Chapter 6

Shizuo had felt his blood boil a million times, anger and fury and irritation and annoyance all mixing together into a lethal mix to make him lose his mind. Shizuo hated this feeling, of course. He despised it more than anything, but that didn't mean he wasn't used to it. There was something familiar to the pain, like a bone that aches when it rains.

Whatever Shizuo was feeling right now, it was the opposite of that. Shizuo felt cold. Instead of feeling his blood burning inside of him, it felt like he had no blood at all. Maybe he didn't even have fingers, or feet, or eyes. All he knew was that he had a heart, but he was almost as certain that it was the source of all his sudden problems. If he had fingers, he would have thrust it inside his chest and taken the thing out, still beating.

It would have been less painful.

The scariest part was not knowing what to do. He had never felt this way before, he'd never not had fingers.

He walked to his car. Unlocked it. Got inside. It wasn't his car, actually. It was a rental. Shizuo had gotten a driver's license, once upon a time, but he barely ever drove. He'd never had a reason to leave Ikebukuro. Except, of course, when he used to rage into Shinjuku, looking for Izaya, hunting for him, searching. He hadn't done that in a while. He hadn't needed to because, recently, Izaya had been the one to come to him.

It made sense, in a way. Neither of them had agreed to be exclusive. They weren't a couple. They weren't even in love; at least, Izaya wasn't. What had Shizuo expected? That Izaya would willingly tie himself down to the one person he had hated and even tried to kill for the past decade? No. Maybe. The thing was, Shizuo hadn't expected that of himself either. He'd thought, vaguely, that if he could change, maybe Izaya could too.

But Izaya wasn't Shizuo. Shizuo didn't know what Izaya was. He just knew that his heart beat for him. He had believed that that would be enough.

Shizuo turned on the ignition. He drove out of the parking lot. He made it back home safe and sound an hour later, without crashing.

Their first time was on a Tuesday. Ikebukuro was growing colder and oranger and more festive, Thanksgiving was in the air. Tom had offered Shizuo some time off, but Shizuo didn't mind working through the holidays. He didn't particularly have anyone he wanted to spend the day with, since Kasuka was busy with work, and he knew Tom really needed the help. Their clients tended to get especially reluctant this time of year, for some unholy reason.

It was the day before Thanksgiving. Shizuo walked into his apartment after a long day of glaring and growling and possibly popping numerous blood vessels in his forehead. He'd actually run out of cigarettes, by the end.

Shizuo toed off his shoes and headed for his kitchen. He was looking forward to sitting down with a nice, cold glass of milk and watching a movie Kasuka had sent him a few days ago.

Except, someone was already there.

"Izaya," Shizuo growled, his hands already balling into fists. "What the fuck are you doing in my apartment?"

Izaya jumped off the counter, stumbling right into Shizuo's arms. Shizuo's anger dissipated almost immediately.

Izaya laughed. "I was waiting for you, Shizu-chan!" he said. He kissed Shizuo's neck, sloppily, like he was trying to eat it. There was a half-empty bottle of whiskey on the kitchen counter that most definitely was not there before.

Utterly confused and – although he would never admit it – a little more than intrigued by this new version of Izaya, Shizuo pried the pest off of him. He held him at arm's length. "And why the hell would you do that?" Shizuo said.

"Because," Izaya said, smiling. "I wanna fuck."

Shizuo paled. "What?"

Izaya ran his warm hands up Shizuo's arms, trying to get closer. "I said," Izaya yelled, loud enough that Shizuo was worried his neighbors would hear, "I want to FUCK, Shizu-chan!" He giggled.

Abruptly, Izaya jumped out of Shizuo's arms and turned back to the kitchen counter. He grabbed the whiskey and then whirled around to face Shizuo with a brilliant smile.

"Look!" he said, stumbling towards Shizuo again. "I brought this! You have to drink it, Shizu-chan! I bought it special."

Shizuo eyed him warily. "I don't drink," he said.

"C'mon," Izaya said. "Just for today! I want it."

"I'm not gonna drink your stupid whiskey because you want me to," Shizuo said, pushing the bottle away. "And you probably poisoned it or something."

"Alcohol is poison," Izaya said, thoughtfully. "It's bitter and you die a slow and painful death if you take too much." He smiled. "Isn't it funny? I wanted to give you poison because I want to sleep with you, not because I want to kill you." Izaya laughed then, a full-bodied laugh that almost made him lose his grip on the bottle of whiskey. "Why the fuck did I drink it first?"

"You – what – " Shizuo spluttered. He felt himself growing a little warmer, though it had been a cool day. "You wanted to – hold on, you were planning to get me drunk, and then jump me?"

"Well, aren't you brilliant," Izaya said, rolling his eyes. "You weren't supposed to find out, you big oaf. See, this is why I hate you." He pushed Shizuo's chest, or tried to. Meeting resistance, Izaya just fell into him. Shizuo didn't move.

"You never do what you're supposed to! So annoying. 'Cause like, who just makes out with your mortal enemy? Name one person. Who'd do the things you do? Why? You don't – you wouldn't. You won't do it, Shizu-chan. I know."

Tentatively, Shizuo encircled Izaya's scrawny waist with his arms. "No," he said. "You don't know, pest."

Izaya hugged Shizuo too. "I do know, beast."

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do."

"You don't."

"I do!"

"No, you don't!" Shizuo pushed Izaya back a little, so he could see his face. He was blushing, but maybe it was the whiskey. At least he had an excuse.

Before Izaya could say anything else, Shizuo kissed him. His lips weren't chapped this time, unlike all the other times when they'd made out after fighting. They were wet, and they tasted bitter, smoky, chemical. Shizuo was drinking the whiskey, after all. Izaya was still there, though, his sweat that kind of tasted like almonds; nutty, like him.

Shizuo backed Izaya into the counter. He slipped his hands underneath that black shirt usually soaked with sweat, now unusually dry, and he thumbed Izaya's right nipple the way Shizuo knew he liked. The bottle shattered as it slipped from Izaya's grasp, but neither of them pulled away.

Maybe they didn't notice.

As it turned out, Tanaka was an annoying little shit. Not that it bothered Izaya; in fact, he had been expecting it. To a certain extent. No, Tanaka could be as much of a condescending, whiny, man-child as he wanted to be; the annoying part was that Izaya could do nothing about it, as of yet. He had to act out the part of the simpering, sleazy business partner, and sleazy business partners did not try to talk down the "man" in charge. Or push him in front of an oncoming train. It really wasn't hard, all things considered. It was only hard in times like these.

"And this Crimson gang, you sure it's legit?" Tanaka said, picking at something in his teeth with a chicken bone. They were in room 304 again, talking logistics over lunch, apparently. Specifically, Tanaka's lunch. He spit out something onto the floor.

"No," Izaya said, from across the room. "But like I said, that's the point. They're freshly formed and full of dreams that you're going to provide. They have potential, of course. But they need you."

Tanaka peered at him. Izaya stared back, his face carefully blank. After a moment, Tanaka picked up another chicken leg, looking away. "They fucking you or something?" he said, around his chicken.

"Excuse me?"

"You're gay, right?" Tanaka said, his mouth glistening with fat. "I heard from Ichigo. He's a homo too, but you know that. You guys fucked, right? Anyway, I need to know if you're that new gang's bitch, 'cause if you are, I can't trust that what you're thinking ain't what they're thinking. And I can't put my life in the hands of some green boys that don't even know the taste of a real woman. No offense."

"No offense taken," Izaya said, smiling. "I'm not fucking them. And either way, I can assure you that they're sufficient enough for our purposes. If they turn out to be troublesome, we can just dispose of them later."

"An entire gang?"

"Yes. It won't be a problem."

Izaya smirked, fingering the knife in his pocket. It wouldn't be a problem. Not for him. By the look on Tanaka's face, it seemed like he'd gotten the message. His chewing slowed, if only a little.

"Fine," Tanaka said, swallowing. "But you remember that I'm no faggot. You get your fifteen percent at the end of all this, but that's it. You hear me?"

Izaya almost burst out laughing.

TTTTTTTT

Their meeting ended earlier than Izaya had thought it would, and feeling a little peckish himself, he decided to drop by Russia Sushi. He still hadn't treated himself with ootoro. Izaya almost stumbled over his words as he ordered this, remembering that one night.

Things had gotten a little out of hand since then. They still fought, of course, whenever Shizuo saw Izaya or Izaya felt like playing with Shizuo. They still did everything they could to express their undying hatred for each other. Nothing had changed, really.

Except, they couldn't keep their hands off of each other. Izaya cringed at the way that sounded in his mind, it made him seem like some horny teenager, but it was true. After every chase, after every battle, they ended up making out in a park, in the woods, in an alleyway, in deserted buildings.

Izaya stabbed at a piece of ootoro and stuffed it in his mouth.

It was because he'd gone so long without sex. He knew this had to be the reason behind his sudden descent into utter insanity, but why in the world did it have to be Shizu-chan? Maybe because he'd been thinking of him so much lately? He still hadn't given up on exacting his revenge for what happened in the summer. With all the energy was putting into his plan with the Awakusu-kai, and the thousands of other things he was keeping an eye on, there just hadn't been any time for it.

As he sat in Russia Sushi, however, a vague outline formed in his mind.

Okay, he said to himself. How's this for a plan?

With this, he could knock out two birds with one stone. Izaya grinned as he ate his ootoro.

TTTTTTTT

Izaya gripped Shizuo's hair with one hand, the other on his bare shoulder. Their shirts had disappeared, somehow. The counter was digging into his bare back, freezing cold, making Izaya cling tighter to Shizuo. Shizuo probably felt smothered like that, with his face smushed against Izaya's chest, but Izaya didn't care. He was sucking on Izaya's nipple, swirling it with his tongue, and he could think of nothing else.

Their belts were clinking as they rubbed against each other, the ground crunching softly as they shifted over broken glass. They were kissing again, Izaya's nipple cool now, but aching. Izaya was being sloppy; he was drunk, of course, but he was also desperate. In this moment, he was so desperate he would have gone on his knees and begged, or did other things. But he knew Shizuo was not going to move forward, no matter what he said. Then again, Izaya had gotten him this far.

Quickly, Izaya slid his hands down to Shizuo's belt, fumbling with overly warm hands to undo it, but as expected, Shizuo placed his hands on Izaya's, stopping him.

"Wait," he said, pulling away.

"Shizuo," Izaya breathed. He looked at those golden eyes, dark with lust. "Please."

Shizuo ducked down to kiss Izaya's forehead, breathing quickly. "Izaya," he said. "I – I've never – I don't know how to do it with you. I want to make sure you feel good, but I don't..."

"First time for everything."

"But – "

"Don't worry about it," Izaya said, planting a quick kiss on Shizuo's neck. "I've already taken care of myself. All you have to do is put on a condom and stick it in; it'll be just like doing a girl. Okay?"

Shizuo leaned back again, and Izaya almost lost it. Then Shizuo kissed him, gently, his hands sliding up Izaya's arms.

"Okay," he said. Izaya laughed triumphantly and wrapped his arms around Shizuo's shoulders, but Shizuo leaned back, although he laughed a little too. "Okay," he repeated, "but you're not a girl, idiot. I don't wanna hurt you, so tell me if you feel uncomfortable. Okay?"

Izaya stilled for a second, taken aback. Then he started laughing.

"What?" Shizuo said, when he didn't stop. "Why are you laughing?"

"Because!" Izaya managed to say. He reached forward to rest his head on Shizuo's shoulder. Shizuo let him. "I can't keep up. Everything you do, it's so unexpected. Even this! I had it all planned out, and then you..." Izaya laughed a little. "You say you don't want to hurt me."

"Isn't that normal?" Shizuo said, after a small pause.

"No," Izaya said. "I don't think so."

Izaya felt Shizuo smiling. "Then do you want me to hurt you?" he whispered, mockingly. He kissed Izaya's neck. "'Cause I can, if that's what you want."

Shizuo traveled up Izaya's neck to the back of his ear, licking and nipping at where he knew Izaya was most sensitive. Izaya shivered, his breath quickening.

"No," he muttered, pushing closer. "I don't want you to hurt me." Abruptly, Izaya grabbed Shizuo by the hair and forced his head back. Izaya kiss him on harshly on the mouth, biting, sucking, until they couldn't breathe. They pulled apart, panting. "But I'll kill you if you try to be gentle."

Shizuo pulled Izaya closer.

"Deal," he said.

They spent the rest of the night in Shizuo's room, keeping their promises.