Matter over Mind

by Vera Amber

-Complete!- The flock and a Verallion OCs have a bunch of whacky adventures. Utterly silly, random, and cracky. Read: pure nonsense. Rated T because of paranoia, cursing, and spit-swapping. Fax. Eggy. Other pairings. Pre-Fang.

6. MARRY ME, MAX!

I'm sorry about the looong wait for this chapter, guys! I was supposed to update on Thursday, but I couldn't finish it, so I went to bed, and then finished it on Friday. Problem was, FF/N wouldn't let me upload it, and it seems that this was happening to everyone else. I finally got it working today, so here's your update!

I used all of the schtuff I'd put in the first intro-thing! Yay! Now, it's time to redo. I'm changing it up a bit, since half the time I forget I have an intro-thing, and I have to go back and put it in. Also, everyone, sign St. Fang of Boredom's petition! It's so Kristin Stewart and Rob Pattinson don't play Max and Fang in the new Maximum Ride movie! The link's on her profile, and I can give you it here (just take out the spaces): http :// www . petitiononline . com / axtoksrp / petition . html

Oh, and you know what I did right before writing this? Okay, so my mom has these big things full of clothes on top of her dresser. While I was watching Resident Evil 3 in French, I climbed up onto top of her dresser, on top of one of those big things so I could pet my cat. The cat, it seems, likes watching people being torn apart by zombies...

Anyway, here goes.

Disclaimer: Vera doesn't own the totally awesome series Maximum Ride. James B. Patterson does. Vera also doesn't own Stacy's Mom or Left Outside Alone.Vera does, however, own the Minkle Fur Company and the Oak Tower.

Previously, on Matter over Mind...

Why did the McDonald's grow cherries on its roof? I have no clue about that, either. Something about how it was good for business being the only McDonald's in the world that grew cherries on its roof, or something.

Anyway, we ate at the McDonald's, and everything, and I mean everything, had cherries on it. Cherry hamburgers, cherry McFlurries, cherry french fries, cherry chicken nuggets, cherry soda... etc. It was weird, but, considering the McDonald's grew cherries on its roof, wasn't as weird compared to what else had happened in the past few days.

If everything had grapes in it, on the other hand, when the McDonald's grew cherries on the roof... well, that would be weird. However, they weren't any grapes in sight, so it was only a little weird.

Well, okay, it was really weird, but with all of the other weird stuff that had happened, it was only a teensy bit weird. Okay, not really, but still, does it matter? Really? I mean, I don't mind, but whatever..

And now...

This story started out at a mall, headed through a pool, a theater, a television station, a Wal-Mart, a graveyard, a battlefield reenactment scene, an airplane hangar, quite a few funny farms and, of course, a McDonald's that grows cherries on its roof. In this chapter, we start out at a Minkle Fur Company store in the McNational Mall of the Steaks of Americanian Canadia, then head through the Oak Tower, a millipede growing farm, a twig mentoring station, a Cheeto factory, a bicarbonate anthill, an elephant grassland, and a dreaded Quiditch field.

"ZOMG!" Nudge squealed. "IT'S A SPECKLED PUMPKIN KIBBLESQUAWK!"

We all looked at her like she was crazy. She coughed. "I mean, ZOMG! IT'S A THESAURUS MADE OUT OF PICKLES!"

We continued to look at her like she was crazy. She coughed again. "Um... I really mean, ZOMG! IT'S A SHOE-SHAPED MANGO!"

We continued to look at her like she was crazy. She coughed again. "Oh, I give up! It's a minkle fur item."

We nodded, understandingly.

I asked Ella, "Tell me again why we're in a Minkle Fur Company store?"

She replied promptly, "Because we're buying Janice a minkle fur coat!"

Oh-kay... Ella and Janice have gone crazy...

"Can I get this, Max?" Angel asked me. She was holding a minkle fur scarf. "Angel, we can't af-" She gave me Bambi eyes. "Sure you can buy it, Angel!"

"Thanks, Max!" Angel skipped off, presumably to go pay for her minkle fur scarf.

"C'mhere Janice," Ella said, "I think this minkle fur coat will suit you perfectly."

Everyone wandered off, leaving me stranded in the middle of a Minkle Fur Company store. Then some girl, who was wearing a T-shirt that said "Minkle Fur Company" in big letters on the front, walked up to me. She was holding a plate of something in her hand, and she moved the plate towards me. "Want some roasted minkle meat?"

I screamed and ran out of the story as fast as I could. The girl shrugged and turned around to reveal that the back of her shirt said "Minkle Fur Company and all associated franchises are owned solely by me also known as Vera A also known as simba1timmy also known as that girl on who is totally random and completely nutzoid. If you would like your very own minkle fur item, please PM me and I will send you a form to fill out so you can purchase your very own minkle fur item. Any website saying that they are selling a minkle fur item without the Minkle Fur Company copyright which is located at the bottom of this T-shirt is not a legitimate minkle fur item selling website and is simply trying to scam you out of your money that you worked so hard for or didn't work so hard for. If you discover such a website claiming to sell minkle fur items, please PM me. All minkle fur items are custom and hand made and come with a lifetime warranty or lifetime guarantee, whichever you prefer. The furry minkles used in the creation of minkles fur items are proudly grown in my own front yard, thank you very much. For a list of prices on minkle fur items, please PM me or contact one of my associates as listed on my profile page. If you are unsure where to go to view my profile page then go to http :// www . fanfiction . net / ~veraa and that will take you directly to my profile page. Thank you for taking the time to read this incredibly lengthy T-shirt. Copyright (c) Minkle Fur Company"

Now that I think about it, the girl reminds me of someone I saw in an alternate universe named 'random dude'...

Hearing my screams, Fang, Iggy, Nudge, Gazzy, Angel, Total, Johnnay, Johncy, Johnny, Janice, Johnty, Ella, , Akila, and Magnolia rushed out of the Minkle Fur Company store. They chased after me, since I was running through the mall (which just happened to be the mall all of this had started in...), wreaking havoc everywhere I went.

Now, not only does Wal-Mart hate us, the McNational Mall of the Steaks of Americanian Canadia hates us, too!

When I turned the corner, I screamed again. "IT'S A GIANT LOAF OF PUMPERNICKEL!"

Everyone was staring at me like I was crazy as twelve people and three dogs chased after me. Out of nowhere, I was struck by lightning.

(A/N: Thanks, Morgan!)

"AHHH!" I screamed again as I hit the floor. Then everything went blue...

I woke up tied with shoelaces and painter's tape to a metal sculpture. That's weird... I wonder who tied me up!? And where am I!? "That's weird... I wonder who tied me up!? And where am I?" I said aloud.

Some girl with purple hair walked up. "Hiya Max! I'm Java Runtime Error, Vera's assistant. We had to temporarily remove you from your story because of your extremely apparent OOCness. Right now, you're in the Oak Tower, which is where Vera keeps all of her OCs. After you've been "treated" you will be zapped back to the McNational Mall of the Steaks of Americanian Canadia the same way you got here. We would've used a wormhole, but you won't near any ents or exes, so we had to use alternate methods."

I just stared at her. She walked off to behind me, so I couldn't see what she was doing. Then I heard a loud zapping noise, and my brain felt like it was being teared to pieces by hand, fed to rabid dogs, put in the garbage disposal, and finally being tossed into a woodchipper. Can I saw ow?

I screamed in pain. There was a loud zapping noise, and as suddenly as the pain had began, it stopped. The girl walked back up. "That didn't go so well..." she shrugged. "I'll have Vera take a look atcha."

She walked off again. A few minutes later, she came back with the girl I had seen in Minkle Fur Company store who had offered me roasted minkle meat. "Hm..." the girl, who I assumed was Vera, said. "It appears that Max overloaded the server because three thought patterns commonly interact with each other inside of her head, and that would definitely overload the server, since it's only built for two thought patterns at once. So, in order to fix her, we're going to have to bump it up to three thought patterns, which will require rerouting the entire system and backing up on multiple hard drives. It's either that, let Max stay OOC, get rid of one of the thought patterns - which is impossible, by the way - or let her suffer and incredible amount of pain. The pain's caused by the server using the electric current of her brain and her brainwaves in order to achieve enough free space and power for it to function. This causes her brain to literally melt, since the human and birdkid minds aren't mean to take that kind of strain. Also, we can hook the server up to the main power frame and limit its course, that might work in fixing the problem."

The other girl - Java - just nodded and got to work.

Around an hour, there was another loud zapping noise, and I expecting more pain, but there wasn't any. My brain sort of felt like it was being massaged and given a manicure...

Someone laughed gleefully and evilly at the same time, and, suddenly, I was struck by lightning again. Then everything went blue again...

When I woke up, Fang, Iggy, Nudge, Gazzy, Angel, Total, Johnnay, Johncy, Johnny, Janice, Johnty, Ella, , Akila, and Magnolia were standing over me, looking at me with concern.

"Where are we?" I asked groggily.

"A millipede growing farm." Janice answered.

"Oh... kay..."

I sat up, or tried to. My head banged against everyone else's. "Owww..." we all said at the same time.

Suddenly, the room was swarming with millipedes. I mean, that's kind of expected since we were at a millipede growing farm, but still...

Everyone, including Fang, screamed like a little girl, and started running around, trying to squish the millipedes without touching them. It would've been funny had I not been doing the same thing.

Then - get this - the girl I'd seen at the Scott Westerfield convention, Scarlett? She ran into the room carrying in a woodchipper.

(A/N: Thanks, Lily! That is your name, right?)

She tossed millipede after millipede into the woodchipper, and out came piles of really gross millipede guts. However, Scarlett was significantly decreasing the millipedes' population, so I didn't think it was extremely gross at the time. But it was still a little gross.

Once Scarlett was done woodchipping all of the millipedes and there was a very large pile of woodchipped millipedes on the floor, Scarlett ran off, taking the woodchipper with her. We all shrugged, as if this was normal behavior.

And then, for some unknown reason, all of us began throwing wads of millipede guts at each other.

"TAKE THAT MODERN SCIENCE! DECADES OF PSYCHO LOGIC PICKED APART IN THREE SECONDS BY AN ELEVEN YEAR OLD!

"That was random..."

"OW! Leggo my arm!"

"When you leggo my leg!"

"Never!"

CRACK

"Oopsie..."

"MY HEAD! AH!"

CLANGBOOMBANG

"Please tell me that wasn't my shoulder..."

"THIS IS FUN!"

"HOW THE HECK IS THIS FUN!?"

"I DON'T KNOW!"

SNAPCRACKLEPOP

"Ooh, Rice Crispies!"

"Oh, shut it!'

CLACKITYCLACKITYCLACKCLACKCLACK

"That was weird sounding..."

RIPKACHINGPOP

"MARRY ME, MAX!"

"Sure, Fang! Just let me take out Janice here, first..."

BANGCLANGHUNGERPANG

"ZOI!"

"Hunger pang? Oh-kay..."

"STACY'S MOM HAS GOT IT GOIN' ON!"

"I'm facepalming, in case you can't tell..."

"CHEESE!"

KABOOMBANGCLICK

"Double oopsies..."

LOLLIPOPCRACK

"Wait, so the lollipop's on crack?"

"BRITNEY SPEARS!"

"I LUFFLES YOU IGGY!"

"Uh... thanks Ella..."

RUFFLE

"MY HAIR!!!!!!"

WHACKSMACKAACK

"YOU LITTLE B-"

SLAPSLAPSLAP

"DON'T YOU CALL ME THAT!"

"Girls, girls, settle down..."

SMACK

"NO!"

SMACK

"WAY!"

SMACK

"IN!"

SMACK

"HELL!"

SMACKWHAPWHAPCLANG

"That sounded bad..."

SMACKSMACKSMACK

"Yer tellin' muh!"

"No one here has a southern accent..."

CRACK

"MY ANKLE!"

"I wonder if you know, how it really feels, to be left outside alone, when it's cold out here?"

ZAPZIPZOI

"That's my line!"

"SHUT UP, JANICE!"

BANG

"TAKE THAT YOU CREEPY MARIONETTE!"

"PRINCESS CHARMINGS! MY BRIDE! I WILL SAVE YOU..."

"Ewww... you're a girl and you're marrying a girl?"

SLAP

"Oh, shut it!"

WHAPCLANGWHAP

"Plus, Princess Charmings is dead as a doornail..."

"I SAW PRINCESS CHARMINGS' LIPS TALKING TO JANICE!!!"

FWAPTRIPSMACK

Finally, we collapsed, all of us covered in bits and pieces of millipedes. "Ewww..." Ella said.

"You're telling me."

The next chapter going to go up on Thursday! I also already have what's going to happen figured out in my head, so I shoule dbe able to update when I'm supposed to update.

R&R?