Chapter 6 : Ash in the Twilight Zone : Part 2

Part Two ! Yay ! Ash goes crazy, and things keep getting weirder. Also, I used a German word. And hopefully, you'll know what it means. If not, go to and look it up ! But don't ask me !

Ash was somewhere back in Pallet Town. And he didn't know how he had got there. He was a little more sane, but he still was naked, and he was still kind of crazy.

Pretty soon a girl of sixteen was walking near him. She had brown hair tied up in a bun and olive green eyes. She had glasses on with a confused expression. She was Carid Ketchum - assistant to Professor Oak and Ash's cousin.

" Hi, Carid ! " Ash said happily.

" Uh, hi. Auntie says that everyone is looking for you. "

" Eh. "

" Okay. Now do you have any idea why are you doing this ? "

" Nope, Carid. "

Carid sighed. " You may be my cousin, Ash. But you're an idiot. "

" I know. I forgot - where am I ? "

" Uh, you're in Pallet Town. "

" Oh. "

" You do know that your mom is going to be so freaking pissed at you, don't you ? "

" Yeah. I don't need a sixteen year old telling me that, though. "

" And how the hell did you get naked ? "

" Jumped in a mud puddle. "

" Okay then... "

Ash gave a chuckle. " I was on caffeine. So sue me. "

Carid gave a frown. " Okay. But, can you tell me why Entei, Mew, Arceus, and a sponge are playing poker in your back yard ? "

" Uh... HEY ! What the hell are they doing in my yard ? " Ash demanded.

The three legendaries and Spongebob came over towards them. Arceus gave a mischievous grin. " Your mom makes awesome fudge ! We raided the house earlier and found a plate of fudge on her windowsill. It was so great when she left ! We were pigging out, and Entei got drunk from the tequila that we raided from that old man's cabinet ! "

" Okay... but what the hell are you doing here ? " Carid asked.

Mew gave a laugh. " Well, we're ready to go to San Francisco in America. Wanna come ? "

" Sure ! " Ash replied, grinning.

" Ash ! You can't be serious ! " Carid cried.

" Of course I am ! "

" Then, let's go ! " Mew said, teleporting the group to San Francisco, California.

" Whoa. Looks like a dump, " Entei commented.

" Well, we are in the forest, Entei ! So, stop complaining ! " Mew said, rolling her eyes.

" NEE ! THIS IS FUN ! " Arceus called out, hitting Spongebob in his happy place.

" Arceus, quit it already ! " Mew said, throwing a stone at Arceus.

" Why did you three bring me into this ? " Carid inquired, glaring at Ash.

Ash gave a shrug. " I don't know. But I'm hungry. Who wants to go to White Castle ? "

The legendaries and Spongebob all raised their hands. Carid slapped Ash in the face. " YOU IDIOT ! YOU CAN'T GO TO WHITE CASTLE NAKED ! "

" Says you, " Spongebob muttered, flipping Carid off.

WHACK ! WHACK ! WHACK !

" I DIDN'T ASK FOR YOUR OPINION, YOU DUMB SPONGE THINGIE ! "

" NEEE ! " Spongebob said.

" Okay then... where do we go ? " Ash asked.

Carid buried her head in her hands. " Mew, shouldn't we go home. "

The Mew sighed. " I guess. But my teleportation powers aren't active for an hour. So, until then... we are stuck in this crapshack. "

" Great. "

" Okay, team ! There is this kid with black hair that is running around Kanto naked. He is Ash Ketchum. If you see him, do not try to reason with him. I want you to bring that son of a bitch down. "

" Okay... but why, Jenny ? "

" He threw a stone at me. He must pay ! "

Several officers then went out to look for the missing retard while the Officer Jenny from Viridian City gulped down a shot of very strong whiskey.

Ash was talking to two tree hugging hippies. Arceus and Entei were wrestling in a mud puddle. Mew was filing her nails (she has nails ?!) , and Spongebob was trying to catch a butterfly. As usual, Carid was the only sane person of the bunch.

" Hey, kid. Why don't we ditch everyone and smoke pot ? " one of the hippies said.

" Yeah ! And then we can drive to White Castle ! " the other hippy said.

Ash started to speak, but then Carid whacked the hippies with a bat. " He is not freaking interested ! Now go, you damn hippies ! "

The hippies left, and Carid smacked Ash on the head. " You bastard ! I don't know what the hell is wrong with you, but you have to stop acting like a verzögerung ! "

" Don't you call me a retard, Carid ! I hate it when you cuss at me in German ! "

" Well, you are a retard, Ash ! You're the one that acted like Tarzan and went to this dump people call San Francisco ! "

" Hey, can you two give it a rest ? I have a headache, " Entei whined.

" Fine, " Carid said, still glaring at Ash.

Mew shrieked. " Holy crap ! It's time for us to go ! "

Mew teleported everyone back to their own home land. The legendaries left, and Ash and Carid were left with Spongebob somewhere in Viridian. Ash gave a grin. " Thank you, America ! San Francisco sucked ! "

Just then, six police officers tackled Ash to the ground and handcuffed him.

" This is insanity ! I demand a lawyer and some coffee ! " Ash called out in a dinky little jail cell.

" Shut up, Ketchum ! Don't make me hurt you ! " Officer Jenny replied.

" I am hungry though ! This is called child abuse ! I will hang myself if I am not brought up to my demands ! "

" Eh. Like you'll do that, kid. "

( Five minutes later...)

" Hey, kid. I have some soup if you're still... HOLY CRAP ! What are you doing ? " Officer Jenny said, shrieking.

Ash was standing on his bed with a rope in his hand. " What does it look like to you ? Suicide ! "

Officer Jenny gasped. If the kid died, she would be in big trouble with his parents. " Don't do this to yourself ! You have so much to live for ! "

Ash snickered. " Don't taunt me, Jenny. I love this kind of crap ! "

Suddenly, Carid burst in the doors with her friend Floyd, Brock, Misty, Gary, Tracey, and a psychiatrist. " Ash, you have a problem, " she said.

" Damn it, Carid. You brought Misty into this ? "

" Yeah. "

" Well, I do not have a problem."

" Yeah, you do, " Misty admitted.

" I do not ! "

" Then, why are you still undressed ? " Misty asked.

" I'm proud of my body."

Gary whispered something to Tracey. Ash scowled. " Quit saying I'm gay, Oaky ! I am not ! "

" Well, anyway. We brought a psychiatrist to deal with you. And if Auntie finds out, she will freak. So, you shouldn't tell her about your trip to San Francisco. "

" San Francisco ? What the hell ? "

Everyone turned around to see Ash's mom standing there, looking very pissed off. " Redford Ashton Ketchum... how the hell did you end up in jail ? " Delia asked, glaring at Ash.

" Uh - oh... Hi Mom ! How are you doing ? "

Delia continued to glare at Ash, tapping her foot in disgust. Ash gave a meek smile. " Okay... I went to San Francisco with Carid, Spongebob, and a few legendaries. We had to stay there for an hour because Mew's psychic powers sucked. Then, we all come back here, and half a dozen officers tackled me to the ground. And now I'm in jail facing child abuse. Oh, and about the whole naked thing... I was on caffeine. I threw a stone at Officer Jenny. I fought with Dad's Persian and some idiot... is there anything I am forgetting ? Oh, yeah. Some hippies offered me pot, but Carid turned them down. So... that's what I did today. "

Delia looked like she was about to have a nervous breakdown. " Ash... if you ever do this again you will be tending to my garden for the next five years. And I don't even want to know any more. You are freaking grounded, Mister ! How could you do this ? And with no clothes on ! I hope you're happy ! Shame on you ! "

Ash gave a shrug. " Eh. I'm in jail. How could anything possibly go worse for me ? "

" What do you mean I have to use a water hose ? "

" Well, your mother said you had to get cleaned. And I am not letting you in my house looking like freaking Sasquatch. So... there's your answer. "

" Dad ! Can't you be on my side for once ? "

" Not when you embarrass your parents. Now, hose yourself or do I have to do it for you ? I have been dying to use a Mega - Soaker on someone ? "

" Ehhhhh ! Fine ! I'll hose myself ! "

" Good. And make sure you scrub behind your ears, " Giovanni said, smirking as he handed Ash a bar of soap.

Ash turned the hose on and sprayed Giovanni with it. He turned around and glared at Ash. " Little bastard. Quit it now."

Ash snickered. " Make me ! "

Giovanni scowled as he took out a black colored belt from his pants...

" Oh, great. I told him not to hurt Ash. Eh. I really don't give a damn now. I'm just trying to find out where he keeps his wine bottle - oh. Here we go, " Delia said as she took out a dusty wine bottle from one of the cabinets.

She poured some wine in a cup and watched the scene her ex - husband was making with Ash. Her son was still spraying the both of them with the hose while Giovanni was whipping the crap out of Ash with his belt. Delia poured a little more wine in the cup until she poured the whole contents of the bottle into the cup and sighed. " Eh. He has five more of these in the cabinet. I'm sure he won't care. "

(Twenty minutes later...)

" Hoo. I feel kind of sick. Maybe I shouldn't have drank an entire wine bottle by myself. I just need to know where the coffee is at, " Delia muttered, putting a hand to her head.

Delia examined the kitchen until she spotted a coffee machine. " There we go... now how do you work this crazy thing ? "

After a while she got done examining it and found out how to work it. Ten minutes later, she was sipping coffee with some Tylenol.

" Hm. Ash is probably still outside. I never was able to get him to take a bath. Let's see... it's been about a half an hour... give it two minutes, and Ash will be done. I hope his dad is all right, though. That boy is two handfulls. "

Suddenly, Ash came bursting in the kitchen door. " Hi, Mom ! I'm squeaky clean ! "

" That's good. Did you remember to put on underwear ? "

" Uh - huh. "

" Uh, where's your dad ? "

" Outside. "

Delia rushed to the back yard and saw Giovanni drenched in water, passed out. She threw a towel at his head. " Ash, he may be a douchebag, but he's your dad. How could you do this to him ? "

" Eh. Do you like him, Mom ? "

Delia started blushing a deep red. " Quit it and help me dry him off. He's not going to be running any marathons for a while. Uh... make that he's not going to be running at all. Looks like he's sick or something. Probably not. Eh. "

Ash looked at his dad. " Did I really do it ? "

" Yeah. "

Delia continued to dry off her passed out ex - husband. Ash continued to stare at him. " Mom... is he dead ? "

She poked him with a stick and he started to talk in his sleep. " Yeah. He's alive. "

Ring ring ring, ring ring ring, PHONE CALL ! PHONE CALL ! Ring ring ring, ring ring ring, PHONE CALL ! PHONE CALL ! Ring ring ring, ring ring ring, PHONE CALL ! PHONE CALL !

Delia saw that a cellphone was ringing. She answered it. " Hello ? "

" Hi. Who the hell are you ? Is that you, Boss ? Have you had a sex change ? "

" No. I'm an actual woman. Uh, let me put you on the phone with him. "

Delia put the phone up to Giovanni's ear. The person said, " Hello ? "

" Yeah ? "

" Uh, we have some new plans to run by you, Sir. "

" Shut up ! Can't you see I'm at a wedding ? "

" Wedding ? "

" Yeah. I'm getting married with my ex. Now, can you get two dozen boxes of uncooked spaghetti to my office by Monday ? "

" Why ? "

" Yeah, you're a good friend, Nick. I love you ! "

" O.O Uh, my name is Jared. "

" Yeah, you do look good in a tuxedo. "

" Okay, I'm hanging up now. "

The caller hung up and Ash looked even more confused. He looked at his dad and grinned evilly. " Cool. Dad's a zombie. Let's poke him ! " He poked Giovanni with his finger and got out a tape recorder. " Uh, Red ? This is Steve Wallace. Do you have a thing for Delia ? " Ash asked, snickering.

" Course I do, Steve. And I could give you at least three reasons why ! "

" Ash, is he still asleep ? " Delia inquired.

" Yeah. "

Suddenly, Spongebob appeared out of nowhere. " Hi, lady ! Hi, Ash ! Can I play with you ? "

Ash gave a wicked smile. " Sure. And I know exactly what to play. It's called, " Ruin Dad's Job " . Are you up for it ? "

" Sure ! "

Spongebob and Ash left to go ruin his dad's reputation while Delia grabbed an empty wine bottle and hit Giovanni in the head with it. He started to snore. " Wow. That guy obviously doesn't know what pain is. "

End

Next chapter preview :

" Prepare for trouble ! "

" And make it double ! "

" Uh, can you guys not do the motto ? " Ash asked.

" Twoip ? What the hell are you doing in the Boss's wheely chair ? " Meowth inquired.

" Uh, I swiped his keys from his car. Duh. "

" Uh - huh. And who is that ? " Jessie asked, pointing at the sponge.

" This is Spongebob. He's my friend. "

Jessie, James, and Meowth looked confused as Ash smiled at them. " Hey, Meowth. Ever wondered what the feeling of being in a wheely chair is ? "

" Naw, twoip ! "

" Well, get on my lap and let's see ? "

" Dude, are you crazy ? The Boss will kill me if I get in that chair ! "

" Eh, I'm sure he won't mind. He's passed out in his back yard. Now, come on ! I don't have all day ! "

Meowth walked and got on Ash's lap. The fourteen year old pressed one of the buttons on the chair. " Now, let's see what this baby can do ! " Ash cried.

Jessie and James looked at each other, and James sighed. " The twerp finally flipped, " he said.

" So did Meowth, " Jessie added.