Authors Note: Right. ANGST AND SAD. There, I've said it. And I apologise. There be lots. Also I split this chapter in half because it was getting pretty long and hit a natural end. And I haven't written the next bit yet...

Warning for: things relating to bereavement and burial. Im not even sure I need to warn for this, but I figured I probably should.

And now that you've read that...urm, try to enjoy?

Sam had indeed been right; James hadn't had another dream that night. Robbie was glad, the man was in desperate need of a rest, and any hours that James managed to get, Robbie considered a triumph.

James brought Sam downstairs for breakfast, already fully dressed and Lewis knew that James was still ok with their plan to go to the cemetery. It was going to be hard for them all, but it was something that needs to be done.

They all bundle into the car and on the way, James asks if they can go to a nearby florist, he feels weird not bringing any flowers. He gets out and crosses the road, and it soon becomes apparent to Robbie that James hasn't fully explained to Sam what this is all about.

"Why is Daddy sad Unca Robbie?"

"Because. He misses your Mum."

"But Daddy said that we gonna go and see her today." Robbie sighs. Damn it James, this isn't an explanation.

"We're going to see where she's buried Sammy. You do realise that you won't actually see her don't you?"

"Daddy said there's a picture of Mummy there." He frowns a little. "But why is there a picture? Why does Daddy need'a buy flowers for Mummy? She not gonna get them."

"Its what people do Sam," You'll find out for yourself soon enough kidda, you'll be doing the same thing for others before long. Robbie shakes his head, he doesn't remember being so morbid before. The little voice breaks through his depressing thoughts.

"I 'pose Mummy can see them from heaven."

"Aye of course she can kidda." Just as he says that, James gets back into the car, putting a bouquet of flowers on the back seat.

"Are these for Mummy?"

"Yes Sammy. You be careful with them ok?" Sam nods as he bends over the seatbelt to have a look.

"Pretty."

No one answers him, there's not really anything they can say.

.

James hesitates as they get out of the car. It's clear that he hasn't been to the cemetery for a while, more than a year and a half according to him. With that said, Lewis notes that James knows exactly where to go. The location might have been too painful for him to visit, but he hasn't pushed it from his mind. Robbie holds onto Sam' hand and slows down a little, giving James time to get ahead. The old ex-inspector has experience of this, James will need the time alone at his wife's graveside before having to explain it all to his son.

Hathaway is aware that Robbie is holding Sam back for a little while, and he's grateful, for he's only just in sight of his wife's resting place and he's already fighting back tears. He realises now, that holding this moment off has done nothing but made him feel guilty, and now it hurts more than it normally would.

He walks up to the graveside and stands there, not knowing what to do. He doesn't place the flowers in the vase, Sam should be with him for that. James stands there awkwardly, before hesitantly putting a hand on the top of the gravestone.

"I, um...I should have come before Chris. I'm sorry. Should have come and visited. Should have brought our son...but I, er, I didn't. Couldn't face explaining about it all to Sammy. Not on my own. A-And it would have been on my own, wouldn't it? You were always better with teaching Sam things like this. Why...Why did you leave me eh?" The tears spill out as he grips the headstone, knuckles going white.

"You could have shouted out, fought him back. Why did you let that little shit get you? You deserved better." He shakes himself as a wispy recollection of Lewis saying much the same about his own wife stirs in his mind.

"I'm sorry," he continues. And he is, he knows that Chrissy would have fought back, wouldn't have backed down when asked for her money. "I'm sorry that I was at work, I'm sorry that Harper picked on you. I...I should have been there, protected you, took your place." He looks up at the sky, taking a shuddering breath through his tears. He can hear Sam's voice nearby, but not well enough to know what's being said. He can see Robbie and Sam out of the corner of his eye, sitting on a bench, not too far away. Robbie is pointing at the graves and explaining something. The sun is shining and everything is bright, brighter than the world has any right to be in this place.

"I'm scared Chris, so bloody scared. The bloke who got you, his father is after Sam and me. And I-I'm scared...I'm terrified that I'm not gonna be able to stop him, that I'm gonna fail Sam like I failed you." Another deep breath. Time to try and gather some coherent thoughts before he loses control.

"I'm not sleeping again. Like before but worse...I really thought the pills were going to work. I'm...I'm fucking exhausted Chris and I don't know how to fix it. The nightmares won't go away. Sam keeps trying to make me feel better, and it shouldn't be like that should it? I should be comforting him, he's four, he shouldn't feel like he needs to make me ok." A short, sharp laugh exits his mouth before he can stop it.

"Ok? Well, that's a joke. I don't think I remember what ok feels like" There is movement from his left and he sees Sam heading towards him, Robbie following in an attempt to steer the little boy away from James. Before they get close enough to see, he touches his fingers to his lips and then touches the headstone. "I hope you're...ok. Where ever you are Chris. I love you. I love you and I miss you. So...so bloody much."

As Robbie heads back to the bench, he thinks that he has done the right thing. James might have been crying when he walked Sam over, but he looks...not happier, he just looks less sad. Robbie couldn't explain it if he tried. He watches, and suddenly he is glad that when he lost Val, Ken and Lyn were old enough to understand nearly everything that was going on. He didn't have to explain to them what a gravestone was, as James is doing to Sam now. He observes how close James is holding Sam as he guides the little boys hand, full of flowers, to the little holes in the standard vase. The two of them talk a little bit more and then Robbie sees the moment when Sam understands. The child turns into James' side and buries his head inside Hathaway's coat. Robbie can hear him crying from where he's sat, and he can see James looking over Sam's head as he hugs him, rubbing his back gently. Eventually, James pulls away a little, and makes Sam look at him. He points to the grave and Sam nods, inching over and giving it a hug as best he can. He looks up at his father and James ruffles his hair, before picking the little boy up and heading back over to Robbie.

"Ok kidda?" James breathes in deeply.

"Yeah...Yeah, I think so." Robbie claps him gently on the back.

"Come on kidda, lets get you both back eh?"

.

As soon as they get back to the house, Sam drags James over to where he knows that Lewis keeps his box of Lego.

"Come on Daddy! Can we play Lego?"

"Of course we can Sammy, lead on." James knows that he needs to be there for his son more than ever at the moment. Be there to distract him from the sadness and to answer any questions the boy may have.

They sit and start to build their...actually James isn't really sure what its supposed to be. Sam has been talking about fire engines, so he assumes that's what his son is trying to build.

"It needs to have space for five firemen Daddy."

"Why's that?"

"Cos need one for doing the ladder, an' two for the hose an' one to tell the other ones what to do." As he speaks, Sam moves four of the little Lego men over out of the pile.

"That's only four Sam. What about the fifth man eh?" The kid roots through the box and pulls out another Lego figurine and a Lego dog.

"The fifth one has a'look after the fire dog." Robbie sits down opposite them in the armchair and smiles.

"Didn't you know about the fire dog James?"

"Thought it was the station cat." he mumbles.

"Nooo Daddy. They haves fire dogs now. Not like when you was little boy." James grins and Robbie can't help but sputter out a laugh. "They has to have fire dogs...you know why?"

"No, I don't Sam."

"You know Unca Robbie?"

"Nope, why do they need fire dogs Sammy?"

"B'cos...a'fire makes all soot and powder everywhere. And if a cat goes to look for the people, then its gonna get all powder on it. But cats not like baths. So it stay all dirty for ever. But a dog likes baths, so they use dogs so they can clean them."

"Ah. Well its changed since I was a little boy then." James says, putting the dog on top of their nearly finished fire engine. Sam nods in agreement.

"Was long time ago Daddy." James laughs.

"Cheeky monkey!" Sam giggles, but apologies by hugging James as he stands up to show Robbie the finished product.
"That's very good lads. But why is it green?"

"...We ran out of red bricks-" James starts before his son interrupts.

"That's not why. Is green so it mixes in grass an' the bad man can't see it. Then they can put out all'a secret fires."

"Very clever these fireman aren't they?"

"Yeah. An' it was built by my Daddy, so it'll last for ages...unless the nasty men use a fire engine breaking gun."

"Course it will laddie."

.

Sam rushes off upstairs to play and Robbie watches as James moves up onto the sofa, with the slightest wince.

"You're set on this aren't you lad?"

"Yes...Please Robbie. I can't have you on my conscience."

"Kidda..."

"Please..." James runs a hand through his short hair. "Just, drop it."

"I can't Jim. Think of it from my side. You don't want me involved, so I can't get hurt. But you expect me to let you go off on your own, probably to get hurt." James sighs and Lewis continues. "At least come to Jean's house."

"We don't even know if she'll agree Robbie."

"Well, our plan hinges on it. At least come to Jean's. And then I promise, I won't try and stop you" No, but Jean and Laura will, and you know it, James thinks

Nonetheless, James phones Jean and asks if he and Robbie can bring Sam over at about half seven. He explains that he and Robbie are supposed to be meeting Harper at eight, and he doesn't want Sam to be there, wants somewhere safe to leave him. Of course he has no intention of letting Robbie come with him, he already has a plan in that department. Innocent agrees readily, telling him to bring things over for Sam to sleep, hey are all welcome to stay the night. James assumes that Mr Innocent must be out of town on a business trip or something. When he mentions that Harper had threatened herself and Laura as well, she tells him to invite Hobson over as well. Really James, you should have done that already. He thanks her and puts the phone down. James can hear Robbie talking to Laura on his own mobile.

"Go to Jean's...Yes she's expecting you...Laura please...Your house isn't that secure. Please?" Eventually, Lewis convinces her, or so Hathaway assumes from the relieved look on the older man's face.

Lewis glances at his watch; quarter to six. James seems to have done the same, because he gets up without a word and heads into the kitchen. When Lewis eventually follows him in there, there's an assortment of things gathered on the worktop. A large bottle of orange juice stands by a non spill cup and a half packet of bourbon biscuits. Next to these, are James' packet of Prazosin and the really strong painkillers that the hospital gave him. At Robbie's questioning eyebrow, James turns to talk to him.

"To take to Jean's for Sam. I don't know if she drinks juice and he loves those biscuits. Also, I'm going to need the Prazosin later." Robbie notes that he doesn't mention the painkillers at all. They stick it all into a bag, which goes into Robbie's car. Then James tells Sam to get any toys that he wants to take to Jean's with him. Predictably, Sam comes back downstairs with his comfort blanket, Fluffy and a selection of toy fire engines and police cars. They go into another bag, along with a pair of Sam's pyjama's and his toothbrush and toothpaste, which Robbie also stows in the boot of his car. As he heads outside, the finality of their situation suddenly hits him. He realises that there is every chance that James won't come back tonight, that he's going to have to explain to Sam why. And it puts the fear of God through him. His only hope is that Jean and Laura manage to talk some sense into the stubborn bugger. He's surprised that James agreed to go to Jean's house, he must know that they'll have opinions on his plan. But he's not complaining. Not if it means that there's a chance that he'll let Robbie go with him.

But even then, how much safer is James going to be? At the end of the day, James is right; he's not going to be any good in a fight at all. And for all his insistence that James' knee will make it impossible for the man to escape, how likely is it that he'd be able to make a run for it. With all that said though, he still rather go than let James face Harper on his own.

When he comes back in, James and Sam are cuddling on the sofa, with heir heads together and Sam is looking a little bit tearful. James is trying to console him a bit.

"It'll be ok Sam. You'll be with Jean and Auntie Laura and Uncle Robbie." Sam doesn't look mightily convinced by any of this.

"Come on bonny lad, itno the car, off we go eh?" The little boy gets up, but he takes hold of James' hand almost straight away.

"Go with Uncle Robbie Sammy boy. Daddy's going in his own car." At Robbie's look he continues. "Well how else am I gonna get there. I'll follow you to Jean's You might need your car after." ...because I might not bring it back. Its unspoken, but Robbie hears it anyway, and then resolutely pushes it from his mind. James picks up a road map, tucking it under his arm, and Sam reluctantly takes Robbie's proffered hand. Lewis secretly hopes that James will get lost and that'll be the end of that. But he knows it won't happen.

They get in their cars, and as Robbie pulls out, driving past James' car, Hathaway waves at Sam. Robbie raises his hand back, and then they're off.

.

Its been ten minutes when Robbie glances into his rear view mirror, for something other than driving protocol. He frowns and returns his eyes to the road, worry slowly building inside him. Its the next tme he checks that he realises why.

"That bloody minded young..." he mutters angrily, pulling over and straining to see out of the rear window at the oncoming cars. Robbie hits the wheel in frustration. He knows immediately that James has turned off further back to go and meet Harper from here. The lad never had any intention of going to Jean's house. The stupid boy has gone off on his own, despite his best efforts.

"Can you see your Daddy Sam?" He knows that Sam has been periodically checking on the proximity of James' car to theirs. But a quick glance, shows him that there's another car there, similar to James'. Sam probably mistook it for his father's. It overtakes them, and Sam frowns, before looking back again. Strangely though, there is no panic or crying, as Sam settles back down. He eyes Robbie warily before speaking, and that's when everything is confirmed.

"Daddy sayed he had'a go an' meet someone. But he be back later an' he loves me an' I not need to worry. He sayed tell you he sorry as well...but I don't know why." So when James and Sam were sitting on the sofa before they left, he was telling Sam what he planned. This way, Robbie knows what's occurred but he can't go back for him. He has no choice to continue to a place where he and Sam will be safe.

"He'll be bloody sorry when I'm finished with him" Robbie mutters darkly, but he suddenly realises that when James waved at his car, the younger man was on the verge of tears. He was waving goodbye, just in case...

"Are you angry Unca Robbie?"

"Not with you kidda." He sighs, he can't really find it in himself to be angry at James either, its Harper that he's furious with. He's just almost pathologically worried about James. "Come on bonny lad, we'd better go and see your aunties." As he pulls back out into the traffic he can't help himself;

You look after yourself James lad, see that you come back to your son eh?