Layers of Lava

by Sable Supernova

This collection of one-shots is being written for the Stratified Agate Challenge over on the HPFC. Sirius and Lauren were always meant to be, they were just never in the right place at the right time. By the time they were both ready for each other, it was almost too late...

6. We Ended Thrice Before The End

Level II Task II: Write about a break up.

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Sirius and I broke up three times. Once in Fifth Year, when I had fallen in love with him before he was ready for it. Once, in 1979 when he suspected me of spying for Voldemort, and I walked away instead of staying to explain. Once in 1981, November, when his last words to me before they dragged him off to Azkaban were, "I love you, so you have to go and be happy, okay? There is no us anymore. Forget about me."

I didn't listen, but that doesn't matter. What matters is that this time it's really over, and we didn't get to say goodbye. There is no 'us'... and there never will be again.

Way back then, when our story began, when the Marauders roamed the halls of Hogwarts, I was the wild child. I was the loose cannon, the cherry bomb. When we joined the Order of the Phoenix, I was the most reckless, I volunteered for the most dangerous missions, and I put my life on the line for theirs. For his. I was the one that one supposed to die. I asked Death to take me over and over again. Now, I'm the only one left.

Where is he? Sirius? Did he know it was coming, were there signs? Could I have saved him? It's been two years... Two years and the wound still bleeds like it did that day. I realised I loved him in April, 1976, and I have loved him ever since. Twenty two years and three months I have loved him, did he know that? And we only got four years and nine months together.

18th June. Today was the worst day of the year, and I had come to spend it by your memorial plaque. There was no body for them to bury. The war was won and happiness was spreading like a disease, everywhere but the deep ravines of my heart. I wanted to tell you that Remus died last month, but I hope you already know. I hope he's with you.

I wanted to tell you that every night before I go to sleep, a series of names pass in front of my eyelids and make waking up the next morning harder.

Mary MacDonald. Marlene McKinnon. Lily Potter. James Potter. Remus Lupin. Regulus Black. Albus Dumbledore. Sirius Black. Rest in peace.