"What the hell are you doing?"

Gaius had to admit that his current situation was... Less than desirable. While he was no stranger to mischief, he WAS a stranger to getting caught. And he had to admit, the truth was that this was probably the worst time in history to get caught. Bubbles was staring him in the face, his axe ready to cleave his head into two pieces. Gaius personally like him better when he was a grandmaster, but he just had to go and use that second seal to become a berserker.

Gaius shuffled nervously, knowing that a slip up could lead to his untimely demise, "Listen, Bubbles, this isn't what it looks like. You're just jumping to conclusions that have no ground or reason..."

Bubbles fumed twirling his axe in a manner that made Gaius wonder how he wasn't destroying the room, "Alright, Gaius. Tell me how I'm misinterpreting this scenario."

Gaius started to speak, but Bubbles cut him off, "Gaius, think long and hard on this. You're in my bedroom, in my dresser, holding Anna's, aka my wife's, bra. How can you possibly explain this in a way that will not cause me to murder you?"

Gaius gulped, "Well, you see Bubbles..."

I was standing outside Rose's door, thinking about my upcoming date with her. Now, I realized after a little while that I was waiting for a woman to take a bath, and that I was liable to have sat there for a good few hours before she came out. Now my first order of business was to get her a brand new wardrobe, since card travel can't take an entire closet and I know women need their clothes. However, I decided that she could get a nice dress for today at least. Since I was not a woman, I decided to steal a one for her-

"Wait a minute, Gaius. Your solution to the problem was to just steal one?"

Gaius was taken from his story. Bubbles seemed to be thoroughly interested in his story, as he was no longer in a threatening position, but was rather leaned back against the wall. Gaius gave him a puzzled look. "Well, yeah. What was I supposed to do?"

Bubbles rolled his eyes, "I don't know... Maybe... Ask to borrow one?"

Gaius chuckled, "Now where's the fun in asking permission to do something?"

"I sincerely hope that's not the attitude you have with Eirika this evening."

Gaius would normally laugh at a joke like that, but the deadpan manner in which Bubbles said that scared him a little, "Come on, Bubbles. Surely you don't think I'd ever do something that evil?"

Robin sighed, "Well, let's see. You're a convicted criminal, your job before we found you was thievery, and you're STILL holding my wife's bra. So forgive me if I'm a little wary about what you might do. However, I do want you to continue your story, but please use people's real names. I have a hard time following you if you don't."

Gaius threw up his hands, "Bubbles, you're killing me here!"

Robin picked his axe back up. "..."

Well you see, Robin, I first thought about taking one from Cordelia. So I snuck my way into her room, ready to grab something, but then she walked right in with Gregor! Now I was thankfully able to dash under her bed quickly enough, but then they started to... well... USE the bed, if you catch my drift. In those horrifying moments, I learned far more about Gregor than I ever wanted to know. After they left, I was too mortified to take something, so I left the room and went to my room, and covered myself with cold water, and told myself to forget everything I heard. It didn't work.

Next, I hoped to grab one from Cherche. Not one of my greatest ideas, because I forgot all about her... pet. I swear to Naga, I had to outrun a freaking WYVERN for at least twenty minutes. Do you have any idea how hard that is? I don't think you do. So, again, that was a failure.

Then I decided to try Panne. Don't ask me why I thought stealing clothes from the woman who hates every human was a good idea, but I snuck into her room... And got clawed. I forgot Taguels have super sharp senses of smell. She laughed when I explained myself, because it turns out she doesn't own a single dress! Not one!

Starting to get desperate, I tried to go for Sully. I got the same result as Panne. Except instead of getting clawed, I... Well, no, I still got clawed. However this time, I also got punched and kicked.

"Finally, I decided to try your wife, leading us to the situation we're in now."

"Gauis, that was sweet of you to try all that for me... But maybe we can try to get clothes... Legally?"

Gaius nodded, "Yeah, I guess you're- wait a minute!"

Anna and Eirika were standing in the door way, giggling to themselves. Gaius looked to Robin, who seemed just as shocked as he was. Gaius started to sweat, "How long have you been standing there?"

Anna rolled her eyes, "Too long. Your story needs editing."

Eirika smiled, "Anna offered to lend me a dress for today... But thanks for trying so hard."

Gaius sighed, "Anytime, Rose. Now I'll let you change..."

Gaius started to walk out, but Anna stopped him, "Say, Gaius?"

"Yeah, Moneybags?"

"If I ever catch you with my bra again, I will gouge out your eyes and sell them on the black market. And trust me: eyes go for a lot of money."

Gaius tensed up, "Noted."

Ten points to the reviewer who spots the Cowboy Bebop reference.