Warning: I don't want anyone to be upset, so I thought I'd warn you. This chapter has a fairly detailed description of Olivia's sexual assault, and also a rape case involving teenagers. Additionally, I thought I'd point out that I hate seeing Olivia upset on the show, so this was difficult to write. But…after everything she's been through, "something had to give."

Disclaimer: I, sadly, do not own the characters used in the writing of this story. It is for entertainment purposes only, and no profit is being made.

The bull pen was bustling, even on a Saturday. Elliot and Olivia sat at their desks, as did Munch and Fin, while Don stood leisurely between them.

"Olivia, what did you get from our 4th victim?"

"Ellen Forbes, 14. Ran away from her group home and got lost. Was attacked by our perp in front of a school around midnight last night. She's really scared, I didn't want to push her too hard, but it seems to be the same story: older white male who looked strangely familiar held her against a fence and…orally sodomized her."

"You seem pretty caught up in this case."

"I talked to Ellen for hours. She's not doing well, and she doesn't have many people she can trust or rely on. In fact, I think I might be the only person she has right now. I just want to catch this guy, that's all."

Olivia could feel Fin's eyes on her, and tried her best to hide how much this case was bothering her.

"Okay, so we got 4 victims, ages 14-18. DNA in or on all the victims, finger prints at the scenes. No matches on any arrest records. Huang's at some sort of conference, so we'll have to do the best we can without his profiling. Hmm…this guy is sloppy, probably new at the game, agreed?"

"Sounds mildly plausible, Captain. The girls described him as between 50 and 60 years old, so he's most likely some sort of loner, the type of guy everyone passes by without noticing," Munch added.

Fin grinned. "Kind of sounds like you, Munch."

He snorted. "Not true. You notice me."

"Yeah, but only because I got to."

Elliot stopped listening to the usual banter. He was too distracted by his partner. He knew her well enough to know that she was really struggling to contain her emotions. He didn't know why, but he knew it was bad. She returned his gaze, and the mask that she had spent her entire life perfecting suddenly fell away, and he was shocked to see all the hurt and pain in her eyes. As quickly as it was revealed, it disappeared. Her face was defiant, but also desperate, and he wanted to help. Elliot mouthed Go as clearly as possible without the others noticing. She tilted her head slightly, questioning and apprehensive, and he nodded encouragingly. Olivia flashed him a small smile, and quickly excused herself. His eyes followed her until she was no longer visible, and then he forced himself to pay attention to the others.

"…so he's probably escalating, and he might get better at covering his tracks. Munch, Fin – go over the victims interviews taken by the detectives who filled in for Benson and Stabler. Let's try to find something, a connection." Don paused. "Where's Olivia?"

"She just went to the washroom. I think she ate something this morning that didn't sit too well in her stomach…she shouldn't be too long," Elliot lied. Actually, she was really upset and she probably hadn't slept in days because of this case.

"Ah…right. Well, it's around 5pm. When she gets back, you can help Munch and Fin for a bit, then maybe we can actually go home at a decent hour for once."

As soon as the captain turned his back, Elliot was on his feet. If Olivia was missing crucial information about such a pressing case, there had to be something really wrong. But what it was, he didn't know, and it tortured him that he couldn't help.

He checked the darkened interrogation rooms, the bathroom, and then it him. The crib, obviously…the captain had said it was temporarily closed. The construction crew should be gone by now, so it would be deserted. He took the stairs two at a time, but approached the door slowly. He pushed it open and stepped into almost complete darkness. He moved to turn on the lights, but Olivia anticipated his movements.

"Don't turn on the lights."

Her voice was distant and shaky…weak even. Elliot started walking in the direction of her voice, moving slowly so as not to trip over tool boxes and other miscellaneous items, feeling his way while his eyes adjusted to the dark.

Gradually, he could make out her shape, and with each step he took, a part of him wanted nothing more than to turn back. Olivia was sitting on the floor in the back corner, hugging her knees to her chest. When he came close to her and stopped, he could see dark smudges where the little makeup she was wearing was smeared by tears.

"Liv?"

She didn't reply. He could tell she was embarrassed, but he sat down beside her anyway, removing his blazer to get more comfortable. "Look, you don't have to talk if you don't want too, but I'm here if you do. I'm your partner, but I'm also your friend."

She didn't respond for several minutes, except for the occasional sniff. Elliot reached out his hand to comfort her, but thought better of it. He thought about leaving, and then she spoke.

"Elliot, promise me that whatever you hear in this conversation, you will not seek out Lowell Harris, you won't hurt anyone or yourself in the process. Please promise."

This did not bode well, but what choice did he have if he wanted to help her?

"I promise."

She sighed. "Just over a year ago, when I was at Sealview, something did happen in the basement. Lowell Harris took me down there. He…shoved me on a mattress, then pushed me up against a wall. It was…horrible and I couldn't escape or fight back because I was still handcuffed. He unlocked one wrist, and I got away from him and I hid. But he found me. I'll never forget the sound….the fence."

Elliot didn't understand, but he didn't stop her. He got a strange feeling in his chest and gut, almost like nausea. He didn't know why she was telling him this now. She was staring straight ahead the whole time, as if she could see it all happening in front of her. He could feel his anger rising, but pushed it down.

"He hit me, twice, then I got away again somehow, but the door was locked. So he caught up to me, and handcuffed me to the bars."

She paused and took a few rattling breaths. Each one wrenched Elliot's heart, but he willed himself to stay strong for her, noticing the tears slowly sliding down her cheeks. He couldn't help her if he didn't know the truth.

"I was on the ground. My legs and one free arm were pinned beneath me. Harris…undid his pants, shoved himself in my face, threatening my life if I bit him. He was pushing himself closer to me, and I was trying so hard not to give in but I was terrified and it felt like those few moments lasted forever. Fin came just in time…Harris came so close."

She stopped and blinked a few times, as if awakening from a dream, and then kept going.

"I was okay at first, then I started reliving it. I was uneasy, I couldn't sleep. I'm…better now, but parts of what happened jump out at me from different cases…parts of other victims' stories make me think about mine. Everything that has happened to me in the last month, plus this case…"

She let him put the rest together. Everything that has happened to her, all the pain she had kept to herself, was escaping, boiling over, because it had become too much. The lack of sleep probably didn't help either.

"Liv…why didn't you tell me?"

She didn't look at him, just kept looking down at her feet. "At first I was in denial that it had even happened…I was embarrassed. And then I was afraid of your reaction, of what you'd do….of how you'd handle it."

She had been protecting him from the damage. It crashed over him like a giant wave. He had hurt her so badly…

"I can protect her from the damage!"

"No, you can't. You should know that better than anyone."

He was at a loss for words. There was so much to process. He did his best to fight the rage at this man who had hurt her. He wanted to hit something, preferably Lowell Harris' face. He wanted nothing more than to throttle him…but he had promised her…Damn, she knew him too well.

"El?"

Her voice was still weak. He pulled himself together, barely.

"That's not all, is it?"

She hesitated. He could almost see her struggling internally.

"Tell me…" She had heard him use these words before…it worked last time too.

"I just…ah…remember when…remember when I told you that it's like I sell a piece of myself every case to get the job done? Well…12 years – that's a lot of tiny pieces, some bigger than others. And Harris took something…the Stuckey brothers took something…El…it just doesn't feel like there's much left."

On the last few words, she broke down into sobs, leaned over and curled into Elliot's chest. He put his arm around her shoulder, trying to comfort her in any way he could. But, God, he was scared. And he had no idea what to say.

The sobbing died down slowly, but she didn't move from his arms. Still crying, she shakily continued: "I don't know if I can do this anymore…it's so hard. There seems to be so many reasons to leave. I want to have a child so badly, El, and I can't do it while I work here and I already feel like it's too late. But…I have no idea what I'd do if I left. This job, the…people I work with…it's my whole life. Some things are so complicated…it feels like it would be easier to leave again. Sometimes I just feel so tired and weak…I don't know why exactly, but this case just sent everything crashing down on me…"

So this was the real issue. Not only was she unsure of her ability to get the job done after all she's been through, she was afraid of what she might miss out on if she stayed. And if she left, she was scared of losing everything she had built her life around – the job, the people she helped, the people she worked with…himself. And it was all tearing her apart.

"Olivia, I need you to listen to me carefully…you are not weak. In fact, you're the strongest person I know, have ever known. I don't know how you do it sometimes, I really don't, but it seems that it has all caught up with you. You've taken in so much pain, your own and others, something had to give. You've spent so much of your life being strong for others, you neglect to save some strength for yourself. And I realize now, that I am one of those people. And I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for all the hurt, all the pain I've caused you…"

He held back his own tears. He knew she had a choice to make, and it had to be her choice alone…but the thought of doing this job without her…again…terrified him. Olivia didn't say anything, perhaps she couldn't, so he continued:

"And I want you to know that whatever you choose, it has to be for you…but either way, I will support you. If you decide to leave, I will help you find a new job – and if you have a child, I'll help, even babysit. You won't lose me. If you stay here at SVU…I will have your back every step of the way, Liv. I know you're strong enough to do this, and when it feels like you're not, I'll lend you whatever strength I have. Either way, I'll be here."

She didn't say anything, but he could feel her tears soaking through his shirt. She was shivering, so he grabbed his blazer and pulled it around her shoulders. A few minutes passed, and when her breathing evened out, he took a chance and looked down at her.

She was asleep. He smiled. If he could put her at ease long enough for her to fall asleep for the first time in days, he'd at least accomplished something.

It wasn't a difficult discussion – Elliot was going to let her rest. She looked so peaceful, and it was such a dramatic contrast to the distraught Olivia he had just been talking to. He had a lot to think about anyway, so he wasn't going to get bored.

He was aware of the two sides of his partner – her strength, and her vulnerability. The victims were drawn to her for this reason. The problem was he so used to the strong side of her, and this incredibly vulnerable Olivia frightened him. This terrible onslaught of emotions had seemed to come on so suddenly, but that was often the case. The smallest thing could set off something held inside for too long.

She was worried about being weak. Hell, she probably thought she was weak in his eyes. With bitter resentment, he remembered things he'd said to her that would make it seem that way. Liv, what do you want me to tell you? Things happen, I deal with it, I move on. I'm not going to wallow in it. It wasn't true. She was so right about him: bottling it up inside, or beating up perps, walls or garbage cans, did not work for him. How could she know him so well, and yet he missed this deep-seated, very prevalent, issue of hers?

And there was something else she wasn't telling him. He'd been having these feelings towards her…he always felt something, but ever since the hospital, he looked at her differently. Was she feeling the same way, and was twisted up about it? He shook his head…that can't be part of the problem.

Just then he heard the door creak open and a beam of light shone into the dark room. "Don't turn on the light," he whispered.

He listened as the door shut and the footsteps got closer until the captain was staring down at them. They spoke in hushed voices, as quietly as possible.

"What's going on here, Detective?"

"It's not what it looks like, Captain. Well…I guess it is. The case was getting to Olivia, and she fell asleep…hasn't slept in a while."

"That seems to happen a lot." Don paused. "Right…well, when your partner is feeling better from that bad food she ate, bring her back downstairs. Just don't take too long."

Elliot smiled. "Thanks, Don."

The captain nodded, glanced quickly at Olivia and turned back towards the door. Once through it, he stopped and shook his head. They couldn't do this job forever. At some point, it would be too much.

At 9pm, Elliot gently prodded his partner to wake her up. She woke with a start, and disentangled herself from Elliot.

"Uh…"

"You fell asleep. I let you sleep. It's nine o'clock now."

Olivia didn't say anything at first, but she removed Elliot's jacket from around her shoulders and gave it back to him, her hand lingering.

"Thank you." She glanced at his chest. "Sorry about your shirt."

"Don't worry about it. I have an extra in my locker."

Olivia turned away from Elliot, not meeting his eyes, and started walking toward the door. She didn't get far before she felt his hand on her elbow, and she spun to face her partner.

"Liv…what are you going to do?"

She could see the anticipation in his face, the worry. The truth was, he'd said everything she'd needed to hear, and was the only shoulder – or chest – she could have cried on. His warm, strong arms around her and his calming voice… She felt confident again…all she needed was his words of support, telling her he'd be there for her. With firm resolve, she promised not to let herself read too much into it.

She smiled at her partner. "Let's get back to work." And without waiting to see his reaction she kept walking. She could feel his relief and almost see the smile that was spreading across his face as she left the crib.