Hey, sorry for the long wait for an update.. it's summer, been out and about and junk. anyways, this it! the one royai fans have probably been waiting for and mentally cursing me to post sooner: RIZA HAWKEYE!!! enjoy!

Disclaimer: STILL no progress on getting ownership of FMA. or my own country. :(

You've Been Royed!!!

Personally, I wasn't worried. Anyone who knows me knows that if you mess with the bull you get the horns. But if they mess with me, they get the bullets. So frankly, I thought the Colonel had a little more sense of self-preservation than that. Obviously I would never shoot him to kill him; I almost never aim to kill. However, he ought to know by now that my aim never misses by accident. Idiotic man..

~~~FLASHBACK~~~

That morning before, the day started out without incident, thankfully. Lately Mustang had decided that mentally tormenting his subordinates induvidually on select days was a better way to spend his time than completing the ever present stack of paperwork on his desk. So far, he'd gotten everyone: Havoc, Breda, Falman, Fuery, and even Fullmetal as well. It's been a few weeks since his last sadistic act of boredom on poor Fuery, but I'm confident that he wouldn't dare try anything on me. Contrary to the warnings of my fellow subordinates, I made no additional precautions to protect myself than the usual I brought everywhere and to the office.

Colonel Roy Mustang walked in late as usual. He glanced around the room, then sat behind his desk to read the paper as always to procrastinate.

"Sir.."

"I'll get to it Hawkeye."

"No you won't. Now put down the newspaper and start on your paperwork. It only adds to your workload the longer you put it off."

"Ugh, fine.."

Everyone turned to stare at him.

"What?"

Immediately I stood over him with my gun to his head. A large drop of sweat appeared on his head.

"Who are you and what have you done with the Colonel?" I said in my deadliest tone.

"N-Nothing! It's me, Lieutenant!! Please put the gun away.." -.-

"Liar! Roy Mustang NEVER gives in and starts his paperwork after the first warning!" Fuery Piped up with the determined look on his face.

"Yeah, he never does anything until about an hour before lunch!" Breda added, looking suspiciously at Mustang.

"No guys, I swear! It's me!"

"Prove it." Falman challenged.

"I gave you a makeover."

"Everyone heard about that." Havoc countered.

"Havoc will never find a wife no matter how hard Hughes tries."

"Everyone thinks that, too!" Havoc tried not to collapse in tears or explode in rage.

"Quit interrogating me or I'll torch you!"

I lowered my gun. "Please get to work, sir."

Oddly, Roy managed to finish all of his paperwork for the day by the end of it. He'd only gotten three calls from Maes that day and one call from a date. As everyone headed home, I couldn't help but notice Roy had an air of.. mischief: almost devious. In response to my quizzical stare, he merely replied, "see you tomorrow, Riza."

The next day was worse.

Firstly, I had been told my meeting was canceled. No break from the childish men I had to babysit..

Second, I couldn't even go to the shooting range because there had been a fire last night and it was under repairs. There goes my other escape.

Third, apparently the arsonist also decided to have some fun in the street, so I would need to take a detour which of course had to lead right past the Colonel's apartment. Temptation just to shoot at his window to ensure he at least woke up on time unfortunately would cause a scene, especially early in the morning.

Last and most horrible of all, SOMEBODY had replaced all of my uniform slacks with idiotic degrading miniskirts. I even went so far as to check the hamper and trying to find the pair I'd worn yesterday. Sighing, I had to go to work in the obscene garment.

When I arrived, it seemed nobody could believe it. Men tried not to stare, women looked confused. When I'd arrived in the office, thankfully it was empty. I walked as fast as I possibly could to get everyone's paperwork then sprinted back before anyone could notice me. By the time everyone had arrived but the Colonel (late as usual), they got their work off my desk as I worked. 20 minutes late, Mustang walked in.

"Lieutenant, could you please bring me my paperwork?"

"You've got working legs, sir. Please come get it yourself."

"But I'm tired. I had to walk here because my car broke down. And my shoe's untied. And, um, there's--"

Damn. "Alright, fine."

As soon as I got up, of course everyone saw my miniskirt.

(A/N: everyone but Roy and Riza: O_O)

"Happy, sir?" I said through clenched teeth.

"Quite. Thanks, Lieutenant." He smirked.

I went back to my desk and began working again. Nobody dared say anything. Only Mustang had the nerve. And the key to my apartment I'd given him for emergencies.

"Well, I see you've got working legs as well, Miss Hawkeye." He was grinning.

"You get ten seconds. I started counting five seconds ago."

"Oh, I think I can make it."

I reached for my gun, and pulled the trigger, aiming for the wall right next to his ear.

BANG!

Nothing came out

except

a small white flag.

it read:

YOU'VE BEEN ROYED!!

"Lieutenant Colonel Roy Mustang.." (A/N insert deadly tone)

I opened the special drawer in my desk and unlocked the back compartment of it.

Roy's smile slid off his face as he realized..

I began digging my drawer for ammunition.

He slowly rose up out of his chair and backed away from his desk. "Better run, Colonel," Havoc whispered.

I clicked back the safety. Roy's military uniform coattails had just disappeared from outside the door.

"GET BACK HERE COLONEL!!!!"

End :)

Ending came out awesome xD Anyway, yep, that's all of Mustang's subordinates! Lol I kinda wanna go back and just read the whole thing fron the start..

I want to give an ENORMOUS, GIGANTIC, UNIVERSE-SIZED THANK YOU to zukosfirstgirlfriend, the very FIRST person to add this story to their story alerts! sorry for never getting the name right -.-' the first true-blue fan!

Next, to everyone else who's ever reviewed/added this story to whatever: THANKS!!
Big thanks to ramenwriter15 for taking time out of her busy fanfiction-ing to actually write a review for every chapter!

One last word: Be on the lookout for a bonus chapter. I don't know if I'll do it or not, but if I do you'll all know.

Thank you all you readers!

~ tinytokirabbit7 ^ ^