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A Matter Of Time

Chapter 6

Another week had passed and Santana hadn't been able to talk to Rachel about what she had accidently let slip during their last conversation. It was strange Rachel was usually in the diner at least three or four times a week but for the past week there had been no sign of her.

She had seen Finn with the rest of the football players and she had even seen Quinn and Brittany a couple of times, but when she asked Quinn where Rachel was she simple replied, "At home."

So Santana had decided to wait until her shift was over and then she would go and search out Rachel. She only has about ten minutes to go and since she knew that Rachel would be still in school she was going to head there first.

Santana spends the next ten minutes clearing the last of the tables before grabbing her jacket and saying goodbye to Pete. She goes home to change first since there was no way in hell she was going anywhere outside of the diner wearing her uniform.

When she arrives at the high school she had no idea where to start looking for Rachel. She walks down the hallway and decides to ask a jock who is standing outside of his locker.

"Hey, do you know where Rachel Berry is?"

"She's probably out on the football field, that's usually where the cheerleaders practice. The
name's Rick by the way and your name is?"

"None of your business but thanks for the help Rick" Santana replies before turning around and walking away.

As Santana walks past the football field she catches some of the attention of a couple of football players. She recognizes some of them that were at the diner with Finn, a couple of them even tried hitting on her.

She ignored them of course and instead entertained herself with the thought of how they would react if they knew she was actually attracted to their captain's girlfriend.

Speaking of Rachel, Santana instantly finds her in the group of cheerleaders at the far end of the field.

She takes a seat on the bleachers and watches the cheerleaders practice their routine. Cheerleading was definitely different in this time and it wasn't just the outfits.

When the cheerleading practice is over, Santana patiently waits for Rachel but Rachel walks straight past her.

"Rachel" Santana calls but Rachel carries on walking.

"Rachel!"

Santana picks up a little speed, managing to catch up to Rachel and walk alongside her.

"Hello Santana, what are you doing here?" Rachel asks

"I just wanted to talk to you. I haven't seen you around the diner much this week."

"I've been very busy this week and unfortunately I haven't been able to make it to the diner."

"Are you sure that you've not just been avoiding me?" Santana asks.

"Why would I avoid you Santana?"

"Because of what I said when we were talking last week."

"I'm sorry I don't know what you're talking about."

"Look, I'm sorry if I freaked you out but please can you keep it a secret?" Santana asks
stopping in her tracks. Rachel stops too and turns around to face the other girl.

"I'm not the type of person to talk about other people's business so I can assure you Santana that I won't tell anyone about your sexuality."

"So you did know what I was talking about" Santana smirks which doesn't amuse Rachel.

"So I've finished work for today do you want to hang out or something? Unless you don't want to be my friend anymore" Santana nervously jokes.

"Of course I'm still your friend Santana."

"Do you want to go to that park I told you about last week?"

"Sure."

It felt strange being in this park again. It was the place that this all had started when she had woken up all those weeks ago. It was a peaceful place, it was filled with trees and had a children's playground at one side and a small pond at the other.

It was a shame to know that eventually an apartment block would replace it, a place that eventually became Santana's home.

They sit on a bench facing the pond in silence for a few minutes before Santana finally speaks up.

"So how are things at home?"

"Everything is fine thank you. My father hasn't touched my mother since the incident last
week. My mom seems a little different though she seems more careful about what she
says."

"Have you talked to her about it?" Santana asks.

"I couldn't do that, we don't talk about these things. I shouldn't have even confided in you."

"It helped though didn't it, to talk about it?"

"Yes it did. I'm sorry that I didn't get chance to thank you for our last talk."

"Don't worry about it. You know, I'm always here if you want to talk about things. It doesn't matter what it is, I'll listen" Santana say.

"Thank you Santana, that's very sweet of you."

"Do you want to talk about something now? What about you and Finn?"

"Finn and I are good. After what happened to my mother and I had my doubts about Finn, I just have to remember that I need to keep Finn happy and then that way I'll be happy."

"That's not how it works."

"Excuse me?" Rachel asks.

"You shouldn't have to compromise your happiness for Finn and he shouldn't let you."

"Santana we went over this the first time we met."

"Yes and I know that it's none of my business, but I've gotten to know you over these past few weeks and I see two different Rachel's. When you're with Finn, you're Rachel Berry future Mrs. Hudson destined to become a housewife but without Finn you're Rachel Berry, this amazing person that's outspoken and confidant."

"I'm not outspoken."

"You like to call me out on my shit all the time."

"It's different with you. There is just something about you that I just can't quite put my finger on just yet."

"Is that a bad thing?" Santana asks.

"I haven't decided yet."

Santana laughs at Rachel's answer. She likes how comfortable Rachel is around her, they had only met a couple of weeks ago but she can't help but feel like they have a connection.

She's never had a connection with anyone like this before and as clichéd as it sounds, it makes her feel warm inside.

She gets so lost in a conversation with Rachel that she forgets the time until the church bell rings.

"I have to go. I promised Rose that I would drive her to her doctor's appointment. Do you think we can do this again tomorrow, maybe for lunch?" Santana asks.

"I would love to have lunch with you tomorrow. I'll meet you here."

"Sounds good, can I walk you home?"

"It's okay, I think I'm going to stay here a little longer and then I'm going to meet Quinn and
Brittany. Brittany loves to watch I Love Lucy" Rachel smiles.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

The next thing that Rachel does surprises Santana. She feels Rachel's arms wrap around her and pulls her into a hug.

"Goodbye Santana" Rachel says before pulling away.

Rachel watches as Santana leaves. She knows she probably shouldn't have hugged Santana but she feels closeness to the other girl and her body acted on instinct.

Santana had been correct in her assumption, Rachel had been avoiding her but not because of the reason Santana had suggested.

Rachel had no problem with Santana's sexuality, actually that was a lie. There was one little problem with Santana's sexuality and that was the fact that it stirred up those certain feelings in Rachel.

Rachel fought so hard to keep those feelings buried and it had worked but now Santana had come into her life and threatened to unleash those inner feelings. At first it was okay to admire Santana from afar since nothing could come of these feelings, but to learn that Santana was homosexual made things different.

That was the reason that she had avoided Santana. The more she was around the other girl the more she had that voice in her head, a voice that she tried ever so hard to ignore. The voice tells her that's she's not happy with Finn and she never will be. The voice also reminds her of what Santana had said that day.

"I know that if I had a girl like you."

What did that mean? Did it mean that Santana liked her?

Santana did seem to have a problem with her relationship with Finn and always pointed out the flaws whenever she got the chance, but did that mean she had feelings for her? And if she did, would it matter?

Santana's concern could have just been that of a friend, but Rachel can't be sure. She might have to investigate this further tomorrow when she meets Santana for lunch.

Santana is sat there waiting on the same bench when Rachel arrives at the park.

"Hey, I thought that maybe we could get something to eat from the deli across the road" Santana suggests.

"That sounds wonderful Santana."

Santana was actually excited to go to the deli because it was one of the places that had stayed the same in both times. She practically lived off eating from there after her parents died and she couldn't be bothered to cook. So it would be nice to have a little bit of her old life here in nineteen fifty six.

Once they get their food from the deli, they make their way back to the park and take a seat on the bench across from the pond.

"So Santana what makes you tick?" Rachel asks.

"I don't know."

"You must have something you enjoy. What about reading, movies or maybe music?"

"I like music. I was in the glee club at school until I quit when my parents died."

"How old where you when your parents died, If you don't mind me asking?"

"You can ask me whatever you want. I was in my last year of high school, so it was just over a year ago. I was sitting in class when a teacher came in and asked to talk to me. She took me somewhere private and told me that my parents were in an accident. I ran out of school and made my way to the hospital but by the time I made it there it was too late."

"What happened to you afterwards?" Rachel asks.

"I went home. I sat there in that big empty house and I'd never felt so alone. I couldn't stand living there so I got a cheap apartment whilst the sale of the house went through. I stopped caring about things, my school work and my friends. I kind of went into a downwards spiral. I barely passed high school but managed to get a job at a bar. My parent's inheritance came through eventually so I was able to get by" Santana explains.

"What about your family?"

"I didn't have any except for my grandmother, but she disowned me when I told her that I was gay. She was such a big part of my life but after I told her that she didn't want to see me again, even after my parents died and I was all alone."

"Do you often have problems regarding your sexuality?"

"It's not like I walk around shouting about it or anything and I'm not ashamed of who I am, but Artie warned me what the people are like here so I'm trying to keep it quiet."

"Did your parents know?" Rachel asks.

"Yeah they did. They were pretty cool about the whole thing actually. I think it took them a while to fully get used to the idea but they never let it show, they didn't treat me any differently. I was lucky to have parents like them but I'm glad they're not here now to see how fucked up my life is."

"Don't say that, I'm sure they are proud of you no matter what."

"I'm nineteen, living in a friend's house and working at a diner. They thought I was going to go to college and make something of myself not living how I'm living barely making ends meet."

"Did you want to go to college?"

"I don't know, I didn't really get chance to think about it so I didn't apply anywhere" Santana says.

"What about now, it's not too late you know."

"I've never really thought about it."

"You don't think about a lot of things do you?" Rachel jokes.

"I didn't, but some things have happened recently that make me want to revaluate my life. As I said I've never thought about going to college before but maybe that would be a good choice for me."

"If you did go to college, what would you study?"

"I kind of like the idea of going into law. I thought about it a little bit after my parents died. The drunk driver that crashed into them was arrested and sent to jail but he deserved a longer sentence than he got for killing my parents. I want to help people in similar situations to me get the proper justice."

"That's a noble but bold career choice Santana. There aren't many women lawyers, maybe you could be a pioneer." Santana says.

"How about we make a deal? I'll go college to study law if you apply to a college in New York, so you can follow your Broadway dreams."

"You know that isn't possible" Rachel sighs.

"So you're going to follow Finn."

"That's how things work Santana. It's how society works."

"Fuck society" Santana growls.

"I'm sorry. I just want you to know that Finn isn't your only option. If you love him and you're happy to become his housewife, then that's your decision, but if you don't love him just remember there are other people out there. Not everyone will hold you back from your dreams."

Rachel isn't sure what possesses her in that moment but she leans over and plants her lips firmly against Santana's. It's chaste and it only last for a couple of seconds before Rachel pulls back. She quickly looks around the park whist Santana still has her eyes closed to check that no one had seen them and luckily there is no one in sight.

"You're a really good friend Santana" Rachel finally says before she carries on eating her lunch.

They carry on eating and talking until Rachel has to leave to go back to school leaving Santana alone in the park with nothing but her thoughts for company.

She's obsessing and she knows she is but is it any wonder Rachel kissed her and then called her a really good friend. She knows that it wasn't a friendly kiss, friends don't kiss each other like that well not in Santana's experience anyway.

It was only chaste but Santana felt something in those few seconds that their lips touched and Santana knows that Rachel felt something too. So Rachel's reaction confused Santana, she was quick to brush the kiss off as friendly and then just acted like it never happened.

Who knew that girls in nineteen fifty six were just as complicated as girls in two thousand and thirteen?