Not Just a Pirate
Once Upon a Time
Chapter 5: Just Who Are You, Swan?
Emma's P.O.V
A couple days ago, the three of us went into the jungle where we made camp for the night, we found a place deep in the jungle for us to return to in need of sleep and food. It's quiet and out of sight, there's trees everywhere around us, but I know better than to think we're safe anywhere on this island.
I have a feeling Hook and Tink has a past, I suspect they've been more than friends for a short period of time a while back although I'm certain its over between them, but I know better than to ask them about it. Tink doesn't seem to be the biggest fan when it comes to me and gives me death glares whenever I try and fail to use my magic.
I haven't actually been able to do any magic since that one day with Hook. In fact, I've never used my magic when I wasn't in danger with exception of that day with the fire and Hook. I wonder what that was anyway… I remember Hook telling me that magic is about emotions and that day with him I felt something, I don't know what it was, but I think that's how I was able to light the fire.
It's stressing me out completely because I know I have this power, I just can't access it or control it at all yet, but there's also this thing nagging at me, reminding me that I have to save my parents and my kingdom. My parents, my friends and my kingdom should give me all the motivation and strength I need. It just hasn't, at least not yet.
It's late at night, Tink and Hook are both sleeping, but for some reason I can't. I'm stressing too much about my magic, my parents, my kingdom, my responsibilities to do something. I close my eyes as I try to empty my head from thoughts when I hear loud crying, I jump up. I try to wake both Tink and Hook, but they're both out cold. I grab the sword on my way out, just in case, as I try to figure out where the crying is coming from. Maybe someone got hurt?
"Hi Emma, I wonder why the others can't hear the crying..." A boy's voice says behind me, in a playful tone, I jump and turn around. I hold the sword against his throat as I hold him captive against a tree. "You got fire, I like fire." He smirks.
"Who are you?" I ask full of determination.
"Oh, did I forget to introduce myself? I'm Peter, Peter Pan." He says with a smock smile on his lips, my eyes widen, but I never once lower the sword remembering Hook's warning 'he may look like a boy, but he's a blood demon'.
"Don't move!" I warn him. "Why did you come here?" I ask bravely.
"I wanted to meet you and I must say I'm not disappointed. Emma, the great savior, the future queen of The Enchanted Forest." He grins as if enjoying a private joke.
"How… How would you know that?" I ask wondering how he could possible know that since I haven't told a soul.
"I know a lot of things, Emma. I have eyes and ears everywhere." He says playfully and I remember Hook telling me that Pan likes his games.
"What is it that you want? Are you here to tell me that the prophecy can't be found? How I'm doomed to fail?" I challenge.
"Quiet to opposite, I'm here to help you find it." He says, I keep my face emotionless successfully hiding my surprise. "I'm gonna give you a map there'll lead you right to it." He adds and I move a few steps back allowing him to pull a parchment out of his pocket.
"If this is a trick…" I warn as I take the parchment from him.
"No trick, the way to finding the prophecy is on this parchment." He promises. I open it and find it blank.
"It's blank!" I say in annoyance.
"If you want to be able to read that you have to admit who you truly are. Oh, and Emma, you're the only one who can." He says playfully as I look down at the parchment, when I look back up Pan is gone and I'm left with a blank page. I stand there dumbfounded for a few minutes before I walk back to the others, when I get back I see Hook who is completely awake.
"Where were you?" He asks with a frown.
"I heard something and you guys were out cold, so I went to check it out." I say with a shrug.
"What's that you got there?" He asks pointing to the parchment.
"I met Pan and he gave this to me, he said it hid the way to the prophecy, but only I could read it." I explain. "He was properly lying anyway…" I shake my head.
"No lass… If Pan said there's a map on this parchment then there is, he likes his games and it looks like we just joined the game. How did he tell you to read it?" He asks seriously.
"He said I would be able to read it when I accepted who I am, whatever that means…" I say with a roll of my eyes, I hate riddles.
"And just who are you, Swan?" He asks with a hint of curiosity behind those blue dreamy eyes of his.
"Wouldn't you like to know?" I say tease with a hint of annoyance. I wouldn't want him knowing I'm a future queen or a savior, or whatever…
"Perhaps I would?" He says with a pure look of honesty and that throws me off my game, for a moment.
"I wouldn't know what to tell you anyway…" I shrug.
"Why is that?"
"I've never been on my own and I never truly figured out who I am or who I want to be… That night when I got to your ship, that was the first time I was on my own and out of that castle I grew up in." I admit, this is the closest I can come to the truth without lying or telling him everything.
"I see… I would never have guessed…" He says, a hint of admiration is hidden in his eyes.
"Why?" I ask, curious.
"You seemed confident when you confronted me… You knew you were in potential danger and still you were calm… I could have confused you for someone who had been on their own for years with the amount of strength you showed which also earned you my respect." He says kindly.
"I may have appeared that way, but I was a shaky mess on the inside. I knew the price of failure would be my family which was why failure wasn't an option. I had to make sure I couldn't fail…" I tell him.
"You didn't show it. All I saw was determination and that is a quality I admire." He compliments me and I smile, for a moment I forgot my worries, but only for a moment.
"If you're supposed to figure this thing out shouldn't you begin then?" Tink says almost stamping her foot on the ground and breaking the spell between Hook and I. She really seems to hate me… I never heard her get up until she was right beside us…
"Tink…" Killian shakes his head.
"No, she's right… I'm wasting time…" I agree with her as I turn my back to the both of them.
I walk away and find a stone to sit down on. I look at the parchment and wonder why I can't read it, I'm not denying who I am, am I? I'm not denying I'm the princess, the future queen, the savior, so what else could it be? I know my parents love me more than anything and I love them, what is it I'm supposed to figure out? I think and think, but come up blank. Maybe it has to do with my magic? Is that who I am? Is that why I can't read the damn thing?
…
I don't know how long I've been sitting on the rock with this parchment in my hands when I hear someone approach, I look up to see Hook walking towards me.
"Any luck?" He asks taking a seat beside me.
"No… I have no idea what to do… What kind of riddle is this?" I ask him, hoping that he'll have an answer or perhaps some insight.
"Only you can know… Pan said you can read it when you stop denying who you really are, so only you can figure out what you're denying. I can't tell you that." He says and I shake my head.
"I'm not denying anything… I don't know what it could be." I say, frustrated.
"You'll get there, Swan." He says reassuringly.
"I hope so…" I say not entirely sure he's right.
"How do you know Pan won't use this to lead us straight into a trap…" I ask.
"Because he doesn't need to… This whole island is his bloody trap!"
"We can try something else…" Tink cuts in. I look up at her wondering what her suggestion will be because honestly, I can't imagine. "I know Pan, so it might not be wise, but it's the only plan I got." She shrugs.
"What's your plan, Tink?" Hook asks her, getting a tad impatient.
"It would require Emma using her magic and it would be breaking Pan's rules, but this parchment is Pan's, so if Emma were to use a locater spell it should lead us to him and maybe he'd accidentally lead us to the prophecy. It might be stupid, but it's a plan." She says.
"No, breaking Pan's rules would be unwise…" Hook says in a warning, but we don't have any other plan.
"Can you show me how I do this?" I ask Tink, deciding to give her plan a shot.
"Emma…" Hook says in a warning.
"We don't have a better plan, now do we?" I say annoyed.
"I guess not…" He says hesitant.
"We're doing this then. Tink, how do I do it?" I ask her determined.
"I know how to do the spell, so I can try." She says, I notice that this is the less hostile she has been towards me. Hook looks at me in a warning, but for the first time I ignore his warnings as I get up and take a few steps closer to Tink. "Alright, give me your hand and the parchment." She says, I hand her the parchment and I hold out my hand as she instructed. She turns my hand around and fold out the parchment, she lays it down on my hand. "Now you'll hold your other hand over the parchment like this." She shows me with her own hand, it looks a bit like an octopus.
"Like this?" I ask repeating her actions with my hand over the parchment.
"Yes. Now I want you to focus, it helps to think about why you want to find Pan. Let your reasons to find him fill your mind." She instructs.
I close my eyes for a moment. Why do I want to find Pan? He could lead us to the prophecy and that could save everyone in my kingdom, my parents could get their hearts back. I suddenly feel the power rushing through me, I open my eyes to see circles of light coming from my hand. I'm no longer holding parchment in my hand, it's in the air all on its own, glowing. The light disappears, but the parchment is still glowing with light, it's moving in the air waiting for us to follow it.
"I did it." I smile in accomplishment.
"You did." Tink smiles at me for the first time since I met her.
"That's it, Swan." Hook says impressed.
"Let's follow it." I suggest.
"It's leading us into the dark jungle." Hook says.
"That place you told me never to set foot?" I ask him.
"That would be the one." He says, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
"I guess we are going there." Tink says and we all nod at each other in agreement as we follow the parchment into the dark jungle.
We follow the parchment. "Ready to thank me?" Tink smirks.
"Actually yeah." We only walk for a few minutes when I feel it, Pan he's close. "He's close, shall we? While we still have the element of surprise on our side?" I ask pulling out the sword.
We walk further into the dark jungle, I see Pan with his back to us. "Is that?" I ask in a whisper to Hook. "What's the plan?" I ask, but before they can answer Pan turns around.
"Hi Emma." He says, a smock smile spreads on his lips, and in that moment, I know what this is, an ambush. "You broke the rules, that's not fair… Bad form… I expected more from you, Captain." He says playfully.
"Aye, and you'll get it." Hook growls.
"Give the prophecy to me!" I say firmly, ready to fight.
"Sorry… Can't… Don't you know? Cheaters never win…" He says dramatically as we're suddenly surrounded by lost boys and outnumbered. The lost boys pop up all around us from all sides, I look around, but I as do I know… This won't end well… My eyes land on Pan, he's smiling enjoying the fearful look on our faces.
"Watch out for their arrows… They're laced with dreamshade…" Hook warns us.
The lost boys let go of their arrows letting them fly towards us, I use my sword to avoid them moving around quickly. I take a moment to appreciate that my father taught me who to sword fight ever since I was a kid, he wanted me to be able to defend myself. Hook and Tink are moving around also using a sword to avoid getting hit by the arrows. I notice a flying arrow towards Hook, I know he hasn't seen it.
"Hook!" I yell in a warning as I jump in front of him using my sword to stop the arrow from hitting him.
"Swan?" He asks worriedly.
"I'm okay, it missed." I assure him. "Behind you." I shout and he turns around quickly stopping the arrow with his hook in the last second.
"It's been a while, Captain." Pan says as Hook stops Pan's sword with his hook.
"Not long enough!" He says with eyes full of hatred. I see their swords connect a few times before Hook speaks up once more. "Do you remember what I did to Felix, well it's a far worse fate for you." He promises. Their swords connect once again.
I walk through the crowd of lost boys and one of them come at me, I left up my leg and kick him hard enough for him to fall on the ground. Another one comes at me, I grab him as I turn throwing him to the ground and for a moment I'm surprised by my own strength. I run up the hill and one of the lost boys get hold of me. We tumble back down the hill, but I manage to get the upper hand as we hit the ground. I take his weapon intending on using it on him after he's answered my questions.
"Where is the prophecy!" I yell about to lose control over my emotions, but then I see the look on this face… The despair… I look at him and I know, I can't hurt him even though he just tried to kill me. I jump of him and take a few steps back.
"Emma, are you alright?" Tink asks and I look back at the kid, am I all right? I look around trying to locate Hook, he's still fighting Pan and he appear to be winning until I see Pan take a knife from his pocket and jam it into chest, Hook drops his sword and sinks to the ground instantly.
"No Hook!" I scream.
"That's for breaking the rules Captain, I thought you knew better…" Pan says as his lean in over Hook and I see Hook closing his eyes from my position, panic rises within me. Pan whistles loudly and the lost boys run off along with Pan leaving the three of us alone. I run over to Hook and sink down by his side, Tink is on my heels right behind me.
"Hook… Hook… Hook… Wake up! Killian!" I shout desperately as I try shaking him awake, but nothing is working. "Killian, come back to me." I start trying to relieve him, I lean in over him and press my lips against his. I sit up a little, I'm still leaned in over him unable to let him go. "Killian, come back to me." I whisper. He suddenly takes a huge breath of air, his eyes open and I take a relieved breath. He looks up at me, he's weak and I know he won't make it out of here alive unless I do something.
"Emma, if you don't heal him with your magic, he'll die." Tink says with rising panic.
"I… I don't know how…" I whisper as I begin to shake.
"You have to try!" Tink pushes me desperately. I lift my hands over his wound and try my hardest to focus on healing him, but like the other times nothing happens.
"Come on! Come on!" I stress and my hands begin to shake uncontrollably.
"Emma. It's okay, j-just let me g-go." He says weakly. I look into his tired eyes they're filled with pain and I can see in his eyes that he is about to give up all hope of surviving.
"No, don't you dare give up!" I hiss.
"It's okay Emma, you tried…" He whispers strangled almost out of breath.
"Please Killian… Don't do this to me… I can't do this without you…" I beg him.
"Yes you can… You're strong, resourceful and you're the only one who can defeat The Dark One once and for all, we both know that."
"Emma, he doesn't have much time left!" Tink hisses. I feel the panic, the anger rising within me. I can't let him die and I can't imagine doing this without him. It terrifies me as I realize that I might lose him and what terrifies me the most is how devastating that thought feels.
"No… No… I can do this… I can save you!" I say determinately as I focus even harder; I allow myself to think about how much I want to save him. How I have no idea how to do this without him and how devastated I would be if he died. I tab into that fear inside me, the fear that I'd lose him and in that moment he put his hand weakly over mine, my hands stop shaking instantly as circles of light comes from them and through my body. I feel the power all the way through my body and it feels really good, I watch the wound get smaller until it's all gone. Once it's gone I move my hands, all the light is back in his eyes and he looks as if the wound was never there. He looks at me, his eyes full of gratitude.
"You did it, Swan, you did it. All on your own. You saved my life." He says gratefully. "Thank you." He whispers.
"You're welcome." I say as I take a relived breath.
"You did it, Emma. You saved him…" Tink says not truly believing it.
"Did you doubt me?" I ask her, knowing what her answer will be.
"I didn't doubt you could do it, no. I doubted if you believed you could." She says honestly and I look surprised at her. I think this might be the nicest thing she's ever said to me.
I stand up and offer Hook my hand, to my surprise he actually takes it and there it is again, that warm fussy feeling. He allows me to pull him up from the ground he just laid on and once I do we're in that place again, closer than we should be. The air becomes heavy and when I look into his bright blue eyes, what I see is admiration. The sincerity in his eyes almost throws me off.
"Maybe we should get out of here before Pan or the lost boys comes back to finish the job." Tink says with a hint of humor in her voice.
The moment is gone instantly, I step back while I let go of his hand, I first now realize I hadn't let go of it and that he hadn't either. He looks as confused as I feel in this moment, but I quickly mask it away.
"Tink is right, we should go." I agree. I don't particularly feel like relieving this moment where Hook almost died.
We begin our journey back to our camp, we aren't safe in the dark jungle. We're aren't safe anywhere, but we need a less dangerous place to figure out our next move. We have to figure out how we get the prophecy since this plan failed badly, almost fatally.
…
It has been hours since we returned to our camp and I went right back to figure out how to read this damn map, like our other plan this one is failing.
"I know who I am, so why can't I read the damn thing?" I hiss in frustration.
"Maybe who you are isn't who you really are?" Hook says as he takes a seat beside me.
"What is that supposed to mean?" I ask wishing everyone would just stop with the riddles.
"That boy earlier… You just stopped fighting, why?" He asks with a sympathetic look in his eyes.
"He was just a kid, Hook." I say.
"That's not it. He was about to kill you and still you let him go. Why?" He ask trying to dig deeper.
"Because when I looked into his eyes I saw me… I grew up in a castle with loving parents, but I was often left alone at home or my parents would once again have to break a promise to me because of their jobs… I've always had everything and I've always known they loved me more than anything, but I didn't feel like that… I felt like… An orphan, that's what I've always felt I was deep down." I whisper as my throat tighten. I love my parents and they love me, it's a painful truth to admit I always felt like that and before I can think I continue talking.
"I've never felt like I could live up to their lives or their dreams even their high hopes for me and my future. I don't even want to be like them, I never wanted it. I don't want their lives, jobs or castle, I need to see and experience the world. I could never do that or say that to them… I've suspected that they've lied to me for years and after a while I just stop asking because they filled me with more lies. The more they lied the more I felt alone, a little girl who cried at night because she just wanted her parents so bad. It's just here on this island I don't feel like I'm the one who's supposed to save everyone. I just feel like, who I've always been, a lost girl." I whisper the last three words as a tear fall down of my cheek.
"Emma look." He says softy as he dries the tear away. I look down at the parchment in my hands which is now a map.
"What?" I sigh as I look at the map. This is it… This is what Pan wanted me to admit.
"You accepted who you are." He says.
"I don't believe it…" I breathe out my relief and frustration.
"It would appear so. I'm so sorry to hear that's how you felt growing up. I myself know what it feels like, my brother and I, were abandoned as kids." He says finally opening up to me a little.
"I'm so sorry, Killian. I just feel like a spoiled brat for feeling this way because I've always known they loved me… What you got was much worse than me being alone sometimes…" I shake my head, compared to Hook I had it good.
"Emma, just because I may have had it worse with my father leaving, doesn't mean that what you felt was any less real. You can't compare the two because it was completely different." He says wisely and it makes me smile.
"Thanks, you know just the thing to say, don't you?" I grin.
"Does the map show where to find the prophecy?" He asks changing the subject and I let him, I look at the map where I see an X where I know we'll find the prophecy.
"Where is this?" I ask him confused.
"Skull Rock." He says with a heavy breath.
"Let me guess, I don't want to go there either…" I say, as I watch is expression.
"You'd wish you never had to go there, yes. It's another one of Pan's playgrounds, we won't be able to just go in there…" He warns.
"How do we even get there?" I ask since that's our first problem.
"We'll have to make our way back to the Jolly Roger and sail there, we won't be able to walk or swim. If we were to swim there, the mermaids who protects it would drown us before we even got close."
"They're on Pan's side too?" I ask trying to wrap my head around it.
"Yes, and they're quite unpleasant."
…
The three of us begin our walk back to the Jolly Roger, we grab our things on the way back. I sneak a peek of Hook from time to time, just to make sure he's okay. He almost died today and that forced me to admit that I care for him, I wouldn't have been able to handle it if he had died and that alone scares the crap out of me.
I've never felt this way about anyone before and it has honestly taken me completely by surprise. I feel a sense of pride because I was able to save him, but I also felt guilty right down to the core. If he had died out there today, it would have been my fault. I cast the locater spell ignoring Hook's warnings and his blood would have been on my hands, I wouldn't have been able to live with that…
Tink and I seem to finally have found some common ground after I saved Hook and figured out Pan's riddle which led us to the location of the prophecy. I'm quite happy about going back to the Jolly Roger, that might be the safest place to be for the time being. I feel a strong pull to make sure Hook is safe and to keep him safe, I've only known this man for around two weeks' time, but I've come to care for him even if I'm not supposed to. A common enemy has seemed to bring us closer because without each other, we wouldn't stand a chance in the war there's about to start.
The three of us get on the boat and sail towards the Jolly Roger, Tink goes first when we reach the ship and once she's on board I get hold of the ladder and crawl up. The crew seem relaxed and the Jolly Roger is spotless, Hook swings himself over the edge of the ship. I take a relieved breath, we all made it back to the Jolly Roger alive.
"Listen mates, we'll rest here for the night, but tomorrow morning we'll set sail for Skull Rock be prepared for that in the morning." Hook orders and it's allowed by the crew saying, 'Aye Captain'.
I walk to the edge of the ship and gaze out on the sea, it has been over a week since we've last been able to see it. It calms my mind and allow me to stay in the moment for a little while, which I desperately need after a day like today.
Killian's P.O.V
My eyes land on Miss Swan, she's watching the sea once again and I find myself curious to know why. I myself have quite a habit of watching the sea because it has a calming effect on me and after all my years alive, the sea is the one place where I feel truly peaceful. I wonder if she finds is peaceful as I do. I look at her in awe, she has been so strong fearless even and today she saved my life. I'm deeply in her debt for that and I plan on paying her back for that, it suddenly became even more important for me to keep her alive, but it has a downside.
I thought I could kill her if she came to be in between me and my revenge, if I've ever been capable of killing her if I had to, I'm certainly not anymore. I thought I was gonna die today, but Emma she wouldn't let me and she pushed herself to the limit in order to save my life. I find myself walking towards her before I can think any better if it and despite how much I shouldn't I feel a strange need to get to know her. For once in many years I've found a woman, who I don't want to walk back out of my life.
"You seem drawn towards the sea, why is that?" I find myself asking as I reach her.
"I find it peaceful and refreshing." She says her eyes soft and calm. "How about you, Captain?" She asks finally looking at me.
"The sea has a calming effect on me." I smile at the fact that we have this in common.
"It would seem we have something in common." She smiles back. "I never knew before… I had never seen it before I came to your ship." She says offering me a piece of her past.
"I grew up on a ship with my brother Liam." I tell her also sharing a small piece of my past.
"You had a brother?" She asks and I nod. "What happened to him?"
"He passed some time ago." I say as my eyes return to the sea.
"I'm sorry about your brother." She says compassionately.
"Thanks Swan." I smile. "I know I've said this before, but you're welcome to take to captain quarters when you want to retrieve for the night." I offer.
"Thank you, Killian." She smiles softly.
"Any time." I say honestly.
"Do you want to join me for a drink, Captain? I think we could need it after the day we've had." She says.
"I like the way you think." I compliment. I join her back in the captain quarters for a drink, but one drink is followed by another and so on. "Swan, I wanted to thank you for saving my life out there today." I say after several drinks.
"Don't mention it. I mean it was my fault… I ignored your warning and you almost got killed for it." She says, I notice the guilt in her eyes.
"Swan, I agreed to follow the map, it wasn't your fault. I made the decision to go in." I say trying to ease her guilt.
"Why? Why follow me in there if you knew it was dangerous?" She asks curiously.
"I wasn't gonna leave you to fend for yourself against Pan…" I shake my head, I know I couldn't let her get hurt in there and that's why I went.
"So, you went to keep me safe…" She teases clearly drunk at this point.
"You bet I did." I say seriously.
"Thank you, Killian. You really had my back today…" She says turning serious for a moment.
"And you had mine." I say referring to our conversation about trust which was last time we got drunk.
"Would you look at that…" She giggles draining another drink and I follow suit.
We go through cup after cup, bottle after bottle until it all becomes unclear and blurry. It goes on for hours. I notice that she seems quite dizzy and I manage to catch her when she passes out before she hits the floor. She has clearly had more than enough for one night, I lift her into my arms. I can't resist my sudden impulse to caress her cheek and just looking at her, holding her I can't deny that I feel something for this beautiful and strong woman. I walk towards the bed barely keeping my balance, I lay her as gently as I can in the bed.
I lean down to pull the comforter over her body, but as I get back up I lose my balance when the ship tips for a moment, and I find myself in the bed beside her. I'm about to get up when I feel a rush of exhaustion hitting me and I decide it couldn't hurt to lie down for five minutes before I get up and find a bunk to sleep in. I'm reminded of how comfortable my bed is, definitely better than bunking with the crew and all their snoring I usually have to drink a lot before I'm able to sleep. The quietness is compelling and I allow myself to close my eyes for just one moment…
A/N:
Hi everyone,
I hope someone out there is enjoying this story as much as i enjoy writing it, if so then this is for you :)
- Until next time :)