"Wow...Sam...I...I...never knew" Carly stuttered placing a reassuring hand on her friend's shoulder.
"It's not your fault" Sam said tears streaming down her face "I did everything I could to cover up what happened"
"But I'm your best friend!" Carly sighed "I should have known something was up when you suddenly went to live with your Dad and missed the last couple of months of school"
"Seriously Carly, this isn't your fault. It's Freddie's." Sam said quietly.
"I just...I don't believe Freddie would do that to you" Carly said.
"Well he did" Sam said her voice becoming stronger "And there's no way I can see him again"
Carly sighed "But don't you think you should talk to him..."
"No!" Sam almost shouted "It's been 10 years Carly. He probably forgot all about it"
"But Sam, maybe if you just knew why he did it then you could finally move on with your life" Carly reasoned.
"I have moved on" Sam said a little weakly.
"From where I'm standing Sam" Carly said carefully "You still love him"
Sam looked at her best friend's concerned face. In a way it felt right that she finally knew but it also meant she had to deal with something she hated the most; pity.
"I...I just want to go home Carly" Sam breathed.
This was too much for her to handle. Luckily she could no longer see Freddie outside which made it a little easier. One part of her wanted to go up to him and demand a reason for what he did, another wanted to murder him but deep down a rather large part of her wanted to be able to kiss him again, the way she had done so long ago.
"If you're sure Sam" Carly said wearily.
"I'm sure"
She wasn't. Sam continued to peer at the front door of the school as Carly started the car. If she could just see his face again then maybe she would know what to do. Sam couldn't help but think that he was probably inside introducing his new wife to all their old classmates. She was ashamed that she even cared about him after all this time, any normal person would have completely forgotten about it by now.
"SAM!"
Sam turned around. She saw him.
"SAM! STOP THE CAR! CARLY!"
It was Freddie. He was just steps away from the car. He had a look of desperation on his face. Just hearing his voice again was making Sam's heart beat a thousand times.
"Sam!" Carly cried "What do you want to do?"
Sam glanced at Carly's face and then at Freddie who was now making his way to the car. She could see his chocolate eyes pleading for her to get out of the car. Then she remembered the last time she saw those eyes. She couldn't do it. He had cheated on her and there was no going back from that. Even after 10 years.
"Drive Carly" She whispered.
"Are you sure? I mean..."
"DRIVE!" Sam shouted.
Then they left. Sam took one last glace a Freddie. She tried to be angry at him, she tried to imagine hitting him over the head with a bat but instead all she could feel was guilt, for running away.
Just like she had done all those years ago.
-You can't erase the past-
Sam immediately reached for the ribs that were in her fridge. This was a time for ribs, some girls liked ice-cream but old habits die hard and desperate time call for large portions of meat dipped in barbecue sauce.
After catching Freddie cheating on her Sam had packed up everything and moved to New York to stay with her Dad. Up until tonight she thought starting a whole new life after Freddie was the best decision she ever made. She focused on her study at college (hard to believe, right?) and eventually all the memories she had of Freddie had disappeared and that was the way she liked it.
Though seeing him again tonight was too much for her to handle. It brought back feeling that had long ago been swept miles under the carpet. She now remembered his laugh, his goofy smile, his dorky habits, his touch. All the things that made her love him were back fresh in her memory and the feeling of the complete and utter heart break she felt after leaving him had returned.
Parts of her wanted to see him to ask him why he did it. She had often wondered if it was her fault, had she done something to offend him. Something inside still tells her that he would never do that to her, that what she and Freddie had was love and what she saw was not Freddie's fault. Though it was silly trying to soften it up, Freddie Benson had kissed another girl and there was no other explanation.
Sighing Sam kicked off her shoes, grabbed some ham from the kitchen and lay down to watch TV. She found herself unusually not being able to concentrate on the screen. Everywhere she looked was his face, his eyes, his hair and she could still hear him calling her name. Was it possible that Freddie had missed her? That he wanted her and that he was sorry? Was that why he was calling her name?
Sam shook her head. She couldn't think like that, Freddie and her were over forever and the sooner she accepted that the better. Sam decided that trying to get some sleep was probably the best idea, she needed to get away from any thoughts Freddie related.
Sam closed her eyes but as soon as she started to drift off slightly she was startled to hear someone knocking the door.
She groaned, it was probably Carly checking in to see if she had killed herself or not. Of course Carly had every right to be worried but sometimes Sam just wanted to be left in peace.
"Carly. It's ok. I told you I'm not suicidal" Sam began as she opened the door but her face soon turned white as it was not Carly at the door. It was Freddie.
"Sam!" Freddie said breathlessly "I've knocked on every door in your building, thank god I found you"
"What...what...why are you here?" She stuttered trying to process that he was in fact standing in her hallway.
"I need to talk to you" Freddie said nervously "Can I...come in?"
Sam looked at him. Looking at him close up she could see that he still had the same features, he was still Freddie, just a lot taller and although she didn't want to admit it, a lot hotter. Though she knew she couldn't think about him like that, not anymore.
"Why are you here?" Sam asked again her voice raising.
Freddie looked taken back "Well...I thought we could talk, about what happened"
"You cheated on me" Sam whispered before she could stop herself.
Freddie's eyes softened "Sam. I know it looked bad but I swear she kissed me!"
"What!" Sam breathed. This was the excuse that she had been hoping to hear for the past 10 years? After all this time all he could say was she kissed me.
"I want you to understand that I would never do anything to hurt you!" He told her his voice cracking with emotion.
Everything was silent for a moment. This was all happening too fast. It seemed like forever that Sam and Freddie stayed in silence staring at each other, trying to find the right words.
"You did hurt me" She whispered quietly not sure why she was telling him this.
"I know" He sighed seeming glad that she silence was broken. "All I can say is that I made a mistake"
Sam heart leapt and for a moment she thought that she would be able to forgive him and maybe they could go back to what they had before.
"Forgive me?" He asked smiling sheepishly.
Then Sam realized that she couldn't do this. She was not going to turn into one of those girls that just let a man control her. Freddie just expects to show up and all of a sudden for her to forgive him. It took a long time for Sam to forget and she was sure as hell it was going to take a lot longer to forgive.
"GET OUT!" Sam shouted at him pointing to the exit.
The anger was spilling out of her before she could stop it. Everything that had been bottled up for so long seemed to be escaping. Now looking at Freddie she could see nothing but the pain he had caused her.
"Please Sam" Freddie pleaded "Let me explain"
"I said GET OUT!" She screamed back at him.
"Listen! I just want to..."
"DONT YOU DARE!" Sam yelled at him now unable to hold in the words that was coming out of her "We had everything. I loved you and I was pretty sure you loved me too but you ruined that! You CHEATED on me! We were together for a year and you go and kiss another girl while you were waiting on me! You can't just show up and tell me crap about how she kissed me. I saw you kissing her back and to me that 's all that matters"
"Sam, I just want..." Freddie said desperately.
"No!" Sam said failing to hold in tears "You had other chances to come and find me, to win me back. I have moved on Freddie! It was 10 year ago! We're not silly little teenagers anymore, this is the real world and you can't just barge in here and expect me to forgive you and fall into your arms!"
Freddie took a step back "Ok Sam...I just thought that maybe...you still wanted ...us"
Sam's expression turned cold "I don't"
Her heart broke into pieces when she saw tears start to fall down Freddie's cheeks. She had broken him, just like he had done to her. Part of her wanted him to feel the pain she had felt. It was terrible but true.
He turned to leave and just as Sam had began to shut the door he pushed it back open with a look of determination on his face.
"You know what Sam!" He stated.
Then he kissed her. It was short but it sent electric currents all the way through Sam's body. His lips felt so soft against hers, it took her back. She had to use everything she not to grab in again when he pulled away.
"I love you Sam!" He cried after pulling away from her lips "I made the biggest mistake of my life the day I kissed Stacy. The past 10 years have been a misery without you, when I found out you had gone I fell apart. You may have been able to move on from me but I will NEVER move on from you."
"I will do anything to have you again, anything. I would jump off a bridge, I would murder my own cat and I would even smash my computer if you asked me to! You are everything. You are my life Sam. I will not rest until I have won you back! I have gone 10 years without you and I am not about to go 10 more"
"I'm going get you back Sam. If it' the last thing I do."
Then he left. Sam froze still holding her hand to the lips he had not long ago kissed. Everything he had said was in a blur. He still wanted her. He still loved her. He was going to win her back.
The only problem was Sam wasn't sure if she wanted him to win her back. He had hurt her before, who's to say he wouldn't do it again?