Thanks so much for reading/following/favoriting! I was so happy to see many new followers after last chapter. I'd love to hear from each of you what you think of the story so far :)
Special thanks to those who reviewed, your words keep me going, so thanks for being awesome: arose4u2, ThatDayDreamer-x, Guest(1), sarahmichellegellarfan1, Green-NaNa-Neko89, WolfLove, Guest(2), & Champion of Justice!
This chapter explains a little more about Paul & Shay's past, since I know a lot of you were wondering why she is so mean to him...Hopefully the back-story will help you see why it's hard for Shay to accept Paul's strange behavior (:
Our Love Is Insanity
Chapter 6: Back to the Very Beginning
"Whoa!" Kate comments loudly as she waits for me to change into my gym clothes. She switched her P.E. class to my period last week, before the deadline ended, because her teacher was like a gym drill sergeant and she hated him. Anyways, now she's staring at my chest and demanding to know, "What the Hell happened to you?"
I shrug into my maroon-colored T-shirt, feeling multiple eyes on my body thanks to Kate's big mouth. I shoot her a look before answering quietly, "I got into an accident on Sunday." At the time, I hadn't thought I sustained any injuries, but when I awoke yesterday morning and stripped down for a shower, the first thing I noticed was the dark, ugly bruise spreading from my left shoulder down to almost the middle of my chest. I figured out it must have been from when I slammed on the brakes before crashing into the tree, and the seatbelt tried to 'save my life' by nearly taking off my head. My chest is pretty sore and sensitive; I can't even lift my arm over my head without groaning in pain. Hopefully it will feel better soon, but in the meantime it sucks. I guess I'm just glad the airbag blowing up in my face didn't leave me two black eyes to match. Then I'd really look like a mess right now.
"What kind of accident?" Kate wants to know, "A car accident?"
"Yeah," I reply, giving her a quick summary of events while I switch from my jeans into a pair of cotton athletic shorts, "My mom took me driving and a deer ran out in front of me. I swerved to avoid it, and crashed right into a tree." I shrug, smiling sheepishly. It's the story Mom and I came up with to tell Denae, so I figure it'll work for Kate too. I don't want to tell her about Mom's Identity Disorder yet, and all the drama it entails, so I have to lie to another person to keep my mom's secret safe. "It was stupid of me. The whole car is ruined."
"Oh man, Shay!" Kate's blue eyes are wide and she looks as though she's trying very hard not to laugh as she queries, "What did your mom say? Was she mad? You're not grounded, are you?" I guess I can see why she finds it a little funny; I mean crashing into a tree is funny...when it's not you. Well, and so long as no one died.
"She was mad," I answer while I tie my shoelaces, "But she decided it wasn't really my fault. I'm not in trouble, but we won't have a car for a while, so that's kind of a punishment."
"Oh no," Kate sympathizes, "Do you have to get a new car?"
"We're not sure yet. The mechanic is supposed to give us a call today or tomorrow to let us know if it's worth fixing and how much the damages will cost to repair." I shrug. We both start for the door that leads from the girls' locker room to the gym, since our teacher stuck her head in and announced that the boys are all ready and waiting anxiously for us to come out and play flag football with them. Of course they're ready-and-waiting to play their favorite game of Ass-Grab Football. Why wouldn't they be? I conclude as we walk past the bleachers, "If it's not worth it, we'll have to get a new car."
"That sucks," Kate comments, "But I'm glad you're not grounded." She grins cheekily, bumping her hip against mine. Then, as she and I reach for a red flag belt from the bin of stinky, old gym equipment, she complains, "This game is so inappropriate; it should be illegal." To the boys, she says, "If my ass gets grabbed one more time by any of you horny pervs, I'm going to turn this game of flag football to touch football and start kicking all your asses. Do you got that, boys?" The nearby males in our class choke on their laughter and look to the teacher warily. She didn't hear a thing. Kate raises her eyebrows and smirks, "You have been warned."
After P.E., Kate and I change back into our everyday clothes and head to the cafeteria for lunch. Derek is in this lunch period, along with Lydia and Josh, who I got to know better at the party last Friday night. Lydia is a tiny, strawberry-blonde who is barely five-feet-tall, but can play any sport at the same skill level of the boys in our grade. She's amazing at soccer, basketball, and she's the main reason Forks High now has a field hockey team for the girls. Josh is Kate's best guy friend; he's goofy and likes to draw and skateboard. He's also totally in love with Kate, only she's completely oblivious. I noticed right away…something about the way he looks at her tipped me off. I'm going to let her figure it out for herself, though. We head towards the table they're seated at, with Derek and a few of his other friends.
"Hey-hey, party people," Kate calls happily as she slides into a spot in between her brother and Josh. I sit across from her, next to Lydia and some senior I don't know. "Shay, show them your ridiculous bruise." She turns to the others and explains, "Shay was in a car accident this weekend."
I didn't exactly plan on telling everyone, but with all eyes on me, I don't really have a choice but to tell the tale. They all listen intently, commenting on how scary it must have been to hit the tree and how lucky I am my mom wasn't too mad. After I tell them the whole story, sans the part about Brad and Felicia and everything else that happened after I called the tow truck, Kate asks me again to show my bruise. I tug on my shirt to expose my shoulder, and the giant bruise, and they all gasp loudly.
"Damn, Shay," Derek leans across the table for a better look, "Does it hurt?" He presses two of his fingers on my tender skin and I wince in pain. He quickly pulls his hand back and mutters, "Sorry."
"Of course it hurts, dumbass!" Kate rolls her eyes and then slaps Derek up-side the head. Then, she looks at me with her head cocked to the side and wonders aloud, "How'd you get home, anyways?"
"When?" I ask stupidly, "Sunday?" Kate nods. "Oh. I called my cousin, Embry, but he was busy so he sent his friend."
"Mr. Sexy Muscle-Man?" Kate is practically holding her breath in anticipation as she urges me to, "Please tell me it was Mr. Sexy Muscle-Man."
"Uh…" I frown and shake my head as I deny, "I have no idea who you're talking about."
Kate bites back a laugh, "Oh, yeah, sure." She stares at me pointedly as she describes, "The guy who showed up with your hott cousin on Friday…Tall and sexy, dark hair and eyes, built like David Beckam on steroids; you know, the one who wouldn't take his hands off you."
"Paul?" I fill in for her and she nods rapidly, smirking as she notices that even just saying his name has brought a blush to my cheeks. I try and cover it up by rushing on to say, "Well, yeah. I mean, Embry sent him, but it's not like I asked for him to come. I don't know why he keeps showing up places, honestly. He just…will not leave me alone."
"And you have a problem with this because…?" Kate prompts with a knowing smile. "He's like the hottest man I've ever laid eyes on. If he followed me around like a lost puppy, I would not have a single thing to complain about."
"Trust me," I sigh, "You would."
"So…" Derek cuts in awkwardly, "That guy wasn't your boyfriend, Shay?"
"No!" I shake my head rapidly back and forth. What made him think that?!
"Not yet, anyways," Kate teases.
"No," I repeat firmly, "Never. Paul will never be my boyfriend."
Kate looks like she wants to argue with me some more about my statement, but Derek speaks first, "Cool. So, will you be at the football game on Friday?"
Derek plays football, and I think this is his not-so subtle way of seeing if I'll be joining Kate in cheering him on in the crowd. I smile lightly and tell him, "Yeah, I'll probably be there. As long as I don't have to babysit…and if I can get a ride."
"Good," Derek nods, "I hope you can make it. I'm sure Kate could pick you up."
Kate shrugs, "Why not? I'll come get you, if you want. We can go together. I can see where you live and shizz."
"Yeah," I nod, "That's cool with me."
When I finish eating, I get up to dump my trash in the garbage and put my tray in the pile with the other used trays. Derek follows after me, throwing out his trash as well. He waits until we're far enough from the table for Kate and the others to be out of earshot, and then he smiles and says in a flirty tone, "So if you can make it to the game, would you want to grab something to eat with me afterwards?"
As in, just him? Kate wouldn't like that...
"I don't know, Derek," I say gently, "I wouldn't want Kate to be mad."
"What if I ask her if it's all right?" Derek offers to compromise.
I shrug slowly and reply, "Well...okay. If she says yes, then I'll think about it." She's not going to say yes though…
"It's a deal," Derek says with a big grin, before turning and walking out of the cafeteria.
"What did he want?"
I jump at the sound of Kate's voice directly behind me.
"Ooh, you're jumpy," Kate notes with a smirk. "Was it something Derek did?"
"No," I deny at first, and then decide to tell her the truth. Derek is going to ask her anyways, and I don't want her to think I like him enough to lie to her about it, because I really don't. "Actually, kind of…yeah. Derek just asked me to go out to eat with him after the football game Friday."
"What?" Kate screeches, "I already told him to stay away from you! What did you say? You didn't say yes, did you? I mean, what about Paul?"
"I didn't say yes, but…" I frown, "How did this go from Derek to Paul? What does Paul have to do with anything?"
"There is totally something between you two," Kate says, quickly talking over me so she doesn't have to hear me deny it, "I don't care what you say! There is, and if you don't know it yet, you'll see. He's into you."
"Paul Lahote is so not into me, Kate," I correct her, "In fact, we are more like enemies. He teased me endlessly when I went to school in La Push. He called me names, spread stupid rumors about me and my family, went out of his way every day to make me miserable, and all of it for no reason at all. So even if he was into me, which he's not, I'd never be into him."
"And how long ago was this?" Kate asks with a knowing smirk on her lips, "Because you do know that boys are idiots and sometimes they're mean when they have a crush on a girl..."
"It was not a crush, Kate!" I tell my clueless friend, "He hated me. I don't know what his problem is now. Maybe it's some new form of torture he's trying out. Maybe he's so bored he has to find some way to keep himself entertained. Who the fuck knows what he's thinking? I just want him to leave me alone." As the words leave my lips, I feel myself frowning. That's not really true though, is it? I guess I don't really want him to leave me alone, but only because I still owe him for helping me out Sunday night, and for no other reason but that. "I mean, I guess he has been better since I moved back from New York, but that's only because he didn't recognize me at first. Can you believe that? The guy tortures me my entire freshman year of high school and then doesn't even recognize me after a year goes by? And now he's trying to be all nice and pretending to be my friend, and it's just fucking weird, Kate. You have no idea. I mean, he really helped me out the other night, but the way he's been acting is beyond confusing. I don't know what to think."
After a pregnant pause, during which I wished I could take back everything I just said, Kate suggests, "Maybe...that he likes you? And you're a big, dumb moron?"
"Paul doesn't like girls," I quote the rumors I've been hearing about him for years, "Paul just fucks girls. Paul uses them for what he wants, when he wants it, and then he's done with them." I have a sour taste in my mouth. I don't know why, but it makes me sick to think that Paul is like that. I hate guys who act like they're too cool for a relationship, like the only thing girls are good for is a hook-up, and it is sickening to think Paul is that way. But he's always been like that...it never bothered me before. I shake my head, finding my voice again, "I'll never be one of those girls."
"Sorry," Kate says sympathetically, finally dropping the teasing tone she'd been using, "I didn't know. I mean, obviously he's sexy enough to be a big player, but it didn't look that way to me. I mean, he wasn't even looking at any other girls. Not even me with my amazing boob-boosting bustier!" She and I giggle for a moment over the memory of her outfit last Friday night. "And the way he looked at Derek? Shay, there was fire in his eyes; he wanted to kick his ass, but he didn't. If he didn't at least want a piece of your ass, he wouldn't have cared! He picked you up and dragged you away like he was fucking Tarzan and you're Jane."
"What are you going on and on about?" I ask impatiently as I tug her in the direction of our lockers so we can get our books for the next class. She's going to make us late if we don't go now. Besides, I don't need her putting ideas in my head over what Paul thinks of me. Things are already confusing enough! "You were drunker than I was, so why do you remember all this and I have no idea what you're talking about?"
"I'm saying, maybe he changed, Shay," Kate tells me the exact thing Embry told me about Paul, "People change all the time. And maybe you never really knew him in the first place? I'm not trying to make you upset or angry at me, but I really really think you should give Paul a chance. That way you'll know for sure if he's who you thought he was, or if he's somebody else."
My mouth drops open in shock, a perfect 'o', and all air is knocked out of my lungs so I can't even speak. I can't believe she said that. What would make her think that? I have no idea what everyone's deal is lately, but they've seriously all hopped on the crazy train. Yeah, that's right, I said it! The crazy train! Someone go alert Paul that I stole his joke, because everyone I know is fucking mad. "What? Did he - did he come here and make you say that? Have you talked to Embry? How did you…know that -?"
Kate laughs at my confusion, "No. I didn't talk to either of them. How could I?"
"Embry said almost the same thing, like word-for-word." I tell her as I shake my head, "I don't get it. How can all of you see him so differently than I do? He's...he's an asshole." But he hasn't been an ass to me so far. "He makes fun of other people for his own amusement." But he hasn't done that either, not even on Sunday when he had plenty of reasons to make fun of me or my crazy mom. "He's clearly on steroids and he's so conceited that he thinks he's some kind of gift to women." All right, now that one's just my personal opinion! I blink at my locker in confusion and can't even remember my combination because my brain is so frazzled. I need to stop thinking about Paul at school; it is not going to help bring up my GPA any.
"I don't know," Kate says as she twists the knob on her locker right-to-left and then left-to-right before popping it open and tossing in her books haphazardly, "But like I said before, people change. And rumors aren't always true. And if I'm wrong about him..." She taps her finger to her chin in thought, "Then I'll let you date my brother." She laughs at her joke.
"Who said I wanted to date Derek anyways?" I question her with a laugh of my own. "I guess you're right, though. Some rumors aren't true. Some people do change, not always for the better...but I'll give Paul a chance to prove he's not the ass I thought he was. I'm not saying giving him a chance is going to change anything, and I might still hate him afterwards, but maybe we could be friends." Maybe.
BRRRRIIIIIINNNNNGGGG!
"Dammit," Kate curses, "We're late!"
"I know," I quickly recall my combination, open my locker and pull out the notebook I need for my next class. I start off in the opposite direction as my blonde friend, telling her, "I've got English. I'll see you later."
"Okay, see you in History," Kate smiles and waves, "Bye!"
For some reason, and I'd like to blame Kate here since she's the one who put the ideas in my head, Paul is on my mind all week long. I don't know if it can really be Kate's fault though, as much as I'd like it to be, because I was thinking about him even before our conversation at lunch on Tuesday. Well…if it's not Kate's fault then its Paul's fault and I have no problem blaming him for this. He's the one who keeps showing up at random times, trying to convince me he's changed since high school, and making me more confused by his behavior now than I was four years ago when he stopped being nice and started being an asshole. I'm not even entirely sure why he feels like he has to change my mind in the first place. He never cared what I thought about him before. In fact, I'm positive his goal had been to make me hate him, and he succeeded. I had hated him, and he was fine with that, but now he wants me not to hate him, and I don't know why. He is so frustrating!
I still remember the first time I ever met Paul Lahote. Maybe that's part of the reason I was so mad he forgot who I was…We had only been in La Push a few days; Mom was still un-packing the house, when her body wasn't alter-occupied, Denae was holed up in her room on a hunger strike and giving Mom the silent treatment for 'ruining her life', and I was twelve and had never felt more alone in mine. Up until that point, my life had been pretty great. I know that might seem weird, coming from a girl whose mom has had D.I.D. her entire existence, but my parents did everything they could to give us a normal life and make us happy. Things weren't crazy all the time, and if they were, it didn't feel like it because that was my normal. It was only after Dad left and we moved from Nebraska to Washington that I felt abandoned by my father, ignored by my sister, and scared of my mother because she wasn't herself. Everything changed all at once, and not one change was welcome.
Anyways, our old house was not as close to Aunt Tiff's as our new one is, but it was closer to the beach. Mom hadn't been paying any attention to me or what I was up to, so I slipped out the back door and found my way to the water. Coming from Nebraska, I had never been around an ocean before, and I was astounded by its greatness and its beauty. I could have sat and watched it for hours and been perfectly content. I wasn't expecting there to be an older boy already on the beach, hurling rocks into the ocean, looking as angry as I felt on the inside. I watched him from the shade of the woods because I was intrigued by him, but I didn't want him to notice me and turn his anger in my direction. After throwing a particularly large rock, which landed in the ocean with a giant splash, he turned around to grab another and saw me straight away. I didn't want him to know I'd been spying, so I stepped out of the woods and said hello. He said hi back, and then returned to throwing rocks. I sat down on a large boulder facing the ocean, watched the waves crash on the shore, and tried to pretend that the cutest boy I'd ever talked to wasn't standing a few feet away. I observed him and the ocean equally, unable to decide which was more eye-catching. The boy's anger eventually melted away, and he started talking to me. He said he was Paul, and he lived nearby. I said I was Shailene, and I did too. I had just moved from Omaha, Nebraska, after my parents divorced. Paul said his parents were divorced too, and he'd moved out here with his dad when he was eight. When it was time for me to get home, Paul walked me there, and told me his house was only four houses down the road. He smiled and said he'd see me around.
From that day forward, for the last month and a half of summer, Paul and I met at the beach nearly every day. We talked, went for walks on the beach, browsed the shops, hiked through the woods, ate ice cream cones; pretty much anything to be away from our homes for most of the day. I didn't know why he didn't want to be at home, but I eventually figured it out. Paul's dad was not the nicest man, and since divorcing his mom he became a drunk. The alcohol paired with his short-temper made him a volatile person. Paul never admitted it to me, but I suspected he was verbally abused by his dad, and I prayed he wasn't physically abused too. He never looked it, but I worried about him. He was the first boy I liked so much it made my chest hurt when I thought about him. I knew he didn't feel the same way, but I hoped that one day he would. I thought we'd be one of those friends who turned into boyfriend and girlfriend because one day they realized how perfect for each other they were. It was a naïve thing to think, but I was only twelve-and-a-half. To think, I almost trusted him enough to tell him about my mom's disorder, but I never got the chance…
When school started up the first week of September, I was in 7th grade and Paul in 9th, and we didn't see each other for a while since we went to different schools. When I did finally see him, he acted strange, distant, and then soon after that he stopped talking to me altogether. I was hurt; the first friend I made in La Push decided I wasn't cool enough for him because he was in high school, and it was even worse that I had such a ridiculous crush on him. I wanted to be mad at him, to hate him for being nice to me all summer only to turn into a different person come fall, but I liked him too much. He moved on from me, but I was still stuck crushing on him. Denae was the only one I told about my feelings for Paul, and she said he was a jerk and he wasn't worth my tears. Later that same year, after she dropped out of La Push High, Denae told me the rumors that Paul had already become a player with the girls. Denae said his goal was to sleep with every girl in the whole school before graduating. By the time I started high school a year and a half later, Paul was a genuine man whore, and he acted like we were never even friends. What was worse was that he didn't ignore me, he ridiculed me. He called me names, made me think I was ugly, and teased me for the one thing I could never change; my mother. I don't know how he ever found out about Mom's D.I.D. in the first place, but it was the punch-line to all his jokes and it drove me crazy. I didn't do anything to deserve his cruelty. Well...maybe I made things worse that time I said he was an asshole just like his father, but he had pushed me to my limit! He wasn't who I thought he was at all.
Paul was my first friend when I moved to La Push, he was also my first crush - although he never knew it, my first heartbreak - thank God he didn't know about that, and my first enemy. Now? Now he's just confusing as Hell...
"Shay!" Denae yells from the bottom of the stairs, "Kate's here!"
"Okay!" I call back as I take one last look in the mirror. I add a brown and tan, cheetah-printed scarf to my outfit of black skinny jeans, a gray and black striped tank, and a light gray jean jacket. I slip my feet into a pair of black leather boots with skull-face buttons on the sides; Denae bought them without realizing the buttons were skulls, so she gave them to me. I can't say I'm complaining. I gather my hair into a messy bun and then head down to meet Kate at the front door.
It's Friday afternoon, and Kate is picking me up so we can go to the football game together. She's going to meet my mom, Denae, and LJ for the first time. I'm worried Mom might not be herself, but she reassured me earlier that she would be fine. She said, and I quote, "The alters have been on their best behavior since the car accident". Yeah...Right, Mom. How long will that last for? I hope it's for longer than today. Kate doesn't know about the D.I.D. yet, but I'll tell her soon; I don't want to freak her out since we've only been friends for a month. It seems like longer, but I suppose that's from being in three of her classes plus lunch everyday since the first week of September. Anyways, Denae told me she read in a magazine that the three-month mark in a relationship is when it's okay to have sex, so I figure in a friendship the three-month mark will give me the okay to reveal my mom's secret. That makes sense, right? Sex and Moms with personality disorders are on the same level of seriousness, aren't they?
"…I'm Denae," I hear my sister introduce herself, "Shay's sister. Nice to meet you. This is my son, Levi James."
"Hey," Kate's voice replies, sounding happy but slightly nervous at the same time. Ha-ha, she's scared of LJ; I forgot about her 'small child phobia'. "Yeah, Shay's told me a lot about both of you. What's up, little dude?"
"I gotta go poop!" LJ yells before running out of the room and up the stairs, where he passes by me and yells again, "I gotta go poop, Shay!"
"OK, LJ," I reply with a small laugh, "You can do it!"
I laugh again when I hear Denae excuse herself, "Uh, I should go check on him. He's still potty-training…" Then Denae is also running past me to go upstairs, just as I reach the bottom of the stairs. "Those boots look cute on you, Shay," She compliments.
"Thanks, they're yours," I remind her.
"I know!"
I turn at the bottom of the stairs and find Kate standing inside the front door, looking around nervously. She smiles when she sees me, looking calmer almost immediately. I wave, "Hey. So you met Denae and LJ…"
"Yeah," Kate nods, and then makes a face, "Kind of. Your nephew told me he had to poop, and then he…took off." She pouts, "I told you little kids hate me."
"He tells everyone that," I explain, "So don't take it personally. We took him out to breakfast a couple weeks ago, and he was telling the waitress about his potty-training debacles."
"Lovely," Kate comments, "Good to know he's not shy."
I laugh, "Yeah. Come on, I want you to meet my mom. Then we can go."
"All right," Kate agrees.
Down the hall, in Mom's painting room, Mom is sitting behind a canvas, as usual. She has the radio on so quiet I can't even hear what song is playing, and she looks deeply concentrated. The second she hears us enter though, she places her brush down and turns to us with a great big smile. She's trying too hard to seem normal, I think to myself.
"Hi, you must be Kate," Mom stands up and wipes her hand on a clean rag so she can shake Kate's hand, "It's so nice to meet you. Shailene told me all about you."
"Yep, that's me," Kate replies with a polite smile, "Nice to meet you too."
"Thank you for coming out here to get Shailene for me. I don't know if she told you, but our car is in the shop right now. We had a bit of an accident last weekend."
"She told me," Kate confirms. Then she looks to me and asks, "How is that gnarly bruise doing, by the way?"
"Better," I reply, showing her the top of my left shoulder, where the bruise has faded from a deep, dark purple to a gross brownish-green. "It still looks ugly, but it doesn't hurt like it did a few days ago."
Mom glances at the clock on the wall and announces, "Don't you girls have to go? I don't want you to be late because of me."
"Oh!" Kate jumps when she sees the time, "Yeah, we should go. I told Josh we'd meet him in five minutes, and we're so not going to be there by then." She turns to my mom, "It was so nice to meet you…" She trails off, uncertain what to say.
"Whitney," Mom fills in, "Please, call me Whitney. And it was very nice to meet you, Kate. Come over again soon. Did you need gas money?" She holds up her pointer finger, "Hold on, let me give you some money for gas since you drove out to get Shay." She disappears into the kitchen for a moment and then comes back with her big red purse.
"You really don't have to do that…" Kate tries to deny Mom's offer, but Mom has already pulled a twenty dollar bill out of her wallet and stuck it in Kate's hand.
"I insist," Mom says firmly. "Have fun girls."
"Thank you," Kate says. I wave, "We will. Bye Mom!"
Outside, we discover that we can't leave yet, because Kate's car is blocked in by Embry's. Kate's eyes light up when she sees who's in the passenger seat, and she looks over to me with a smirk on her face. I shake my head at her slightly, hoping she won't make a big deal over Paul being here, and walk right up to Embry's window.
"What are you two doing here?" I ask with an impatient sigh. Is this going to turn into my Friday night? Embry and Paul showing up without notice and bugging me all night long?
"Do you ever just say hi?" Embry wonders.
"Do you ever call when you plan on stopping over someone's house?" I counter with a question of my own.
"We're family," Embry shrugs, "The same rules don't apply to me that apply to everyone else."
"Right. Sure. That makes sense, Emb." I roll my eyes. Kate elbows my side in a not-so-subtle reminder of her presence, and so I supply, "Embry, this is my friend Kate. I don't know if you officially met her last week or if you were too busy being the worst party-crasher in the world…"
Embry looks to Kate and says hello, and I look past him to Paul in the passenger seat. He smiles and my heart starts acting funny. I send him back a smile that is probably more of a grimace since I'm trying to fight these stupid feelings of attraction for him. Recalling all those details of our brief 'friendship' when I first moved here and the way it ended is obviously fucking with my brain, and I know I told Kate I would try and figure out if Paul is a different person now, but I don't know if I can. My body and my mind want two completely opposite things to happen with Paul, and I'm torn - I'm seriously fucking torn over what to do. Logically, I know that my brain is correct in being cautious of Paul and keeping him at a distance, but there is a tiny part that is unsure and that little bit of doubt is making me question everything I ever thought or felt. I can ignore that, the little voice in my head saying 'what if…', but I can't ignore the signals my body is sending out to him. My heart starts to race, my cheeks flush, my palms get sweaty, and my stomach erupts in a fit of butterflies; obvious signs of physical attraction. My body is lusting for Paul, but that is all I feel for him, and I have enough self-control to be sure that nothing will happen unless I'm convinced he's changed. And he hasn't changed, so I have nothing to worry about. I blink a few times and realize I've been staring, and I expect Paul to be grinning like an idiot, but he's studying me seriously, and I imagine for a moment what he might be thinking about me...
"So…" Kate's voice pulls me out of my thoughts, "You guys should meet us at the high school. We're going to watch the football game, and then we're probably going to grab a bite to eat." I turn and glare at Kate. How dare she invite these two goons along without even asking me! Kate smiles innocently, stating, "You don't mind…do you, Shay?"
Embry and Paul both look to me, Paul actually looking hopeful at the chance to go to a high school football game. Something is seriously wrong with him…I sigh, "Don't you guys have anything better to do? I mean, you don't even go to Forks High." To Paul, I add, "You're not even in high school anymore. Shouldn't you be off doing things that…that normal, graduated people do?"
Embry and Paul exchange a look before shrugging and turning back to me with equally mischievous grins on their faces. "Nah," Embry responds, un-phased by my peeved reaction, "We've got no plans. Not for a couple hours, anyways. So come on Shay; let us tag along."
"You're so lame," I tell him with another sigh, "But if you want to come…then fine. Whatever. But you're taking your own car." I turn to Kate, who I'm still deciding whether or not to be annoyed with, and ask, "Ready to go?"
"Yup!" Kate grins happily at the boys before bounding over to her car and hopping in. Ugh, I can't even be mad at her because she's too stinkin' cute.
I give Embry the classic 'I'm watching you' hand gesture before following Kate. We end up behind Embry's car the entire way, Kate asking me questions about the two boys in front of us, much to my dismay. She asks why I don't go to La Push High with Embry, if I'm part Quiluete too, and if all the boys from La Push are as sexy as Paul and Embry are. I groan and tell her that she sounds like one of the Edward Cullen groupie sluts she hates so much and that shuts her right up. When we get to the high school, Kate parks next to Embry, and we all exit our vehicles at the same time. Kate sidles up next to Embry, shooting me an obvious wink over her shoulder as she leaves me alone with Paul, and starts to tell Embry about the Halloween party she and Derek are planning for the end of the month as she guides him towards the football field. It's the first week of October and she and her crazy brother already have the whole party planned out.
"Another party?" Paul comments disbelievingly. "Are you going?"
I look at him with one eyebrow raised and state drily, "I don't know. But if I do go I'm not telling you."
"Why?" Paul asks, even though he looks like he already knows the answer.
"Because I'd like to maybe not get dragged away from another great party by my newly over-protective cousin and his kill-joy friend." I say with a slight smirk on my lips, which I hide from him by turning my head in the direction of the football field rather than Paul's face.
"I'm not a kill-joy," Paul denies, sounding offended.
I scoff, "Coulda fooled me…"
"You weren't complaining about me being a kill-joy when you passed out on me in the car," Paul points out smugly, "Or when I carried you up to your bed and you didn't want to let go of…"
"So you were in my room!" I narrow my eyes at him as I point at his chest accusingly, "Who do you think you are? Who said you could do that? And you can't hold what I did when I was wasted against me. It's not like drunk people are known for making the greatest decisions…"
"Aunt Whit told him to bring you to your room," Embry cuts in gently as he places a hand on my shoulder; I hadn't even noticed he and Kate stopped walking to wait for us, and obviously to watch my freak-out. "Chill out, Shay. When are you going to stop being mad about that? You were drunk and we took you home to bed; no big deal. No one's making fun of your actions that night." I feel my shoulders slump as his words sink in and I realize that Embry is right and I'm over-reacting. "Are we cool now?"
I stare up at my freakishly tall cousin and nod begrudgingly, "We're cool…" I mutter, "Just don't do it again."
"Josh-yyy!" Kate calls out happily a moment later, waving to the boy whose affections she's oblivious to. Said boy is standing behind the bleachers, smoking a cigarette with a few other guys who skateboard like Josh does. The moment he sees Kate though, his face breaks out in a huge smile, and he ditches the cigarette and the guys for his girl. Well, the girl he wishes was his girl. I have to smile when I see how happy he is to see her. How does she not know he's head over heels for her? When he reaches her side, she hugs him briefly, excusing our tardiness, "Sorry we're late. I had to drive to La Push to get Shay and I didn't realize how long it would take."
"It's cool," Josh shrugs off the apology, "I'm used to waiting around for you. I expected you to be at least fifteen minutes later than you said."
Kate laughs, "Aw, you know me so well," as she pinches one of his cheeks. Abruptly, she turns and points out the two unfamiliar guys standing along-side us, introducing them to Josh. "Oh, duh, this is Shay's cousin, Embry, and his friend Paul. Guys, this is Josh. We've known each other since Pre-K." She smiles at Embry.
"Hey," Paul says to Josh, shaking his hand politely. Embry shoots him a, "What's up?", along with a handshake. Josh seems a little surprised to see them, but he isn't rude. Who'd be rude to these two Quiluete giants?
"All right," Kate bounces up and down on the balls of her feet as she insists, "It's almost game-time. Let's go find Lydia and Michelle, and then we'll get some snacks before the game starts." Embry perks up and nods enthusiastically at the mention of food. All he thinks about is food these days. Kate bites her lip as she grins confidently and then tells Embry, "You can sit next to me..." She doesn't notice Josh's disappointment to her obvious interest in someone else, but I do.
"Why don't you and Josh get us some snacks," I cleverly suggest, "and we'll go save up some seats?"
Kate thinks on it for a moment, but Josh answers right away, "Good idea, Shay. We'll meet you over there." He grabs Kate's hand and drags her towards the concession stand.
Embry, Paul and I look for a spot on the bleachers where all of us can fit, and I spot Lydia and Michelle waving to me from the very top of the bleachers. They saved the whole top row, along with Will and Carly's help. They push down so we can sit, and I slide in next to Lydia, waving to everyone, "Hey guys. This is my cousin Embry, and his friend Paul." Lydia and Michelle exchange a look and then Lydia mouths to me 'Mr. Sexy Muscle-Man?' but obviously Paul and Embry figured it out because they both try and cover up their laughter with coughs. I hide my face with my hands and mumble, "I'm going to kill Kate for saying that."
When Kate and Josh return with popcorn, hot dogs, and drinks to share, Kate shifts everyone's spots around so that she can get Embry next to her, like she wanted. I'm starting to learn that Kate usually gets what she wants...Josh manages to get the spot on her other side, so Kate designates my spot - of course - in between Embry and Paul. Kate insists it is so she can talk to me and Josh still, but I know it's because she wanted to make sure I'd be next to Paul. I liked my spot next to Lydia better...
Before I can complain that I have to share my bucket of popcorn with Paul, who I've already established is a pig, the football game is about to start and Kate has us all chant for Derek when he comes running out in his uniform. I have to admit, he looks pretty cute with the navy blue and gold uniform on, and I'm not positive, but I think he might have winked at me. That distracts me long enough from the popcorn situation to forget about complaining about Paul...until I reach for a handful without looking and grab his big hand instead. I look up at him and release his hand, blushing in embarrassment. I awkwardly lower my hand to my side and look at the field where the two teams are lining up.
Paul laughs at my reaction, "Lighten up, Shay. I'm not going to bite you."
"Don't make promises you can't keep," Embry says teasingly from my left.
"Shut up," Paul reaches over me and smacks the back of Embry's head.
Embry tries to retaliate, but I put a stop to it by holding up my hands and declaring, "All right, all right! That's enough." Embry leans over me anyways and punches Paul on the arm, jostling the popcorn bucket right off my lap. It spills all over the metal bleacher and the ground fifteen feet beneath our feet and I glare at Embry. "Or knock my popcorn on the ground," I say sarcastically, "That's cool too."
"Sorry," Embry laughs.
I complain, "You suck. I got like one handful."
"I'll buy you another," Paul offers.
I hesitate before agreeing, "Okay..."
"Only if you come with me," Paul conditions with a smirk.
Of course he'd say that. I sigh, "Fine."
Paul seems surprised I didn't give him more trouble over his proposition, but he stands up and gestures for me to lead the way to the concession stand. I am sure he's going to bring up something about my mom's behavior Sunday night, but he doesn't say a thing about it. He asks me about school and other normal things while we wait in line. Then, out of nowhere, he asks, "Is chocolate chip cookie dough still your favorite ice cream?"
"What?" I stare at him in bewilderment, "Why would you ask that? How did you-?" I trail off when I realize he remembers - he remembers - getting ice cream cones with me...I didn't think he recalled the times we spent together, but he does. What does that mean?
"That's what you always used to get," Paul reminds with a smile, "And they have ice cream cookie sandwiches, so -"
"They what?" I gasp as I lean up on my tippy toes and catch a glimpse of the sign, "Oh my gosh, those things are so good." I look back at Paul and answer, "And yeah, it's still my favorite ice cream. It's kind of weird that you remember that."
"I remember more than you think," Paul says cryptically. For some reason, that makes me angry, and I frown and turn away from him slightly. Paul steps with my turn and continues, "And I know why you think I'm an asshole. I was. I think about what I did to you, and I wish I could take it back; I'm so sorry, Shay. I was just a -"
"Stupid, dumb, jerky, dick, douche bag boy?" I suggest when I cut him off.
"Any and all of the above," Paul agrees. He is staring down at me so seriously that I can't look away. "It's not an excuse for my actions, but if it makes it any better, I will never treat you that way again. I promise."
"Why?" I wonder.
Paul seems taken aback, "What?"
"Why?" I repeat. I list off the many questions I have for him about his strange behavior, "Why do you keep apologizing? Why do you care if I forgive you? Is it because you're friends with Embry now? Because you don't have to be nice to me just because you and my cousin hang out." He looks like he's got something to say, but I shake my head at him and continue, "No, seriously, Paul. I want to know what changed. I never questioned you before, when you stopped being nice to me, but I can't ignore this. You're acting like…" like you used to, before you were an ass, when we were actually friends, I almost say, but I don't allow myself to say it. I won't let Paul know how much he hurt me before. I don't want to be that vulnerable.
Paul thinks before speaking, which is a surprise in itself, and it shocks me even more when his words make sense. "I know that you haven't forgiven me, that's why I keep apologizing. It matters to me because…because it is my biggest regret, Shay, and I want to make it right."
"What is?" I ask in confusion. Me? I'm his biggest regret?
"What I did to you," Paul confirms my thoughts. He elaborates, "I took things out on you that weren't your fault. I said things that I never should have said. Those jokes about your mom, they were childish and cruel. I can't even believe I did that. I'm sorry."
I blink up at him, noticing that his brown eyes are so dark they're nearly black, but in this lighting, with the sun setting behind us, there are flecks of gray in them too. I never noticed that before…"You are different." I hear myself murmuring.
"Is that bad or…good?" Paul wants to know, his serious expression suddenly a little more playful.
I hum thoughtfully, "I'm not sure yet." But I can feel the smile on the corner of my lips too. I wanted to be mad at him, but after that apology, I'm finding it hard. I would never have thought Paul would be so concerned over my being angry with him, but obviously he has been. His apology was more genuine and sincere than the one my dad gave Denae and I before leaving Mom. He really cares. But even seeing it on his face and hearing it in his words, I'm still having trouble believing Paul has changed.
"Well I'll help you figure it out," Paul offers with a full-on smile this time, one that makes my heart race a little faster, "If you let me."
I smile coyly and step up to the counter at the concession stand as I tell him, "We'll see."
Paul buys me an ice cream cookie sandwich, and another popcorn bucket to share. He also gets a large soda, for himself, but he lets me share that too. By the time we leave the concession stand, I'm actually happy and smiling. Don't ask me why, but clearing some things up with Paul has lightened my mood. I know, that sounds crazy, but a lot of things have been crazy lately. It must be because he's been on my mind so much all week. I must be glad to know I've been on his mind as well, and not in a way where he was making fun of me, but wishing he could take back those mean things he said. I just hope trusting him won't come around and bite me in the ass…which is why I'm going to take this very, very slow. If he wants to be friends again, then he'll have to earn it.
"Uh…Shay?" I hear Paul's deep voice rumbling from behind me, and I pause to see what he wants. He puts a large hand on my shoulder and turns me so I'm facing the parking lot. He lowers his head to whisper in my ear, "Isn't that your mom?"
I follow his gaze and gasp in horror. Yup. He's right. There's Mom. Only it's not Mom! I feel my stomach drop as I answer, "Yeah…well, kind of."
Mom's hazel-green eyes hone in on Paul and I, and she perks up and smiles widely, wiggling the tips of her fingers at us in a half-assed wave. She tugs on the bottom of her short mini-skirt, and adjusts her skimpy top as she quickens her pace to catch up with us. Once she's within earshot, she calls out, "Hey ya'll!"
I groan and internally curse her disease. Fuckin' Fee!
Uh-oh...first cliff-hanger of the story. Felicia showed up at the high school, and Whit had promised that would never happen. How do you think Shay will react? What do you think Fee will do?
Please Review! I'd love to hear from you. Tell me about your favorite part of this chapter, or your least favorite part. Who's your fave character? Who do you want to see more of? I take all of your suggestions into consideration when I'm writing because I want you guys to love the story as much as I do :)
-BecomingScarlett