being single is you can kiss anybody you want to."
"So," Jim said slowly, "does changing things from how they were mean we're going to do that more?"
Pam smiled and laughed, "Definitely" she said, her eyes glowing.
Jim smiled, "I always liked change."
Pam laughed as he leaned in again to give her another kiss.
Okay, so I'm running out of what if ideas! Please review and leave me some ideas because I don't want the story to end yet. I'm thinking about doing a couple future chapters…but I don't know if that really fits in the story.