The evening breeze had ripened to a night wind while Milly was in the house and now as she stood on the dark balcony that was on the second floor of The Keep. She absently brushed her blond hair out of her face until she reached behind her and took the comb out that held them in place. When the wind blew it in her face, she didn't move it this time. She closed her eyes and let it dance wildly across her face. She didn't normally wear her hair loose and hadn't for some time now. Dave had always insisted that she wear it up instead.

She looked out at the ocean putting everything of her mind until the thought of John Cena entered it. She remembered his snug blue jeans and his cocky walk and the way his t-shirts had stretched tight across his lean chest. She remembered once being pressed back against her locker as he'd kissed her long and hard and deep, the hallway around them empty and silent as she felt his body pressed against hers.

When she realized that she was a thirty-four year old woman fantasizing about an eighteen year old boy, Milly collapsed onto the chaise lounge pulled her legs up to her chest, folded her arms over her knees, and pressed her forehead to the back of her hand. And then unable to help herself she began to cry. Not great sobs just a steady stream of tears that came from sixteen years of second thoughts, and what ifs and maybes.

She wasn't sure how long she sat there crying, the heedless wind enveloping her. Eventually the turbulence inside her began to ebb and little by little she pulled herself back together. She'd become very good at that over the years. There had been times when she'd even been able to convince herself, almost, that she'd never really fallen apart to begin with.

She dried her eyes and gazed over the balcony toward the ocean. Santa Barbara was nothing at all like Cincinnati but Milly couldn't quite shake the sensation that she had come full circle tonight. She felt the tears threatening to fall again and directed her eyes to the sky.

"Milly."

For some reason, she wasn't surprised to hear John call out her name. She'd known he wouldn't leave things as she'd left them in her father's study, because he wasn't one for surrendering the last word easily.

"Go away." She told him halfheartedly for all the good it would do. He'd behave as he wanted to.

Just as she'd expected, he ignored her instruction. He sat down in a nearby chair. There was no way that she was going to look at him.

"Why did you come out here?" She asked in spite of that. But the question came out so quietly that she wondered if he even heard it over the soft rumble of the wind and waves.

From the corner of her eye she saw John lean back in the chair. She didn't realize that she was staring at him.

"It was the damnedest thing." He said. "I was in your father's study just now, looking out at you and suddenly the strangest feeling come over me.

Although she told herself not to ask, Milly heard herself asking. "What kind of feeling?"

He hesitated before replying turning his glaze now to her. For a moment, he only studied her face in silence. Then he softly said. "I got the feeling that if I'd glanced down at my watch just then all the hands would have been spinning backward."

She smiled a bit sadly. "Doesn't work that way, John. You can't go backward."

"You sound pretty sure about that." He said.

"That's because I am sure about that."

"I see. Well, you always did know everything, didn't you, Milly?"

"Why yes. As a matter of fact, I did." She said playfully.

He smiled, but she couldn't quite tell if it was genuine or not.

"So how are things in Cincinnati?" She told herself the question would lead to a nice, safe, bland change of subject but after voicing it, she realized how much she honestly wanted to know.

"Cincinnati's changed some." He said. "Woodhaven is totally locked in a time warp. When you go back, you'll feel like nothing's changed at all."

"That would be nice." She said smiling.

She wasn't lying. Milly missed Ohio missed the massive oaks and maples, the rolling green hills, the indolent rippling of the muddy river. She missed seeing the tress stained with red and gold in the autumn. Southern California was beautiful but nothing ever changed here, not outwardly anyway. This wasn't' where she belonged but then Ohio didn't quite feel like home anymore either.

Suddenly Milly felt displaced as if she didn't belong anywhere. She had begun to think that she might not ever find her way back to where she needed to be.

"I'm not going to go back to Ohio with you, John. I'm going to go alone."

"You think so?"

"I know so."

"Why is it so important that you go alone?

Milly felt herself coloring and her gaze skittered away from his. "It just is important, that's all."

"Your father thinks you need someone with you."

"It doesn't matter what my father thinks."

Doesn't it?"

"No."

"You don't think anyone in Cincinnati's going to try to hurt you?"

"Of course not."

"How can you be sure?"

"Why do you keep doing that?"

"Doing what?"

"Replying to all my statements with a question."

"Am I doing that?"

"John!"

He smiled at her then and there was just the tiniest hint of the boy she remembered from high school. Unable to help herself, Milly smiled back.

"You always could get a rise out of me." She said softly. "Doing nothing more than being within arm's reach."

"Yeah well, I could say the same thing about you, you know."

He studied her with some intensity for a moment and she wondered if he would try to revisit the past or stay here in the present. Part of her wanted very much to go backward in time with him, if only for one evening. Just to see if they both recalled it the same way.

"Just this once, Milly, do want your father wants. Let him hired me in that capacity."

Oh, so the present it was. Evidently John had no interest in exploring what had and had not happened between the two of them sixteen years ago.

"Why?"

"Because it would easier. Yeah, JR's probably overreacting but what difference does it make? It won't do any hard to let me go back with you. I have to go back anyway." He pointed out with the dimple grin. "Mae doesn't have a problem with Mike going back with her. So, what's the big deal?"

The big deal, Milly thought, was that she had a point to make. For the first time in years, she was out from under anyone's thumb and she needed to prove to herself as well as her family that she would be fine on her own. Alone. It would be too easy to succumb to her father's wants, too easy to let him make all the decisions on her behalf just the way she'd let Dave do for far too long. Milly wanted to go back to making her own decisions. She wanted to be the one in charge of her life. The way she had been a lifetime ago.

She wanted, needed to go back to Ohio because that was the last place, the last time, she had been someone she could like and admire and respect. And she had to get there on her own steam, her own terms. She had to.

"I won't go with John."

He eyed her intently and then nodded with what she could only liken to resolution. "Fine. Then I guess there's nothing else to say."

"No, I guess there's not."

"So, I'll just go to my room and see you in the morning."

Well that certainly got her attention. "Don't you mean you'll just go to your hotel?

He shook his head. "Your father was nice enough to invite me and Mike to stay here at The Keep for the weekend. A very accommodating guy, your father."

Says you, Milly thought. "It's his house. He can invite whoever he wants."

"So I guess I'll just be going back in." John said again. "To my room."

Milly nodded but remained silent.

"In fact, I think I'll be in the room across the hall from your room. That's what your father said anyway."

She expelled a resigned sigh. "Yeah that's daddy. Always planning."

John looked faintly puzzled. "What do you mean?"

But she only shook her head. "Forget it, John."

"Forget what?"

All of it she wanted to say but instead she said. "Just never mind. Daddy's up to something is all. I mean, it's pretty obvious."

John smiled another one of those vaguely familiar smiles. "I don't know. Is it?"

"There you go again, responding with a question."

"Am I? Gee, what was I thinking?"

In spite of herself, Milly smiled again. "Goodnight, John."

"Good night Milly." He said. "I'll see you in the morning."

Not if I see you first, she thought, not if I see you first.

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