Chapter 6

Alex had another stress filled evening last night. It seems like the strain builds until Dan blows up.

Alex wishes she could talk with someone about this. She hasn't talked to her family since the dinner. While they were subtle in their feelings about Dan, they made it clear they didn't approve of him.

Goren hasn't made any secret of his low opinion of Dan either and she doesn't want to give him any more ammunition. Still, it would be nice to talk with someone.

As if hearing her thoughts in the car, Bobby says, "Eames, is everything okay?"

They are on their way to Bobby's favorite library for some research books he wants. "Of course…why do you ask?"

"You've seemed tense lately. I just wondered if there was something I could do…anything you needed to talk about."

Immediately on the defense, Alex says, "This is about Dan, isn't it? I get that you don't like him Bobby."

"This is not about Dan, this is about you. I want to know if there is anything that I can do for you."

Still feeling defensive, Alex answers, "An intelligent, good looking man says he loves me. What problems could I have?"

"I don't know, that's why I am asking."

"Dan could have any girl he wants but for some unknown reason he chooses me."

"Of course he chooses you Eames. Any man with half a brain would consider himself lucky to be with you. Tell me that you know that."

Alex blushes a little. "After 8 years, you have to say that Goren or you know you'd be walking the rest of the way to the library."

Bobby chuckles but then grows serious again. "How many times have you told me that I don't have to face my problems alone? It's my turn Alex. Talk to me."

Alex is quiet for a moment. Does she dare tell him her insecurities? Wasn't she just thinking it would be nice to talk with someone? She pulls over to the curb and shuts off the engine.

Turning to face him, she says, "Sometimes…I feel like… I just…I can't do anything right. It feels like everything I do is wrong and sets Dan off."

"Can you give me an example of something you did wrong that set him off?"

Turning to face out the window, she can immediately think of several things but she hesitates. "I feel like I am being disloyal talking to you about problems Dan and I are having."

"I get that. I felt disloyal to Mom when I vented my frustrations about her to you. How did you feel hearing it?"

"I felt bad for both of you. I admired your loyalty and your strength and I felt badly for her dealing with her illness."

"You didn't think I was being disloyal to Mom?"

"Of course not. I understood that you just needed to get some things off your chest."

"I understand the same things about your situation. I want to give you an opportunity to get some stuff off your chest. I think you'll feel better."

As usual, Alex follows his logic. It makes sense. If she can't trust Bobby, who can she trust? "I put on the wrong outfit for our date last week."

"Where were you going on your date?"

"We were meeting his friends for a movie and dinner."

"What did you want to wear?"

"My jeans and my black v-neck sweater with the white stitching."

"I know which one you mean. Dan didn't like your choice?"

"No."

"How did he let you know that he didn't like it?"

"I came out of the bedroom wearing them. He took one look at me, picked up his phone and called his friends to say we couldn't make it."

"I assume you asked him why he cancelled. How did he explain his actions?"

Alex is embarrassed to answer. Her voice is so low that Bobby has to lean forward to hear her. "He told me that he couldn't decide if I was trying to look like a cow or a hooker. He said that the jeans showed all the cellulite on my thighs and the tight sweater made it look like he had paid $20 to my pimp and been ripped off."

Bobby leans back and laces his hands together. He needs to remember that this is about Alex. He will definitely be dealing with Dan Foster later but this moment is about getting Alex to see what Dan has done to her. "It must have hurt to have someone you care about call you a fat whore."

Alex doesn't like Bobby's words. She feels a twinge of anger but she has learned in the last six month how to push it down. Instead she rushes to make excuses for Dan. "It was my fault. Dan had told me before that black makes me look cheap. I just forgot."

"You forgot that Dan prefers non-black clothing so you deserved to be called a fat whore."

There it is again - a quick flash of anger. And it's just a little stronger this time. "No…I don't know…I'm confused. It seemed like my fault at the time but saying it out loud, it seems…wrong."

"Can you give me another example of something you did wrong that set Dan off?"

"One night I was supposed to pick up a gallon of milk on my way home from work. I was supposed to get 1% but I got 2%. It's just he always drinks 2%. I…I should have written it down."

"How did Dan react to your mistake?"

"He poured it down the drain and immediately drove to the store for the correct gallon."

"Is that all?"

Alex shakes her head but remains quiet, looking out the window.

Bobby is pretty sure he knows where this is going. Alex just needs help finding her voice. "Why did he want to switch from 2% to 1%?"

"He said 2% had too many calories, too much fat. He was concerned for me, about my health, my…weight. He said 1% was better for me."

"How did Dan express his concern about your health and weight?"

Lowering her voice again, Alex says, "He had me take off my clothes and stand in front of the bedroom mirror. He took a black felt marker and circled all the pockets of fat on my thighs, stomach and arms."

Bobby hears the break in Alex's voice before he sees the tears gathering in her eyes. Bobby wants to kill Dan Foster…literally.

"So, to be clear, after a long day at work you stop at a store and pick up 2% milk instead of 1%. Because of this error, you deserved to be humiliated and degraded by some who says they love you?"

"No…but…my mistake set off the chain of events. If I had just listened more carefully to Dan, none of it would have happened."

"You mean that if you had picked up the right milk, Dan wouldn't have had a reason to bring up your weight?"

"Yes."

"So that was the only time he has ever discussed your weight?"

Alex is silent as she remembers all the times Dan yelled the word cow at her, all the times he ordered dinner salads for her with little comments to the waiters about her trying to lose some weight. She thinks about their nightly ritual of her stand on the scale while he read her weight out loud and marks it on a graph. He told her that it was because he loved her, because he could see her beauty on the inside and he wanted to help her have the same beauty on the outside.

Just then Alex's cell phone goes off. Alex automatically reaches for it but Bobby puts his hand on top of hers.

"Do you trust yourself?"

"What?"

"Do you believe you are a smart detective with great reasoning skills?"

The phone rings again and Bobby's hand tightens just a bit. Panic is rising in her. "I guess so. Bobby, I have to answer."

"No guessing so – yes or no? Are you a good detective?"

"Yes." The phone rings for the third time. Alex knows one more time and it will go to voicemail.

"Then listen to yourself. Listen to the voice inside of you saying 'Fuck Dan' and don't answer."

Alex looks at Bobby as he pulls his hand away from hers. "What is your inner voice telling you?"

Her phone rings for the fourth and final time but Alex doesn't move. She sees Dan disapproving face and she feels her long suppressed anger rattling its cage.

They both hear her phone beep that she has a voicemail. Alex removes her phone and hands it to Bobby. He turns it off and puts it in his pocket.

She can't remember how this all started. He was so great in the beginning, so complimentary. Verbalizing what has happened is making her realize how crazy things have gotten. When she was in the moment with Dan, she could rationalize things in her head. Hearing herself describe them to Bobby and having Bobby parrot them back, she sees that it's….nuts!

Bobby pulls out his notebook and opens it to a clean sheet of paper. "Okay, let's make a list the abuse."

"Abuse? Dan never abused me Bobby. He never laid a hand on me."

"Okay, so he never yelled at you, never belittled you, treated you disrespectfully?"

"Well, he never abused me. He has never broke a bone or caused a bruise."

"There are different kinds of abuse Alex."

"I'm a cop, for God's sake. I know what abuse is. I've seen woman who have been abused."

"But Alex, screaming at you and treating you with disrespect is abuse. It may not be illegal but is immoral and it is absolutely wrong."

"I don't know. He loves me Bobby."

"He says he loves you but his actions say otherwise. Dan wants to break your soul, to squash you like a bug under his shoe. Is that your definition of love?"

"No. But he is romantic and kind too. You've seen the flowers he sends. He takes me to expensive restaurants; he treats me like a queen. He only criticizes me for my own good, to point out ways I can improve."

"He belittles and humiliates you. He has you questioning yourself, your intelligence, your beauty."

"Sometimes he can be…thoughtless. But other times he is so great. My mistakes set him off."

Bobby takes a breath. He has to change his line of argument because Alex is getting defensive again. If he pushes her too hard in one direction, her stubbornness will kick and he'll lose her.

"Let me describe a pattern and you tell me if it feels like what has been happening between you and Dan. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Tension builds until Dan explodes. Then he apologizes and promises it won't happen again. The relationship goes back to normal and you remember what a great guy Dan is and how good it can be between you. Then about a week later the tension starts to build again until the next explosion."

Alex looks at Bobby with fear. How does he do that? How does he know?

"He wants to make sure that you will always stay with him because you don't feel like you have options."

All of the built up tension and confusion and insecurities come running to the surface. Alex is overwhelmed by them and loses control. She begins to sob tears which come from the depths of her soul. Bobby leans over and holds her.

While he lets her cry out her pain, Bobby begin planning the early death of Mr. Foster.