Chapter 6: Lesson in Fun-Part 1

August 20, 1984

Dear Lily,

Firstly, I would like to wish you a Happy 15th Birthday. I wish you much joy and happiness on this special occasion. You deserve every ounce of goodness that comes your way because you've worked hard for it. I hope you like the gift that I've bought you. Secondly, I congratulate you for having been made a prefect. It must be an honor, and I am so very proud of you for securing that position.

Now, we must move on to more serious matters. As I am writing this letter, I am downstairs in the basement so that your mother does not find me and take this letter away from me. For nine years, Lily, I have been a terrible father to you. I have gone to clubs, drank endless amounts of alcohol, and slept with a countless number of women. But today, I am sober. I have been sober for the whole day, and I will continue to be sober. Why? It is because I see what you and Petunia are becoming. No, I see what you are becoming. It is too late for Petunia, for she has already become. Since the day she'd left for college, I knew I'd lost her. I wish that I could have reached her a long time ago, and I wish I could have talked to you sooner. I had been hiding myself away for too long. But now, you are my only hope, and I pray that you will listen to me because I am sure that it is not too late, Lily. It is not too late.

You must think that your mother is a wonderful woman, a saint, an angel. She certainly seems to be. She is beautiful, talented, kind, caring, and loving. To you, she is the quintessence of perfection. She is perfection. But perfection is not real, Lily, and it can't ever be. Perfection is fake, and so is your mother. I am not saying that she is a cruel monster, but she is tyrannical, and I won't doubt that she can send Hitler running to his mother. No matter what way you look at it, she has tried to mold you. From the day of your birth, she has tried to make you perfect, tried to make you like her. She has never heard of the words mistake or flaw. They are not in her dictionary, and apparently, they are not in yours, either. I can see you becoming her, Lily. You hold your head up high and act as if you are on top of the world. You act as if everybody is beneath you, just like your mother does. You believe you are flawless, but that is exactly it. That sick belief that your mother has drilled into your head will be your downfall, Lily.

I cannot tell you the amount of times I have tried to tell your mother, before our marriage, after our marriage, and even before we had kids, to change, to become a better person. I don't know what started this, but it seems to have run in the family for generations, and I want you to stop this, Lily. It scares me to think that my younger daughter will become an exact replica of the woman I've come to loathe, an exact imitation of the daughter that I was unable to help.

Now that you are in school and Petunia is in college and I am at home, it has become unbearable to live with your mother. Day after day, her words, her actions, her fakeness. It all disgusts me to the point of insanity, and I have, often, tried to commit suicide. But every time that I try, I can see your face in my head, and I stop. You may not think so, Lily, but I need you. I cannot go back to my old self again, nor can I kill myself. The only way I can become sane again is by you and your choice.

I am so sorry for not being there for you. I cannot take back what I've done, nor can I offer any plausible excuse for my actions. I should have been a better father, but I was not, and I can't tell you how ashamed I am of my actions, how sorry I am. I hope you can find it in you to forgive me, and even if you don't, I hope you can heed what I am telling you.

Lily, you are a beautiful young lady, and there is a world full of creativity, imagination, and possibilities out there for you. It's alright to cry, to feel pain, to fall down, to make mistakes. Because it only makes you stronger. It's alright to be crazy, to laugh until you cry, and to be wild. There is no other Lily Evans in the world because there is no one like you. You are unique and individual and no one can take that away from you. You are you, and no one can change that. Please, Lily, find yourself again. Find your heart again.

Love, Dad

A little more than a month has passed since my birthday, but that is insignificant compared to what I've just read. I read the letter over one more time, and then another, and another. I've read the letter five times and it still says the same thing. I couldn't breathe or think or feel. My body was frozen as I lay on my bed, the letter clutched in one hand. I took deep breaths, and counted backwards from ten. Slowly, with trembling hands, I picked up the dark blue, velvet box and opened it slowly, gasping at the shimmer of the jewels. A beautiful silver heart, engraved with a fancy 'L', which was adorned with small, sparkling emeralds. Gently, I opened up the heart, but it was empty. It was up to me to put a picture in there, and the first two people that came to mind were my mother and my sister.

The letter was still in my hands, black-inked words on top of crinkled, whitish-yellow parchment paper. I suddenly found myself wishing that I hadn't cleaned and rearranged my suitcase. Because if I hadn't, I would have never found that letter hiding inside the suitcase, tucked away in a small side pocket. I picked it apart, analyzing each sentence, each word, but I could not find the truth in it. To me, they were just words, nothing more and nothing less. But, the effect of them was astonishing, and each time I read them, I could feel my heart beat faster. It was like a cold wave had washed over me.

How could my father, that man who has been a stranger to us for nine years, suddenly change like that? And why did he choose to tell me this now? Why now? Despite his explanations of my mother, I couldn't believe any of it. I wouldn't! My mom had taken care of me, had nursed me. Without her, I'd be nothing, nothing at all. How could I believe something so wretched as what my father had said about his wife? It was simply impossible to think that she was fake or that she was trying to mold us. She was as every bit as real as Hogwarts, as magic. How could it be alright to cry or to make mistakes? How in the world could that make you stronger? It was absolutely absurd.

And suddenly, I ripped up the letter. The sound of the shredding was like music to my ears, and when I was done shredding, I took my wand, and I burned the letter. I watched it disintegrate to ashes with a happy gleam in my eyes.

My dad was right. I was Lily Evans, and there was no other person like me. But, I didn't need to find myself, and I didn't need to find my heart. I knew exactly who I was and where I was heading, and it was absolutely pathetic of him to try to tell me otherwise.

The cold metal of the necklace felt strange against my neck, but I liked it. Now, my sister and my mother would always be with me. As I headed to the library for my tutoring session with Potter, I stopped to open up the locket and admire the pictures of the two most important women in my world.

Potter stumbled in just as I seated myself. "Wow," he gasped as he sat down across from me. His eyes lingered on the locket. Unconsciously, I touched it and smiled. I had to admit, albeit reluctantly, that my dad did have good taste in jewelry. "Where'd you get that, Evans? That must have cost a fortune!"

"That," I said, opening up his Charms textbook, "is unimportant now. We must continue our lesson."

"Must we?" he said, groaning. "Five tutoring sessions and no fun in any of them! Do you even know the meaning of fun? Honestly, Evans, I'm giving up my Tuesdays, and I may be learning a great deal, but can't you bring some fun into it, a little bit of variety? Must everything be so routine? It's killing me!"

"Fun?" I said, trying out the word on my lips. Immediately, my mind wandered to the letter that I had read this morning. It's alright to be crazy, to laugh until you cry, and to be wild. Was that what fun was? Fun seemed so mediocre to me, so nonsensical and meaningless. I could not understand how you could mix work with fun. How could I even be thinking of the letter at this moment? "No, Potter, I cannot. You are wasting our time here, so can we continue on with this lesson?"

Potter heaved a big, dramatic sigh before nodding his head. "If we must, Your Majesty," he murmured, before mumbling something under his breath.

You hold your head up high and act as if you are on top of the world. I cringed, and pushed something intangible away, earning a bewildered stare from Potter. "Okay, let's start with the enlargement spell, and then we will go on to the shrinking spell."

We spent the next half-hour going over the two spells, and I was slightly amazed at the progress that Potter had made in the last five weeks. He was steadily improving, and I was extremely proud of myself at the work that I'd done.

"Very good, Potter. Now, I think we should review—"

"Oh God, don't! No reviewing, nuh-huh. I vote we do something fun. How about that?"

Again with that stupid three letter word. I swear, that word should be banned from the dictionary. "I vote that we should review, and since my vote counts more than yours, that is exactly what we're going to do."

My firm response was answered in silence as Potter's fingers drummed rhythmically on the table. "You're always teaching me something, Evans. Let me teach you something in return. Okay?"

I snorted in disbelief. "Take a shot at it. Go ahead and test me on any subject," I said confidently.

Potter rolled his eyes. "You think you're so perfect, huh?"

You believe you are flawless, but that is exactly it. That sick belief that your mother has drilled into your head will be your downfall, Lily.

"Fun and friends," he said simply, smiling in triumph. "Since I tried and failed to explain to you what friendship is last time, this time, you and I are going to have a hands-on, interactive experience."

For a moment, I sat there looking at him, annoyed and bewildered at the same time. "You can't test me on that!" I exclaimed.

A gleeful laugh escaped his lips. "Oh, yes I can!" he whispered excitedly. Jumping out of his chair, he grabbed my hand and raced down the corridors.

"Potter!" I hissed, attempting to extricate my hand from his warm and big one. Again, I shuddered, but this time for a different reason. This time, because of that tingle that ran down my spine at the feeling of his hand. Madness, I thought. "Potter, let go of my hand," I commanded, running to keep up with him.

"Okay, we're here," he breathed, finally letting go of my hand. And yet, strangely, there was a tiny, microscopic part of me that yearned for it. Angrily, I squashed it.

"The Gryffindor common room?" I asked in between breaths.

"The one and only," he grinned. "Come on." He told the Fat Lady the password, Golden Ring, and opened the door.

I followed him inside and stumbled upon Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew.

"Prongs! You got out of tutoring early!" Black exclaimed gleefully. "But, what's she doing here?" I earned a glare from Mr. Idiot, and retorted with my own evil stare.

"My dear friends, be silent as I tell you three of this tragic dilemma," Potter said dramatically. "Lily Evans, here, has no friends, as you all are aware of. But what is even worse is that she chooses to have no friends, and what is even more worse is that she does not know the meaning of fun! So, it is with diligence, cooperation, and perseverance that I present to you today's lesson in fun and friends. And I ask you three to lead me in this powerful learning session."

I was rarely ever put into awkward situations, but at that moment, it felt as if I'd been picked up right out of my house and dropped into the middle of a jungle. I didn't belong there. The animals did not want me. And the way that these boys were staring at me, I didn't think they wanted to participate.

"Let me get this straight," Lupin said. "You are willing to teach Evans, who you say you hate, a lesson…on friendship and fun?"

"Yeah, that pretty much sums it up," Potter answered, nodding his head.

"Prongs, why, man? Why? Why would you want to?" Black asked, bewildered and utterly confused.

"Well…Evans has been helping me, so I think I should return the favor. I've gotten to know her a bit, and realized that she is a boring, sad, and pathetic creature who's mind and heart are cold and terribly morphed. To be honest, I pity Evans here. Yes, I do, indeed. She's never hurt any of us or anyone for that matter, and who knows, we might just discover a side of Evans that she's been hiding?"

"You pity her?" Pettigrew asked, just as astonished as Black. "But, why?"

"Ah, Wormtail, I don't feel much like going into the details. All you need to know is we are the Marauders, and right now, we are being presented with a challenge, and the Marauders never back down from a challenge."

Lupin, always the intuitive and perceptive one, hummed in silence. "I guess we could give this try. What's the worst that could happen? Lily might gain some friends."

I snorted, folding my arms across my chest. Like that would ever happen.

"Yeah, 'cause Evans looks really eager," Black replied sarcastically. "But, like Moony said, what's the worst that could happen, right? I'm always up for a night of fun, even if it is with Evans."

"Alright then!" Potter exclaimed enthusiastically. "Let's get this lesson started."

"Woah, hold it!" I ordered, holding my arms up. "I think you're forgetting one small detail, like the fact that I never agreed to this."

Like a light switch, Sirius Black instantly turned on his charm, smiling at me seductively as he sidled over to me. "But you will," he whispered huskily, "won't you?"

Apparently, Black did not have the slightest clue that I was immune to his so called "charm." Still, I could not help but feel my cheeks fill up oh so slightly with a red hue. Rolling my eyes, I examined my fingernails before calmly replying, "Yeah, sure, whatever. Like Lupin said, what's the worst that could happen?"

"Ah, Evans, I knew you weren't completely a stick in the mud!" Potter cheered. "Okay, first thing's first, get the Marauder's map and the Invisibility cloak."

My eyes snapped. "The what and the what?!" The wheels started turning, and I realized after a moment that these boys were planning on going out, to gosh knows where, secretly, possibly staying after curfew. "No, whatever the lesson is, it is going to be right here within the walls of this castle, and after 11 p.m., within the walls of this room. I am a prefect, and I should be setting an example."

"Lily, how can we teach you a lesson if you are going to be so resistant," Lupin spoke calmly, tranquilly. "Trust us. We've done this countless times before. I assure you, nothing bad will happen. And besides, I'm a prefect, too, in case you've forgotten."

Trust? The only people I'd ever trusted were my mom and my sister. And they expected me to trust them? The world was going haywire.

"No," I said, shaking my head adamantly. "Pettigrew, where are we going?"

It was then that I realized that although he was more stupid than his friends, he wasn't that stupid. "We're going to Ho—ah," he covered up quickly under the intimidating glare of his friends. "It wouldn't be much fun if we told you, Evans," he finished smartly.

"Either you teach the lesson in here, or—"

"My gosh, you idiot!" Black yelled. "Shut up! I swear, you're like a…I don't even know what you're like, but whatever it is, it's not good. Stop being so wary and tense. Relax! I swear, guys, she's been dropped down from some other planet. I bet even the teachers have more fun than you do!"

There was that word again. Fun. If it were a person, I'd probably take a butcher's knife and ruthlessly hack it to pieces.

"Fine! Go ahead and show me what 'fun' and 'friendship' is all about," I retorted, glaring at him with as much hate as I could muster. "Go ahead and try. But when you fail, I'll be laughing my head off. That's the only reason I'm going." I prayed, silently, that I would not lose my privileges as prefect.

"And when we succeed, we'll be laughing our heads off," Potter replied.

"Well then," Lupin said finally. "Let us begin!"

AN: As much as I try, the 'Love, Dad' somehow can't be at the right, and always ends up left. So, I'm sorry. And, as always, your reviews make my day.