The Fresh Start Club was as bad as Cassandra had feared. She had been introduced by a beaming Reg as 'Sister Cassandra', despite the fact that she was an only child who could never be genetically similar to most of the people in the room.

Count and Countess Notfaroutoe had been 'charmed' to make her acquaintance. Ixolite had handed her a very empathic note, with a welcoming wail written on it. The darkness that was Schleppel had murmured something that sounded like 'afternoon' and Lupine had just rolled his eyes at her in a way that expressed the fact that they were both there out of a combination of pity and press-ganging.

'So,' said the Countess in what Cassandra assumed she thought was a sophisticated purr, 'how did you become a vampire?'

Cassandra glanced around. Reg nodded at her encouragingly.

'I just met someone and he wasn't quite what I expected,' she mumbled.

The Count gave her an amiable look. 'Did he have a name? We might know him.'

'I don't think you will, really I don't-'

'Vhat was his name girl?'

Cassandra gave up. 'He called himself Pan.'

She thought she heard Schleppel snigger.

'Don't know any Pans. Not a very Morporkian name, is it?' The Count was silenced by his wife's powerful glare.

Cassandra really wanted to leave. She had only been here ten minutes and already she had told this group of misfits more about herself than she had ever intended to admit to anyone. She could tell, however, that Reg wasn't going to let her leave now.

'Aren't we glad to have a new member everyone?'

A chorus of reluctant affirmatives answered the zombie.

Count Notfaroutoe began talking to her again. 'How do you manage in the city? I just can't seem to get the moat right, and if you want a castle around here you can just forget it-'

'Actually I need to find somewhere to stay today.' Cassandra saw an escape route and went for it. 'Someone recommended a place on this very street, actually, Mrs Cake's.' She realised everyone had joined in on the last word.

'So you know it?' she ventured.

'I live there.' Reg was radiating happiness. 'She's a very understanding landlady. I can take you there now, if the others don't mind ending the meeting early.'

No objections were raised so Cassandra was forced to leave the meeting with Reg in tow. There was nothing wrong with the zombie, but his enthusiasm wore her down. It was depressing, the way he wanted people to care so much, the way he hoped and dreamed on their behalf if they didn't join in. It was like being in the presence of a kind but extremely incompenant god who just can't understand why he has to tell people the meaning of life, and is patiently giving them incomprehensible hints in the hope that they will get there one day.

Mrs Cake had been perfectly pleasant and really didn't care that her newest tenant was a vampire. Upon seeing some of the other residents Cassandra knew why.

At least I have somewhere to live now. That was the only positive she could currently think of. The room was small and sparsely furnished but it was also clean and mercifully free of a tendency to combust, like her old room at the Guild.

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