Disclaimer: I don't own The Outsiders

As Two-Bit suggested, I went to class. I wanted to run off with Two-Bit, and I wanted to know where he was going. I fantasized about that all morning. I was worried about where he'd gone. Worried for my jealousy, I mean – not because I thought he was in danger, or anything. Only if danger meant sluts.

I sat with the same group of girls at lunch – Karen and a few others.

"I can't believe you, Kare!" Katherine giggled. She didn't mean it; she flipped her hair behind her shoulder. "You did what with Dennis at the party?"

I had no idea what Katherine was talking about, but judging by the other girls' giggles and Karen's smirk, they were in the loop. I smiled to feel a part of it all, but I had never heard of this party. It was yet another thing that Karen had forgotten to mention.

"It's not a big deal," Karen replied. She took a bite out of her apple. I knew who they were talking about – Dennis Cramer. He was a junior with dark hair and a body that girls would kill for. Most of them didn't have to; this guy sure got around.

"Yes it is! Karen, don't you think you're going too fast?" Sara asked.

"No," she replied. "Anyway, he said he wanted to see me during seventh period." She only wanted to brag.

"Did he say what he wanted?" Helen asked, nearly choking on her sandwich. Karen laughed.

"No," she said. She grinned.

The other girls gasped, and I gasped along with them. I wondered why Karen had never told me, and, more importantly, why she'd done whatever she'd done with Dennis Cramer. I didn't want to speak – I didn't want to sound like an ignorant idiot. I didn't want to hint that I'd never been kissed, when all the girls at this table had gone farther.

I sat through lunch, but I only anticipated the next class. At least then I wouldn't have to be awkward. I zoned out of the conversation I'd already pealed myself away from and found myself looking at Andrew Reynolds. He was a quiet kid; I didn't know him well, even though he was from our neighborhood. He sat alone at lunch because not many people bothered to get to know him. There was nothing contagious about him except for his lack of popularity, but that meant all the world to most teenagers.

He didn't seem to mind sitting alone, but I wondered if he was like me – what he acted like on the outside was nothing like what he was feeling on the inside.

After lunch, I was standing at my locker when the guy who'd been on my mind ever since Karen had mentioned him Friday night appeared.

"Audrey Curtis," he said. I hated it when guys did that – tried to say a girl's name in a sexy way. They thought it was cool, or that it made a girl feel good. They thought it made a girl feel personalized. I couldn't say it was horrible, but I didn't like to be labeled my last name.

"What, Bryon?" I asked. I acted irritated, but I didn't really want him to go. It was crazy – I didn't like this boy at all – he repulsed me – and yet, I wanted him to stay because he was a boy.

"Are you free today?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked. I thought I understood him, but I'd embarrassed myself enough today.

"Do you want to come to my house today?" he clarified.

I didn't want to, but I saw Karen walk down the hallway with Dennis Cramer at her side. His hand was dangerously low on her back. But more than that, I thought of Two-Bit – he'd never dated a girl as innocent as I. "Fine," I said.

I wasn't a complete idiot about the whole thing. Despite Karen's inclusiveness at lunch, I talked to her about Bryon. I tried to between sixth and seventh period, but Dennis approached and Karen became far too involved in him to care for my concerns. But I had last period math class with her, and there was no one better for her to talk to in the class.

"I told you so," Karen said. "I told you you like him!"

I didn't want to admit that I didn't actually like the guy, but I wanted to use him to get more popular and fit in. Karen wasn't the type of girl you tell that to.

"Do you still like Two-Bit?" she asked.

"A little," I lied. I didn't want her spreading rumors. "Look, what do I do? You know I've never – "

"Audrey, don't worry," she said. "It's not that hard."

"That's what you think," I replied. "I not good at this stuff."

"It's not hard. And with a guy like Bryon, he'll do the leading," Karen said. "All you have to do is drop your pants."

"Wait – what?" I asked. "No, I didn't think that's what he thought – Karen – I'm not going to – "

"That's what you think now," she said. "What did he say?"

"He asked me to come over after school," I answered.

"To his house?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Yeah, you better realize that you're going to have sex," Karen said. She said it like she was talking about something as casual as homework.

"I'm not – wait, Karen, I didn't think you – "

Karen smiled and looked down. I realized.

"You did it with Dennis Cramer?" I asked.

"Yeah," she admitted, but it wasn't with regret, and that scared me.

"He's – but you know he gets around; you know all that! You're not even going steady with him, why would you - ?"

"You like Two-Bit, and he's just like that," she said. "So is Bryon."

"I guess so," I said. "Wait – but you liked Pony."

"And he liked Allison," she said.

"Are you trying to make him jealous?" I asked.

"And I'm having fun along the way," she replied.

I glanced at the clock; two minutes left of class. Normally this would excite me, but I had butterflies in my stomach.

"Maybe I shouldn't," I said. "Go to Bryon's, I mean. I'm not ready, Karen, this is crazy!"

"You just don't think you're ready," she said. "You'll be fine."

"No, I won't," I said. But I had a crowd to be a part of, and I was already falling behind.

Bryon met me at my locker after the bell rang. He took my bag. I couldn't imagine that a boy as chivalrous as him would only want me for sex. And at first, he didn't.

"Are you going home?"

I turned; a dark haired boy had asked these words. I vaguely recognized him.

"Yeah," Bryon said. The other boy looked at me in expectation.

"I'm Mark, Bryon's brother," he said. "You're Ponyboy Curtis's sister, right?"

"Audrey," I said. "Yeah."

He nodded. "I won't be home until later."

When Mark left, Bryon and I began our walk to him house. He lived near me – we were both from the same side of town.

"That's your brother?" I asked. "You two look nothing alike."

"I know," he said. "My mom took him in when he was nine and his parents died."

"Oh," I said. "Do you two get along?" He was easy to talk to, and I didn't mind it when his fingers intertwined with mine.

"Yeah," Bryon said. "We never fight. You get along with your brothers?"

"God, no," I said. "They're the biggest pain in the asses I've ever seen."

Bryon laughed. "You can't mean that."

"I don't completely. They can be incredibly annoying to deal with sometimes, though," I admitted.

"Mark can be like that sometimes, I guess," Bryon said. "He's a complete idiot when it comes to some things – you know Bridget Summers?"

"Yeah, kind of," I said. "She's that pregnant senior, right?"

"Yeah," Bryon replied. "So, her boyfriend, Johnson – I don't remember his first name – cheats on her. So I was talking to Mark about it, and Mark on that guy's side."

"He is?" I asked. "Why?"

"That's what I wondered, so I asked him, and he said that that was just what guys are supposed to do," he said.

"And you don't think that?" I asked.

"Of course not," he replied. I don't know what I thought before about Bryon being a jerk. He was a misunderstood, sensitive guy. There were guys out there who didn't only want sex. There were guys who were sensitive and easy to talk to.

Bryon's house was empty when we arrived, and he fixed us some grilled cheese. Not only was he sensitive, but he could cook. I hadn't had a meal this good since Mom and Dad passed away, not even at a diner or anything.

We sat on his couch and ate the meal. He turned on the small black and white TV and we watched some after school special.

"That guy is such an idiot," Bryon said. "He should know that if he stand that girl up that she's gonna try and make him jealous with Darlene." Ten minutes late he added, "Oh, look, I was right."

"You're good," I said.

He shook his head. "This show's too predictable," he said.

"Maybe," I said. "I don't mind it. It keeps my mind off heavier stuff, you know?"

He nodded and put his arm around my waist. His arm was thick and hard, and I felt at ease with it wrapped around me. I rested my head on his shoulder, and it was comfortable. I was so short and he was tall enough that I didn't have my head tilted too far.

I felt that we could sit like that forever, but Bryon had other ideas. He slid his hand lower until it rested on my hip. I shivered.

"You okay?" he asked, always sensitive.

"Fine," I answered.

"I'll go put the dishes away," he said, but it was just an excuse to change our position subtly. There's only so far you can comfortably go while sitting on a couch with an amateur like me.

When he returned, he sat in the chair next to the couch. "Come sit," he invited. He patted his lap. Course, he wasn't planning on acting like Santa Claus – much the opposite, and I didn't know how I felt being his accomplice.

I put my legs through the holes the armrests left in the chair; I was facing Bryon. I was nervous as hell; my hands shook as I put them around his neck, but Bryon steadied my fears. He put his hands around my lower back, and then even lower.

The only thing that got me through was the thought of all the others girls and their multiple boyfriends.

But when Bryon kissed me, it didn't feel magical. I couldn't deny imagining my first kiss – I'd thought of it as a beautiful thing. I'd thought I'd be a princess and he'd be the prince, but I just felt like another washed-up Southern girl. I didn't feel special.

When my shirt lay on the ground, I realized that Bryon's sensitive act was just that – an act. I broke from his lips; he looked startled.

"What's wrong, baby?" he asked.

"How many girls have you tried this with?" I asked. "How many have you played the grilled cheese trick, or the part where we were just watching TV? That whole thing about Bridget, you don't really believe that, do you?"

"What?" he asked. "No one. It's only you, Audrey. I am who I am."

I looked down. Maybe I was over-analyzing things. I shouldn't jump to conclusions; I couldn't blame Bryon for my insecurities. I felt Bryon's cool fingers on my back, and he unhooked my bra strap in one fluid motion. I was silent and still as he took it off me.

"What's wrong?" he asked. His hands rubbed me where I'd never been rubbed, and I felt good there. I thought about telling his my doubts and fears, but that would ruin the moment. What was the point in doing that?

His right hand slid down my stomach and unbuttoned my skirt. I closed my eyes.

The phone rang.

"Dammit," he grumbled. The phone was on the table next to the chair, and he picked it up. "Yeah?" He relaxed, obviously the call wasn't important. "She's not here. Yeah, I'll tell her you called. Bye."

"Who was that?" I asked.

"No one important," he said. "Just someone for my mom. Now, where were we?"

I looked down, and that was all Bryon needed to continue his work.

"No," I muttered, and became stronger. "No."

"What?" he asked.

The phone call seemed to have snapped me back into action; I finally realized what was going on. "No," I said. "I can't – look, it's just…I barely know you, Bryon."

"You can get to know me," he said.

"This isn't the way," I replied. I picked my bra and shirt up off the floor and redressed myself. "Thanks," I muttered. I headed for the door.

"I know why you did it," he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Why you came here, and why you left," he said. "I didn't think you would come. And you were right; you're not the first girl."

"Why are you telling me this?" I asked. It only made me feel worse.

"You're the most insecure bitch I've ever seen," he said. I stumbled back like I'd been slapped in the face; my eyes stung. Bryon had never looked bitterer. "I see the way you look at yourself; you hate yourself more than you hate anyone. You came because you want to be a different girl, and that's why you stopped. You thought I'd reject you; you couldn't bear that happening. You want to know the truth?"

"No," I replied.

"I might not have rejected you then, but I sure do now," he said.

I slammed the front door behind me, and I was only twenty feet from his house when I collapsed in tears.

Author's Note: Happy Holidays! And review, review, review please! Did you like hearing from some characters from That Was Then, This Is Now – or do you prefer new characters like Karen and Dennis? Oh, and what do you think of Karen now, after hearing about her incident? Do you like Audrey/Bryon? Any comments, critiques, ideas, or predictions would be amazing!