Sweets had to take a few moments to collect himself before he pressed forward. This bombshell of a development was certainly not something that he had expected, but he could see that the two people sitting across from him were in a quandary and he wasn't about to ignore the situation. He leaned forward even as he watched Agent Booth and Dr. Brennan looking at each other in that way that he knew they were saying far more to each other than any words could offer. He cleared his throat. "So the question is, Dr. Brennan, is Agent Booth open to helping you produce the offspring you desire?"
She blinked. "I don't know." She thought she knew, she thought he'd agreed to it, but as she went back and replayed their conversations in her mind and she had to admit that it wasn't completely clear what Booth's stance on the issue was.
"Agent Booth, would it be fair to say that you're not completely opposed to the idea, but given your more traditional values, bringing a child, your child, into this world outside the constraints of a committed relationship puts you in an awkward situation." Sweets smiled inwardly as he watched the normally intimidating Agent fidget in his seat.
Booth was seriously considering pulling his gun out and shooting Sweets right then, but instead he glared. "I am not going to talk to you about my sex life."
"I can see that you're uncomfortable, Agent Booth, however given your professional partnership with Dr. Brennan, you need to consider the potential impacts of these new developments in your relationship." Sweets was doing his best to keep things on a even keel. Surely there was a loophole in the Bureau's policy that forbade agents from dating one another since Dr. Brennan wasn't even employed by the FBI. It was his opinion that it was in the best interest of the Bureau to keep these two together professionally, and if that meant that he needed to guide them through all of the potential pitfalls of dating or having children or whatever the hell was going on here, then he was going to do his best to make sure that happened.
Uncomfortable didn't even begin to cover how he felt. Booth wanted to deny everything and run from the room, but he had already admitted that he wanted to date Bones - that he wasn't opposed to the method that she'd suggested. He was in way over his head and damned if he didn't actually need Sweets' advice right now. "This is awkward. I don't want to talk to a twelve year old about me and Bones."
"Booth, he's a professional, maybe he can help." Brennan was feeling a little distressed at the current situation and while she would have preferred if this had gone exactly as she had planned, it hadn't. But since they were here and Sweets already had knowledge of the situation, it was logical that he might be helpful.
"Whose side are you on?" Booth looked at her accusingly and when he noticed the hurt registering on her face he felt guilty. "Look, Bones, I didn't mean it that way."
"Let's just take a deep breath." Sweets quickly interjected with a calming tone. Not quite getting their attention, he decided to try and redirect it. "Clearly there is a disconnect in what each of you want from the other."
"I believe I've stated quite clearly what I want." Brennan glanced over at the other side of the couch where her partner continued to fidget. "What isn't clear is what Booth wants, although I thought he'd laid out the terms and I had agreed to them."
"You want my sperm, Bones." Booth sounded offended.
"Well it would certainly be impossible to procreate without it." It was perfectly logical equation that didn't have any variables to it - surely he knew that since he was already a father.
"But that's all you want." He let out his breath in a huff and glanced over at the wall and wondered to himself just how hard it would be to slip out of the room without either Sweets or Bones noticing.
"I never said that." Her tone was soft and she studied him for a moment before she reached out a place her hand on his knee. "I would hope that you would want to be as involved as you want to be, I just didn't want to assume that you would."
His gaze shifted towards her and he knit his brows together as he spoke. "Having a baby together changes everything, Bones. We can't pretend that we're just partners anymore."
"But we are partners." She looked at him with a thoughtful expression.
"And if we have a baby together, we would be parents." If it wasn't so damn serious, Booth might have laughed at the whole situation.
"I sense hesitation on your part, Agent Booth." Sweets' observation was an understatement.
He shot a glare in Sweets' direction before giving his attention back to his partner. "Bones, I just don't think you have enough data to quantify, to have enough information in order to be making this kind of decision." He hoped his explanation sounded squinty enough to get through to her.
"I've done the research, Booth." The book that Angela had provided had given her far more than she'd expected to find in one volume.
"Research is one thing, the real thing is entirely another." Booth looked into her eyes, he really wondered if she knew just how much would change if they went forward with this crazy idea.
"Are you saying that you don't think that I would be a good mother?" Her own self doubt was evident in her voice.
"No." He was starting to dig himself a hole and he hadn't even realized that someone had handed him a shovel. "You would be a great mother." He really had no idea what to say and he felt his throat constrict as he blinked at her.
"Clearly this is an issue which requires more discussion, as it were. I would like to suggest an experiment that might facilitate the decision making process." Sweets had an idea of his own and he tried to restrain the smile that was eagerly pulling at the edges of his mouth.
"We are not going to be one of your experiments." Booth wanted to flick Sweets between the eyes right before he held him upside down and shook his lunch money out for even suggesting the idea.
"What kind of experiment?" Brennan's interest was piqued. If there was a valid scientific way to measure the impacts of pregnancy and raising a child then she for one was most definitely open to an experiment.
Sweets smiled. "There is a device called the 'Empathy Belly'. Now generally it is used as an educational tool for expectant fathers, but in this case, I'd like for Dr. Brennan to wear it for a week."
"What is wearing a pillow going to do?" Booth was skeptical.
"First of all, it's not a pillow. The belly itself contains weights that simulates the effects of pregnancy through the use of a rib belt and strategic positioning of various weighted components." Sweets continued his explanation. "It will essentially mimic the weight gain, alteration of body posture, and even fetal movements of a real pregnancy."
"Oh." Booth was most definitely thinking that this was exactly the sort of experiment that they needed.
"Will Booth have to wear it too?" Brennan considered that while it would definitely be valuable to know what she should expect, that it would also be a good idea for Booth to know what she was experiencing.
"Hey, I'm not the one having the baby." He was a man and damn if he was going to pretend to be pregnant.
"Having a baby takes two people, Agent Booth. I think that Dr. Brennan makes a valid point." He glanced between the two partners to see if they had finally reached a consensus.
"I cannot chase suspects and conduct interviews while pretending to be pregnant." And if Sweets challenged that he was going to get Deputy Director Cullen involved. The same Deputy Director Cullen that had no idea that his squint partner wanted him to get her pregnant and have his child, of course Sweets didn't need to know that.
"Good point, but surely you can set aside an hour for the exercise." Sweets only hoped that he could be in the room to witness the event.
"He only has to wear it for an hour, but I have to wear it for a week?" Brennan's brow was furrowed as she considered that the disparity in the time seemed extremely disproportionate.
"You want to be the baby mommy." Booth's voice held a hint of amusement until the reality of what this all meant began to sink in and he felt a nervous sinking feeling deep in the pit of his stomach. "I'm only supposed to be the baby daddy."