Raven grew up living next door to the Blake's. Their mother was always working, while Raven's mother was always drunk or AWOL. When she was three, she started going to their house more and more often. During the summer, Bell would take care of the girls. During the school year he'd pick them up from daycare. Raven probably wouldn't have survived young childhood if it weren't for them. They were the only family she really had. She would take a bullet for them. Having those feelings for Octavia from a young age probably explained why she hadn't truly realized that she was in love with her until O had her first boyfriend. They were only fourteen at the time, and Raven didn't know the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. She learned the difference pretty quickly, when Octavia came home from school talking about her new boyfriend.

Her heart had felt as if it had been ripped out of her body and shattered on the ground. Octavia was her's. She was her monkey. Raven didn't want to share her with some boy. Boys were gross anyway. They smelled bad, looked weird, and acted like idiots.

The older they got the harder she tried to push the feelings away. She didn't want to lose Octavia, and she knew that if she were to tell her how she felt, O would run away and never look back. The jealousy Raven felt whenever Octavia started dating a new guy never went away though. Raven could tell herself that Octavia wasn't really her's, but her heart didn't want to listen.

When Raven woke up, it was almost evening. The sun was low in the sky, and their room was getting darker by the minute. Octavia was sitting at the head of her bed, her back against the wall, and her feet hanging off the edge of the bed. Raven's head was in her lap, facing the bedroom. O had taken the time to cover Rae up with a blanket so she wouldn't get cold. Raven could hear her talking to someone, but she refused to actually open her eyes.

"…He's just so sweet. We walked around the park earlier this afternoon. He held my hand, bought me an ice cream. He's a really sweet guy." Octavia was explaining.

"Chocolate ice cream?" Clarke's voice asked.

"Is there really any other kind?" Octavia asked with a laugh.

"Well, I mean, most people would say yes. But I'm not most people… Tell me more about this boy. What's his name again?"

"Atom. Spelled like the atoms that make up everything. He's tall, dark, and handsome. His hair is a little long, not shaggy, but a few more inches and it could be. His eyes are the best color, kind of greyish blue. Like I said, we walked around the park, and he bought me an ice cream cone. We also went by the pond and fed the ducks. He holds doors open, not just for me, but for complete strangers. He took me to a nice place for lunch. That little Italian place downtown. He pulled my chair out for me. He was so sweet to the waitress, even though she accidentally spilled my water all over him. He even tipped her extra. I think I could fall in love with this boy." She said with a sigh.

Raven's jealousy was raging. Like a little green monster inside of her. What did this boy have that she didn't? Why couldn't O talk about her like that?

"He sounds dreamy." Lexa said, a little too dramatically. Raven was really starting to like that girl. She could see how they had a lot in common, plus, she couldn't exactly make those witty comments herself right now.

"He really is…" Octavia sighed again.

"Oh god, please keep it in your pants." Clarke said, Raven could practically hear her roll her eyes.

"I'm lucky enough to not have to suffer from having the male appendage. I don't know what I'd do if everyone could see whenever I was turned on by something."

"Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure that there's a puddle where you're sitting. I mean, if those sighs you're making are any indication." Clarke said with a laugh.

"Shut up, miss perfect!" Octavia snapped.

"I NEVER claimed to be perfect. That's always Raven's job." Clarke replied.

"Speaking of. What the hell happened to her?" Octavia asked, suddenly serious.

"She was mugged. She didn't have money, or even her phone. The guy had a gun to her, he pistol whipped her, that's how she got the shiner. She fell backwards when he hit her with his gun, and when she was on the ground he kicked her in the stomach a few times. Used a strategically placed kick on her brace, breaking the hinge and shoving a piece of metal into her leg. We took her to my mom's house. She's got a concussion, bruised ribs, and the nasty cut on her leg. The man stole her shoes." Clarke explained.

"Her shoes? Really? Those old things were cheap when she bought them. Now people would probably pay money to get them away from them. I mean, have you smelled her feet? It's awful!" Despite the jokes she was cracking, it was clear Octavia was upset. Her fingers had started to comb through Raven's hair ever so gently. Keeping her hands busy was one of her tells, whenever she was lying, upset, or worried about something. "Did you guys help her get back here?"

"Yeah, mom gave us a ride. We walked her up here. I think she was exhausted by that point. She was really quite the whole ride back." Clarke was moving around the room now. "Which closet is hers?"

"The one closest to the door, why?"

"Well, knowing Raven, she didn't dig her old brace out. I've got a feeling she's going to need it." Clarke was riffling through the closet now.

"Could you be any louder? You're going to wake her up." Octavia said with a small growl. Her fingers still moving idly in Raven's hair. They were soft and sure. Moving rhythmically on her scalp.

"She's been awake for the last five minutes." Clarke said with a shake of her head.

"What? How do you know that?" Octavia asked, fingers stilling.

"I got good at noticing when someone is fake sleeping. Lexa does it all the time so I'll scratch her back."

"Is that a euphemism?" Octavia asked, feigning disgust, fingers moving again.

"Ew, no. Why would I use that as a euphemism for anything? I mean, I'd straight up tell you if it meant that I had my hands down her pants. My fingers are magic…" Clarke proudly stated.

"Your mouth is better…" Lexa said matter-of-factly.

"Well, I guess I just learned way more than I ever wanted to know." Octavia said with a groan. "What about you, Raven?"

"I've seen how Clarke eats ice cream, I could've told you she was good with her mouth." Raven said with a laugh.

"Ewwwwwww. I don't know what's worse, them talking about it, or the fact that you pay attention to how people eat ice cream."

"Well, I mean, you'd probably be good with your mouth too." Raven said, groaning as she sat up. "What time is it?"

"About seven in the evening." Lexa told her. "You pay attention to how people eat their ice cream too?"

"Favorite pastime, you learn a lot about someone that way. " Raven said focusing on her. "Is that a box of pizza?"

"Yeah, we figured you would be hungry." Clarke said, emerging from the closet, brace in hand.

"Look who finally decided to come out of that damn closet." Raven said looking at Clarke.

"I've been out for ages." She responded, giving the girl a look that said she knew her friend was still in it. "Here's your brace. I'll warm you up some pizza. I know you hate it when it's cold. Have you had anything to drink today?"

"Alcoholic?"

"Anything, preferably nonalcoholic though."

"No, I haven't had anything at all to drink. My head would appreciate an alcoholic beverage though." Raven said slyly.

"Your concussion would beg to differ. I'll grab you a Gatorade while I'm at it." She said as she started moving around the room to get everything for the girl.

Raven started putting her old brace on her leg, grumbling quietly to herself. She hated this fucking brace. It was almost useless compared to the other one. It chaffed, it squeaked when she moved. It did its job, but it sucked at it. As soon as it was on, she stood up from the bed. "I'll be right back." She said heading across the room.

"Raven, where are you going?" A concerned Octavia asked.

"I haven't peed since last night. I'm going to explode. Do you need to follow me like a puppy?" Raven snipped at her.

"No…"

"Good. I'll be right back." She said, exiting the room and walking across the hall. She went into an empty stall and sighed. She shouldn't have been so hard on Octavia. When she exited the stall, she almost ran into Lexa. "Do you make it a habit to stand right outside occupied bathroom stalls when there are ten empty ones?"

"Only when there's someone I want to talk to in the occupied one." She looked at Raven concerned. "You're gay." It wasn't a question.

"Are you going to let me past? I'd like to wash my hands, please."

"You're gay, and you're in love with your best friend. A friend who likes boys…" She stated.

"It's not like I'm thinking about jumping her or something. I've known her my entire life."

"You're still in the closet. Is that with everyone?"

"It's not anyone's business if I'm straight or gay." Raven said angrily.

"No, it's not, you're right. But I want to know if you've even come to terms with it yourself?"

"What do you mean?" Raven asked haughtily.

"I mean, obviously you know you like girls. But have you come to terms with it? Most people who are still hiding in the closet, when they don't have to worry about what others will think of them, are hiding from themselves. It's not true for everyone, don't get me wrong, I just… Raven, why are you hiding?"

"It's not anyone's business." She said turning the water off, walking toward the paper towels. "Can we stop talking about this?" It was striking a nerve with her. She didn't feel like talking anymore. They walked back across the hall and into the room. Clarke had set the plate with pizza on Octavia's bed. Raven sat down and started eating the food like someone who had been starved for days would. In a matter of minutes she had demolished the two slices of pizza and all of the Gatorade. She stretched like a cat and made a content sound.

"We should probably go. I'm glad you're feeling better, Raven." Clarke said standing.

"Thanks for coming over. It means a lot." Octavia said standing up, moving to hug Clarke and Lexa.

"Any time." Lexa said, as they headed towards the door. "Same goes to you Raven. If you ever need to talk, we're a call away."

"Yeah, yeah." Raven snorted.

They left the room and Octavia turned on Rae. "Why are you being so rude to Lexa?"

"It's none of your business, O." Raven said standing up.

"It is my business. You're my business. She's a sweet girl." She said, defending her.

"Why do you always do that?" Raven growled.

"Do what?"

"Defend everyone but me!" She yelled, voice breaking.

Silence.

Silence so loud it was almost deafening. Raven could feel the tears threatening to spill. Her throat was on fire. There was a lump larger than a golf ball, making it impossible to swallow. She was staring at Octavia, her eyes drilling holes in O. Logic told her she was wrong. Octavia defended her friend whenever she needed to. She hadn't attacked Rae when she was being rude to Lexa, only asked a simple question. That's the thing about Raven's brain. It didn't care about logic. At the moment she was hurt, she was worried, and she was afraid of what Lexa had brought up. Raven was afraid of losing Octavia. But she was pushing her away by being a dick to her.

"Raven, I-" She started.

"Don't." Was all that she got out. The word was broken.

"Talk to me. Please. I'm so tired of fighting with you." She begged.

"Maybe it's for the best." Raven whispered, barely audible.

"How could that be for the best?"

"Because… Because…. Maybe it'll hurt less." She choked.

"Hurt less than what?" Octavia sounded desperate now.

"I love you, Octavia." The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.

"I know, Raven, you're like my sister."

"No… Not like that. I'm in love with you, Octavia. I love the way you look in the morning, before you've showered and brushed your hair. I love how sleepy and warm you are before you've had your morning coffee. I love the way you whine when you're cold and you want to cuddle and watch a movie. I love how grumpy you get when you're hungry. I love the way you shake your butt when you're up to bat during softball season. I love how you have to cover your eyes when people in the television do something embarrassing and you feel bad for them. I love how you get so protective of everyone. I love how you're always there, helping me even though I don't want to admit that I need you. I love you." Raven said, tears falling down her cheeks. She bit her lip, shaking her head.