Beirbeck beta'd.

Irritable Grizzzly owns me. She fixed this whole damn thing.

Songs & outfit are linked on my profile (if u like that kinda thing).

(P.S. It really sets the mood to listen to the songs at end of chapter, you'll know when...)

~*V*~

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: That word is love.

~Sophocles

~*V*~

I'm not sure how long Esme and I sat there wrapped in our little cocoon of silence. The song she sung had long ended and another had begun as she stayed quiet.

My legs were tucked under me and I was still crouched on the floor beside her with my head in her lap. Her hands continued to caress my hair as only a mother could.

I felt her shift slightly and her hand moved to the table next to the couch. She picked up a remote of sorts, and then I heard a low-pitched buzz. Some of the windows automatically opened up around us and the hum of the music was gone. I lifted my head in amazement as the breathtaking scenery before us was now open and inviting. I closed my eyes to savor the bouquet of pine and forest. The sounds of the gentle breeze rattling the tall tree tops, and the stream babbling its familiar language to the rocks as it flowed by surrounded us.

Then I heard the familiar sound of Mr. McSnoreyPants waking from his nap. He mumbled "Me-me" before he climbed into Esme's lap and laid his head on her chest. She wrapped her weak arms around him and held him as long as he would let her, pebbling his crimson locks with showers of kisses.

I started to get up so I could get closer to the open window, at the same time Ethan yelled, "Bub" and Edward appeared in the doorway. He watched me stand and his brow seemed to question what in the world I was doing on the floor. He mouthed "you okay?" and I nodded my head. I swallowed hard and thought about how okay I actually was. Edward placed his hand on my back and trailed his fingers around my waist as he passed me on his way over to his mother and Ethan.

I shivered as his touch left me and I glanced at him. His eyes filled with affection and admiration for his two loves before him. Simple touches never meant so much to me as they did now. I guess doing without makes you appreciate the small intimacies, no matter how miniscule they are.

I walked over to the window and let my face warm from the few sun rays that broke through the confines of the clouds. The breeze was mild and the sound of sparse birds chirping throughout the forest was calming.

I wiped away all remnants of tears that had slowly wet my face. No sobbing, no bawling, not even really crying – just sluggish, heavy salt water droplets that spilled over from too much sentiment, too much... feeling.

I folded my arms around each other and rubbed at my forearms.

Esme announced that she and Ethan were going downstairs to grab a bite to eat. Edward offered to carry Ethan for her and she swatted at his hand, telling him she was quite capable. Ethan could walk and hold his Me-Me's hand, she declared. Edward threw his hands up in surrender as she slowly rose from her chaise lounge and Ethan stuck right to her thigh.

"You need to show Bella around," she demanded and then winked at him. Edward chuckled at her bossiness and shook his head. His hands were crammed in the pockets of his dark jeans and he was looking down as his crossed feet.

He suddenly appeared shy and uneasy, like he was out of his element. I took a step toward him and the open window. I bumped his elbow with mine as I stood on my tip-toes to peer out. He looked up at me with his head still bent down.

"So how did it go? You know, with my mom?" He removed his hands from his pockets and came to stand behind me and the open window. He opened his arms wide and placed one on each side of the window pane boxing me in. The breeze whipped between us and caused his scent to swirl around me, encasing me like a tornado. I discretely closed my eyes and breathed him in.

"She's one magnificent woman, Edward. She's brave, wise, elegant, I mean, I can only pray to someday be half the woman she is." I glanced up to be enraptured by his olive orbs that reflected a deep intensity that caused me to quickly look away.

"You shouldn't always be so down on yourself Bella." He said still looking at me as I watched him out of the corner of my eye. He let one extended arm fall behind me and stroke the length of my back. He then stopped at the small of my back to rest his hand before leaning forward to ask me if I was ready for my tour.

I excitedly nodded my head and he lead me through the hall, down a spiral staircase and out into the back yard.

As soon as we reached the edge of the patio, I slipped off my Birkie's. Edward laughed as I wiggled my painted toes before stepping onto the soft sod. I shrugged and he followed suit, taking off his shoes and placing them beside mine.

His hands were shoved in his pockets again as we began to walk through the massive, beautifully manicured lawn. My steps a little quicker than his, I would stop and wait on him as I looked around in awe.

"Bella, you lived in Forks most of your life, why do you act like this is the first time you've ever been here?" Edward questioned as we walked toward the small stream.

"It seems so different to me. I don't remember Forks ever looking like this! Maybe it's because I've lived in the city for so long and I don't get to see a view like this often. Or maybe it's that I'm finally all grown up and mature and ...I actually can appreciate it now. Who knows, but I feel like I'm visiting a foreign place and experiencing unknown land under my feet."

It was true. I don't remember Forks looking like an image straight out of my dreams. The air was crisp and clean. The grass was vibrant and soft. The deep forest was inviting and protective. I only wished I would have relished it then. But then again, maybe it was the allure of Edward and the Cullens. Their home, their love and respect for each other, their appreciation for me. They could turn my darkest dreams into visions of fairies and unicorns.

We reached the bank of the stream and I picked up a flat rock and skipped it across the shallow water. Edward bent down and let the water ripple through his fingers. I bravely stuck my toes in and squealed when I felt how cold the water was.

We continued on our walk along the edge of the forest and Edward began to talk about some of his favorite memories here as a child. I let his memories play through my mind, grinning like a fool the whole time.

We came to one of the many flower beds that were placed throughout the backyard. The conversation I just had with Esme foremost in my thoughts as I approached the blanket of flowers. I brushed each petal within my reach. I took note of the variety of textures and patterns. I leaned forward and sniffed every type of flower present. Then as I worked my way down, I stood before the multitude of rose bushes growing in the corner of the garden. There were pink Mary roses and cream mermaid brute roses growing beside white Nancy Steele late roses and beautiful, vibrant red roses.

Edward had walked on in front of me and was looking at a bird's nest tucked in a small tree. I glimpsed from the roses to Edward and then back again. I held back touching the roses, not necessarily fearing the thorns, but just not... touching. The thorns were mocking me, daring me to go ahead, let go and just … feel. I balled my fists as I looked at Edward again. He turned to smile at me and it brought tears to my eyes as I smiled back. There was no doubting that Edward was my rose, he was something I yearned to reach out and embrace. I wanted to pull him close and delight myself in him.

But I couldn't.

I wouldn't.

If only he wasn't my client, or more importantly, one of my few, closest friends. The thorns that were woven around my heart would keep him at a distance. I couldn't draw him in any closer. The pain would be too much.

But that wouldn't stop me from wishing that he could at least be the friend I needed him to help me free my soul from the lonely hiding place it dwelled. Maybe he holds the powerful clippers that could prune my thorns from my heart. .

I turned away from him and dried my tears. I took a deep breath and went to join Edward in admiring the small nest. Then suddenly I stopped, and a rise of fear assaulted my thoughts. I realized we had no way to communicate with Esme.

What if she needed us?

"What?" Edward asked, looking at me strangely.

"Your mother. What if she needs us? Ethan?" I rambled in a hushed tone, almost as if I was too scared to say the words.

"Don't worry Bella. I've got it covered. She has a pager. Ya know, like 'I've fallen and I can't get up' type thing. It will call mine and Emmett's cell and it will also dial my dad, the hospital and 911."

"Oh," I mouthed as we continued on our path, shaking off my unnecessary fears.

We reached the weeping willow and I skipped over to plop my big butt in the bench swing. I motioned with my head for Edward to join me and patted the empty spot beside me.

"So tell me Rico Suave, how many girls have you brought home to meet your parents?" I cringed as I saw Edward scoff at my question. I didn't think before I spoke and that sounded really bad. I quickly tried to clean up my word vomit.

"I mean, I know you didn't bring me here for that reason... um, and..." I puffed out my cheeks and blew the air out loudly as I tucked my hands under my legs. "Sorry, you don't have to answer that, it's none of my business. I was just thinking how welcoming your mother was and... damn."

"No," Edward laughed, "I don't mind. I just didn't expect to hear you ask THAT. It's almost embarrassing to answer, but it was the summer right after we graduated high school. For my graduation present I got to spend two weeks in Hawaii. A few days before I was to return home, I met this chick from California. I was crushin' pretty hard on her, and we were leaving to fly back to the mainland at the same time, so I invited her here for a few days."

He groaned loudly before continuing on. "Big mistake! In the first forty-eight hours, she'd hit on my Dad before she made a pass at my mother. Emmett then walked in on her going through my dresser drawers while I was in the shower. Needless to say we called her a cab within the hour."

I tried not to laugh at his situation, so I tucked my lips into my teeth. Edward kicked off the ground and we started swinging. "Really, it's been that long ago?"

"Yes, it ended in disaster, remember. Damaged me for life." He shook his head and looked up at the sky with a sad look on his face. He glanced down at me before playfully squeezing my knee. Just then I realized Edward is the touchy-feely type. Me likey.

"I'm kidding. No one has been special enough to bring home since, and what's-her-face back then wasn't really worth it either." Edward said as he kept up our swinging.

"Um, Hello!" I said as I pointed both hands to myself. "Special!" I declared before I whispered, "Just jokin', seriously." I shook my head and tucked my hands back under my legs.

Edward chuckled, "Yes, you're right, that didn't include you. You are special Bella."

I didn't look over at him to see if he was kidding or not. I just needed to change the conversation. Quickly.

"May I ask, Edward, what caused you to change so much? I remember back in high school you...uh, how do I say it? Got around. You know, withtheladies. You seem so different now? Why?"

He stared off in the distance and bit his bottom lip. He then swung one arm behind me on the bench and turned toward me slightly.

"Well, honestly in school I had a certain image to maintain. I didn't ask for it, but I didn't fight against it either. Being Mr. Stud Muffin was just who I was." He snickered as I huffed and rolled my eyes.

"Seriously though, I just followed along with what everyone expected of me. I let popular vote determine whom I dated and who I took to Prom, Homecoming, parties. I was pretty pathetic back then. If I could, I'd go back and change it. There was a whole other side of me my so-called 'friends' never knew. It's just how it was."

We sat there not saying anything for a few minutes. I was kinda shocked Edward admitted he was like a puppet in school. I wouldn't have guessed that in a million years, he just seemed to always have it together. All perfect... and cool... and ...dreamy.

"We'd better head in. Ethan will have Mom tuckered out in no time. If you hadn't noticed, she's a tad bit on the stubborn side. She won't admit when she's had enough of him." We started walking back to the house.

When we got to the door Edward reached for the door handle but stopped to look at me. "Sometime soon, I'd like to share with you some more about the things I enjoyed back then -- in high school. The real me. The side few knew. "

He raised his eyebrows and shrugged his shoulders waiting on my answer.

"I'd love to know that Edward Cullen," I all but gushed.

I was puzzled at what about him could have been so much different?

We ventured inside, and for the rest of the evening everything was pleasant and relaxing. We ordered delivery pizza for supper and Ethan ate his favorite, a pb&j sandwich. Esme, Edward and I scrunched up together on the couch in the living room to watch the newest Disney DVD while Ethan crawled back and forth on top of us all.

Once Edward raised both of his arms to hug the back of the couch, one behind me and the other behind Esme, and within minutes Ethan jumped right on Edwards unguarded jewels, doubling him over in pain. Esme and I held back our giggles as Ethan still hung like a monkey onto Edward's neck.

Before the movie was over, Ethan was asleep nuzzled in between Edward and me, and Esme was fighting dozing off. I sat there wondering how I was going to get home.

I should have never even thought about it because seconds later my cell phone rang. It was dad offering to pick me up. He was passing by the neighborhood on his way home from patrol. He told me to meet him in the driveway in about five minutes.

I quickly said my goodbye to Esme, not knowing when I would see her again, but hoping it would be soon. I kissed Ethan's cheek and then another small peck on his forehead before Edward offered to walk me out.

Here it was again, awkwardness. This time we were on Edward's porch, not mine. I bit at my bottom lip as we stood there under the dim light of Edward's castle – I mean, uh -- house.

Edward took a step closer to me. Once again he put his arms around my back to pull me in and hug me. Just a simple, friendly hug. I wrapped my arms around his torso and hugged him in return. I closed my eyes as I rested my cheek against his chest. He whispered thanks into my hair and I nodded my head. I knew he was talking about Esme. I softly spoke 'you're welcome' and we swayed back and forth in our little hug bubble. This was another one of those small gestures that I couldn't get enough of.

Edward was making me come to terms with how lonely I actually was.

We released each other as I heard Charlie's cruiser turning onto Edward's street, but not before I felt Edward kiss the top of my head. If it wasn't so dark outside he would have seen the rush of blood staining my cheeks. I looked down as I smiled to myself; it meant more to me that he would ever know.

~*V*~

The ride back to Mom and Dad's was spent in silence. Dad had his scanner turned up so we listened to Sue Clearwater chat with the other cops, relaying information and telling jokes.

Riding in the cruiser with my father brought back many a memory. Most were pleasant, it always made me feel important until I became a teenager then I was mortified to be seen in it.

Thankfully, Dad could sense my heavy heart and didn't even try and make small talk. I just stared out of the window, replaying the ups and downs of the day.

When I walked into the house, I hugged them both with sincerity. Even though I distanced myself from them, I still didn't want to lose them. I secretly vowed to be a better daughter, involving myself more in their lives. When the time came, I wanted no regrets. They must have understood my motives. I heard no snarky comments or belittling questions, they both returned my embrace with love. I excused myself for the night and crawled into the comfort of my old bed. I pulled the covers over my head and sang myself to sleep, trying to sort the cluster of emotions that had accumulated in my soul.

~*V*~

The next morning was spent with my folks and I back to our normal badgering. We sat around the kitchen table conversing over a late breakfast before we moved into the living room to watch football. Dad had asked about Esme's health, and I explained the best I could. He said he regretted not telling me to send her well wishes from him and I promised to pass them on to Edward.

Edward called to say he and Ethan would be at my house about two o'clock, and to make sure I would be ready. I was bracing myself for him to meet my parents, and the undeniable embarrassment that would ensue.

Yet, they surprised me.

When Edward and Ethan arrived, they were on their best behavior. My mother was immediately enamored with Ethan and Dad started easy conversation with Edward, asking about his family before the talk of professional sports began.

I sat back and watched. I was proud of them. Then again I realized I hadn't brought another guy here since Mike, and that was so many moons ago. They probably forgot how to embarrass me and I was soooo thankful.

Edward kept glancing at me during my dad's harangue and I mouthed 'I'm sorry' every time our eyes met. He would gently shake his head and laugh at Charlie's banter.

I joined Renee & Ethan on the couch. She was trying to keep him still with a few toys Edward had brought in. It wasn't working. Ethan crawled over into my lap as soon as I sat down and his hands went into the back of my hair to twirl it around his tiny hand. It was something new he had started a few days ago. Whenever I hold him, he plays with my hair, sometimes until he falls asleep. He must already be tired. He laid his head on my chest and I gave him a squeeze. He discontinued his fidgeting and relaxed in my lap.

Edward and Charlie were soon standing over us and mom was admiring me holding Ethan. I swear I think she was about to cry.

Then she couldn't hold back any longer, "Look Bella, he loves you like you're his mommy," she cooed.

"Mother!" Did she have to say something to piss me off and embarrass me in front of Edward? I -- in no way -- wanted him to think that I thought of Ethan as my own!

"It's true," Renee whispered as she fingered Ethan's hair and looked at Edward.

I was too busy looking for a hole to bury myself in when I saw Edward agree with her out of my periphery. I quickly looked at him to only see him look away from me.

"I can't wait for you to have your own children someday Bells. You will be a wonderful mother."

Oh dear God, will she ever shut up?

"Please, you know how it is. Just don't." I pleaded as I snuggled Ethan tighter in my lap and fought back the tears caused by Renee putting me in a position like this. She knew firsthand what I had been through with my miscarriage, and yet she acted as though it never happened. She heard straight from the doctor's mouth that it may be a problem for me to carry a baby full term in the future. Yet, here she sat; thinking out loud about an impossibility and making me feel like shit.

Edward squatted down beside Ethan and me, resting his hand on my knee, giving it a squeeze. "She's right you know. Someday you will be a wonderful mother." His eyes piercing my heart and the words he spoke filling me with such hope that it hurt.

He then looked to Renee and winked at her. She gave him this smile back that made me want to yell because it was like they were having a conversation without even talking.

"You ready to leave?" He asked rising from his knees to gather Ethan's toys.

I nodded my head eagerly all the while thinking 'yes please! NOW!'

We said our goodbyes and I was never more thankful to be heading away from Forks. I may be overly dramatic towards my parents, but I learned the hard way that once their comments start, they only go downhill -- at warp speed. Next she would probably ask Edward when he was going to propose.

Once in the car, I apologized every half hour to Edward. He told me to quit apologizing, but I didn't.

Our ride home was nice. Ethan slept most of the way. Edward and I just chatted about nothing important, before slipping into our content silence. I took every chance I could to gaze at him. I memorized his profile and studied the art of his strong arms and hands. I had to look away every time he wet his lips and my fingers would twitch watching him run his own through his hair. I examined his lean body as he relaxed into the seat of the Volvo and as bad as I didn't want to admit to myself, I just wanted to touch him. I wanted my hands on him. I ached to just feel his warmth against me.

I brooded over the realization that my crush on Edward was still in full-swing. The ten years we'd been apart had not done anything to quench the infatuation. No, all it took was being his in presence that would make the frenzy of butterflies in my gut stir with hysteria.

I questioned how I would ever get over this. I knew that I valued our new found friendship so much, I couldn't risk trying for anything more.

Friends.

~*V*~

I spent the rest of Sunday night and Monday trying to NOT think about you-know-who.

I couldn't deny that Tuesday I was excited because I had planned to spend the day with Edward and Ethan hanging out at their place. I needed to log some hours of observation and conveniently none of the time we had been spent together was in my log book.

Oh well.

We spent the day barefoot and lazy. We all played on the floor. We ran around the apartment pretending to be airplanes, and we all cozied up on Edward's bed to take a nap. To say I was in paradise would be an understatement. When it was us three, I felt as though I belonged, they made me feel that way.

When Edward suggested we go into his bedroom to lie with Ethan and take a nap, I did hesitate, briefly. It was no secret that I sometimes mumbled in my sleep and that would be one conversation I would rather not have. It also felt invading, like Edward's bedroom was the Holiest of Holies and I wasn't worthy. It was very intimate. Even though Ethan was snuggled up in the middle of us, my body reacted to Edward being so near...on the bed...with me.

I sat up to tuck my arm under Ethan's tiny body as we lay down, and Edward stretched his arm out to be under my shoulders. I didn't protest even though I did want to lean over and lick it.

No! No! No!

The back of my hand fell at Edward's waist and I felt the searing touch of his bare skin. I glanced out of the corner of my eye and Edward's shirt had ridden up slightly under his back, and the sliver of skin that was exposed above his jeans was right there. I tried not to move my hand. I didn't want to acknowledge the skin-on-skin contact, fearing he would strip me of my enjoyment.

I relaxed to the best of my ability and concentrated on their breathing. As soon as they both settled down, and I knew they were dozing, I slightly turned on my side to bring my two men into view.

I gently as possible moved my hand to feel Edward's skin on the back of my fingers. My breathing hitched at the guilty pleasure I was stealing. I ghosted and traced every inch of skin that had been granted to me before tucking the tips of my fingers in the waist band of his jeans. I left my fingers there as I turned to rest on my back again.

I'm such a perv.

Pathetic.

~*V*~

Ethan woke us jumping on the bed a couple of hours later. I giggled as I rolled over toward Edward. He was stretching his arms above his head and I slowly took in his body until I reached his waist. I froze when I remembered my assault on his bare skin. To say I blushed in humiliation would be putting it nicely.

I stumbled off the bed and out of Edward's bedroom. I was crazy for putting myself in these types of predicaments. If I wanted to keep Edward as my friend I had to find a way to convince myself to get over him. The awkwardness I was feeling toward him wasn't helping anything, and I needed his friendship too much to damage it with my petty feelings.

I made up an excuse to leave and jumped the first bus toward the loft. Before I left, we had discussed Emmett's birthday party Thursday night and Edward had offered to pick me up in the Vanquish that he knew I loved so much. I agreed, but only after a whole internal monologue of telling myself it was only a friendly date and not a REAL-date!

I WAS NOT DATING EDWARD CULLEN!

There.

I spent all day Wednesday and Thursday desensitizing (or trying to) my feelings for Edward. I constantly chanted 'we are just friends – We. Are. Just. Friends. Get over it, nothing more!'

Better.

Maybe.

~*V*~

Six o'clock Thursday night I was frantically digging through my closet. My clothes were haphazardly strewn about and my head was starting to ache from the big ass rollers stuck in my hair. I needed wine.

Lots of wine.

In the kitchen, I grabbed the first bottle I saw, popped the cork, and took a gulp before even searching for a glass. I rested my hip against the counter and fought the urge to crawl into bed and forget about even going. I tried remembering the last time I went out socially with a group of 'friends.' Years! Like maybe early marriage years.

Damn.

Instead of curling up into a ball and cowering on the floor, I trudged back into my closet to find something to wear. I stopped in the doorway of my closet, bottle of wine in one hand and empty glass in the other. I took a deep breath, poured me a glass full, set the bottle outside the closet, and just stood there.

Instead of fingering through every single hanger, I let my eyes search the small walk-in closet. Slowly and tediously, my vision combed the clothes, just looking. My roaming stopped when in the back of my closet I saw the plastic from the Macy's bag dangling below the other articles.

That was the one. That outfit that I had never worn. I bought it to wear out on New Year's Eve last year and for reasons now that I don't recall, I didn't go.

I always dressed more conservatively than this and it was definitely more flirtatious and fun than my usual outfits, but with the power of the wine I muttered, "Why the fuck not!"

I grabbed the black Juicy Couture Merino ruffled skirt and tank with the cute little vest and headed toward the bathroom to transform myself into Bella-who-wasn't-nervous-as-hell for her first non-date in a decade.

Yep, that's me.

~*V*~

Two hours later, completely ready and relaxed – per the wine -- I sat at my kitchen table. I drummed my fingers on the wood along with the beat that echoed from my stereo and glanced at my fingernails. It wouldn't hurt me to keep them out from between my teeth and actually get a manicure.

Three loud knocks on my door caused me to jump up from the table. Somehow I had sat there for thirty minutes in a complete daze.

Before I could even reach the door, there were two more loud bangs, and I yelled "hold up" as I was unlocking the door.

"Impatient much?" I asked as I opened the door to see Edward glancing back and forth at the small corridor around him. He was dressed in a gray two button polo and black pants. Effortless and gorgeous.

I watched his eyes roam my outfit and I playfully posed for him. His eyes grew big and I immediately freaked out and thought the worst. "Oh my God, I should go change right? This is way inappropriate and...just hang on..." Humiliated I turned to go back to my bedroom before I felt Edward catch my arm.

He spun me around and I almost lost my footing. I crashed into him and caught my balance gripping his sides and my face planted against his shoulder.

I froze.

I glanced at my elbow that Edward was still holding before slowly raising my head to meet his eyes. I then realized his other hand was against my waist and he quietly said, "Bella, please don't change. You look beautiful. You just... caught me off-guard."

Where in the hell was my boldness from just minutes ago, and why wasn't the wine making me feel all confident and shit anymore?

"Are you sure?" I asked as I felt my eyes start to well up. "It's just been so long Edward, and I feel so out of my comfort zone."

As if Edward could read my mind, he pulled me in close for another one of his all-perfect, reassuring hugs. I calmed myself in his warmth and had to stop a groan from escaping my throat as I wrapped my arms around his waist to return his embrace.

"I promise Bella, it'll be fine. At anytime if you want to leave all you have to do is tell me and I'll bring you home. No questions asked, okay?"

I took a deep breath and nodded my head against him. I didn't want to let go. I was already feeling more at ease in the past minutes since I opened my door than I had felt all day.

Edward didn't let go either. We stood there until I felt my knees getting weak. I loosened my grasp and he barely let me move. He place two fingers under my chin and gently brought my face to look at him. My eyes immediately dancing between his eyes and his lips. His were doing the same and time seemed to slow to a still.

I pulled the corner of my lip into my teeth because every freakin' nerve in my body was on sensory overload. I saw Edward moisten this lips and I swear I think I stopped breathing. His thumb slowly grazed my chin, and then moved to pull my lip out of my teeth and his brow wrinkled in concentration. He gradually leaned forward and I DID. NOT. MOVE.

I closed my eyes as his face became only millimeters from mine. I could smell the mint from his mouthwash and the heat from his breath. My heartbeat was erratic and I was sure I forgot my name.

His lips placed a long, sensual kiss on my cheek that was awful damn close to the corner of my mouth. So close that I wanted to reach out my tongue to lap up any remnants of it.

I was practically panting when I started breathing again and he whispered in my ear, "Bella you positively look stunning. Please be my date tonight."

No words. Yep, that was me. Something along the lines of "huhuhuhuh" rolled out of my mouth and I hastily nodded my head.

He then stepped a step back and licked his lips again, God, he needs to stop doing that. "You ready?" he asked.

I held up my pointer finger telling him to wait and I walked back into my bedroom. I glanced into the mirror one more time before grabbing my small clutch purse off the bed. I blew out a deep breath and stepped into the kitchen. I grabbed the bottle of wine and tried to finish it off real quick in one swallow. I almost did it too. I needed all the help I could get.

After Edward walked me down and I slid into his car, I tried not to over-analyze what just happened and what he just said. Because it sounded like he said "Be my date," but I must have misunderstood. He didn't mean like a real date, guy-girl thing, I'm sure. He just meant "we will be there with a bunch of couples so come and sit by me in case I need someone to talk to" date.

That I could handle.

I also felt obliged to address the whole Jasper is my boss part of the night that should be foremost in my thoughts.

The problem was I had not spoken yet, I don't think my mind was capable of putting syllables together. Edward had reduced my thinking process to that of a blob of goo.

I opened my mouth numerous times before I was finally able to speak. "Um.. I.. See.. " Well it was close to talking.

"What is it Bella?" Edward reached over to place his hand on mine in the seat. Damn, if I didn't watch myself I would start regressing.

"Tonight, Jasper will be there. My boss. I would like to keep job. Not allowed to date clients. So we behave. Ya know?" I spoke with my hand flying around and even though my sentences were incoherent, I think he understood.

"Okay first, relax. Second, don't worry a thing about Jaz. Third, I am expecting you to have fun. Got it? Tonight you are not in the office and Jasper is your friend, not your boss. Hell, I'll even go as far to say that this evening you're not my lawyer, I'm not your client, we're just two friends getting together to go on a date? Whaddayasay?" He quickly glanced at me and raised his eyebrows.

"Well, that sounds perfect and...I'll try my best, but just know a massive amount of alcohol will be needed. Seriously." I meant it too.

"You do whatever you need to baby. You have a designated driver right here."

What was that he said? Because after he said 'baby' all I heard was "wah-wah-wah wah-wah."

Our ride was spent mostly in silence and for that I was glad. I was still in shock from the words as in 'beautiful, my, date, stunning, baby...'

Was I dreaming?

Edward had told me that Esme was having a good day today. She and Carlisle were at Edward's place watching Ethan. She comes to Seattle every other week for a special treatment not available in Forks and they usually stay a couple of days with Edward.

We arrived at The Hole on the outskirts of the city and I was pleasantly surprised. Instead of it being a literal hole in the wall as the name suggested, it was very snazzy. When I think of a bar, I think of neon lights, smoke-filled rooms, staggering drunks, and ..sluts. Not sure why, it's just the image in my head.

This was more what I would call a lounge. It was classy and well decorated. There was a small dance floor and a stage. The typical disco ball and flashy lights hung around it. Round tables filled the empty space and the classic long bar was along the back wall.

Edward led me over to a corner table that was secluded and slightly larger than the others. Mr. Whitlock – I mean Jasper and Alice were already seated there.

We said our hellos. Alice hugging us both before Jasper gave me and Edward a strange look. I hadn't forgotten about what he said before about Alice and her 'feelings.'

Preposterous.

I sat quietly in my seat sipping on my Cosmo, only speaking when spoken to. Not long after I finished my first drink, because that is all I had to keep up with time, was my empty glasses, Emmett arrived. I squinted my eyes to see who was on his arm. I couldn't see her face but she clearly was exquisite.

I turned back around in time to thank the waitress for my second drink when Edward stood to hug Emmett. I spun in my seat and then almost fell to the floor.

"Rose?!"

What the hell?

"Hello Bella, so glad you could make it." Rose winked at me as she approached to give me a hug.

"I...I..I. What?... You and Emmett? How?" This thing with me unable to make complete sentences was becoming a problem.

"I told you that I didn't want to jinx it, but now you know." She grinned deviously.

I took a deep breath before continuing, "But how? How did you meet HIM?" I wonder just how much she knew about their situation.

"Do you remember that night when Em brought you home from um," she pointed her head towards Edward, "I thought I had a flat and was pulled over about a block from the loft. Emmett stopped to see if I needed any help. The rest is history, so to say."

"Wow," I mumbled as I plopped back down in my seat and grabbed my drink. "We'll have to talk more about it later."

"Sure!" She sashayed back over to Emmett's arm and they continued their round of greetings.

Per usual, the more I drank the more relaxed I became and it didn't take many. I finally was able to laugh and enjoy myself. I included myself in their conversations and I proudly even flirted a little with Edward. Well, I thought it was flirting; slowly licking my teeth, sticking out my boobs, staring uncontrollably at him, those kinds of things. I soon felt the numbing buzz in my lips so I knew it was time to slow down on the liquid courage.

Alice, Rose, and I danced a few times to some hip hop songs as the guys stayed at the table. It was the first time in a long time I was actually having fun amongst friends. The knot in my stomach never relented though each time I allowed myself to become enraptured by Edward. I eyeballed him every chance I got.

What's the term? Eye candy.

The place began to clear out as the night wore on. Needless to say, Alice had some pull on the music they played since her father owned the place. She and Jasper took to the dance floor, followed by Emmett and Rose.

Edward was sitting across from me and we sat quietly through the song watching them glide along the dance floor. The song came to an end and I shifted my eyes to watch him.

Edward with this elbows on the table in front of him leaned toward me. Our eyes met and locked as I watched him pull his bottom lip under his teeth, "Let's dance."

I still felt bold thanks to the plethora of drinks and in true Bella fashion I licked my lips before answering, "Okay."

"Okay?" He asked me as he dropped his hands and leaned back in his chair.

He slowly stood and extended his hand for mine. My nerves still relaxed and my body slightly buzzed. We walked toward the small dance floor. Jasper and Alice, Rose and Emmett were already stealing the show, so there was no doubt in my mind we could blend among them.

Our left hands joined in front of us and he slipped his right arm around my waist. He turned his head to whisper in my ear, "Do you tango?" His warm breath causing me to slightly shiver.

I slowed nodded my head before I glanced down at the floor and then back up at him through my lashes. He raised his eyebrows in question and I replied with a boast, "Bring it."

"You really shouldn't have said that." His green eyes began to twinkle under the lights as we reached the edge of the wooden dance floor.

We squared up to begin our moves, the music had already started.

His hand gripped my waist while we began to circle the floor, keeping perfect steps with each other while never losing eye contact. He would try and upstage me by adding a spin and I would answer him with a leg kick or a dip. I felt the vibration through his fingertips as his chest rumbled with laughter. I couldn't stop myself from giggling along with him. This was only the second time I had ever displayed my dancing skills among peers, the other was my wedding.

In times like these, I was proud to be a music nerd who had took dancing lessons practically her whole life.

His face became serious and he began to mouth the words as they belted from the speakers, "Curl your upper lip up and let me look around. Ride your tongue along your bottom lip then bite down and bend your back and ask those hips if I can touch 'cause they're the perfect jumping off point..."

Whether it was Edward or the lyrics or the music or a combination of all three, I was mesmerized. As we danced I forgot there were other people around, I was only aware of him. The music began to slow and Edward pulled me in close, no space left between us. One arm held me tight around my waist while the other held my hand folded up beside us.

Edward dipped me down so my back folded toward the floor while slowly rolling me back up to him. "Doll, I need to see you pull your knee socks up. Let me feel you upside down, slide in, slide out, slide over here, climb into my mouth now child..."

Our steps now slower than the music, but still synchronized. My hand curled around his shoulders. I could feel his chest rising and falling against mine. I found myself tucking my lips around my teeth to keep my smile from revealing my state of bliss. In these ungodly heels, my nose came right above his shoulder and I was able to easily surround myself with Edward's essence.

Our close proximity, the sexy song singing us a lullaby, and the way we just seem to fit together only fueled the obvious tension caused from our undefined connection. I noticed my pulse was racing and my breaths were quick and shallow.

Most of all, I realized that this didn't feel wrong. At all.

It the words of Jamie Foxx, blame it on the alcohol -- but my nerves were calm and my fears abandoned. Maybe even, I wasn't thinking logically, but this felt so...right.

My walls were crumbling one pebble at a time. My emotions were right there, threatening to flood the dam as soon as the barricade was thin enough to crack.

Esme's words echoed through my mind and I smiled. For tonight at least, I would take her advice, I would smell the roses. I would feel.

Just then the song changed and the familiar guitar rift of Eric Clapton surrounded us. Edward let go of my hand and languidly brought both of his arms around my waist. I snaked my arms around his neck and held on. There was no more tango, no scripted dance, just us swaying left and right with the melody.

I felt Edward take a deep breath before I experienced the scruff of his jaw near my ear. The sensation caused my eyes to roll back. "Bella, I want to thank you for everything." He paused as his warm air caressed the sensitive hairs on my neck. "For Ethan, for my mother, for... this." He then pulled his head back and gazed at me. I followed suit, peering at him.

At that moment, his eyes were windows to his soul and I saw everything I had imagined. Edward was genuine, deep, wonderful, passionate, caring, intense,..gorgeous.

"Thank you," he mouthed before pulling me flush to him again.

I did the only that I felt like I could do to show him I understood.

I let him in.

I tightened my hold on his neck. I tucked my nose against the naked skin above his collar and placed a simple, chaste kiss there. But in that kiss was all I had; my passion, my understanding, my spirit, the little crumbs of my broken heart. He didn't know it, but he could have it all. I laid my head down against him, knowing that he really wouldn't want it anyway.

As we swayed to 'Wonderful Tonight' I felt like I should be the one thanking him. Edward was making me want again. I wanted to have fun. I wanted to surround myself with friends. I wanted to let down my walls. I wanted to be touched and desired. I wanted more than what I had. He made me think that maybe it wasn't too selfish of me to pursue it. Possibly not with him, but with someone.

Esme, Ethan, and Edward had waltzed into my life and pulled back my veil of insecurities and dared me to live again.

Right then and there I would have bet my soul that I would do it, I would take pleasure in my journey, and I would live again.

~*V*~

Our lives improve only when we take chances..

and the first and most difficult risk we can take..

is to be honest with ourselves.

~Walter Anderson

~*V*~

So the UST builds. Yum.

Thank you so much for all the love you have graciously returned to me with your encouraging reviews! Just know, that I read every single one of them, most of the time more than once, they mean a lot to me.

~ Stacy