Seven days have passed. Not once did he call her, not once did he write her, let alone he'd ever seen her. But he is constantly and always thinking of her. He has tried to drown his thoughts of her in drink. A futile attempt.
He is already completely drunk and stoned as he enters the club. Ian has persuaded him to leave the house and the couch, where they had been sitting all evening and drank one glass after another. He doesn't really want to meet other people. They're all the same to him.
As he enters the club, the bass of the music penetrates his body. The smell of alcohol and sweat rises into his nose and the people push themselves past him. Immediately he knows why he would rather stay at home.
He hates them all. He hardly knows any person here and still feels hate for all of them. He doesn't want to talk to any of them. None of them is really interested in just one word that he has to say.
They always nod in a friendly way and smile at him, although they haven't even heard a word because of the loud music. And when he meets them a second time, they come running towards him, as if they were close friends who haven't seen each other for a long time.
And for that he hates people. They manage to make him feel absolute and completely lonely in a room full of a celebrating crowd. And time and time again he catches himself searching for her in the crowd, although he knows she isn't even allowed to be here.
Every day he walks through the town and holds his breath when he sees any woman with dark falling curls, because he is afraid to meet her again and to see in her eyes that he has hurt her. And since he forbids himself to think of her, he also hurts himself.
But he can't find any other way but to go in the direction of the bar without hesitation and to order the next drink.
He supports himself with both arms on the counter to stabilize his stand. Actually, he shouldn't drink any more. He already has drunken more than enough. But if he still thinks about her, it can't be enough.
He only lifts the pointing finger and tells the bartender that he wants to order a vodka. The bartender looks skeptically at him for a moment. But ultimately he takes a glass, puts it in front of him and gives him the clear liquid.
Jason takes a big sip when suddenly a blonde woman appears next to him. She leans against the counter and clasps the wood with both hands. "Hey", she whispers. Jason turns to look at her for a moment.
The first thing he notices is her cleavage. She stretches it so much to him and her top is so low-cut that he can't even overlook it. His eyes wander to her face and he thinks for a moment whether she should be known to him. But the truth is, he has no idea. Maybe he saw her before, maybe she's a completely strange person. He can't remember and he doesn't care.
Jason rolls only with his eyes and turns his gaze away from her, almost disgusted by the way she crawls to him. Too often, he has responded to these advances. Too often, he was making out with some woman in a corner. Then he went home with her and slipped out of her apartment before the woman woke up and could realize that he didn't stay. Every time he felt even worse than the evening before.
"I've seen you here many times", she says. The blonde woman bites her lip, which seems to have the purpose to seduce him. He is already annoyed by her. "Oh, yes?", Jason replies questioningly, without looking at her again or turning to her.
"Yes, an attractive man like you attracts my attention", she whispers to him, leaning forward a little further. "No idea what that says about you, but I've never noticed you", he whispers to her and regrets that comment the next moment he sees her face.
He isn't interested in her, but he shouldn't have said that. He could have told her in another way that he isn't in the mood to flirt with her. The comment was mean.
"What is your problem? Are you gay?" She asks angry. Now Jason doesn't regret his comment so much. Sure, he has still been unnecessarily mean to her, but that she assumes that the only explanation for his lack of interest in her is that he is gay, makes him laugh a lot.
"Do you have a girlfriend?" She asks when she realizes that her first suspicion isn't true. Jason laugh stops immediately. The blonde grins at him. It's because of another woman. This is immediately obvious to her.
"Give my regards to her. I hope you aren't such an asshole to her. Because if you are, I hope she realizes that soon." Before Jason can reply anything, the blonde woman disappears into the crowd and Jason turns back to the Vodka.
Now she dominates his thoughts even more. Whenever he closes his eyes, Aria appears in front of his inner eye and he can still hear the disappointment in her voice when he has been so cold to her.
He never wanted to feel like he does now. He never wanted to care about what she is thinking and feeling because he never wanted her to be disappointed when he doesn't call her and when he doesn't have time to see her. She shouldn't care about him. And he shouldn't either. It should be different.
Not even the alcohol can get her out of his mind. Today he planned to just forget her. Instead, he has the feeling that he is thinking about her all night. Desperately he buries his face in his hands.
"Hey", a voice says silently beside him. "You look like you need one of these", says the man next to him. Unobtrusively, he shows him a transparent bag of three small colored pills. Jason looks up at him. He has seen him here many times, but he never knew he is a drug dealer.
So far he had never used harder drugs. The alcohol and the marijuana have always been enough to suppress his feelings.
But today, without hesitation, he reaches for the bag and puts it in his pocket. "How much do you want for it?" He asks. "50 dollars", the stranger whispers again. Jason pulls a note out of his wallet and puts it in front of him, before Jason quickly walks away from the dealer.
More than ever, he can hear her desperate voice in his ear as he sits down on the toilet in one of the cabins. Her pleading shouts, which want to prevent him from taking this pill.
But he doesn't want her to be the way out. With trembling fingers and blurred eyes he looks at the pill before he puts it on his tongue and swallows it.
The sun is shining in Arias face, but it could also be raining. For the past ten days it didn't make a difference to her. Every day she feels the heavy feeling of missing and who says time heals all the wounds is lying.
Aria has the feeling that the longing for him only grows bigger every day. For ten days no news, no call, nothing. She doesn't know whether he is doing well or badly. She doesn't know if he doesn't care or if he feels as bad as she feels.
For days, she has been struggling to smile and follow the conversations of her friends, so that they don't start asking questions she doesn't want to answer. Constantly her thoughts revolve around him and again and again she hopes that he will call her.
But nothing. Absolutely nothing. "Aria? Ariaaa?" Only when Spencer touches her friend lightly at the shoulder, Aria realizes that her friends were talking to her. "What?" She says with a played smile and pretends she hasn't been absent for minutes.
"Hanna wants to know if Noel has ever tried to contact you again", Spencer explains her friend the topic of the current conversation. "Noel?" Aria asks confused. But then she remembers that the girls get out of her in her first days in Rosewood, that she thinks Noel is attractive.
In addition, they know that Noel hasn't left her side at the evening of the party, which she particularly well remembers. And although there have been some people around them, when Jason kissed her, the girls still don't seem to know how the evening has been going on for Aria.
Quickly, Aria recovers as she looks into the expectant eyes of her friends. "Yes, he does write me sometimes..." Aria says in a hurry, hoping that this topic is done with her answer and that she won't get caught lying.
Alison just wants to ask another question when Emily rescues her. "Hanna, is there anybody you are interested in?" She asks curiously. When all the eyes turn to Hanna, Aria smiles at Emily gratefully and forms a silent thank you with her lips.
Aria doesn't even hear Hanna's answer. She got distracted by Alison's mother, who storms out of the house. She looks very angry and walks quickly to the girls.
"Alison", she shouts as she is still a few steps away. Immediately, Alison turns around and looks at her mother expectantly. She doesn't even seem to mind the anger in her mother's eyes.
"What's the matter, Mom?" Alison asks. "I have to go now. Can you please tell me if your brother will leave the house or invite anyone?" She asks her daughter strictly and without further explanation.
Alison nods and responds with a simple "Sure". Jessica Dilaurentis walks just as fast as she has come back to the inside of the house. Alison looks after her mother for a long time. Aria can see in her face how happy she seems to be because her brother once again seems to be the black sheep, even though Alison knows also every trick in the book.
All the girls know her smile all too well, which they can see when she turns back to them. "What's the matter with Jason?" Emily asks finally and again Aria wants to embrace her on the spot. Emily had clearly seen that Aria wanted to ask the same question. But the fear that Alison would wonder about the questions and would become suspicious is too big.
"No idea. He gets drunk every night for over a week. My mom wants to prevent that this happens again today", Alison explains. She covers up any care that she might feel for her brother perfectly.
Aria holds her breath. He is drinking for over a week. It's been over a week since she'd heard of him the last time.
She is standing at his door and doesn't know if she should hate herself for it. She wanted to wait for him. She didn't want to give in again and take the first step towards him. But now she stands again in front of his locked door and knocks with trembling fingers against the wood.
Instead of simply asking the person standing in front of the door in, Aria can hear his steps in the room moving towards the door. With an unpleasant sound, Jason pushes the door latch down at the other side of the door and pulls at the door to open it.
Aria's heart is in her mouth. She hasn't seen him for ten days. Ten long days and each day she missed him. His breath on her skin. His soft lips on hers. His gentle kisses on her neck. And him. Above all, and not to be denied.
Aria's breath stops when she sees his face. He has never looked so bad in almost two months that she knows him. And that isn't even because of the black eye or the swollen nose.
His eyes are empty. Sad and empty. He looks tired. And unhappy. The moment he looks at her, she can see something sparkle in his eyes. But she can hardly describe it. It was only to be seen for a second before he lowered his head so she couldn't look directly at him.
Neither of them says a word. Jason already knows what she thinks. He only needs to look in the mirror to see how terrible he looks.
He wanted to avoid her, but now as she stands in front of him, he doesn't want to slam the door in front of her. So he takes a step out of the way and nods slightly towards the room.
Aria enters slowly and looks around in the room. His room was never tidied. But so far, it has always been a disorder that brought life into the room. This time, there are open, empty bottles and clothes that make his room look messy.
When Aria turns to him and looks at him questioningly, Jason has sat down on his bed, resting his head on his hands. She has never seen him like this before. So vulnerable and broken.
Without saying a word or asking for an explanation, she kneels in front of him. Jason's head is lowered. He can't look at her. He knows what he would see in her eyes, if he dared to look at her for a moment.
She would be disappointed by him. Disgusted. And that would be the last time he'd see her. She would turn away from him when she realizes that he is a human wreck.
But then he realizes that his cold fingers begin to tremble as she reaches for them. Her soft, warm fingers intertwine with his and his skin feels as if small jolts of electricity shoot through his skin.
When he finally looks at Aria, he isn't able to breath for a moment. Not only is she beautiful. Not only is she sitting there like an angel who wants to get involved with the devil. Her eyes are so gentle and full of worry and so free from disappointment and disgust.
She has so beautiful eyes. This is the last thought that guides him as he pulls her up to him and gently presses his lips on hers. Surprised, Aria holds her breath. She closes her eyes with pleasure and immediately forgets what she has planned.
She wanted to be there for him. She has overcome her own pride and decided that it is more important that he knows that she wants to be there for him.
But she didn't plan to kiss him now. She just wanted to talk and keep her distance. But now she pushes all these thoughts back.
Now she climbs astride on his lap as he pulls her closer with his hands on her back. Not a single second any one of them interrupts the kiss.
It feels like a stirring storm that goes through her body as Jason gently pushes his tongue against her lips and she opens her lips without hesitation. The kiss becomes ever more intense and her breathing becomes more and more heavy. They both gasp for air, as their lips parted for a moment.
Jason falls back on his bed and pulls Aria with him. Gently, he strokes her hair out of her face, before this time Aria bends down to him and kisses him.
When she finally drops to the side, he feels as she had give him the air which makes him able to breath. He could just kiss her for hours.
Both of them lie side by side on the bed and stare at the ceiling. "I haven't heard from you for a long time", Aria finally says. It shouldn't sound like an accusation. She knows she can't even make this accusation. It is just a statement. But Jason doesn't answer.
"How are you?" She asks cautiously. Jason thinks a moment before he answers. If he is honest, he doesn't even know how he is. He doesn't understand himself anymore. He doesn't know why her presence has such an influence on him. Never had any woman really influenced how he feels.
"I'm fine", he says simply. Aria can't help but laugh. She doesn't think his answer is funny at all. But that he is so obviously lying to her, makes her laugh tiredly. "I'm ok", Jason corrects his response after her reaction.
Aria turns to him and simply takes his hand and connects her fingers with his. As innocent as this gesture is, so intimate is it for Jason and so much familiarity it says for him. With every other person, he would have pulled away his hand the second she took it, but the warmth of her fingers flow through his whole body and make him smile timidly.
"You're a bad liar, do you know that?" Aria notes, gently stroking the back of his hand. "I can listen well, you know? If you'd like?" She says, not speaking the rest of the sentence.
But Jason shakes his head. Aria turns away disappointed. She has hoped that he would accept her offer, that he has so much trust in her that he would tell her why he feels so miserable.
But Jason doesn't want to talk to her about it. He just can't talk to her about it. Because she is the center of everything for him. The center of his good and bad days. And he just can't talk to her about it.
"Sometimes it makes things more bearable if you have someone with whom you can share them and get rid of everything that concerns you", Aria says, staring at the ceiling because she is afraid to look at him.
"Why are you here, Aria?" His voice sounds so cold that Aria immediately doubts whether it was a good idea to go to him.
"Ali has told us that you have often been celebrating in the past few days and have drunken a lot. I was worried about you", Aria answers honestly. She knows he doesn't want to, but she still hopes that he accepts the offer and talks to her.
"And I missed you", she adds, sighing. Her heart is beating wildly in her breast. The few moments until he answers seem like distressing hours.
"I don't want you to worry about me and I don't want you to miss me", Jason says angrily. His gaze is so cold that she can hardly remember that Jason, who kissed her so longingly a few minutes ago. The kisses that spoke a different language than the words he says now.
"What?" She asks, horrified. But actually, she knows what he is going to say. Actually, she does. She has crossed his borders. He doesn't want her to worry about him. He just wants to have fun. Completely non-committal shit no matter if one of them suffers and the other one has to watch.
"It's so simple. We meet, make out and then we go apart again. That's all, Aria. You aren't supposed to have any interest in what I do or what I don't do. When I want to drink, I drink. And if I do that every day. It doesn't have to interest you."
Now he looks at Aria again and wants to take back all his words for a brief moment when he sees the tears burning in her eyes. That eyes, which expresses so much pain that he likes to take her and hug her closely.
"Don't act like you don't care. You don't even have to try to pretend that you wouldn't care if I'm the one who suffers obviously as bad as you are", Aria says in tears.
"But that's the truth. I don't give a fuck about you, Aria. I like to kiss you and that's damn everything that connects us. What do you think? You're only sixteen. No idea what you've imagined in your naive little world, but that is not the reality and it will never be", Jason shouts at her.
He immediately lowers his head and buries his face in his hands. He can't stand to look at her now. He knows he acts horribly. She doesn't deserve it and she just wants to help him. But it just doesn't work. He just can't pull her into his fucked-up life.
"I know you just want to push me away and I can bear a lot. I'd be there for you, Jason. I would listen to you and I wouldn't ignore the pain in your eyes. But there are limits. And you just passed them. And I think I have to go now, because I couldn't look into the mirror any more if I stay here now and let you treat me like that."
Jason doesn't look at her again as she walks slowly out of the room. If he does, he would probably take back every word and pull her to him and tell her that she is right. That he wants her to stay with him right now and lie down next to him and he doesn't have to say a word and can hold her in his arms. But he doesn't look at her again and he doesn't walk after her either.
And then the door closes and he is alone. She's gone. She was the only person who has been there for him. And the silence eats him. So much. Too much. And the fault. To be guilty of her tears. Of her pain. Only because of him, she's crying now.
He reaches for his jacket and closes the door behind him. Without a word to anyone, he runs down the steps of the house and lets the front door close with a crash. He's grown up. He can take the responsibility himself for what he is doing. And his mother or Alison don't need to act like they care.
He saw his mother standing in the kitchen in the corner of his eye. He knows that she has noticed that he left the house and he knows she heard the door fall into the lock. But no one ran after him. No one opened the door behind him and followed him desperately to stop him. None.
And so he just goes on and he knows this evening will end just like all the evenings before. And he knows that he himself took care of it. Because he has driven the only salvation out of his life.
So Aria is gone. What do you think? What should happen next? I like to read what you are thinking :)