Chapter VI

Speed and XTC

HDM: bleg...

Have you ever felt that every person stared at you and when you looked back they turned their heads? Did they make you feel like you're on display and you're not a person but a caged animal? That was my day. I got into school and all the cliques and groups clustered around all stared at me.

Well...my appearance wouldn't help the situation. I cut my hair last night...two am to be exact. I didn't take a look before I left but since I heard my mother screeching behind me it must have been bad. I had my Z? hoodie on along with the Murderdolls blaring on my mp3 screaming Die My Bride. Let's see anyone fuck with me today...

Kenny walks up to me in his Anthrax hoodie and grins. "New look?" Kenny asks with a grin. "I call it...'fought the scissors and got my ass handed to me'" I reply. I comb my fingers through my hair and let out a small chuckle. We both go into the English class and even Sterling gave me a look.

"Well...is this some sort of rebellion against modern style or did you feeling like fucking up your hair?" Sterling asks me. "Yes, my personal rebellion against beauty and prettiness and everything we hold dear..." I reply with a grin. "You were pretty...before?" Kenny asks me. I punch him in the arm before taking my seat.

The girl, Maleah, walks in after everyone else shuffles toward their seats and gives me a smile. Her hair is a neon green and is wearing a shirt with so many patterns. If my hair is a personal rebellion her attire is a anarchic revolution. She gives me another fortune cookie and starts reading A Clockwork Orange. I keep my headphones on as I read my magazine, Guitar World. We did this for a good twenty minutes. I forgot what we actually learned but it wasn't important or else I would have remembered.

Gym was boring as usual; had to run laps as usual outside as the rest did some stupid sport...lacrosse or what not. Two emo guys came up to me after gym. They looked clones of each other, both had black parted hair to the side, had black tight MCR and the Used shirts, even tighter jeans with fake studded belts, and to top it off they both wore black eyeliner and nail polish. "Dude, like what happened to your hair? You had long hair before, didn't you?" the one kid asks me. "Thought of a change..." I reply coldly.

"Heard from Wendy about you and Stan..."

"There IS no me and Stan..."

"But...you are bi, right?"

"It's cool, I mean, we know how it is, being ridiculed because they misunderstand us just because we kiss other guys. I mean, chicks dig that shit...and our MySpace full of dark poetry and carving..."

"...Don't talk to me..."

I walk away from the two and blared Murderdolls once again, maybe they'll get the hint. I walk to my Drama class and we have to give our own monologues...that I totally spaced. It's only supposed to be small part of a movie of your choice. As we go down to the auditorium (out of pure fucking luck), I have to go first.

Mrs. Murray explains that I have to show them an example of 'our better students'. Yeah right, she just wants to trip me up or catch me not working. I let out a sigh and walk up to the stage. See, first you have to do a character presentation, where my classmates basically grill me for five minutes on my character. Then, I give my monolouge.

I walk up there and got changed into a baggy white t-shirt...not that much of a difference in the attire. I rub some black makeup I stole from Talia under my eyelids to give the sleepless insomnia look. I feel the spotlight on me. It's really hot up on stage with the light beaming on you. Once the house lights go down you cannot see anyone on stage, you're on your own and that may be the scariest thing for anyone on stage...if I really did give a damn then I would have as well.

"I'm Kyle Brofloski and I'm doing a monolouge from the movie, Donnie Darko. I'll be playing Donnie, a genious but insane kid who realizes the day will end soon. In this scene, he's countering this guidance guy's advice on dealing with your problems..." I begin. I sit in a chair and take a deep breath.

"Are you telling us this stuff so we can buy your book?" I start off, "Because I got to tell you...if you are, that was one of the worst advice I ever heard." I rise and cross down stage left and pointed into the audience. "Do you want your sister to lose weight? Tell her to get off the couch...stop eating those Twinkies...and maybe go out for field hockey..." I cross upstage right and raise my right hand. "You know what? No one ever knows what they want to be when they grow up. It takes a little while to find that out."

I cross over to the left again and gave a smirk. "Right, Jim?" I cross back downstage right and pointed again to the audience. "And you… yeah, you. Sick of some jerk shoving your head down the toilet?" I walk down a step and tip my head downward so I'm looking up. "Well you know what, maybe you should lift some weights or take a karate lesson. And the next time he tries to do it, ya' kick him in the balls. End scene..."

I go to lunch and see all the emo kids grouping around the surrounding tables. Kenny comes over and looks at me. "So...what's going on with you?" Kenny asks me. I am about to speak but then I'm overtaken by the awful sound of...My Chemical Romance. One of the douche-bags put it on so loud that 'I'm Not Okay' is ringing in my ears. Kenny looks over and shoots a glare.

"You think that they would have the common decency to keep their shitty music to themselves..." he muses aloud. I turn up my mp3 and it so happens to be Slayer's 'Raining Blood'. Kenny grins as he bangs his hair to the beat as he plays air bass along with the song. The emo dicks look over and glare at us as more and more metal guys and some girls join our table screaming the lyrics in the traditional 'Slayer voice'.

"Hey! We can't hear our music!" Wendy yells over. I look over and smirk. "And that's bad, how?" Kenny replies. She glares at us but we pay no attention to her. I see Stan walk down the tables. My mouth drops. He has on a 'The Used' shirt with tight jeans and a studded belt backwards so the buckle is behind his ass. He has his hair parted to the side and I swear to God he's wearing eyeliner. I jump out of my seat and confront him. "Stan! What happen to you?" I ask him. He doesn't look at me but keeps walking toward the emo clan. "We lost him..." Kenny says.

I look for Stan after school but he's around a swarm of 'his friends'. I push into the crowd but Wendy stops me halfway. "Why are you here, Kyle? Haven't you hurt Stan enough?" she hisses. I push pass her and grab Stan's arm. "We need to talk..." I growl and before he can say anything I take him around near the back of the school.

"Kyle! What are you-" but before he says another word I push him against the wall. "Don't say a damn thing, Stan. Tell me why are you acting like this and better yet, tell me why you just snub me in lunch today and hang out with your posse?" I yell at him. He pushes pass me but I grab his wrist.

"Leave me alone!" he yells at me. "No! Tell me, Stan, what's going on. A week ago you were this happy kid who played football and had a best friend and went to the movies. Now, you're wearing eyeliner, listening to emo shit, and totally freaking me out!" I continue. He looks at me with those eyes and his lips part...like he wants to speak but cannot fathom the words.

He starts wiping off the eyeliner from his eyes. "This isn't me, huh?" he asks me. "Dude, you're wearing girl-pants..." I tell him with a smirk. He laughs a bit and shakes his head. "To tell you the truth...I hate the Used...and My Chemical Romance...and these pants leave no crotch space!" he tells me. "It's because the guys who wear them have pussies..." I tell him and he laughs. He leans against the wall and looks up at the sky. "Why are you acting like this when you clearly don't like it?" I ask him.

"I donno...Wendy just kept on putting it in my head that this is the way I am and I have to do this and they're the only ones who will accept me." he replies, "And when she found out that I told you...you know...that thing. She kept on pressuring me and said that you would hate me forever and I am never going to get over it and at first I thought she was wrong but after awhile you start believing it after hearing it so many times."

"Stan, I don't hate you." I tell him. He looks at me and smiles. "But you have to get through your head that Wendy is a conniving bitch who has you wrapped around her finger." I tell him. He nods his head. "So...we're cool?" he asks. I give him a grin. "Yeah, we're cool." I say to him. I start walking away but I hear him behind me. "I still love you..." he tells me. I stop stone cold.

I don't know why but I feel angry...why did he still have to have feelings for me. Why do I have to care? "Stan!" I yell at him as I turn to him. He doesn't give me a look, he just stares. "Stan! You have no idea what love is and how do you know you love me! How do you know that you're gay and how come you have to like me!" I yell at him. He looks away and doesn't say anything.

"Why do I have to be the one? Why not Craig or Kenny or Butters or whoever? Why me, dammit!" I continue. "It's just something you know..." he responds. I push him against the wall. "You know what? You're psychotic! It's as if I kiss you you'll be happy but that's ridiculous! You're ridiculous! Insane even!" I continue to ramble and rant.

"Well, how do you know that you're straight? You have trouble with girls all the time." Stan asks me. "I have trouble because I'm an asshole and stupid or they turn gay on me! I know that it's not right to kiss a guy...at least for me!" I rant some more.

"Well how do you know if you don't try? The only time was when I did it and you passed out." he continues to taunt me. He's daring me to kiss him...I can tell. He wants me and he's trying to use my pigheadedness against me. No, I won't fall for it. But...how do I know without trying? NO! Don't think it Kyle!

"I know what you want me to do! You want me to go in blindly and prove to you that I'm straight by kissing you but it's not going to happen because this is just a ploy! A fucking trick!" I yell at him. He continues to smile. He's mocking me! Fucking Stan...he's just doing this on purpose. "You know what..." I grab his shoulders. His eyebrows lift in surprise. "I'll fucking show you!" I say before pressing my lips against his hard. A second later it finally registers what I'm doing...I'm kissing him!

Holy shit!

I quickly break the kiss and look at him. He looks almost as surprised as I feel. No, this isn't happening. No, no No NO! "Oh God, what did I just do? Why oh why? It's all your fault! No, I didn't want to but that smile, mocking me!" I yell out. I feel so dizzy. Stan touches my shoulder but I hit him away. "Don't touch me! Don't come near me! I need to go away, far away! You don't understand! Why did I have to do that!" I continue to ramble. What the hell am I saying, thinking, feeling? I run...I just run. But I don't get far.

Wendy is waiting for me with a disgusting grin.

Shit...she now knows...

End of Chapter VI

HDM: quicker than expected...but also short. So, leave reviews please.