Warning: Intense randomness ahead. Leave any seriousness at the door. Read end note for more details.

Eevee mechanically repacked his bag. Fresh morning light streamed in through the window and it would soon be time to leave. Eevee didn't care. He just couldn't get over what had happened.

They all said Sol was the killer. That couldn't be true! She would never kill anyone! But they were all so sure of it and she had been hauled away earlier by the Magnezone squad. So many were dead and now Eevee's best friend was imprisoned? It was too much to take in.

There was a knock on his room door.

"Yes?"

The door swung open and Bidoof walked in.

"Shucks, Eevee. I reckon this isn't the best of times but I wanted to see how yer doing. It must have been quite the shock, findin' out 'bout Sol like that."

"It's really hard for me to believe it's true..."

"I reckon everythin' was startin' to get to her and she cracked," Bidoof said. "But listen, I know Sol was important to yer team. So... I just wanted to say I'm willin' to do anythin' and everythin' to help out Team Wanderers."

"Huh?"

"You're one member short now, and I'm an experienced explorer! I've been trainin' real hard at the guild! I'd just about burst with happiness if you'd let me join! You lot need all the help you can get!"

"Bidoof, after everything that just happened, we aren't looking for anyone-"

"But I could really help! Golly, I've really wanted to be on Team Wanderers for a long time! I already got team jackets made!"

"Bidoof, I-"

Eevee's words died on his lips as Bidoof pulled a black and red jacket from his bag. The pattern from the Relic Fragment was stitched neatly in the front on the right breast, and the back was covered with a picture of Eevee, Jak, Ren and Bidoof all standing together under the words 'Team Wanderers'.

"What... what is this?"

"It's one of the jackets I had made! There's one for each of us. It really took a chunk out of my savin's, but it'll be worth it to be a member of Team Wanderers!"

"But... why isn't Sol on them?"

"Shucks, a murderer can't be a member of an exploration team."

"But how did you..." Eevee's eyes widened with realization. He struggled to remain calm. "Ok, Bidoof... I'll just go... talk it through with Jak and Ren. I'm sure they'll be happy to have you aboard. Though it may be awhile before I can talk to Jak. The others weren't too happy when she attacked them, so she's probably still being detained." Eevee forced a strained laugh and went for the door.

"Do you really have to leave so soon? I reckon there's some details we need to go over."

"No, it'll be fine. I just need to-"

"Yer not goin' nowhere," Bidoof said, his voice turning hard and cold. He whipped out a heavy, black object and pointed in menacingly at Eevee.

"What is that?!"

"It's a gun, of course."

"Since where were there guns in the

Pokémon universe?!"

"Since it became convenient to the plot! And didn't you hear about those banned episodes? Just go with it, ok?" Bidoof said. "It was already stated somewhere that this ain't to be taken seriously."

"Alright, fine. Whatever. Where were we again?"

"I had just figured out that you had figured out that I was the killer, so I pulled a gun on you."

"Oh, yeah. Ahem. You are the killer! Why would you do such a thing?! And why would you frame Sol?!"

"Ain't it obvious? I wanted to be a member of Team Wanderers, but Sol wouldn't let me! I asked, I begged, but she just ignored me! But with her outta the picture, there would be no one to stop me from reachin' my dream!"

"Then why did you kill all the others?"

"I knew I was no match for Sol. Even if I did somehow manage to take her by surprise and kill her, there'd be questions. It was too risky. So I came up with a new plan. If Sol were arrested, no one would think to check if anyone was behind it, so even if I obviously benefitted no one would get suspicious!"

"But... but how did you manage all of this?"

"Shucks, I wracked my brains for a good long while trying to come up with a plan. Then one fell right into my lap. Grovyle came to me, you see. He didn't know how all of you would react to see him, so he thought he'd go through me. He told me about Dusknoir and how he wanted to apologize to you four. And I saw my chance.'

"I managed to convince them that Dusknoir should find a way to apologize to everyone he had wronged, not just Team Wanderers. I told 'em that was the only way you'd believe he was being sincere. Really, I just needed to make sure I was around with a bunch of other witnesses to see the murder of Dusknoir.'

"It was supposed to be so simple. The mechanism goes off, the chandelier falls, Dusknoir dies, Sol gets blames. No one hated him as much as her, after all, and the planted plans would seal her fate. Since I had nowhere near that level of personal grudge, no one would have ever suspected me.'

"But Chimecho got in the way. Shucks, I never wanted that to happen, believe me. But, when the candles were blown out, I saw my chance. I grabbed a knife off the table and stabbed Dusknoir in the back.'

"But my work wasn't finished. I still needed to plant the trap design in Sol's room. I tried to do it while you were all lookin' for Celebi, but ran into Grovyle and Chatot before I could get there. So I had to wait.'

"But then Chatot and Corphish volunteered to try and get help. It was too much of a risk to let them go, in case help got here before I had a chance to finish my work framin' Sol. When she and Grovyle started that fight, it gave me the perfect opportunity to slip away and take care of Corphish by pushin' him off the cliff. I got back just in time to hit Chatot with a geo rock as he took off from the roof. As you all rushed off to investigate the crash, I was inside, on my way to Sol's room.'

"I ran into Boln on the way. He had no idea what was going on. He tried to convince me he wasn't the killer and wanted me to calm down the others so he didn't have to run and hide. He had no idea I was really the murderer, but I had to kill him anyway. If he were to tell the others, it would just raise questions of why I split off from the group while people were being killed. I told Boln I'd help, then stabbed him when his back was turned.'

"Then I finally made it to Sol's room. I slipped the envelope under her bed just as Celebi walked in. She was hysterical, screamin' and cryin', demanding to know what was going on and what I was doing. So I had to kill her, too. I was a little guilty about it, but it worked out well when her body was found in Sol's bath.'

"Then everyone turned on Sol, just as I planned. Now she's in prison and there's nothin' stoppin' me from joining Team Wanderers. I reckon they'll be beggin' me to join now that two of their members are gone."

"What?!" Eevee exclaimed.

"You know everythin' now. I can't let you live. If only you would have just let me join you. It's all yer fault, you know, your's and Sol's. I'll just have to tell everyone that you were in on the murdering too, and that you attacked me. I was simply forced to kill you in self defense."

Eevee was shaking. After all that had happened, all he had seen and lived through, his death would be because of this?

"Goodbye, Eevee," Bidoof said and raised the gun.

Then, a piece of paper fluttered down from the ceiling and landed at Eevee's feet. In bold red letters, the words "Read Me" were written on it. Bidoof paused, and gestured at it with the barrel of his gun.

"What's that?"

"I don't know."

"Read it."

Eevee hesitated, then picked it off the floor. On the other side was a short message.

Dear Bidoof,

No one kills my main characters but me.

Sincerely,

Nemesis1807

P.S. I always hated your character. Thought you would want to know.

"What?" Bidoof said, confused. "Who's this Nemesis1807? She sounds pretty awesome and amazin'."

"Why thank you!" the human from earlier said and jumped out from behind a bookcase Eevee could have sworn wasn't there a second ago. She held a baseball bat aloft in the air. "But flattery will get you nowhere. Fore!"

She swung hard and hit Bidoof in the side. The Pokémon was sent sailing across the room and flew out an open window into the sky, Super Smash Bros style.

"That's the wrong game!..." Bidoof called, his voice growing fainter the farther away he went.

"What... where... how is that possible?" Eevee stammered.

"I'm the author! I can do whatever I want. Look! Cake and ice cream, I summon thee!"

The human held up her hands and plates of deserts suddenly appeared around the room.

"Oh, and cookies for Mister L."

A platter of baked goods popped into existence on the nightstand.

The human sighed. "If only real life worked this way. Anyway, I better be off. The amount of randomness in this chapter has probably pissed off my readers enough as it is, no need to add to it. Bye!"

Nemesis1807 clapped her hands and, in a shower of confetti, disappeared.

Eevee stared at the suddenly vacant space.

"I still don't completely understand!" he cried.

...

Eevee had tried and failed to think of a good explanation of what had happened. Instead he settled for saying that Bidoof had fled when Eevee had discovered the truth. That didn't explain all the cake and confetti, so he simply shrugged and played dumb. Who in their right mind would believe the truth?

But the important thing was that Sol's name had been cleared. Eevee impatiently sat in the waiting room in the Magnezone Squad headquarters in Treasure Town. He jumped up when Sol was escorted out by a Magnemite.

"I'm so glad you're ok!" Eevee hugged her. "Come on, let's go home."

"I don't know, Eevee... This is the only world I know anymore."

"Sol, you've been in there for less than a day. Have you been reading Stephen King books again?"

"...Maybe." Sol look away for a moment, then back at Eevee. "How did you manage to convince them it wasn't me, anyway? And what's this I heard about Bidoof?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

Sol stared at him, then sighed. "Fine. Let's just get out of here and pray to God that Nemesis1807 doesn't do something like this again."

Eevee blinked. "...What?"

So everyone was wrong. All though, technically, authors are kind of the ones who kill all the characters. I planned from the very beginning that Bidoof would be the killer, so no I didn't just pull that out of nowhere.

Yes, this chapter did get very weird. I did say at the start this wasn't to be taken seriously. This was just me having fun, and I promise not to do this with my other stories. So Sol of the Mystery Dungeon will not take a sudden turn into crazyville like this.