Chapter 5
一
Chiyome frowns openly at the boy in front of her. For some reason she can't quite understand, she's been paired up with him for taijutsu practice by Iruka. Speaking of, she glares at him out of the corner of her eyes, growing in intensity when she sees him flinch.
"Hey!" The boy, Toguro Makihara if she remembers correctly, shouts. "Don't underestimate me!"
She scoffs, looking off to the side. "I don't estimate you at all."
Makihara rears back, inexplicably shocked at the insult before letting out a yell and barreling towards her.
Chiyome's eye twitches.
There is zero technique as he bum rushes her, his weight is pitched forward leaving him ready to topple over at any moment. She sidesteps him once he's within a few steps of her, rearing her elbow up and slamming it without any mercy into his back, he yelps in agony as he crumples into a pathetic lump on the ground.
Her eye twitches again.
Shrill squeaks permeate the air as Iruka blows his whistle, as if it was at all necessary to indicate the fight was over but she obliges, moving off the field to join the rest of the victors and leaving the boy writhing in pain on the floor. She ambles over to the open spot next to Choji, helping herself to the offered bag of chips.
In the six months since the first clan head meeting she was invited to the Hokage had managed to call two more and with the meetings came the "invitation" to dinner. Apparently, Ino-Shika-Cho had decided that she was a perfect fit for their group and had incorporated her into their dinner tradition and at this point, there was no saying "no" to an Akimichi invitation. It helps that out of all three, she feels the most comfortable with Choza. There isn't an exact reason she can pinpoint, she's not foolish enough to think he's in any way weaker than his counterparts but there's something warm about him. Kind and open in ways that completely draw her in, urging her to drop her defenses.
(Sometimes she can pretend the warmth he gives off is Fugaku in henge.)
Throughout her time of getting closer to the older Ino-Shika-Cho, a camaraderie with the younger trio has naturally formed as well.
Well, at least with Shikamaru and Choji.
Her acceptable view of Ino balances on a knife edge, not at all bolstered by Ino's disastrous reaction to finding out who exactly her father has dinner with.
("Tou-san," Ino spoke slowly, a chill descending on the group before her, "since when did you start talking to Chiyome-chan?"
"Ah," Inoichi began nervously, a sweat drop appearing on his forehead, he glanced around for some help only to find everyone mysteriously looking away, "you see dear, uh…."
"It's clan head business." Shikaku supplies once he realizes his friend is well and truly incapable of coming up with anything else.
He regrets speaking up when Ino turns her frankly creepy gaze on him.
"Oh? Am I not a future clan head Nara-san?" The group watches in morbid curiosity as Ino seems to grow three sizes larger.
They all proceed to abandon Inoichi immediately when she opens her mouth.)
Though Ino has seemed to calm down ever since Chiyome gave her and Sakura a bouquet of yellow carnations and butterfly weeds.
Sakura had practically glowed all day until Ino broke the news of what exactly those flowers meant.
(Inoichi had not stopped howling with laughter at that particular dinner. In fact, he still chuckles when he thinks about it.
Never in sight of Ino, of course.)
But where Ino had backed off with her affectionate declarations, Sakura had only become emboldened by the act as if any form of acknowledgment was enough to bolster her dreams. The teary declaration from the pinkette of unwavering loyalty even in the face of extreme adversity was something she desperately wishes she could wipe from her mind.
Chiyome watches her now, nervous and twitchy as she enters the ring. She stands across from another civilian girl by the name of Satsuki Yukino. Neither of them have any technique, dropping into the generic textbook stance of "the prime defensive position" once they make the Seal of Confrontation. The battle lasts far longer than it has any reason to, not because of any discernible skill or impressive feat but because the two girls have resorted to downright dirty plays including but not limited to tugging harshly on each other's hair.
"Hey, hey! Stop that!" Iruka is going wild with his whistle while Chiyome watches them with vague disinterest. It's a shame, really. Both girls scored so high on their theoreticals with nothing to show for it on the field.
But, Chiyome ponders as Naruto prances onto the field, at least they have something to work with.
She's not sure where all this animosity towards the bumbling blonde is coming from. They were friends for so long, even when Mikoto stopped going by Naruto's place, Chiyome was still his friend. So why.
Laughter permeates the air as his opponent lands another punch on him and, though she would deny it until she's blue in the face should anyone ask, she loathes to discover that she's jealous of the bastard.
Clear as day, there's green tinting her eyes as she watches his horrific attempt to dodge a punch. How dare he? She's practically seething. How dare he be happy when he has nothing; no friends, no family, he doesn't even really have a home so how is he happy.
(Why isn't she?)
She winces as Naruto is slammed hard into the ground, not having to imagine how that felt, Mikoto didn't hold back in their training sessions. Still, Naruto gets up with Iruka's help, loudly calling out how he will be the best. Kiba scoffs in response, yelling out an insult at the young boy but Chiyome can't bring herself to participate.
She can feel it rising in her like a tidal wave about to crest, the rage, the sorrow, the hate. Biting it down as best she can, she glances away, trying desperately to keep her emotions under control.
"You okay?" Choji asks her around a mouthful of onigiri and isn't that just a punch to the gut. Her head bobs up and down quickly but the pinch in her eyebrows gives her away. Shikamaru is looking at her now and she knows if she doesn't put a lid on it their attention will get the entire class to look at her and the last thing she wants is for them to see an emotional Uchiha.
("You must learn to control your emotions." Fugaku's voice rumbles through her from her spot on his chest. Some of the older Uchiha kids had been picking on her and though she hadn't yet accessed her chakra, she took great delight in hurling rocks at the losers' heads.
"I tried to Tou-san, I really did." Tears are falling unbidden down her cheeks and though her face is a disgusting mess of tears and snot, Fugaku still melts at the sight.
"I know you did." He touches his forehead to hers. "But there are already so many that are against the Uchiha, you must learn to stand above." His eyes and tone harden at his next words. "Even when they are your own."
Chiyome watches her father with a frown, decidedly not a fan of the look on his face. She rapidly peppers his cheeks with as many kisses as she can in an attempt to distract him. A small smile lights up his face before he returns the attention tenfold, not to be outdone in affection.
"Chiyome-chan," Mikoto's voice calls out, plunging the two into wary silence, "what's this I hear about a fight?")
Not for the first time, Naruto's voice hollering in some ridiculous argument drags the attention away from her.
"Oi, loser!" Kiba's voice barks out. "What are you fighting for now?!"
"Mind your business Kiba!" Naruto shouts back, pausing in his scrap with the other kids who all seem to disappear as Kiba approaches.
"Why don't you make me?" Kiba shoves Naruto's shoulder, a taunting smile crawling across his face. That's all it takes for the boys to descend into a fist fight, insults flying all the way. Noticing the new commotion, Iruka runs over, screeching on his whistle as if it'll get the two to stop.
Chiyome will never understand boys or their friendships.
The rest of the day passes in much the same manner. Abysmal spars on the training ground and heated ones off with Iruka running back and forth like a chicken with its head cut off.
"Alright," Iruka calls out in an exhausted voice, strands of hair have fallen out of his ponytail, a clear sign of his struggle. "That's enough for today. Tomorrow we'll go over the results of the spars. Dismissed."
The kids filter out slowly, the fresh bruises a stark difference from how they usually get home. It's a reminder to them, really, that what they're being trained for isn't some light-hearted fun. The pain and exhaustion and even the damaged ego ringing of humility will become a constant in their life from the moment they graduate until the day they die. For some, this marks the turning point in their education. Here, they go home and they question whether or not they're really cut out for this life; they talk to their friends and their family and they get no sympathy because this is what they signed up for. They'll come in the next day and ask to talk to Iruka in private.
"I'm sorry sensei," they'll say, "but I don't think I can do this."
"I understand," he'll respond, disappointment clear in his eyes, "it's not for everyone." Which is why he doesn't try to stop them. A ninja that's been forced into the role is no good for anyone, they'll die their first day and Iruka is far too young to have that much innocent blood on his hands.
Others still will look to the more accomplished students in comparison. Do I have what it takes? They'll ask themselves and so often they'll find that they come up short. Is that enough to give up on my dreams? And unlike the other ones, they'll find that it's not. A life in the genin corps may not have all the glitz and glamor they were expecting but isn't it better than nothing?
These ones will quietly move to the back of the classroom, participating less if they choose to at all. They'll still try and learn, of course. No one's told them that they can't do it but Iruka will note their withdrawal. He's been a teacher here so long he knows exactly what they're thinking and so he'll respect that, focusing less and less on making sure they understand and just hoping that they'll absorb.
Unlike those that leave the Academy, these ones will be filled with unbridled jealousy because it's not fair. They don't care about the clan kids, it was obvious none of them would give up but the other civilians?
"It's a joke, really." They mutter to themselves late at night, thinking about bubblegum hair and green eyes. "Just a complete and utter joke."
But unlike her former classmates (because they can't be comrades if they gave up, she rejects that premise entirely) Chiyome doesn't have a choice. She must graduate and not just graduate but do so as the very best in her class. Her parents didn't raise a fool. Her eyes narrow on sunshine yellow. Her parents didn't raise a Naruto.
"Chiyome-chan," Iruka calls out to her, he's standing next to a Yamanaka and she feels her displeasure grow at the sight, "it's time for an evaluation."
She follows after the two with a curt nod, banishing the thought of a young boy leaning against a tree, all alone in the courtyard.
事
The evaluation, like many things lately, was an utter waste of time.
"The Hokage wants to make sure you're doing well." The Yamanaka had said, voice clear and cool, utterly indifferent.
"He's very concerned about your well being." Iruka piped up, a reassuring smile on his face.
Chiyome frowned at both in turn.
If he was so concerned, why did he just let her loose on the world? She sneers to herself.
Had she decided to never go to those ridiculous clan meetings or had she said no to Ino-Shika-Cho she would have exactly one adult regularly checking on her and that was just because he's her teacher.
Hell, if she didn't have access to the Uchiha funds she doesn't know how she'd ever survive on the paltry "allowance" she's given.
Still, it's best not to rock the boat so she dully answers like a dutiful shinobi in training, both her and the Yamanaka completely aware that she's lying through her teeth.
By the time she makes it out of the meeting, the school has completely emptied out. Stepping outside, she cautiously looks around, more out of habit than anything else.
(A kunai whizzes past her ear causing her to flail, the bag of trash previously in her hand now scattered around the street.
"Chiyo-chan~" her mother sing-songed, "you always have to check your environment."
Chiyome glared from the ground, hand buried wrist deep in bloodied rags.)
Naruto is still there working through his katas, jacket thrown off and eyebrows scrunched. Another example of the Sandaime's failure. Three times, three times Naruto had been allowed to take the graduation exams when everyone knew he wasn't capable. And does the Sandaime ever step in to help his favorite orphan? No. He allows him to be humiliated again and again. Memories of his sorrow, his shame as he opened the door to accept her delivery of Mikoto's bento race through her mind plummeting her mood even further.
She squares her shoulders and moves in his direction, determined to set him straight. No matter how much he may want it, he's just not good enough. The words are on the tip of her tongue and just as she opens her mouth she notices it. His shoulders are shaking. Panic pools in her gut. She's never seen Naruto cry before, despite how loud and in your face he is, he's never actually shown his sensitive side and she's not interested in being the first one to see it. The time between shakes is growing smaller and smaller and she knows a sob is soon to follow.
"You're leaning too far forward." The words fall out of her mouth before she can stop them and she flinches back, instantly regretting it but her reaction is nothing compared to Naruto's who, in his shock, jerks forward and away from her falling headfirst into the ground.
"Chi-Chiyome." Naruto stutters, surprise clear on his face. They haven't talked since her return to the Academy.
"Do you not know how to balance?" It's a rhetorical question, Mikoto had forced her to teach him the basics after his first time failing the graduation exam, but she gets the exact reaction she was hoping for when he jumps up from the ground, indignation smeared across his face.
"I know how to balance, dattebayo!"
"Then why are you flopping around like that idiot I fought earlier?"
"I was just practicing what it felt like!" Naruto glances away and back quickly, a clear sign he's lying. "I know what I'm doing dattebayo!"
Chiyome scoffs, rolling her eyes. "Sure you do dobe." A smile that she can't understand lights up his face, stretching from ear to ear. More than slightly uncomfortable Chiyome just rolls her eyes again.
Naruto moves over to his discarded jacket, slinging it back on without any concern of what's on it or how he looks. "I'm finished anyways, gotta go to Ichiraku's." He pauses, unsure of whether to ask her or not.
"I have to go to the apartment too."
He nods at her, waving enthusiastically as she turns to leave. She's half way out of the courtyard when he calls her name again.
"I'm uh-I'm…" He trails off, gesturing in circles with his hand leaving her completely confused.
"Spit it out." Her command does little to help him as he continues to stammer, a frown slowly forming on his face.
"I'm just….I'm-," He cuts himself off before taking a deep breath and expelling a stream of noises all at once. He sprints away immediately afterwards, face bright red.
His words would've been difficult for even the Sandaime to understand but she heard it loud and clear, her blood rushing to her head as it reverberates in her ears.
'I'm sorry about what happened.'
事
She jerks up in bed, gasps shaking her whole body.
Run.
It was just a nightmare, she reassures herself. Just a nightmare.
Run.
She can see the red spinning all around her, again and again a pinwheel of torture. She lays there, holding her breath. The only way out is through and she is desperately trying to make it through. The nightmares have been a regular part of her life ever since she woke up in the hospital, pulled out of that deep darkness that she still considers comforting.
It happens like clockwork, the nightmares come and she's forced awake, clamoring for something to ground her - methods ranging from counting to chakra exercises. When that doesn't work she'll debate herself into circles of the benefits of telling someone; pro: she might get help, con: everyone will definitely know.
Usually, she's able to distract herself enough to fall back asleep.
Only until the next nightmare, of course.
This time, however, she can't fall asleep because there's something there. It has to be him, there's no possible way it isn't. They might not be as noticeable before but she knows that ANBU is still following her around and the only one who could make it past them would be him.
No air reaches her lungs as her shaky breaths crescendo, a chill freezing her to her bed. She knows knows knows knows knows what that man feels like and this is clearly him, she can practically taste the murderous intent in the air.
For hours she lies there, eyes staring straight up at her ceiling; if she blinks, she's not sure he won't appear. It's a welcome relief when the sun breaks, streams of golden light flowing in from her window and casting all the shadows out. There's no furniture for him to hide behind, no screen doors for him to haunt her with. She edges her way to the window, her heart practically breaking the sound barrier in her chest as she grips the sheet hanging against her window.
With all the courage she has left in her she jerks it back, her heart plunging from her throat to her stomach but all she sees is the ugly blank wall of the Hokage Tower.
Somewhere near a crow caws.
Not nearly as angsty as I was hoping, I'm trying to get it in without it being the same each chapter but there's some real trauma here that Chiyome's just not willing to unpack. Anyways, thanks for reading! Please let me know what y'all think!