Chapter 6: A Token of Affection

(Set during 2x03)

Merlin froze as he heard Morgana's voice inside Gauis' chambers – hovering outside as he listened to her confess her greatest fears to the physician – hearing her worry that she'd been the one to set fire to her chambers and that she thought it was magic. The young man felt shocked as he overheard the conversation although he really wasn't sure why. He already knew she had magic and had suspected that it was rather more than a few prophetic nightmares, due to that warm, humming sensation he felt every time he and Morgana got too close.

Perhaps it was simply hearing her saying it or maybe the surprise was due to the way Gaius appeared to be so easily dismissing it. Why would the old man not give her the same comfort and reassurance that he had offered him?

He confronted Gaius about it later on and was shocked at how reluctant the old man seemed about helping her but, to be honest, Merlin was torn and confused too. Having set his own strict restrictions about seeing Morgana, he now felt guilty about leaving her to figure all of this out on her own. Despite the temptations, despite those extra risks, he knew he couldn't simply ignore her and so, suddenly determined, he went out to pick some flowers and then took them up to her chambers.

There was one worrying moment when Merlin ran into Arthur in the corridor on his return and had to hastily hide the flowers behind his back. That was exactly why he had called an end to their little dalliances – neither Arthur nor Uther could find out his true feelings. Neither could know about what had been going on between them.

He did wonder if Gwen suspected something though. The small smile on his friend's face as he handed the flowers over seemed rather too knowing, but then she and Morgana were very close, and he remembered how the girls had been back in Ealdor; gossiping and giggling about the boys they liked. Merlin wasn't sure whether to be amused or embarrassed by the look his friend threw his way as she promised to ensure that Morgana knew who the token was from, but at least he knew he didn't have to worry about anything as far as Gwen was concerned. She wouldn't judge either of them for their mad feelings, of that he was quite certain.

~o~0~o~

Merlin was just clearing up for the night when Morgana burst into the physician's chambers in her nightdress, her face pale and eyes wild.

"Is Gaius here?" she asked and Merlin muttered a denial, worrying for all sorts of reasons as she came towards him, moving far too close to him, as usual. Again he was torn – knowing that Morgana was genuinely scared and not wanting to deny her some comfort but, at the same time, being all too aware of the impropriety of the situation and just where this conversation was likely to lead.

And, although Merlin really, truly wanted to help her, Gaius' warnings were still in the back of his mind as well as his own reluctance to get close to her physically. As he stuttered a non committal reply to her question, he suspected she thought him afraid of the idea of her having magic in the first place rather than being nervous of the outcome of the conversation or any more physical comfort he was sorely tempted to give her right now.

Either way, she definitely sensed his coolness and seemed offended and upset by it, running out of the chambers before he had really managed to make up his own mind about what to say.

When had things become so complicated?

~o~0~o~

He didn't know why he even bothered with the dragon any more. It had been obvious from their previous meeting that he was only interested in his freedom and nothing else, but for him to be so rude about Morgana, so dismissive. Merlin was cross now – at Gaius, Uther and the dragon. Perhaps Morgana had been right when she complained about the different rules for females. Before, when she'd mentioned it, he'd only thought of the lack of romantic freedom a lady like her had in comparison to someone like Arthur, but maybe this was part of what she had been talking about too. Perhaps there was some old-fashioned reason why Gaius and the dragon thought she would be less able to cope with the truth simply because she was a girl.

Which was totally stupid, he quickly decided.

Then, the perfect opportunity presented itself. Uther's determination to seek out all those associated with the Druids gave Merlin a chance to peek at Arthur list of suspects and find someone who could give him the information he needed – even if he nearly gave himself away yet again as Arthur quizzed him about Morgana's flowers whilst he was trying to read the piece of parchment.

Anyway, that was a problem that he could deal with later. For now, Merlin was certain he'd found the perfect solution, no matter what Gaius said. By telling Morgana where the Druids were, she could find out what she needed to know without him having to interact with her too much. All he had to do was find an excuse to visit her once in order to explain the plan, and then he could leave the rest up to her.

~o~0~o~

Morgana seemed surprised to see him. Well, considering the fact that he'd vowed not to deliver her potions any more her reaction probably wasn't that unexpected. Then she instantly asked him to forget what she'd said before, denying it.

"What about the Druids?" Merlin asked. "They help people like you."

"None of their kind would dare show their face in Camelot," she responded.

"No. But I know where you can find them."

"What? Where? How do you know?"

"I've drawn you a map, look," he answered quickly, pulling the piece of parchment out from inside his clothes and quite obviously avoiding her questions in the process. "If you go there, if you talk to them, perhaps they can give you the answers you seek."

"Thank you, Merlin. You risk a lot by bringing me this information."

"That's true," he admitted with a grin. "You are a dangerous lady to me, Morgana, in more ways than one."

She smiled back. "And yet you find yourself unable to stay away?"

It seemed that they were back to the flirting again. He only came here to deliver the potion and map, nothing more. "Apparently so." He walked to the table to put both items down, unrolling the map so she could see it but, inevitably, Morgana used this as an excuse to come right up next to him, leaning in close.

He caught her scent and found the room spinning slightly; feeling her magic hum to his. He had just planned to come here quickly, give her the map and get out – nothing more – but apparently it wasn't going to be that easy.

They were close again. Very close. He was vaguely aware of her whispering another, 'thank you,', obviously distracted as she turned towards him and placed a hand on his arm, moving it slowly up and down – stroking gently. Merlin focused hard on the idea of moving away from her but found himself taking a small step forward instead, his own hand now on her sleeve and mimicking her movements, stroking up her forearm, her upper arm and then to her shoulder. Her eyes sparkled – a warning sign he knew – as she moved both her hands to his chest looking up at him, her eyes inviting him to kiss her. His eyes travelled in turn to the same area of her body and she smiled as he caught her eye, both of them thinking the same thing.

"I dare you to copy this move," she whispered as her hands started to move, gently massaging his chest.

"M-morgana."

"I know you want to. I see how often your eyes wander there."

"S-sorry."

"You're hardly the only man to be found guilty of such a crime," she replied and then laughed brightly as she saw him glare at her comment. "Jealous, Merlin?"

He shook his head as he tried to dismiss the memory of comments he'd heard, the looks he'd seen men throw her way when she wasn't looking. Merlin hated that they reacted that way around her but knew, deep down, that he was no better, his thoughts about Morgana just as naughty.

"We've had this conversation before …. we mustn't."

"I know, but you did say you wanted to get your own back, didn't you? If we're going to end this…" She paused and then laughed. "Whatever this is, at least we should do so on an even footing. Come on, Merlin. Call it pay back for the alcove, call it payment for this map if you'd prefer." She stood up and kissed him on the cheek, her lips lingering there, her chest pressed against his, tempting him further. She sighed deeply when he still didn't move and, with a shake of her head, gently lifted his left hand off her arm and moved it slowly towards the tempting curve of her breast. Merlin didn't fight it, watching wide eyed as his fingers reached her chosen destination and trying to commit the experience to memory; the feel of the silk against his skin, the pliable softness of her breast as he opened his hand to cup it, the way it moved under his fingers as he gently squeezed.

Morgana gasped then, moving closer instead of pulling away as he expected. Her head was at just the right height to reach his neck and she used this as an excuse to kiss it, suckling gently as he grew bolder and started to caressed her right breast, whilst she pressed the left side of her body against his, still kissing his neck.

"D-don't leave a mark," he urged.

"Why not? What's the point of you wearing those ridiculous neckerchiefs otherwise?"

"Hey!"

She giggled at his indignation but there were no more words for a while, just their mutual breathing sounding short and fast as both continued to explore through various layers, untin one of Morgana's hands found its way up Merlin's shirt and his fingers, in turn, began to tease under the top of her bodice.

"Really … must … stop..." Merlin whispered hoarsely.

"I don't want you to."

"If anyone finds me in here..." He took a deep breath and took a very deliberate step away from her. The move felt harder than standing on his head would.

"You're right, of course," she accepted. "As you were the previous times you warned me. I don't want to put you in danger."

"We really do have to stop doing this. Arthur's already suspicious."

"He is?" she asked fearfully.

"He knows I brought you the flowers earlier and he … misinterpreted the reason."

She couldn't help grinning at this. "Really? Are you sure about that, Merlin? Are you sure he misinterpreted?"

He smiled back. "Well, perhaps he wasn't that far off but, still..." He left it hanging with a shrug.

"But still..." she finished. "We have to stop denying that there's something between us."

He frowned. "That's not what I meant."

"No, seriously, Merlin. There's no point saying it's nothing and promising that things can continue as normal."

"What do you mean?"

"We have to accept that there is an attraction here – something strong. Only then can we hope to do something about it."

"Such as?"

"After this, after today, there should be no more reason for you to see me. We will not mention magic, you will find every excuse under the sun not to deliver my potions, and we should both go back to as much formality as we can manage in the presence of others. In reality there is little reason for us to interact at all. I know that I'm used to being informal with Gwen and you with Arthur but, in reality, our situation is very different and we should act accordingly."

"I know, but it is a shame to lose your friendship. To be so formal when … when we have so much in common."

"Perhaps later things will be different. Perhaps when Arthur is king?" Morgana suggested but Merlin frowned, still not happy at how easily she seemed able to say that. Had she learnt nothing from her encounter with Tauren?

She moved forward once more, standing on tip toes and kissed his lips very gently. "Thank you, Merlin. For the map, for being so understanding about … things. For being my friend."

"I am still your friend, Morgana," he said with a small bow, "Even if I can no longer admit to it." Then he quietly left her chambers, hoping she would find what she was looking for.

~o~0~o~

Next Time: Morgana is feeling bored and frustrated, and becoming obsessed by intriguing messages.

A/N: Morgana's last comment is setting up an excuse for why there is little interaction between the pair for the next several episodes of the show and why I could find no reason to develop their relationship further until … well, until the next chapter ;)

~o~0~o~

27/3/13