Disclaimer: ii don't own the songs listed, not the characters

Warning: mmm… nothing I guess

We'd waited all winter for just the hint of snow to fall, so school would be forced to close down and not open back up until winter break was over. That was always our goal. So on the twenty-first of December we knelt by our beds and hoped for a snow day. And the next morning the thick heavy clouds hung in the air, sprinkling us with flurries that melted on our too thick coats and boots, but never sticking to the ground. So school stayed open. I remember all the teachers were forced to draw the curtains closed so we wouldn't be distracted by the snow falling outside during class. The day seemed to drag on forever as we waited and finally. Finally the day came to a close and break began.

We were all crammed inside Axel's and Kairi's Kitchen baking cookies with their mom while their Father was busy putting up the Christmas tree. I always found it strange that they did this, because Axel's dad hated Christmas with a passion. I also found it strange at the time that they didn't top their tree with an Angel like we did, but Axel's dad did always say how he never believed in angels. Terra and Zack and Cloud and both Cloud and Zack's crush named Aerith I think stood to help decorate. She was the only reason either of them were in the same room to begin with.

It had been a little over a year since the incident, Zack was in the spare room and Terra bunked with Cloud now, and the two of them hardily spoke a word to each other. They both blamed Sora for how awkward it was, but believe me, unless you lived in the same house with them for that whole year… you'd never know how truly awkward it was.

Cloud refused to shower with Zack in the house and Zack always had the spare room door locked. They ate dinner with the family and spoke a few words to each other, mostly using Terra as a means to escape directly talking to one another. Dad chalked it up to them being emotional high school freshman, mom said they were just shy, and Ven and I couldn't make heads or tails of it all at the time, but by then we had it figured out. We being the fifth graders we were we had "The Talk" that consisted of many horrifying images and facts about reproduction and vaginas and penises and kissing and hormones and love no one in the class really understood. Riku rolled his eyes the whole time, talking about how he already knew all that stuff. And Sora being Sora just had to know how two boys 'reproduced.' Then it all sort of fell into place, even if it was just for a moment. The teacher became violently angry at this and said boys couldn't 'reproduce' and shouldn't be allowed to. So Ven repeated what our mother told us about this and the teacher told us our mother was wrong. I didn't understand why at the time, but he was fired after mom went and spent many hours in our school with a lawyer.

And after all this the only thing it accomplished was mom constantly telling Zack and Cloud it was fine for them to be 'together,' but after a year of not speaking… they were 'normal' again. They had crushes on girls and had spent that whole semester chasing after Aerith. Their laughter could be heard from in the living room as Axel chased Kairi around with cracked egg shells in the kitchen forcing us all to laugh at them. Naminé sat quietly on a stool eating the batter from the bowl when Axel's mom wasn't looking and trying to draw a Santa. Ven was sneaking in and out of the kitchen to peak at Terra and Riku was busy reading. His long blonde hair had been allowed to grow way down his back past his waist in thick white-blonde locks over the year that all the girls were jealous of. Sora always took up the habit of playing with it saying that if he changed it in any way he would never speak to him again.

"Roxas watch out! Axel's going to give you salmon from that egg!" Kairi Screeched as she hid behind me. My first instinct was to duck behind her and we both kept shoving each other in front of one another, giggling like that.

"Oh, come on, Kairi! Roxas knows I would never do anything to hurt him." his eyes held a glint in them that told a completely different story and for a twelve year old it was pretty scary. And he just kept getting closer and closer with that egg, his fingers gleaming with the whites that seeped from it.

I gulped, but thankfully Axel's mom tucking her equally as crazy red hair behind her ear, scolding her son, "Axel Lea. How many times have your father and I told you not to harass your little sister?" Axel stopped dead in his tracks and instantly dropped the egg shell in the trash bin next to him.

"More than I can count." He muttered and Kairi stuck her tongue out at this. He lunged towards her, but stopped when their mother sent him a look with one arched eyebrow. She turned that look on Kairi and with shameful eyes they both mumbled their apologies.

"So, uhm, when is my mom coming back?" I looked up, finding it awkward.

Their mother instantly returned to her chipper self we all knew her as, "they'll be back shortly, probably playing Santa's helpers." She winked at me as her two children scampered out of the kitchen and into the living room, most likely to bother their father. She knew I knew Santa wasn't real… but Naminé and Sora were still in the room, delirious with happiness about the big man in red. And my own parents forbid me to tell her OR Sora that he was a myth. What kind of fifth grader was he to still believe in something so childish?

"Roxas! Roxas!" that was Axel's easily excitable voice, "There's snow out here! On the ground! And Kairi can hardly move it's so deep!"

And that's all it took.

Everyone of us, even Zack and Cloud and Terra and Aerith were tugging on snow boots and gloves and coats and scarves and hats and rushing out of the house, paying no mind to the set of adults cramming their way into the house with shopping bags. The noise we made once we were outside was almost in human. We were so excited that we tripped over our own feet in a frenzy to get to the perfect snow. And oh yes, it was perfect, fluffy, but slightly compacted. The perfect kind that made perfect— I spun around glaring daggers at the person who dared to throw that snowball at the side of my head. Riku. He grinned sheepishly before Sora returned the favor of smashing snow in his face.

A war cry was let out from somewhere and then it was every man for himself. It was white and cold and we were all laughing so hard that we could hardly breathe, and once we had exhausted ourselves we collapsed to the ground, the sun setting in muted winter pallets. Axel laid next to me our gloved hands not daring to touch as we slowly made snow angels. I'm sure that somewhere in the far side of the lawn the older kids where making a snow man because on our trek back into the house with frozen fingers flushed cheeks and running noses, Frosty was waving to us with his tree branch hands.

The adults had hot-chocolate with mini marsh-mellows half melted and cookies in the living room set up for us all. The tree was aglow in the corner with blue and silver and white ornaments that Axel's mom didn't let us touch because they are still older than even them. But first we had to gather around the two sinks in the kitchen and dip our hands in the Luke-warm water to defrost, and so we shimmied out of our sopping wet winter clothes, smiles never leaving our faces and stood around the sinks. Meaningless chatter filled the air and maybe even some splashing.

"ooooh, nuh, uh uh!" I peered over my shoulder, hands still in the sink, and watched as Sora's mom had a huge grin plastered over her face arms crossed over her hideously Christmas themed sweater that matched mom's and Axel's mom and Riku's mom. "mistletoe." She them pointed up to the archway separating the Kitchen from the living room. We, being the fifth and second graders we were all started sniggering at the mortified faces of Zack and Cloud and a blushing Aerith standing behind them. Her eyebrow arched and I could see from my place on the step-stool Axel and I shared—Axel laid claim to it because that height gap grew again and I was proud to be four inches taller than him— that my mom was smiling around a mug and all our dads were more concerned with the "A Christmas Story" playing on the TV.

They looked at each other, glaring almost, but knowing there was no way in hell that the audience that had formed was going to even let them think about not kissing under the mistletoe. So they lent forward, faces bright red with either anger or embarrassment, Aerith giggling behind her hand uncontrollably, and lips puckered into fish faces. The gasps of "ew," and "aww," murmured throughout the room.

"Guys! Come on! Stop sucking faces long enough to bring out our coffee!" Sora sprang to life from his seat on Axel and I's Sofa, reprimanding Zack and Cloud, who thought it would be a spectacular idea to make use of the fake mistletoe that was left hanging year round— Axel used it as reason to kiss me there whenever we fought— and kiss, still holding the tray with everyone's coffee, well I already had mine. Riku ran a hand through his shoulder length silver hair and slung an arm back around Sora to settle him down as the coffee was passed out.

This year, with them somehow knowing I would be just an utter disaster if I spent the holiday alone, everybody was crammed into our apartment in the living room, around our Fake Christmas tree that was decorated with those same ornaments compliments to Axel's mother. Her Red hair had faded into a dark crimson, and just like all of our mothers had aged perfectly and you couldn't guess their aged right if you had tried. Axel's father on the other hand, still put on a few pounds, but his staggering height made up for that, if I was smart as a child I would have known that Axel would end up the height he was. It was almost painful to have them sitting, curled up together on the floor smiling. It wasn't fair that they could look like him. His mother's hair or fathers green eyes and jaw line, his mother's widow's peak, his father's nose, and both their height and bone structure that screamed AXEL! I was half tempted to curl up in between them, just to feel closer to him.

Everyone else wasn't helping either. Everyone was sitting back arms slung around their respective partners and sipping on coffee in their lazy-day clothes on this lovely Christmas morning. And that left me playing Santa and handing out all the gifts. I had to admit, I liked wearing the Santa hat, and if Axel were here we would have definitely been spending Christmas… differently.

"Okay, guys! Seriously! Stop acting all cutesy! It's killing my spirit!" I said with a half-hearted laugh. It wasn't fair, but I had to deal with it. No one uncurled themselves from one another, but thankfully the doe eyes ceased and the hand holding turned into mug holding. My own spiked mug sat next to me; a little alcohol in the morning was going to be the only way I was going to make it through the day. I was pathetic, but could you really blame me? It tasted terrible, Irish coffee, but it was doing its job.

So I set out to reading off the tags in the room, Kairi, Riku, Terra, Mom, Riku's mom, Axel's dad, Tidus, Zack, me, Sora, Ven, Kairi again, Cloud, and so on until we were a pile of cards and jewelry and sports jerseys and new electronics, and sweaters, and money and sweets, and there was still one present under the tree that I had missed. I pulled it out and to my surprise found out it was addressed to me. So I sat it on my lap, not understanding the look that everyone was sending my way as I pealed back the wrapping and opened the shipping box?

My heart literally almost stopped and a smile spread across my face I swore it was going to crack my face right in half. My body started trembling slightly as I grasped at the white cotton sheets in the box. They smelt of Irish spring soap, leather, and most importantly Axel. I closed my eyes and just bathed in the sent that wafted from the box, not caring that I probably looked half crazy doing this. That wasn't the only thing in the box though; a new sleek black iPod sat in it's clearly tampered with case in the middle of the sheets on top of an envelope. I reached out and picked it up, tears in my eyes and a smile on my face, and flicked it on. A half battery and a single play list blared up at me.

For my Roxas

Picturesque— Chase Coy

Baby blue eyes— A Rocket to the moon

The thing about us—Steve Moakler

She takes me high— We the Kings

When the Stars are out— The Perfect measure

If it means a Lot to you– A day to remember

Roxas— Axel

So I didn't even take any consideration for anyone else in the room, and I played them in order. Listening to the short playlist and absorbing each and every word as if Axel himself were singing them. I cracked a smile again at that; Axel couldn't sing to save his life. I listened taking sips of my coffee and letting myself believe that he was there in the room with me as I shakingly opened the envelope. I shuffled through photo after photo of Axel. His glorious smile and twinkling green eyes. Some of them were old… as in Axel and I as children, and some of them looking as new as now. It always amazed me how much he ages when he leaves me. His face had lost any ounce of fat, and his cheeks were a bit hollow, he had bags under his eyes and he clearly hadn't shaved the morning he took these. His hair was longer, probably down past his shoulders, and despite looking like he wasn't eating like he should be, his muscles were more defined. He was a mess, but he was still perfect. Always perfect.

I couldn't let out the gasp as the last 'song' played. It wasn't a song at all. It was a recording. His voice was rough and sleepy and caring, and exhausted. Physically exhausted to just be speaking, but oh so very lovely to hear.

"Roxas, babe, merry Christmas. Ahaha, well I don't really know what to say, but damn, I miss you so fucking much; It's crazy. Okay, so this might be a little creepy, but I sent you new sheets… well old to me, so the bed will smell like me again. I swear I didn't like jack off on them of something, so they're safe. And a new iPod for you to do with whatever you want. I know how much you love your weird high school girl music. So I found some. I had Kai put these songs on there for me… and this recording, so be sure to thank her. Oh, and I sent you pictures. Uhm… well I guess I don't have much to say, other than I love you, Roxas. Have a wonderful Christmas and New years, and I'm so fucking sorry I wasn't there to spend it with you. If I could come back even just for a day just to see you I would do it. Only a few more months 'till I do get to see you, though. And hold you in my arms and kiss you. I love you. Bye, babe."

And it was silent when I looked up at everybody. They could tell I was the mess now. I sniffled and stood placing it all back in the box before letting out a half smile and looking up at all my family and friends' faces, croaking out a, "Merry Christmas guys."

meep. So this is up, and I feel like I'm making Roxas an emotional wreck.

So yeah… guys; thanks for the reviews and favs and alerts and continued support c:

Oh and Salmon was meant to be salmonella, and Axel is older than Roxas. yup.

and uhm... school has started up again for me (fml too many AP classes why!) so yeah... moving slower now.

DarlingDaughterJam: aah! Well thank you so so so very much to both you and your girlfriend. And much love for you!

ewonsama: aww, you're welcome! And thank you for the review

Diabolus Kara: well I hope this update makes you happy again! :D and yes, it was totally a blanket fort!