The Sleeping Lyrical
Written by: Lone Wolf NEO
Conceived by: Lone Wolf NEO

Author's note: this is an AU (alternate universe) Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha fan fiction that parodies one of the most famous fairy tales in the world. It might also parody some other works. Original characters are subjected to copyright under the watchful eyes of the author.

Note: this event takes place before Magical Lyrical Nanoha StrikerS anime. All events that lead to the series are only the author's speculation. By the way, Nanoha-san, why are you modifying the guitar? (gets shot by Divine Buster)

Chapter 6
It's Not Lupus

The crews gathered. Today, they would have a post-mortem to study the stage play prior to the grand finale. Everyone was anxious, particularly since there were cries of protest from conservative people and purists regarding the true purpose of the activity. They also needed to know the progress of the production and how people reacted to it.

"Now, everyone," Lindy spoke as she took her seat. "Let's begin the meeting. I hope everyone is ready with the reports. First of all: Hayate, what have we got?"

"Ettou…" Hayate was too busy rearranging her untidy paper works to hear Lindy's request. Fortunately, Reinforce Zwei offered to give her some hand. "Thanks, Rein-chan."

"No problem!" Reinforce Zwei replied.

Hayate took one of the reports. After correcting her eyeglasses, she proceeded to read it. "According to the insurance companies, they're suffering 1.5 million Mid-Childan dinars of financial loss just to over medical fees for the audience. They demand us to compensate some of the losses before they cancel the contract."

Lindy cackled. "Fu, fu, fu, fu. I could easily Arc-En-Ciel them if I want to," she answered slyly. "But okay. I see if I can ask the treasurer about that. Do you have any other report?"

"Ah, yes I have." Hayate took a paper work that Reinforce Zwei found. She thanked Reinforce Zwei for the help and read the report. "Our stage performance of The Sleeping Beauty has, so far, received mixed receptions. 40 of respondents wanted to see improvement on prop management, 28 complained on the lack of proper background music, and 12 agreed that actors and actresses should lessen their reference to the Battle of Thermopylae."

Yuuno grumbled. "They never want to appreciate the glorious spirit of the Spartans," he retorted. "Those vile people."

"So says the man who kicked me twice," Chrono replied.

"You'll pay for that comment, Belkan!" Yuuno responded.

While Yuuno and Chrono argued over 300 Internet Memes, Lindy asked Hayate about the remaining 20. "The other 20 had questions for Fate. One: how did you achieve such degree of awesome and pay tribute to FLCL?" A flashback of Fate owning Yellow Submarine customers ala Haruhara Haruko was displayed on the HD screen, and all but Yuuno and Chrono cooed at her badass attitude. "Two: why did Sol Badguy teach you everything on Queen?"

Fate giggled. "Is there anything wrong with that? Life as a TSAB officer can quite be boring sometimes," she said. (Lindy and other senior officers twitched at the statement.) "After all, being a fan of Queen isn't going to hurt. Right, Nanoha-chan?"

"You are absolutely right, Fate-chan," Nanoha replied.

Hayate coughed. "Anyway, 100 of audience reached upon a mutual agreement," she continued, "that Evil Witch Chrono should die a slow, painful death in the grand finale."

Chrono managed to dodge Yuuno's Cantona Kick and screamed: "why in the hell everyone wants me dead?!"

Fate approached him. She slapped him. Thrice. "Because you were sexually harassing me," she retorted and slapped him for the fourth time. "And you even used tentacle monsters! You're horrible!" She ran toward Nanoha before Chrono could explain, and was crying on her shoulders as she threw herself into her arms.

"Now, now, Fate-chan, just leave the evil witch to me," Nanoha soothed and softly patted Fate's head. "I will destroy him for you." So saying she glanced at Chrono and made a murderous-intended smile. "I will make him pay."

Chrono stepped back in fear. The Demon Queen was going to lay a smack-down upon him, and he must take serious action before he met his demise. "You're gonna get owned, Chrono Haraoun," Yuuno said as he grabbed his shoulder.

"Yuuno… can we talk?"

Lindy, on the other hand, was deeply in thought. "100 want evil witch dead? I have to do some adjustment to the scripts." She took out the script book and browsed through the 250-page, A4-sized document. "This is quite difficult. I better consult the Author for advice."

"Is he coming?" Shamal asked.

"I'm not sure if he ever comes," Lindy spoke and put down her fake eyeglasses that mysteriously appeared on her face. "I see if I can ask him to watch the show."

"Pardon me for asking," Suzuka said and raised her left hand. "I thought The Sleeping Beauty was originally written as children's stage play. So how come I didn't see any kid among the audience?"

Lindy blinked. "Did we invite children as well?" Suzuka pointed to the HD screen. It showed the bird's eye view on the audience that waved to the camera as it flew over their head. Sure enough, there was no sight of children to be seen. "I can't believe we forgot the children. Poor kids; they should come and watch the stage play."

"Umm… I think I saw some kids at the ticket booth," Amy said. "They were very eager to watch the show but we ran out of tickets."

Lindy's eyes sparkled. "Really? Can you show me?"

Amy turned to the door. She clapped her hands. A group of children, accompanied by Alia Liese and Lotte Liese, entered the meeting room and excitedly waved to the crews. Among them was an equally perplexed Asahina Mikuru. "Eh? Why am I suddenly here?" the red-haired girl asked.

"Hello!" Tsuruya and Kyon's little sister greeted. Nanoha and Fate gratefully waved to them.

"What am I doing here?" a not-amused Nandaba Naota demanded.

Alisa whispered to Suzuka, "I get the feeling that inviting the rest of SOS-dan and Nandaba Households brings nothing but ultimate disaster."

Suzuka looked at the 'special guests' whom Lindy was happily talking to. She shuddered. "I can't help agree with you on this occasion."

"By the way, Hayate," Lindy said after she told the Liese Twins to accompany the children to the VIP seat, "everyone seems to like your narration. They would love to see you acting as a host in future show."

Hayate laughed. "Oh, no. Please; I'm just doing my job," she replied.

"Our role is so ridiculously easy we don't have to bat a drop of sweat!" Reinforce Zwei announced.

"I know, Rein-chan, I know," Hayate replied (Reinforce Zwei cheered and danced upon her master's head. "Oh, yes. Admiral, may I suggest that for the grand finale, all casts are required to wear my specially-tailored customs?"

"Oh! I really love cosplay!" Lindy agreed. "I would like to wear one of those!"

"I want to join! Can I, Hayate-sama?" Shamal asked.

"Give me the suit of King Leonidas!" Yuuno shouted and dodged Chrono's bicycle kick. He kicked Chrono on the abdomen and sent him flying out of the meeting room. "This is Sparta!"

"Cosplay party? This is getting ridiculous," Alisa spoke.

"At least it's not lupus," Suzuka replied, imitating Dr. House's infamous quote. Alisa and her classmates stared at her who proceeded to make a "what" expression. "And besides, everyone lies."

Nanoha took the report papers. She carefully read all of them and nodded in acknowledgment. "There's a question I'd like to rise before we continue with the stage performance," she spoke and quickly took everyone's attention. "How are we going to tremendously end the stage play? I'm expecting an onstage battle between good and evil."

"A very good question, Officer Nanoha," Lindy spoke. "A couple of hours ago, I had talked with the Author over the phone and we had agreed to have a guitar battle between the Prince and the Evil Witch."

Nanoha batted an eyebrow. "Guitar battle? I'm not familiar with the term. Please explain."

Fate went to the closet. She took out a 1961 Gibson EB-0 and gave it to Nanoha. "Nanoha-chan, this is how to do guitar battle," she said and played the intro chord of Sweet Child of Mine on her Flying V. "Now, Nanoha-chan, try it."

"Err… okay." Warily Nanoha plucked the guitar and -- amazingly -- the tune came out just fine. "Hey. I think I can do this." She continued playing the song and before long everyone started to head-bang to rock music. "This is fun. I never thought playing guitar would be this fun."

"Hey. Hey! HEY!!!!" Chrono's voice of protest echoed inside the meeting room. "How am I supposed to do guitar battle with Nanoha when I don't know anything about guitar?!" Vita, Signum and Shamal glared at Chrono. So did Fate who proceeded to pull the Flying V's motor cord, as well as Arf who opened kung-fu stance. Even Yuuno was ready to deliver yet another Spartan Kick. (The only person who ignored him was Reinforce Original; she was too busy reading the scripts to take notice of the fuss) "What the hell?! Why is everyone against me?! Is there a conspiracy among all of you or what?" he cried out.

"Yes, we are, Evil Witch," Vita retorted and armed Graf Eisen. "Bad people are going to die, and so are you."

"The fact that you were harassing and molesting Princess Fate is a disgrace for us, Fairy Godmothers of Mid-Childa," Signum spoke and withdrew Laevatein. "Perverts like you don't deserve mercy from us." Chrono cringed in pain; he clenched his hand on his chest as if having heart attack. The words surely stabbed deep into his chest and struck right at targets. "You even dominated the royal princess and attempted to turn her into slave. You are worse than the lowliest of lowlifes."

"Signum, you don't have to go this far," Shamal reminded.

"I know," Signum shrugged. "Yet as a woman, how can I just do nothing while he--" and she pointed to the stricken Chrono, "and I mean HE-- took advantage of someone as pure and as innocent as Fate. I shall send him to the deepest pit of Hell on her behalf."

Fate suddenly blushed at the comment, although her heart was touched by the selflessness of Signum. "Signum…"

"Err… aren't those quotes supposed to be for Hayate-sama?" Shamal suggested and laughed silly.

Signum stopped. She scratched her head many times. She even counted her fingers. Then she realized the truth she had done and palmed her face. "I'm not supposed to be like this! This is not my type of character!" she murmured. "This is madness!"

"I believe the effect of 300 has even affected Signum," Reinforce Zwei uttered. Hayate just laughed silly and sighed in amusement.

Reinforce Original put down the scripts. "These are relevant to my interests," she spoke in monologue, much to the Belkan Knights' wonder.

"Now, now, everyone," Lindy said and clapped her hands, "I believe we are all set for our grand finale. In the meantime, let's have enough rest. I don't want anyone of us to spoil that important day. Got it?"

"Okay!" everyone replied.

x-x-x-x-x

"So it has been decided that our hero will challenge the Evil Witch in a tense guitar battle. Will he -- I mean she -- win the duel and break the curse of the Device? Will he bring the sleeping beauty of Mid-Childa from her hundreds of years of sleep and seal their fate?"

"What about the cosplay party you mentioned during the meeting?" Reinforce Zwei asked.

"Oh, yes. With news that everyone's invited to a spectacular cosplay party, will the guitar battle between good and evil take place during the event? Or will it take place in the most isolated, deserted planet somewhere in the universe? Let's find out, in the grand finale of--"

The Sleeping Lyrical

A Lindy Haraoun/Time-Space Administrative Bureau 2007 presentation, which is meant to be a parody. Don't sue us; we just do what we're entrusted to.

"I don't want to do guitar battle!" Chrono shouted.

"NO U TOO!" Vita, Signum and Shamal shouted and pointed to his face.

x-x-x-x-x

// later that night… //

Nanoha sighed in relief. Her hours of works had finished. She looked at her achievement and nodded in accomplishment. "Well, I guess this will do it," she said and examined the heavily modified EB-0. She, then, inserted Raising Heart into a socket installed on the electric guitar's headstock. She took a deep breath. Then…

"Lyrical! Magical!"

The transformation began. Compartments of nano-machines materialized from thin air and attached onto the EB-0. A 10-clip magazine also materialized and installed just underneath the headstock. The headstock itself transformed into a bayonet that housed Raising Heart.

"Standby Ready."

The transformation was complete. The EB-0 had a new look, unlike anything else one would have seen before.

"Yosh."

She holstered the guitar strap over her shoulder. She plucked the strings. At first she played random tunes before she proceeded to play melodic tunes of 'Love Letter From…'

She nodded. "I can do this."