Hawke sat on her chair in the Hanged Man, not believing what she said aloud a few moments ago. She lifted her eyes and looked at them under her eyelashes, and all she could see was their stunned and confused faces, their open mouths and their wide eyes. Isabella cleared her throat, unable to close her mouth before she spoke.

"Wait...you want to tell us that...that Sebastian slept with you, and that...that he pumped you?" Hawke sat up from her chair, clearly offended by Isabella's words as she barked at her.

"Isabella!" Then she thought about it, and she was right...sort of. She settled back in her chair as she shook her head.

"Yes..." She admitted although a little hurt, Isabella couldn't help but be mad at her.

"And you kept it a secret? From me?" Isabella shook her head as she emptied her mug before she continued.

"I am really disappointed from you Hawke. I thought we shared our secrets..." Hawke eyed her angrily as she wanted to yell at her, but Varric was faster and he spoke before she did.

"I think that Hawke had a reason for hiding it from us, right Hawke?" Everyone looked back at her and she started explaining why she hid it from them.

"I hid it because I thought you couldn't hold it a secret and you would unintentionally blabber it out in front of him. I just couldn't risk it." Fenris shook his head.

"We are your friends Hawke. You still should've told us." She lowered her head again as shame and guilt overwhelmed her.

"I know, and I am sorry. I didn't want to disappoint you." Then she lifted her head again, a pleading look on her face before she spoke to them.

"But please, let's go and try to find him." She stood up but Varric shook his head.

"No Hawke." He simply said, as if he said a good morning to someone. Everyone eyed Varric, confused as to what is going on here. Hawke came closer to him, her eyes narrowed as she spoke to him.

"What do you mean with 'no Hawke'? We have to find him!" She turned and started to leave but Varric's loud voice stopped her as she was just about leaving the room.

"He doesn't want to be found Hawke!" She stopped, the words struck her heart. She lowered her head as the tears started to dwell up in her eyes again, slowly she turned back to them, her heart sinking I to oblivion.

"What?" Was the only thing she managed to say to him, Varric watched his friend, it hurt him to see his favorite hero hurt like that.

"He said he didn't want to be disturbed. He said he needs time for himself, and I somehow understand him." Hawke fell back into her chair, she still couldn't believe Varric's words. So he left me...us, then?

"Why does he need to be alone? And for how long, Varric, for how long?!" She cried, her face hidden with her hair as everyone wanted to say something to ease her suffering, though they didn't know what to say to her.

"He has some very important decisions to make, and he asked us to trust him and that he will return as soon as possible."

"So he left? He left Kirkwall?" The words chocked her, she had a hard time to breathe. Anders placed his hand on her shoulder in hope to comfort her, but she just shoved his hand away as her angry eyes glared at him.

"Don't touch me! Don't you dare touch me!" Anders eyed her angrily before he stood up, his hands fisted.

"You are blaming ME because he left?!" Then Hawke stood up as well, her face close to his as she barked at him.

"I am blaming you because you are bloody selfish! You saw he and I were alone yet you pressed the matter on! And then when he strode past you...do you think I didn't see your victorious smile?!" Aveline walked behind Hawke and grabbed her hands to prevent her to launch on Anders. Varric shook his head as he refilled his and Isabella's mug.

"That's low, even for you Blondie." Anders looked at him in disbelief, everyone was against him as he saw their flaring eyes on him.

"How am I supposed to know that something is going on between them?!"

"It's usually like that when a man and a woman are alone!" Isabella yelled at him, he wanted to protest but whatever he wanted to say died as he saw how sad Hawke is, how hurt she was as her sad eyes stared at him, and his heart tightened in his chest. Hawke hugged her waist as she slowly turned her body away from Anders, he could see the rejection on her face.

"I am sorry, Hawke. I really am..." Then she turned to him with a small smile on her face as her eyes glowed from the candle light, and from her unshed tears.

"It's a little too late for that, don't you think?" Then she turned and started to leave the room, Aveline ran to her as panic overwhelmed her.

"Hawke..."

"Please, I need to be alone for a while." She turned and started to leave again but Aveline was persistent.

"Then let me at least walk you home." Hawke nodded weakly to her as they made their way out of Varric's room. Everyone watched them leave, Merril emptied her mug before she spoke.

"Poor Hawke, she really likes Sebastian a lot."

"Seems so, Daisy." Merril lifted her head and looked at Varric, something bothered her though...

"But why hasn't she told him that he is the father? I mean they like each other and I am sure that Sebastian would like to be father." Isabella refilled Merril's mug before she answered her.

"It's a little complicated, kitten. You can't just tell someone that he is the father of your child."

"Why not?" Merril asked her, her green eyes wide with confusion, everyone rolled their eyes in annoyance and Isabella leaned closer to Merril in hope she could explain it to her.

"You have to be sure that the one whose child you carry loves you, that he would want to raise your child with you. Hawke and nobody knows if Sebastian loves her so she couldn't just blabber it out to him without knowing for sure."

"Oh...I thought he loves her...but why did he ran away then? Was he jealous?" Isabella nodded to her and Merril couldn't help but feel victorious.

"It's seems that our Choir boy is extremely jealous...at Anders no less." Anders head snapped up as he saw the smirk on the pirates face.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He yelled at her from across the table and Varric couldn't help but giggle as Isabella countered him.

"Well, I would've understood that Sebastian is jealous of Fenris...but you? You are like a really cute kitten who just barks a lot, and no one is mad at you barking at everyone because you are so cute." Varric burst into laughter and Fenris gave her a smirk that somehow made the pirate even more interested in Fenris' 'equipment'. Anders blushed, the comparison with him to a kitten hurt him. He stood up and walked through the doors as Varric stopped laughing and started to yell at him.

"Hey, Blondie wait! It was just a joke!" He started laughing again as Anders yelled from downstairs.

"And a lame one at that!" Varric turned to Isabella with a wide smile on his face as he raised his mug towards the pirate.

"To our Rivaini, for making Blondie angry at us." Isabella lifted her own mug before they both drank it. Merril watched them confused as she shook her head.

"I thought kittens are cute, but Anders isn't cute." Varric and Isabella eyed each other before they burst into laughter, Merril was even more confused now as she lowered her head, her cheeks blushing in a fiery red.

"Oh, did I miss something dirty again?" All of them laughed, except poor Merril.

####

Hawke entered her mansion, it was noon and she forgot to report to the Grand Cleric that they didn't find Sebastian, but then she stopped just as she wanted to leave again as a thought crossed her mind; what am I going to tell her? That he needs time to think or that I am pregnant and carrying his child? No. She turned and walked back into her mansion, the rough day and the baby tiring her. She was sad, yes, but she also trusted Sebastian, he was a man of his word and she knew he would come back. The only question was when he would come back, and that made her even sadder. Will he come until I am still pregnant, or will he arrive later?

Hawke entered her bedroom and fell down on her bed, her face buried in the bed sheets as her mind wandered off. She was thinking about Sebastian and she wondered if she should have told him about the baby, that he is the father. Everything would be different now, maybe we would already be on our way to Starkhaven, or he would push me even farther away and not believe that it his child. Oh Marian what have you done again? She hit her head in the bed, over and over as she scolded herself. Stupid, stupid, stupid...all you do is stupid, at least in your personal life. Suddenly a knock on her door startled her and she almost fell off the bed as she sat up.

"Yes?" The door opened a little only to reveal Bodahn peaking through the gap.

"My Lady, a letter just arrived for you, though it doesn't say from whom. The courier wouldn't say and he left immediately." Hawke showed him he could come inside, Bodahn slowly and hesitantly entered her chambers, he gave her the letter and left her alone, and her heart skipped a beat as she read the inscription.

To Marian.

She hastily opened the letter, her heart hammering in her chest as she started to read it, the handwriting suddenly familiar...

Marian,

I ask for nothing more than your trust. I need some time for myself, but I am sure Varric already told you. I am fine, I will come back to all of you when I feel ready to do so, and when I can bring myself to look into your eyes again. There are many things that bother me and that we have to discuss, but not through the letters. We will discuss it when I come back, then we will sit down and talk...there will be no secrets between us anymore, and no one will disturb us. Again, I am fine so you don't need to worry, if you worry at all.

Sincerely,

Your dear friend Sebastian.

Marian closed the letter, hurt, sad and angry. How dare he think that I am not worried for him? He is such an idiot! Hawke paced her room, the letter held tight in her hand. He is my friend?! We slept together you idiot! She screamed through the room and Bodahn burst into the room, afraid that something happened to her, but he hastily left as he saw her pacing angry through her room. She was angry again, and he didn't want to be the one who will feel her anger.

Hawke sat down on the bed as Bodahn left, her heart sinking into oblivion as she thought about the letter. She took the letter and she read it, again and again, his words slowly making sense to her. He needs courage to look into my eyes again...but why? Why is he ashamed? I am the one to blame for everything, especially the thing with Anders...Maker why did it have to be this way? She came to the window and looked up the sky, the tears slowly falling down her face as she thought about Sebastian. She never admitted to herself that she already loved him, that she is already fallen for him. She smiled, she couldn't help but wonder if he felt the same. She leaned her body on the wall next to the window, her head still staring up in the sky. Where are you, Sebastian? Come back to me, as soon as possible...please.

She closed her eyes and lowered her head as two tears made its way down her face. She was sad, and now she would have to wait for him to arrive. She just prayed that it wouldn't take that long, lest she would go and search for him.

####

Five months later...

Hawke was sitting in her study reading a book and sipping her tea. She was still the Champion of Kirkwall but everyone knew she was pregnant so they gave her some time out from the political struggles. Even Meredith softened with her measures against the blood mages and mages, and for the first time Hawke wondered that she truly had a heart. She thought about many things, but the thing that bothered her most, was Sebastian.

He still didn't return and it worried her, he sent a few letters to Varric though, which said that he is well and that he is on the road to recovery. Hawke thought much about him, her heart filled with grief and sadness every time she thought about the night he left. She was still mad at Anders, she barely talked with him because he is the reason Sebastian left in the first place.

She shook her head, her mind filled with every possible thought of Sebastian and her, and their one night stand. She didn't knew it before but she loved him, she craved for him, he made her feel like she never felt before. She was never in love before, but she was certain that she is now because every time she thought of him her belly did a flip, her heart would beat faster and her breathing would speed up a little. She blushed almost every time his blue eyes fell on hers, she giggled almost every time he made her a compliment, and she wanted nothing more than him and their child. She was in deep thought but a knock on her door to her study startled her. She stood up and walked to the doors, she opened them only to see Varric standing in the doorway.

"Hello Hawke, am I disturbing you?" She stepped aside and smiled as Varric entered her took a seat next to hers and she offered him some tea, but he shook his head and declined.

"You know I don't drink that green stuff Hawke." She walked to her liquor cabinet and took a bottle of ale which she poured into Varric's mug.

"I thought you weren't allowed to have any hard stuff in your house." He teased her a little and she smiled as she sat down on her chair.

"Well I am not drinking it at least." He drank his mug before he answered her, the smirk still on his face as well as his smile.

"Good for you, Hawke. You're officially no drunkard any more."

"Hey, as soon as the baby is out of me I will start again. Then I'll win every drinking contest again." They both laughed, the little teasing a relaxation to the early events. Orsino and Meredith always found a way to argue, but there were no incidents at least. Both stopped laughing as Varric took a deep breath before he spoke.

"So, any news from Choir boy?" The small smile on her face died at the mention of Sebastian, Varric saw how hurt she was and he scolded himself mentally for that.

"Nope, haven't heard a thing." She fell back into her chair, her eyes fixed on the table as Varric spoke.

"Well, that's a month now since we last received a letter from him. I am slowly starting to get worried, Hawke." Varric rubbed his jaw and Hawke got even sadder at that.

"I know, but he asked me to trust him. And even if I wanted to search for him, where should I start? He could be anywhere, he could even be in Kirkwall and we wouldn't know it." Varric nodded to that as he, too, stared at the table.

"I know, I hope he just arrives in time." He referred to their baby and Hawke instinctively placed her hand on her belly as a small smile crossed her face.

"I doubt that, but either way he will see the baby. If he said that he's going to return, then I believe him." Hawke smiled at her own words, she at least hoped he would return.

"That's going to be a true fairy tale." He shook his head and smiled before he emptied his mug.

"What do you mean?" His eyes locked with hers then, a smirk crossing his face.

"The Champion of Kirkwall finds his Prince, they get a child together and together they will rule the two strongest cities in the Free Marches."

"Oh Varric, you have such an imagination!" They both laughed a little as he stood up, Hawke did the same as she watched him, but Varric answered her before she could ask.

"I gotta go, have some things to take care of. You watch yourself Hawke, and if you find out something about Choir boy, let me know." She nodded to him before he walked out of the study, then out of the estate. She sat back in her chair, her mind heavy with worry and concern directed only to Sebastian. She prayed to the Maker every night to return him to her, she prayed that he is safe and sound. She sat up and walked out to her back garden, she wanted to relax a bit in the warm summer day, and she silently wished that he would return as soon as possible, then he would be hers, completely.

Notes:

Thanks to my lovely followers Arialla MacAllister, Spoo-da-loo, Tgk0224, ali7984, snedentx and yanh.

And of course to the ones who checked it as favorite; Tgk0224, dawn08, mxcalibur and snedentx.

And of course to all the dear readers who take their time to read it. I love you all very much and I hope you keep reading it.