Thank you to everybody who is reviewing! I love them so very much! Also, I just want to say I am not a hater of Tamera Barnes, this new girlfriend Savannah, or Jordan Todd. Because they all have history with Derek I feel as if they would make good mean girls. I actually like all three of them. Anyways, I just wanted to get that out there! Enjoy!
"Emily." I open my eyes, and sigh. I just lay there as he does this to me. How could mother not know? She shares her bed with this man. Doesn't she know that he leaves her in the middle of the night to do this to me? How could she not? He is above me. Panting like a dog. When it's over he throws the condom, that he decided to use tonight, away. This has been happening almost every night for the last month. Every night he would stay over, he would do this to me. I know I should tell mother, but I won't be able to take it when she tells me that I'm lying. I won't be able to take it when all she does is leave him. When she stays silent, and tells me it's better to forget about it.
I feel his hand on my face. My eyes close, and he whispers to me. It makes me feel sick. I want to tell my mother so bad, but he has the power to kill me. To kill Matty, or Johnny. I can't. He tells me how great I was tonight, and praises me for being a good girl. I just want to die. I just want him to die. To go away for the rest of my life.
I wake up from my nightmare and see Derek is still holding me. He looks at me, and my head is pounding. "Princess...what did you do to yourself?" he asks me. I roll my eyes.
"Nothing I haven't done before. It was just some tequila, and I snorted something." I say still a little slurred. I look at the clock, and my eyes roll back. No wonder I still can't see straight. I have only been asleep for about 30 minutes. I groan, and take a deep breath.
"What did you snort?" he asks me, and I groan. I lean forward. The sheet, somehow, still managing to cover me. I crawl to him, and sit on his lap.
"Don't be mad at me Derek." I whisper into his ear. I don't know what posses me to do it, but I lay one open mouthed kiss on his neck. He turns his head quickly.
"Emily, what are you doing?" he sighs as I pepper kisses all over his neck, and jaw.
"Something I have wanted to do since I met you." I say still kissing him. I feel him pushing me away, and I look at him in confusion. He looks shocked, and frustrated. "What? Derek, don't you want me too?" He did. I know he did. I thought he did. He pushes me off of him, and stands up.
"Emily, you don't know what you're talking about." he says. My jaw drops, and I'm more hurt than I should have been.
"Derek, why don't you want me?" I ask, and he looks angry. I immediately cower.
"Because you're fucked up Emily! You are high, and drunk! You're dating that bastard!" he yells at me. I hear the yelling, and I know I have made him mad. I react quickly to his rage, and brace myself for the blow.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I won't, I...I'm sorry." I start hyperventilating. I see Ian, and my monster. I hear them.
"You ungrateful bitch!"
"You little slut!"
"If your friends knew the truth they'd hate you!"
I scream as I hear what they are saying to me. "Please don't hurt me Derek." I say through sobs. I'm so scared. Another man I love can't turn on me like this. I can't breathe. Just then JJ and Spencer walk in. Spencer runs towards me, and moves me so I can breathe. He tells me where I am, and what's going on. I'm having a panic attack. Well, a flashback that caused my panic attack. My breathing evens out again, and I am so embarrassed. Spencer shouldn't be here. He shouldn't see me like this. Not him. He was my little brother. Little brothers shouldn't see their sisters like this. Soon JJ is by my side, and I am laying down again. Derek is gone. It's only her and I. I soon fall asleep in her embrace, and am out for a good while this time.
When I wake up I am dressed in underwear, and a large t-shirt. I see JJ next to me in my bed with her arms around me. The first thing I think to say, comes out of my mouth. "I fucked up Jayjie." I say. She reaches over, hands me some water and an Aspirin. I take it, and drink the rest of my water. My mouth was so dry. "Why doesn't anyone love me?" I asks her. I know it seems selfish to even ask, but I don't feel good about this. Derek flat out rejected me. I know I was drunk, and high but I didn't lie. I do want him. Bad. He would've at least been nicer to me if he did want something to happen. Why didn't he just say, 'Maybe when you aren't drunk.'? That would've been so much less upsetting. He didn't have to freak out, and yell at me. Maybe he doesn't want me. Did I really disgust him that much for him to freak out, and yell at me? I sigh. JJ wraps her arms around me, and I let her hold me.
"Everyone loves you Emy." before she can continue I turn to her somewhat angry.
"Mother doesn't love me." I snap. I keep going before she can continue. "Derek doesn't love me. Ian doesn't love me. He says he does, but if he did he wouldn't ha-" I stop myself, and pray I didn't say to much. JJ sits up quick, and gives me a serious look.
"What did he do to you Emily?" I turn my head, and shake off her question.
"Nothing. It was nothing." He didn't mean too. He was drunk and high. He just got frustrated. I say to myself in my head. "I um, I'm hungry. We should go eat something." I say standing up. I slip on some sweats, and pad down the stairs. JJ behind me.
"Penny made some chicken for us. She's eating salad." I get to the kitchen and heat up the chicken cooked by Penelope. I stand and keep my head down. JJ pours me some milk, and I continue to heat these up. I feel arms wrapped around my waist, and I get what could only be a PG hug.
"I heard about it gumdrop. Feeling any better?" she asks. I shrug, and make my plate.
"I don't really want to talk about it." I mumble. I leave her in the kitchen, and go to eat my food.
The rest of the night is slow. I haven't seen Derek, and I can't think of where he may be. I don't care. I watch TV with Spencer, and he does something I don't expect him to do. He curls up into my side, and falls asleep. I can't believe he saw me like that. He looks so little and innocent asleep. I run my fingers across his face, pushing the long hair away. He had seen too many horrible things. Read too many books. He was never oblivious. His mother is a schizophrenic, and his dad sent him here so his mother could go to the institution. He told me this a while back during one of our French lessons. I thought it was so adorable he came to me, and asked me if I could teach him the language. He wanted to know Italian too, but I told him to slow down. One language at a time.
I pick him up, and take him upstairs. I lay him down on his bed. You'd think an 11 year old would weigh more than 80 pounds, but he doesn't. I take his glasses off of him, and lay them on his bedside table. I kiss his forehead, but he grabs my wrist before I can leave. "Don't leave me alone again mommy." he says in his sleep. My heart breaks for this poor kid. Most of the time he is the most logical kid I have ever met. He throws out random facts, and is usually unemotional about things. I bet he's seen it all. He isn't even a kid most of the time. I forget he's 11. Right now though the light is hitting his face and he looks so little. He is small for his age. Scrawny, and short. For a brief second I think about where I would be now if I hadn't killed my baby. Dead in an alley. I say to myself. Right now my baby would be about...6 months old maybe. 5 months of healing, then coming here. I would be feeding it. Rocking it to sleep. Waking up in the middle of the night to take care of him, or her. I smile as I think about it, but then remember I am only 16. I wouldn't have been able to take care of a baby. I sigh, and turn on Spencer's lamp for him. He is scared of the dark. I walk out, and head to the kitchen for some juice. When I walk in though I see a dark haired, mocha skinned woman the counter top with her lips locked to Derek's. My jaw drops, and I am just shocked. They break away, and they both turn to me.
"I'm sorry. I um...just wanted some juice. I'll leave." I say quickly. I then turn around, and run out. I think of the girl. I recognized her. She was gorgeous...and she was on the cheer leading team at school. A cheer leader. No wonder she was with Derek. She was one of those girls who would push me into lockers like I was invisible. She gave me a dirty look when she saw me, and Derek was too busy looking guilty to notice. I walk out and feel my anger start to build up. Anger, and hurt. He knew how I felt about him, yet he still brought her here. How could he? At least now I know he really isn't interested in me. Her name is Tamera. Tamera Barnes. She runs in the little group of snobby preps. Her best friends are Jordan and Savannah. All of them stare at Derek like a piece of meat. I guess Tamera won him. I feel my lip tremble, and I sigh. I'm getting way to emotional about this. The phone rings, and I roll my eyes.
"Ian?" I say. I hear him over the phone, and he sounds sad. My heart breaks for him.
"Emily. I have been thinking about what happened all day, and I feel so horrible about it. Can I come over?" he asks. I bite my lip, and I'm getting ready to deny him but then I hear her giggle. I feel like punching something. I bite my lip harder and consider it.
"I don't think anyone here would like that, but..." I say. I look at the clock and smirk. It's only 11 o'clock. "You still going to that party tonight?" I ask with a grin on my face. I can practically see the grin forming on his face.
"Only if I have a super sexy Emily Prentiss by my side." I laugh, and roll my eyes playfully.
"See you at midnight?" I ask him.
"Yes. Thank you love. I'm still so sorry about what happened. I love you." I hear him say. My heart leaps, and I smile.
"I love you too, baby." After I got off the phone. I ran upstairs and got ready. I strip down, and put on my lace. I slip on my rockin' leather pants, and red halter top that shows a good portion of my flat stomach, and my pierced belly button ring shines. I got this done a little while back. A friends cousin did them, and I knew it would piss mother off. I put a diamond one on that dangles. I throw a black see through shawl over my shirt. I smile as I do my make up. Blood red lips to match my shirt, and dark eyes to finish it off. My hair is straight, and I slip on some red pumps I borrowed from Pen. I examine myself in the mirror and smile wide. I grab my bag, and run down stairs. Before I get fully down stairs I run into a tiny little scrawny body. "Heya kid. I thought you were asleep." I say and ruffle his hair. He smiles at me, then frowns when he notices my attire.
"Where are you going Emily?" he asks me. I open my mouth then close it again.
"I'm going to a party. I'm probably gonna stay the night with Ian." I say sadly. He hugs me, and puts his face in my stomach.
"Please don't stay. Come home." he says, and my heart breaks. "Derek isn't going to be happy." he states. I sigh.
"I don't care what Derek thinks. If he takes it out on you tell him Emily said he can take a fucking hike." I say in a sweet voice. "I'm going buddy. Don't wait up for me alright. I'll be okay." I say softly.
"Don't come home messed up." he says so softly I barely hear him. I feel so guilty about earlier.
"I'm sorry you had to see that earlier." I whisper to match his tone. He nuzzles my stomach, oddly affectionate for him. He is usually awkward about stuff like this.
"I just don't want you to hurt yourself." he says. "I love you Emy. Please come home later." he whispers. I feel tears in my eyes, and I kneel down to his level. I don't know what has gotten into him, but he isn't being the Spencer Reid I know. Somehow he isn't a high schooler. He is an eleven year old boy scared to death by something that happened to his sister. I kiss his cheek, and move down the steps. I wait at the window for Ian, and pull out a cigarette. I huff on the cigarette, and close my eyes. Ian told me he was driving the bike tonight, and I got excited. I love his motorcycle.
"Emily?! Where are you going?" Derek says from behind me. I hear her say something to him about not worrying about me. I then am reminded of why I am going to this party anyways. I turn and flash him a smile through my cig.
"Um...Ian and I are going to this party Jake Kramer is throwing. JJ and Pen went there. I'm sure you and..." I cock my head to the side, and put on a pretend smile. "What's your name again Thalia?" I ask. She looks at me annoyed, and I smile. "Oh yeah, sorry. Tamera. I forget things. Um you guys can watch Spence."
"Emily. Why are you going back to him?" he asks angrily. I laugh.
"Well...I need a night to get out. Excuse me for not wanting to stick around alone in this house. Spence is asleep. I'm just gonna go. Don't wait up." I hear the loud roar of Ian's motorcycle, and I smile. I head for the door. "See ya tomorrow!" I yell. I run to Ian, and kiss him hard on the lips. Tonight is about letting go and forgetting! I throw my leg over the bike, and wrap my arms around his waist. As we drive I lay a few kisses on his neck. When we get to the house I see lights flashing, and the yard covered in beer cans. Ian and I show up to the party, and he keeps his hand firmly planted on my ass. We walk up, and he high fives his buddies. He keeps me tight, and not a one male in the room stares at me. They know who I belong too. I hate to put it that way, but it's true. Everyone knows that I am Ian's property, and to touch would mean death. We get inside, and he pulls me to him tightly. He kisses me, and I kiss back.
"So you promise you aren't mad at me?" he asks me. I nod, and kiss him again.
"Just don't," I say in between kisses. "ever do it again." I continue. "Ever." he grabs me by the hips, and I moan.
"There is a room in the back. We could reprise what happened earlier." he says. I smile wider, and wider. I moan into his kisses.
"Not right now." I say. "But later...oh yeah." I smile as I say it. It's the truth. I wanted him to do what he did earlier, just with out the violence. Hours passed and we danced a bit. Him grabbing my ass the whole time, or kissing my neck. He even snuck a hand down my pants in the middle of the dance floor. I was too drunk to care. We did end up repeating our activities from earlier, only I took my turn with my mouth. I hate doing that, but if it keeps him away from the sex subject I will do it all day. Somehow we ended up where we are now. Smoking weed in Jake's room. I take my hit, and hold it in my mouth. I sit on my boyfriends lap, and blow the smoke into his mouth before kissing him. I feel the drug take effect, and I love it. It takes me back to those nights with Matty. After another few times around I hear one of his buddies say something to him.
"Ian. I got some of the good stuff today. Want some?" he asks him. Ian smiles, and nods. They all crush up the pills, and put them into little lines. I just stare at it. After everyone is done there is one more line left for me. Ian takes my belt loop, and kisses me behind my ear. I am sitting on his lap so it's easy for him to push me forward a little bit.
"C'mon love. You know you want too. They made us feel so good earlier." he whispers in my ear. I look down at it, and he's right. I do want it, but I promised Spencer. I promised him I wouldn't come home messed up. I always have time to sober before I get home. I look at it, and I want it so bad. It's not the right thing to do. I lick my lips, and hear Ian in my ear. "You know you want too. We could have so much fun flying high together."
Cliffhanger! Will she do it? Will she? I should have this updated at least by morning. I have all night. Anyways REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! I would love to know your thoughts. Thank you for reading!