AN: 8 oz of lime vodka later… THIS! Dudes, I don't even know…

"It's all elementary, my dear assbutt."

"Damnit Crowley! I thought I told you not to let him watch Sherlock anymore!"

"No, you told me not to let him watch Torchwood anymore cause he was getting too many ideas from it. So I switched him to Sherlock."

"Fine, from now on, no more British TV!"

"You know you're rather loud when you're drunk Dean."

"He's loud all the time."

"Shut-up Cas!"

"See, this is what I have to deal with, Crowley."

"There, there pet. I don't envy you, that's for sure. What kind of conditioner do you use anyways, your hair is rather soft."

"You two keep cuddling, I'm going to go puke my guts out."

"We'll be here. Don't mind us if we're kissing when you get back."

"He's piss drunk, no making deals with the inebriated!"

"Oh you're no fun."

"I need another drink."

"You most certainly do. Here, take this."

"I don't want it!"

"Oh come off it Cas, it's just a dirty martini."

"Just the olive!"

"Just take a sip of it."

"Just the olive!"

"Next you're going to be saying you just want the tip instead of the whole ride."

"What?"

"Never mind, here, I'll just get you one of those apple things."

"Extra appley peas!"

"Ugh. An appletini and your best scotch. Make it quick."

"He's got you pretty whipped on his drinks already. I usually make him drink a beer in between mixers."

"Yes well, what can I say, he's…"

"Not a total dick."

"Hm, I would have chosen something less raunchy to say about it, but yes. He's definitely not a total dick when he's this drunk."

"Oddly adorable too. Look at 'im, he's practically trying to gnaw your arm off."

"What? Ah! Damnit Castiel, this is one of my best suits. Now you've gone and got drool all over it."

"Hehe."

"Bloody angels. The tabs paid up, so whenever you gents are done just leave."

"What? Where are you going?"

"Away from you and your drool."

"douche!"

"He's not even there anymore Cas."

"I don't care. He was being a douche!"

"Not gonna argue with you there."

"Such a douche."

"Ok Cas, you can stop now."

"He's got a PhD in douchebaggery or something."

"Note to self: Keep you the hell away from the internet."

"But my friends live there!"

"You don't even know what the internet is!"

"I don't care!"