Sue Sylvester - It turns out there is more than one way to skin a cat, but really only two that don't make the house smell for months like a skinned cat.
Quinn – Coach Sylvester, skinning a cat really is just a time wasting activity. Imagine how many students you could torture in that amount of time!
Sue Sylvester – You know, Quinn. Before you sat in the back of your parent's station wagon with your legs behind your head having intimate time with that football person, you actually had something worth flipping and high-kicking for. But now that you are carrying two little pairs of feet and a bloody head inside your very elastic uterus, you have nothing worth cheerleading for because of the pope of cheerleading has just kicked you out of the squad.
Will Schuster – Sue, have you ever heard of the words "sympathy" or "optimism?"
Mercedes – Mr. Shu, why are you even asking? You know the answer.
Sue Sylvester - I'm beginning to doubt the quality of my local grocer because the "rotisserie chicken" I just ate had a six-inch hairless tail.
Tina – My mom's turkey breast was blue, so I'm starting to think the same.
Finn – The food at the grocery store is perfectly fine. We've been buying rotisserie chicken for years at the same store and we've never found a tail on it. It was plain roast chicken.
MikeChang28 – I'm starting to get annoyed with the letter "B" being right next to the letter "V."
Mercedes – Why's that and why did you write in bold?
MikeChang28 – Ctrl+B is bold and Ctrl+V is paste. I always press Ctrl+B when I want to press Ctrl+V.
Tina – That must be confusing!
Brittany – I wanted to put ketchup on my toast, but I ended up putting on something yellow. It tasted weird.
Tina – You put butter on your toast? Butter tastes great.
Brittany – Butter is orange, not yellow.
Mercedes – Tina, I think Brittany means mustard.
Rachel – My dads put mustard in their famous artichoke dip.
Mercedes – Rachel, that's disgusting! And you eat that artichoke dip?
Rachel – I must respect my dads! Of course I do! The cumin gives it a tangy taste.
Santana – I can live with looking great and feeling terrible. That's why I can take Sue Sylvester's Master Cleanse.
Sue Sylvester - I'm pretty sure that by now Arianna Huffington is just faking that accent.
Will Schuster – And I'm pretty sure Sue Sylvester is jealous about it.
Sue Sylvester – And I'm pretty sure that William Schuster needs to find a new hair style that doesn't make him look like a lesbian.
Sue Sylvester – And to add onto that, maybe have a little miniature diaper be made for his chin because it just reminds me of a baby's ass.
Splitz9909 – This is buzz? Wow, it's weird. Not sure if I like it yet.
Mercedes – Who's Splitz9909?
Santana – She's just a cheerleader. Forget about her, she couldn't do a front flip until after her tryout.
Tina – I never learned how to do a handstand.
Santana – That's a shame.
Mercedes – You probably got it better off than me, Tina. I never learned how to do a cartwheel.
Tina – I can't do that either.
Artie Abrams – I cannot do anything that has to do with standing.
Tina – Artie, I thought you said you disabled buzz forever.
Artie Abrams – Well, I never clicked on the button that said "Delete Google buzz Forever." I just sort of abandoned Buzz for a while.
Santana – A while? Don't you mean 4 days?
Artie Abrams – Santana, 4 days can be a very long time.
Tina – Yea. 4 days is 96 hours or 576 minutes!
Rachel – Are you going to convert that into seconds? Because my ferrets are with me right now and they can get serious migraine headaches when they see math.
Santana – Migraines are for old ladies who can't stand anything anymore.
Mercedes – No, anybody can have migraine headaches. My dad can have them and he definitely is not an old lady. He's ain't even 60!
Pucksaurus – And I'm sure he ain't no lady either.
Mercedes – Har-har, Puck. How very funny.
Sue Sylvester – If you're going shirtless just to impress me, you must know that I do not menstruate.
Jacob B.I. – Neither do I.
Brittany – The orthodontist at the grocery store told me that peanut butter was gogn to be on sale today.
Tina – There's an orthodontist at the grocery store?
Brittany – Aren't orthodontists the people who make that beeping noise when they put chicken under a machine?
Mercedes – Um, I am very confused right now but I think you are talking about a cashier. Speaking of orthodontists, my cousin just got braces and swallowed a Jolly Rancher whole. Now he's at the hospital.
Santana – I've swallowed cough drops before and you don't see me in the emergency room. Tell him to just f*ckin' tough it out.
Brittany – If an orthodontist is a person who makes kids swallow jolly ranchers, than what's a salesperson?