Fifty Six

Tris

The first thing I noticed was the beeping of the machines in the room. I grounded myself to the steady noise. I knew that any second, doctors would come bursting in and interrupt the calm. I kept my gaze stuck on the ceiling and breathed in the quiet. Then, a man in a white jacket swung the door open.

He came over to my bedside and gave me a polite smile, "Hello Ms. Prior. It's nice to formally meet you".

I could tell his pleasantries weren't exactly sincere, but he seemed friendly enough so I tried to nod a greeting back to him. He reminded me a lot of Jack Kang in that he was very official and businesslike. He droned about my condition and injuries for a while, but I wasn't listening. I couldn't. I hadn't moved in days but I felt more tired than I had during my first week of Dauntless initiation. It hurt to breathe in, and my shoulder ached like someone was setting it on fire from the inside. I was uncomfortable and in pain, and irritated at his talking but I was grateful that he didn't stop. Grateful because I knew that when he stopped and realized that I was alright (mostly), my brother would come in not long after.

It was stupid for me to be nervous to see Caleb but, regardless of that, I was. I couldn't explain it, but the thought of seeing him again made me feel awful. Maybe it was because with Caleb, I never know what to expect. I thought I got him back once before and he turned out to be helping Jeanine. When I thought he was betraying me and encouraging me to pick Abnegation, it turned out he only wanted me to know that he supported whatever I chose. So when I saw him again, I couldn't be prepared. I couldn't be prepared for anger, for regret, for total impartiality, for anything.

"Ms. Prior, your vitals seem to be fairly regular. You are very lucky," he paused and smiled at me, "if there isn't anything else you need, I should go alert your family that you're awake".

I took a deep breath, which he must have taken as my consent, because he nodded and left the room after that. I closed my eyes and kept breathing deeply until I heard the door slowly squeak open again. I didn't open my eyes until I heard his voice, "Beatrice?".

He looked exactly the same except he had a black eye. I was going to comment, but I realized it wasn't very important.

The silence hang heavy in the room, and I didn't want to be the one to break it. Luckily I didn't have to, "Beatrice I apologize for this. I realize that you are here because of me, and I realize that our relationship can't ever be the same. I just want you to know that I am glad you are okay".

I slowly sat up and looked him in the eye, "Caleb I'm not okay".

"Our parents," he said looking at the floor.

"No, I'm talking about you and me. Ever since I chose Dauntless and you chose Erudite, we haven't been the same. When they said 'faction before blood' all those times, it wasn't a rule, it was a warning. They knew it would happen. We would pick up the ideals of our own factions and our families wouldn't be the same anymore. That is exactly what happened to us. In the beginning, when I came to you for help in Erudite you turned me away."

"Beatrice I never meant to hurt you," he said.

"I know you didn't. You thought you were doing what was right and so did I. Faction before blood doesn't mean we care about our faction more, it means we are more like our faction. Caleb I didn't take your place because I wanted to die, or because I thought you were taking pity on me. I did it because no matter how different we are, and how different we will get, you are my brother and I love you."

"I thought you said-"

"I am not okay Caleb, because the second you came in here you said that you thought I was in here because of you, and that makes me mad. I am in here because of me".

He came over to my bedside and hugged me a little awkwardly. It was difficult to get around the arm sling and all the wires but it was okay because it was Caleb.

"Beatrice, I need to go talk to the doctor," I almost laughed at him. His aversion to all things emotional was so familiar I couldn't help but smile. He didn't notice, "I need to find out how much longer you need to stay here, what prescriptions you will need, and figure out some other details," he stood up and smiled down at me before heading toward the door. He had his hand on the knob when he said, "Can he come in? He's waiting outside".

I didn't have to ask who he meant. I knew that I was going to have to face this moment eventually. Besides, I think a part of me knew that he had been waiting. I nodded at Caleb and he left the room. When he did, my heart started pounding, and when the doorknob started to turn again I thought I could hear it. Thud thud thud. The door swung open. Thud thud thud. Finally he stepped into the room, and when I met his gaze I didn't really know what to do. I wanted him to understand, and I wanted him to be okay with my choice but I didn't know that he was. For a minute we just stared at each other, but I couldn't take the silence like I could with Caleb.

"Tobias, I want you to know that I didn't want to leave you. I told Caleb to tell you this, just in case, but I need to say this in person. I never wanted to leave. I only ever wanted to protect what little family I had left. No matter how many times he betrayed us, Caleb is still my brother and I had to know that he would be okay".

He exhaled before he started, "Tris you have no idea how...lost I felt. I know, and I've always known that you are a soldier. You never stop fighting no matter what happens, but you got tired of fighting before".

"I won't lie to you, I thought about staying with my parents. No more wars, or hate, or corruption. Just me and parents, watching over Caleb and you and Chris from somewhere quiet. But I did fight so hard I guess it just felt like it would have all been for nothing. Besides, I couldn't leave you," I looked down at my hands and started playing with the end of the sheet that covered my body, "I know that you would have moved on eventually, maybe gotten a job at the Bureau or something, but I'm selfish. I love you Tobias".

He came over to me and lifted my head so I was looking him right in the eye, "I love you, Tris. I missed you so much," he smirked and took my face in his hands. I leaned up toward him and he came down to meet me. Our lips met and it was soft but sure. When I broke away he looked surprised, but I took his hand and pulled him down so he was sitting next to me. I wrapped my arms around him and rested my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around me and we just stayed like that, holding each other close. Being wrapped in his arms was so familiar. It was like coming home after a long time away, and breathing in the familiar air.

"For the record, Tris, Caleb is not your only family".

I held him closer, wanting to never let go again.