/A.N/ Chapter 6 . (:

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Past Tense

Eve

There is a man at the back of the room. He stands apart from the rest of us, his face is hidden by the shadows. I cannot see him but I know who he is. I turn back to face the priest as he reads the final rites over the body. Three of his friends sit in the pew beside mine. The youngest is crying, fat tears rolling over his high cheekbones, sculpted there by age. His lips are moving wordlessly but I can imagine him repeating the dead man's name anyway. The man beside him has his arms folded. His eyes are closed shut. The muscles in his arms bulge, his veins pulled taut. The last friend is stocky. He drinks beer, his eyes are glazed over and I wonder how soon it will be before his turn comes. It is silent in the church with the exception if the priest's intonation. The church is empty save for the five of us.

I put my hand over my stomach and wonder if he was angry with me now. Did I not try hard enough? I tried to, that last day I saw him. I tried to reach out to him but he wouldn't listen. He couldn't listen. He had always loved me more than I loved him. And now I regret that the most.I never loved him enough when he was still here.

We always fought. Over him. Over me. Over who kissed who or who cheated on whom. His friends didn't like me. Wasn't good enough. Wore too much make up. Wore too short skirts. It was a never ending fight. We would break up but then he'd find his way back in by surprising me at work.I'd leave him notes when the sun rose and let that piece of paper say my goodbye for the day.

He loved me.

He thought I was beautiful without make 't care that I swore. Carried me home when I was drunk. Held my to me softly. He loved I didn't at that time. I didn't know how good he was to me. I went out with other guys. Kissed on their beds while thinking of him .In front of him,I would flirt with his friends. I laughed at him behind his back. Wouldn't go near him sometimes even when he asked me to.

But he loved me.

"I'll marry you,"he promised. He kissed me fiercely that night. The next day, he got a letter.

"I'm the war."

"Come back." I told him.

"I will.I promise." He smiled at me lopsidedly, hair falling over the side of his face.

We didn't speak anymore after that about him leaving. I knew he was scared. But what was there I could say? I could only let him go.

I didn't think he'd come back, broken.

I took to avoiding him but soon, I couldn't anymore. Then I started to visit him but it would break my heart each time.

I stopped going soon.

And now it's too late.

It's over. I stand up and as his friends watch me,I walk over to his coffin. I drop the silver ring into his coffin. He lies still. I brush my hands through his hair for the last time.I whisper everything I ever wanted to tell him. "I love you," my tears ruin my make up but I don't care. "I love you," I repeat softly.I hold his hand. Can't bear to look at his arms,criss-crossed with tracks.

"I love you."