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*****
Previously…
"I'll see you tomorrow, Esme."
She had a dazed expression cross her face as she looked up at me.
"I'm looking forward to it, Carlisle. Thanks for today."
"Thank you, Esme. Thank you. I've got to go."
I backed out of the room looking at her beautiful face the entire time. As I got to the door I put my fingers to my lips, and she did the same. We smiled at each other and feeling as though I were floating, I left my office.
I had never felt like this before, ever, and the sensations were so very new to me. As I walked into the Emergency Ward the trauma was just coming in. I immediately switched into Doctor mode and began tending to my patient, with the memories of my angel ever present in my mind.
****
"May I help you?"
"Yes, I'm here to see Doctor Cullen. I'm a little early."
"Do you have an appointment?"
"Yes. I'm to see him at 8:30."
"Just have a seat, Miss, and he'll be out in a few minutes."
I was in my office and could hear the dialogue that had just taken place. This was going to be the most difficult evening of my existence to date. I knew what I had to do, and if it were possible, it would be killing me. I hung up my lab coat, put my overcoat on as I tapped the pocket making sure that the letter was inside and put a brave smile on my face. I walked down the hall and saw a brilliant smile greeting me.
"Good evening, Miss Platt."
She stood carefully, supported by her crutches as I approached her.
"Good evening Doctor Cullen. I'm a little early; please don't rush on my account."
"You're perfect. I just finished up the last bit of my paperwork and I'm finished for the night. Are you ready?"
"Absolutely. Where are we going?"
"I have a favorite place to go when the night is clear like this. I hope you'll like it."
"I'm sure I will."
I walked to the door and held it open for her as I turned to the Nurses at the desk.
"It's been a pleasure, ladies."
"For us as well, Doctor. Take care and keep in touch."
I moved quickly to the second door and held it open for Esme to pass through. Once we were outside she looked up at me with questioning eyes.
"What did you mean when you just said 'it's been a pleasure'?"
I smiled at her.
"Why don't you sit here for a moment and I can go get my car and bring it around for you. I'll explain everything when we get where we're going, Esme. I promise."
She smiled and nodded her head.
"Alright, Carlisle. I trust you."
She sat on the bench just beside the front door as I ran at human speed to get my car. I drove it quickly to the front doors and walked to the passenger side to help her get in. After ensuring that she was secure in my car I got in to the driver's side and we began our drive. We reached our destination in about 20 minutes, not saying much on the ride. When I put the car in park she gasped. Immediately I became concerned.
"What is it, Esme? Are you in pain?"
She shook her head.
"What is it? How can I help you?"
"I've been thinking since we got in the car, Carlisle."
"I knew something was brewing in your mind, Esme. What is it?"
She didn't speak for a long moment, and then she spoke quietly – her voice cracking during her expression of her thoughts.
"You're leaving aren't you?"
"What ever makes you think that?"
She turned to look at me, and it was then that I saw it. The tears that I saw when I first met her were from physical pain, but I know that these tears are from something totally different. I held my hand up to brush them away slowly, letting the memory of her delicate skin be forever etched in my fingertips.
"The nurses at the hospital. They said to keep in touch. That means that you're leaving, because they wouldn't say that if you were going on a vacation. Please tell me the truth."
I grasped her hand with mine and sighed. I exited the car and walked to her side helping her out.
"You won't need your crutches, Esme. I'll carry you."
"Carlisle, please."
"I can't bring myself to think about this just yet, Esme. Please, just enjoy this time with me if you care to."
She smiled sadly at me and nodded her head.
"Alright."
I picked her up in my arms and closed the car door with my hip. It shook the car a little too much, as the force I used was, well, quite a lot. Neither of us seemed to care though. I walked to the clearing at the top of the path and she gasped.
"Carlisle, this is beautiful."
I set her down gently, not wanting to hurt her leg or any other part of her.
"I like to come here at night when I'm finished work to unwind from the hectic pace of the day. It's very peaceful up here."
"It is, Carlisle. The view is spectacular."
We were sitting just near the edge of the cliff that faced the river that ran through town. The sun had set and it was twilight, the most beautiful yet somber time of the day for me. There was a slight breeze and as I sat beside Esme I drank in her scent. She amazed me and I couldn't bring myself to change her. I knew what I had to do, and it was going to be the most difficult thing I've ever had to do in my existence. She kept looking out over the edge, but her hand managed to work its way to mine. Her gentle touch startled me slightly, but I was soothed by the fact that she wanted to touch me. I held her hand gently and we sat there for what had to be hours watching the stars, listening to the sounds of nature and enjoying the stillness. Over the course of our time we had both lay down in the grass, our hands still connected. It was the most comfortable and yet painful position I had ever been in. It had to be midnight when she began to yawn.
"Esme, let me take you home. You're exhausted."
She shook her head frantically.
"No, Carlisle. I don't want you to take me home. If you take me home you're going to leave and then I'll be all alone. I don't want that. I don't want to think that I'm never going to see you again, I couldn't bear that."
"Esme, Doctor Jackson is a fully capable physician, and he will be more than willing to take care of you."
She turned and looked at me, silent tears streaming down her face.
"Carlisle, I don't care about my leg."
"You should, Esme. I promise you that he's a competent Doctor."
"Carlisle, for being so incredibly smart you're being really stupid."
I was confused by her statement.
"I don't understand what you mean, Esme."
She moved closer to me and as she did and rested her head on my right shoulder. Instinctively I wrapped my arm around her and did what I had been wanting to do from the first time I met her. I pressed my lips gently against her forehead then I whispered to her.
"Esme, I don't have a choice."
She whispered back in response.
"Yes you do, Carlisle. You always have a choice."
I closed my eyes firmly as I inhaled her scent, my fingers running through her caramel colored waves gently.
"Esme, you're a beautiful young woman and I care very much for you."
"As I do you, Carlisle."
This made me smile.
"I have to go. It's going to be better this way."
"Better for whom?"
"Better for everyone, my sweet. You're going to become the best art teacher there is, I know it, and you're going to meet a man that will be able to give you everything that you want out of life."
"Carlisle, I know what I want out of life. I know WHO I want in my life."
I can't believe that she is saying this to me right now. Why does this have to be so difficult?
"Esme, I should take you home. I know that your parents must be getting worried about you."
She sat up, a wave of defeat washing over her.
"Ok."
She attempted to stand and she almost fell over, but I caught her just before she fell on the ground.
"Please, Carlisle. Let me walk."
"Esme, if you do one last thing for me, please let me remember how it felt to carry you."
She looked at me and sighed as she nodded her head. I picked her up in my arms and with painfully slow steps I carried her back to the car. After making sure she was secure, I drove her back to her house. The drive was tense, but I made sure that her hand was held in mine the entire way. I parked in the driveway to her farmhouse, and turned off the front lights. I turned to her and saw the tears falling yet again.
"Carlisle, please don't go."
I ran my fingers along her cheek.
"I have to, love."
She nodded her head.
"Alright then."
I looked at her and smiled slightly.
"Would it be too forward to ask you if I might kiss you?"
"No, it wouldn't be too forward."
"Esme Platt, would you give me the honor of allowing me a kiss?"
She nodded her head slowly as we moved close to each other. When our lips touched it felt like nothing I had ever felt before; something I would remember for the rest of my existence. I brought my hands up to the sides of her face and held her still for a moment, wanting to memorize every agonizing second of this moment. She pulled away from me as she needed a breath.
"I should go."
I nodded my head.
"As I should as well. Please be careful, Esme."
"I will. Can I write to you?"
I smiled.
"I will write to you once I know where I'll be, I promise."
Dear God, this is killing me.
"Be careful, Carlisle. I'll miss you more than you know."
With that she leaned in and gave me a very quick peck on the cheek, then hobbled out of my car on her crutches. As I watched her walk up the driveway I realized that I had forgotten to give her the letter that was in my pocket.
Damn. I'll send it in the mail tomorrow.
As I watched her enter her house and close the door behind her, I almost felt tears falling from my eyes. My angel was gone from my life, and it was killing me.