Dear Diary,
I'm not doing good since I last wrote in you. I'm just getting worse. Each day I just barely make it through the day. I truly don't know what is keeping me here anymore. I'm still cutting. Some days when I cut I don't care if I cut too deep. It only numbs me for a little bit than I do it again. Nothing helps to fully calm me down anymore. Just another cut, just another meal skipped, just another meal down the toilet… I'm beyond sick and tired of always pretending I'm happy! One of these days I'm going to give in and show how I'm truly feeling and it wont be good. I would love to know what it feels like to be happy again. All I remember is sadness, feeling alone, unloved, unwanted, worthless, useless… need I say more? I don't remember the day I started acting happy all the time but I know for certain I NEVER thought so many people would believe it! Nobody ever asks me if I'm ok. Andre even said last week I looked happy again… one day last week I didn't feel well so I acted like myself, the depressed Cat. That was only one day though that I let my mood slip. Even than you would have thought somebody would ask why I was sad… nope! Of course not. Cat depressed? No! not possible!