Title: House of Glass and Fog – Chapter 5
Word Count: Overall ~30,500 words, chapter ~3,800
Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Torchwood Team
Warning: Slasharama
Spoilers: Season one through Something Borrowed
Disclaimer: I wish I owned Jack, Ianto and all related Torchwood material but I don't. Someday I will… Someday!

After a hot shower and a small meal, Ianto sat at the kitchen table waiting for Jack to arrive. He had stayed in his bed for another hour or so that morning, trying to decide when to ask Jack over. A few hours, a few days, a few weeks, he debated over and over but finally sent Jack a text telling the other man to come over later that evening.

The kettle on the stove whistled and Ianto snapped his head up in surprise. He had forgotten he set the damn thing on. Jack would want a coffee when he came over and who was Ianto to disappoint. With well-practiced movements Ianto poured the hot water over the coffee grounds and set a mental timer for 5 minutes.

10 minutes after Ianto had pushed the French Press handle down, signaling the coffee was done, his doorbell rang. Ianto got up to answer the door, the whole thing felt slightly anticlimactic. He had expected himself to be nervous and unsure but all he felt was a slow moving sadness that blanketed him. Maybe he had already given up or maybe he was ready to accept that Jack would probably be too afraid to do more than run.

Both locks popped open easily and on the other side of the door stood the ever dashing and handsome Captain Jack. "Hey," Jack said lacking his normal boisterous demeanor.

"Hi," Ianto replied softly and let Jack past the threshold. They lingered in the foyer for a moment before Jack shrugged his coat off and toed his boots onto the mat.

They shuffled into the kitchen and Jack automatically took the blue mug that had been set out. Jack's favorite mug at the Hub had blue and white stripes. 'Funny how someone could become so attached to an object,' Ianto thought as he gave a brief look to the diary perched on the table's edge.

"I didn't think you would want me over so soon." Jack started, running his index finger along the rim of cup.

Ianto shrugged and sipped his coffee. What did Jack expect him to say? The stiff silence was renewed. Ianto knew what he wanted to say but his mam had said earlier knowing and doing were two different and difficult things.

Jack broke the silence again. "Did you find the trigger you left yourself?"

"Yes," Ianto answered.

"Did you?"

"No." Ianto has struggled with whether or not he wanted to use the trigger but in the end it lay in burnt bits littering the sink. "It didn't seem worth it. It was only for one memory – a conversation Tosh and I had, I think. The diary was a good enough description. I don't need that pounding at the back of my head for the next few weeks."

Jack knew as well as he did that any memories that were triggered tended remain at the forefront of that person's thoughts for weeks and sometimes months. They never really seamlessly integrated themselves back in. It was unpleasant and in this case unnecessary.

"Oh." Jack fell silent for a moment and gulped his coffee. Ianto hadn't imagined that their conversation would be quite so awkward in his head. He had planned it meticulously and now it seemed pointless. They always stumbled their way through discussions about their relationship and this was no different.

"Why didn't you ever tell me you were so unhappy? That what I was doing was hurting you?"

"Would you have stopped? Been more discrete?" It wasn't an answer it was a challenge.

"I wasn't even sure you knew."

"That isn't an answer Jack or a good enough excuse. Would you have stopped?" Ianto said forcefully.

"I don't know." Jack finally admitted. "What do you want from me here? To beg for forgiveness, to grovel at your feet because I will."

"That's not what I want or need, Jack. As much as it hurts it's already done and over. It's as much my fault as yours for not saying anything. And I never told you because I thought I didn't deserve it. I honestly thought asking for more than we had was selfish and when you felt ready you would let me know."

Jack looked puzzled. "What are you trying to say here?"

"That I want a real commitment from you. That I want to be more than the person you care about as a good friend and who you happen to shag." Ianto tried to put his hand on top of the one Jack had resting on the table but the other man pulled away.

"Please, don't ask for that. I don't operate on monogamy." Ianto rubbed at his face in frustration, Jack had missed the point completely.

"Don't you get it Jack? I am not asking for you to be monogamous to just me physically. That isn't what I have problems dealing with." Ianto wanted to yell but kept his tone even. If he started to yell he would never stop.

"Oh then what the fuck is this?" Jack grabbed the diary and quickly flipped to an entry then slammed the book in front of Ianto.

Ianto thumbed the pages carefully; of course it had to be the entry about Jack's romp with Martha. "The only reason you shagged her and she agreed to it was because it was a connection to the Doctor. You both fucking want him but he won't have you so you fucked each other. You could screw Owen for all I care because there is no emotional attachment. I would rather you don't but it won't break my heart." Ianto said bluntly. He could be an asshole too.

"You say that but I don't believe you. Commitment and faithfulness are one in the same in the 21st Century."

"I thought you didn't do labels or stereotypes," Ianto threw back. "Believe whatever you want Jack because I don't know how else to convince you. "

"Then what do you care about Ianto?"

"What I care about is you keeping me at arms distance when we are supposed to mean something to each other. That you will only allow yourself to fall in love with what you can't have because it's safe. I'm not safe like them but I am asking for you to try. Jack, I love you. Is that only worth something to me?"

Jack stiffened in his chair and pulled his arms to his chest is a protective gesture. "I can't give you what you need. I'm sorry Ianto but I can't… You mean a lot to me but I am not in love with you."

"You aren't or you won't let yourself?" Ianto returned sharply.

"Does it matter?" Jack said tiredly, slowly shaking his head.

"Damn it Jack! It matters to me, you matter to me." Ianto pounded his fist against the table and felt the mugs rattle. He was not giving up without a fight.

"If you care about me at all you will take what I am offering. I can't give you anymore than that"

A pit settled in Ianto's stomach. "Is that really your decision? To not try at all?"

"I'm sorry but yes." Jack responded. Ianto knew he was pulling into himself. The conversation was over. Ianto had blown his one chance to get through to Jack.

"Then I'm sorry too." Ianto's chest tightened and he could hear his heart pounding in his ears. "I can't be with you. I won't do this to myself anymore…"

"So you're breaking up with me then?" Jack asked flatly, not letting any emotion pass over his face.

"You can only break up when you had a relationship to begin with. We're in limbo Jack." Ianto said, looking out the small kitchen window. "That's why I am begging to you reconsider. I want to be with you Jack but right now I am hurting myself to do it. Meet me half way, that is all I am asking."

"We're stuck in a disconnect then. I can't give you what you need and you won't settle anymore and I don't expect you to or want you to. I want better for you. " Jack said softly, surprised at Ianto's forwardness.

"Then give it to me."

"I've given you all I can." Jack got up and headed towards to foyer to leave. Ianto pushed back his chair with a loud scrape and followed. By the time Ianto made it to the entrance Jack had almost finished lacing up his boots. In a quick motion the captain's coat was around his shoulders and his hand was on the doorknob. This was it Ianto realized. This was Jack finally walking out on him and he knew it had to be this way. He would not stop Jack, would not go back to begging for scraps and slowly killing himself.

And as Jack opened the door Ianto wrapped his hand around the other man's wrist firmly. "If you ever change your mind…"

Jack set his face and shrugged in a tired manner. "Come back to work when you're ready." The door closed with a soft click and Jack was gone. They had both made their decisions. It didn't make it hurt any less.

For the second time since this whole shit storm started Ianto felt his throat tighten and his eyes itch. He wasn't going to cry, wasn't going to fuss. He had stopped himself before and he could do it again. Ianto sluggishly made his way into his living room and crashed into the navy couch Jack had helped him pick. Bloody Jack…

"Duw." Ianto swore as a small bit of moisture ran down the side of his face. He brushed it off and was annoyed when another came. He wiped incessantly until his nose turned traitor and began to run. And for the first time since he thought Jack had died permanently Ianto Jones wept. Not in the great heaving sobs you expect from anyone else in his position. But in the silent, constant tracks of tears of someone who was beyond the theatrics of bawling and putting on a fit.

Ianto felt defeated but he took some solace in that he had told Jack what he truly needed. For possibly the only time in his life, Ianto voiced his needs and wants. If nothing else Ianto was proud he had held his ground and stood up for himself. It would have to be enough to keep him going.

Deep down he knew it would never be enough without Jack.

TORCHWOOD

Four weeks later found Ianto packing two large suitcases for a secondment to Torchwood 2 for 6 weeks; it couldn't have come at a worse time.

After another day of wallowing in what Ianto could only call self-pity he decided he needed to get back to work. In the evening Ianto reluctantly pressed his favorite plum shirt and picked a matching grey pinstriped suit as a sign of his commitment to return. The next morning the suit hung on the wall hook untouched.

The morning after that finally found Ianto in the Hub with the expectation of things being awkward and more questions being asked than he wanted to answer. Instead Ianto found, in a peculiar way, the regular motions the Hub were still followed. Computer programs were run, alien invader games played, coffee was served, and paperwork was done.

The only thing amiss was the somewhat limited and stilted interactions Ianto and Jack shared when coffee was left on the corner of the captain's desk. Their exchanges were short, polite, and professional. Ianto really wasn't expecting anything else but it still stung. Ianto had lost more than just a lover he had lost a close friend and even though it had only been a few days Ianto already missed Jack.

Tosh and Owen had kept a respectful distance about the whole thing and didn't ask any questions. At some points in the day Ianto could tell Tosh wanted to ask, wanted to provide comfort but pulled back.

Things continued in that slightly off rhythm until Gwen returned from her honeymoon. The only new element to their pattern was that he and Jack interacted a little more but only to prevent Gwen from snooping. The rest of the team came to an unspoken agreement around the events of the day after the wedding. Tosh had deleted the CCTV footage, Owen shredded Ianto's blood work, and the secure box was put back into the regular inventory. They could almost pretend it never happened if no one spoke about it.

If Ianto had thought they were in limbo before, now it was even worse. Ianto wondered how long their odd agreement could carry on, maybe into perpetuity. Perpetuity did not last much longer than 2 weeks as Ianto found himself in Jack's office with the door shut. The door being shut was never a good thing.

"I need you to go to Glasgow for a month and a half," Jack said firmly, never one for pleasantries when in a bad mood.

"What?" Ianto sputtered but quickly recovered. "If you want to get rid of me badly there are other permanent options," the Welshman finished coldly.

"I am not trying to get rid of you!" Jack hissed. "We've been putting it off for months and they had another incursion this morning. Someone has to go."

"And it has to be me?" Ianto asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yes." Jack shuffled the papers on his desk, trying to keep his hands busy. "You know I can't spare Owen right now and let's face it Tosh or Gwen could never pull the work off. Torchwood 2 needs someone with field experience and someone who can show them how to organize and run a mission. The girls could teach the field experience but not the logistics of it all."

Ianto sighed in defeat. They had been discussing sending someone to Glasgow for months and Jack had mentioned it would either be him or Owen. They both guessed it would probably be Ianto from the beginning, leaving Torchwood 3 without a medic was never a good idea. "When do I need to be there?"

"Would you be ready to leave Sunday?" It was Friday afternoon. Ianto would have to bust his ass to be ready in less than 2 days.

"Brilliant," Ianto replied sardonically. "But I am taking the day to drive. I am not bloody going without my car for over a month."

"Whatever you need."

"Anything else Sir?" Ianto stood up from the chair facing Jack's desk and smoothed his pants.

"Ianto I…" Jack worried his lip in thought. He looked like he didn't have a clue how to phrase what he wanted to say. Ianto waited patiently. "Never mind. Take the rest of the day off to get yourself organized. Have a safe drive and I'll call every week for progress reports."

"Of course Sir. See you in a month and a half." For some odd reason Ianto kept expecting Jack to change his mind, to face his fears head on. But as the days stagnated by his hopes diminished. Maybe Jack was just too old and stubborn to ever change.

It was now 8 AM on Sunday morning and Ianto still hadn't finished packing. Though he knew part of the delay came from the hope that Jack might show up at his flat telling him he wanted to give Ianto a commitment. That the captain didn't want him to go to Glasgow just yet.

After putting off his departure as long as he dared, Ianto could tell Jack wasn't going to come and it had been silly to expect it in the first place.

TORCHWOOD

Week 1 Update:

"Jack they are hopeless! They're more interested in their experiments and books than learning drills. Why am I here?"

"Because I believe you can do it."

"Jack…"

Week 2 Update:

"So she overloaded the stun gun and knocked herself out for the rest of the day." Jack began to laugh raucously.

"Maybe I should have gone! It sounds like I'm missing the whole party."

"I'm constantly in stitches Sir." Ianto replied dryly.

Week 3 Update:

"How's Myfanwy?"

"She is pining for you. We all miss you. I miss you."

"Jack don't… Make sure you give her chocolate before bed. I have to go."

"Ianto wait!"

Week 4 Update:

"Jack I can't take them into the field like this! I think you and Archie need to face the facts, these people are not suitable for field work."

"When you first started you were a wreck in the field too. You need to give them a chance. Stop being so harsh."

"I may have been a wreck but at least I was willing to learn. You are wrong Jack, I can't do this."

Week 5 Update:

"You have reached the voicemail of Ianto Jones, please leave a detailed message and I will get back you as soon as possible."

"Ianto, it's Jack again. I know you're still pissed about last week but I still expect your update and on time. Call me when you get this."

TORCHWOOD

"What do you want?" Jack growled as Tosh hovered outside the captain's office.

"To know why you're in an even worse mood than the past 4 weeks. Honestly Gwen thinks you've gone round the bend." Tosh leaned against the doorframe, not daring to come in any further.

"You can inform her I have not gone round any bends. Now if you would kindly leave me to my paperwork." Jack went back to signing documents. Tosh guessed he wasn't even reading them. Ianto would have a fit when he got back.

"You're asking to be left with paperwork? Alright let's have it." Tosh said firmly. Jack continued to ignore her. "Ianto still pissed at you from last week?"

"He didn't call in for his weekly update and won't answer his phone." Jack threw his pen, giving up on the useless distraction.

"Honestly Jack, he probably got busy. You can't expect him to be on your beck and call all the time."

"I expect him to do his job."

Tosh gave Jack a sour look. "You're just pissed because you think he's ignoring you."

Jack took a deep breath trying to calm his nerves. He had hired Tosh for her quick wits and natural logic but he didn't appreciate when she used it on him. He knew she was right but would never admit it to anyone.

"Just tell him you miss him Jack."

"I did and he hung up on me." Jack replied gruffly. "There is nothing else I can do."

"It's always been within your hands to do something. He isn't going to wait around forever." Tosh said truthfully then left the office knowing Jack was in far too stubborn of a mood to be reasoned with.

"I know," Jack muttered to the empty space. "I know"

Jack brooded in his office until later that afternoon when his phone finally rang with Torchwood 2 on the caller ID.

Jack picked up the phone with an angry flourish. Ianto was going to get a piece of his mind. "About time you called in. When I say every Friday at 9 AM I don't mean 3 PM," Jack snarled. Things were off to a pleasant start.

"Jack it's Archie." Jack was startled out of his impending rage at the slightly off accent.

Jack switched his tone immediately. "Archie, what can I do for you? Sorry about the greeting but as you can tell I have been waiting for Ianto to call in all day."

"Don't be mad at him Jack. He wouldn't have been able to call in if he wanted. There was a field accident this morning," The other man said halfheartedly.

Jack felt his fingers go cold. He knew what Archie was going to say. Jack quickly sent Owen a SMS from his mobile telling the medic to get his gear together "How badly is he hurt? What are his exact injuries?"

"He's not on death's door yet but he is in pretty bad shape."

"Tell me," Jack insisted. "Owen needs to know. We are leaving as soon as I get off the phone."

Jack pulled a scrap of paper and pen towards him, ready to take as many notes as possible for Owen. "Massive blunt chest trauma. 4 cracked ribs, 2 broken, lung contusions and lacerations. Also a boatload of stitches where they pulled plywood out of him. Jack he got thrown into a bloody packing crate because my team couldn't learn a simple maneuver. Damn it, he kept telling us and we wouldn't listen!"

Jack grabbed the bridge of his nose in frustration. "We'll sort that shit out later. Owen and I have to leave now. SMS me the hospital address. I'll see you in three hours."

"Jack the drive is six and a half hours!"

"You've never seen me drive." Jack hung-up his phone, grabbed his mobile and coat then stormed out of his office yelling for Owen.

"Where's the fire?" Owen hollered back, coming out of the medical bay with multiple bags slung over his shoulders. Gwen and Tosh were huddled around Tosh's workstation

"Glasgow. Ianto was hurt on a field mission. Massive blunt chest trauma, get your shit together now. Tosh, Gwen you're holding down the fort."

"Jack there isn't anything I can do for him from here and by the time we get there he will already be treated." Owen started to drop some of his bags on the floor that contained trauma gear.

"I don't care," Jack hissed. "When we get there you will take over his care. Get whatever you have to put him back together."

Owen sighed in defeat know it was better not to argue with Jack when he was so angry. He only had a few pieces of alien medical equipment that would do any good. "Give me 5 minutes."

Owen turned around and leapt down the stairs. Gwen and Tosh hadn't moved an inch since Jack came from his office and still looking slightly shell shocked. "Jack," Gwen murmured, getting up to offer the captain comfort.

"It's fine Gwen," He replied brusquely, shaking off her hand. "Just tell me you can handle things here."

"Of course," Tosh interjected calmly, well she tried to sound calm for Jack's sake. It was anyone's guess how she really came off. "Do whatever you have to. Don't worry about us."

Jack nodded. "Owen hurry the fuck up!"

"I'm bloody coming!" Before Jack had the chance to yell again Owen was breaching the main level. "Is there any point in asking you to not try and get us there is a ridiculously short amount of time?"

"No," Jack said in a low voice and left for the parking garage, coattails flapping.

TBC