It was all pretty much a blur after that. After I consented to go to dinner, everyone went off in different directions. They still all wait for my word in most situations whether they realize it or not, and I don't know how I feel about that. They all know that I'm an idiot, don't they? Why did they ever even listen to me in the first place?

Kyoya had ordered that everyone go home and get changed, seeing as he had reserved eight seats at the best restaurant within an hour of Ouran. He and Haruhi, already dressed, apparently were going to pick up Ranka-san from work and then head straight to the restaurant from there.

I barely even remember the ride home. I somehow made it up to my room and in front of my open closet, but I couldn't even think straight enough to change into an appropriate outfit. Luckily, I have the best staff in the world, all of whom came to my rescue and stuffed me quite forcefully into a navy blue suit.

I can't even dress myself. How pathetic.

And yet all of these people love me enough to help me... What a crazy world I live in.

Now I'm here at the restaurant, but as I am led to our table in a private corner by one of the hostesses, I see that everyone else has already arrived and gotten their beverages. I realize too late that my zombie-like state has caused me to be quite delayed in getting here.

"There you are, Tama-chan!" Honey-senpai cries from the nearer head of the table, turning to see me. "You took a long time to get here! We were starting to worry!"

I look at Ranka-san, who shoots a quick glare at Honey-senpai and mutters, "Speak for yourself, loli-boy."

Everyone either doesn't hear this comment or just chooses to ignore it. Either way, Ranka-san still hates me, though, at this point, I can't really say that I blame him.

"I apologize for taking so long, Honey-senpai, everyone," I say, bowing to the table. I take the only seat left and add simply, "There were a few issues at home that I had to clear up before I came here."

I see Kyoya cross his arms, and I look away shamefully. He obviously does not appreciate my tardiness or my lame excuse.

Honey-senpai, whom I am now seated next to, happily informs me, "Haru-chan was just telling us all about her life in Boston!"

"Yes, since Haruhi won't let us contact her directly..." Hikaru says resentfully.

Mirroring Hikaru's pout, Kaoru adds, "...and since the only updates we've gotten about her have been from Kyoya-senpai through Ranka-san."

"I'm sorry," Haruhi says sheepishly from the head of the table opposite of Honey-senpai.

Ranka-san is seated to her right, and Kyoya is next to him. Ranka-san has always favored Kyoya above the rest of us, especially me. Mori-senpai is between Kyoya and Honey-senpai, and the twins have formed a wall of separation (also known as a wall of noise and obnoxiousness) between Haruhi and me. I am almost thankful for this wall, because I'm still not sure what to think or feel or do about Haruhi.

Honey-senpai picks the conversation back up from the point where it was before I arrived, and my heart throbs painfully even as I listen to all of Haruhi's good reports. Instead of looking at her, I try to distract myself by taking in the beautiful and elegant Christmas decorations adorning the restaurant in all directions. They, of course, are by no means as lovely as Haruhi, but I know now that I don't deserve to take in too much of her beauty at once.

I am still listening, of course. Everything she says is positive. Her voice is cheerful as she speaks of her American experiences, her school, her new friends...

Hearing about all this is suddenly overwhelming.

"Excuse me," I find myself saying as I push my chair back and stand up.

Kyoya gives me that deathly stare again and also starts to stand up, but I shake my head at him in a barely perceptible way. He settles back down in his chair, but I can see that he wants to come after me and hurt me.

I swiftly walk out of the view of the others and toward the front of the restaurant. I bolt straight out the door, and the sudden blast of cold air is like a punch in the face.

I move a little ways down the sidewalk, once again adjusting to the temperature. My breath is visible in front of me, and I try not to breathe so hard. I look up at the blank, gray sky that is growing darker even as I watch it, and I give it that death stare that Kyoya only gives me when I commit my worst offenses, as if it is the sky's fault that I am having these problems.

As I run a shaky hand through my hair, I seriously consider stepping back in the restaurant, leaving enough money to cover everyone's meals, and getting as far away from here as I can.

Not wanting to see the sky anymore or my breath in front of me, I squeeze my eyes shut, my face still turned upward.

"No, I can't run away," I say out loud to myself. "I told myself that I would stop running. Get back in there, you idiot. It shouldn't last too long. You can do it."

"Is it that hard to have dinner with me?"

I spin around to see Haruhi standing there, and I throw a hand over my chest to make sure that my soul doesn't fly right out of me.

"What? Haruhi, n-no!" I sputter. "Eh... it's not you, it's me!"

Oh my gosh. I am the biggest, most clichéd moron on the face of the planet.

"Tamaki-senpai..." she says sadly, looking down at the sidewalk.

I'm going to faint. She's standing right in front of me. She said my name. I'm going to faint.

"...have I done something to upset you?" she finishes, turning her eyes up to meet mine.

She's looking at me. She's looking up at me and asking me a question. She's so cute. I'm going to faint.

I realize that an appropriate answer needs to come out of my mouth soon, but I don't know what to say.

I want to say no, because I don't want her to feel bad, but the truth is that she totally broke my heart.

Not on purpose, of course, but a broken heart is a broken heart.

Suddenly, something in the back of my brain tells me to start asking instead of answering.

"Why did you leave with so little warning?" I ask quickly, before I have time to think and stop myself.

"I didn't want to be stopped," she answers firmly.

"Why wouldn't you let us contact you directly?"

"I didn't want any distractions."

"Why did you leave Ouran after you went through so much trouble to stop me from leaving?"

There is a terrible pause, and her face becomes angry.

"Those two things are completely different! You were going to screw up your whole life by marrying her! I, on the other hand, am trying to better myself, and I'm only living in America for a single semester! I'll be returning to Ouran at the end of January, not moving to France permanently!"

I am quite taken aback at her outburst and at the fact that her words actually make sense to me.

Her fists are clenched, and her flushed face is set in an expression of mild outrage.

I feel so guilty and stupid for making her angry.

"Well?" she says, a little out of breath and waiting for me to respond to what she's said.

"I'll change," I say in a small voice, turning my gaze to the ground so that my hair falls over my eyes.

"What?" she says uncertainly.

"I'll change," I repeat, not daring to look up. "If how I am now is not right for you, I'll change."

"What are you talking about? What does that have to do with-"

"I miss you so much!" I suddenly burst out with, tears falling from my eyes as something in me gives.

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away...

"Tamaki-senpai, I'm right here," she says.

I don't know why you're so far away...

I speak again, my panicked voice growing louder and faster with each word, "I've realized that you're not my daughter and that I'm not your father and that I'm an idiot and that I'm in love with you and that I'm not made for you even though I thought that I was-"

I stop my rant when I realize that Haruhi's mouth has fallen open in shock. Her eyes are even bigger than usual, and she places a hand over her mouth, which is still wide open.

She slowly asks in a bewildered voice, "You- you realized that you're an idiot?"

I swear that this girl will be the end of me.