Title: The Second Coming
Author: Meghan aka KRAMMIT THE FROG
Rating: PG-13
Summary: It's been 5 years since the events of "Dogma". Bethany lives with her 4 year-old daughter in Illinois, Jay and Silent Bob still hang outside of Dante's store in New Jersey, Serendipity has take in an apprentice muse who might be bisexual, Rufus STILL is overlooked as the 13th Apostle, and Metatron keeps bickering with the Angel of Purity who just happened to go Gothic. Everything's been okay. But Bartleby and Loki have escaped from hell as demons looking to corrupt the new savior aka Bethany's daughter. Can the old gang save the world, again?
Author's Notes: For some reason I want Metatron and Bethany to hook up. Don't ask me why. Normally, I would say more curses to make it feel like a Kevin Smith original, but my faith and upbringing has taken over and I decided not to say the *F* word in this. Sorry folks. UPDATE: Finally, I got this done! Took me long enough. But it's a slow chapter. At least I can move along now.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters except Rory, Anish, and Margaret. The rest belong to the master himself, Kevin Smith.
Feedback: Yes please!
The sun rose over McHenry, Illinois. Bethany woke up to WHAM!'s Wake Me Up (A/N-I don't know if that's the real title to that song. I'm not a George Michael fan. I listen to Ozzy, kids). She then turned off her alarm clock and got out of bed. We see Jay and Silent Bob sleeping in Maggie's playroom. Bethany closes the door of that room and slowly opens Maggie's. There sat Maggie drawing a picture at her table. She looks up and says,
"Morning, mommy. When are we going to New Jersey?" Bethany stands in shock. No one had told her about their future road trip.
"W-what makes you think we're going to New Jersey, baby?" She asks her small daughter. Maggie shrugs her shoulders, still coloring.
"I just knew. I saw us going in a dream. I'm glad that George isn't coming." She explains. Bethany walked to her daughter and looked at her picture. It was 4 year-old's drawing of Metatron, Bethany could tell by the huge wings and the dark suit. She then asks Maggie,
"Who's this?" Maggie looked back up at her and replied,
"An angel. I met him. He knew my name even when I didn't tell him. He said it was a secret. I like him. He'll be back." Bethany nodded her head and left the room. She walked downstairs, finding Rory and Rufus sharing the couch. Both looked very uncomfortable.
"Guys, wake up. WAKE UP GUYS!" She yelled at them. Rory moved slightly, waking up. She looked at Rufus and said to him,
"Rufus, Rufus, WAKE UP! I need to complain about how your foot was up my ass last night!" Rufus then started to wake up. Rory got off the couch and looked at her clothes, which were all wrinkled.
"Ugh, I had these clothes dry cleaned just yesterday!" She whined. Rory then disappeared in a white flash. Bethany shakes her head a little from the white flash.
"What just happened?" She asked Rufus. Rufus got up from the couch and replied,
"That's how angels get back into heaven. She'll be back." Bethany then walked into the kitchen. As she makes herself a cup of coffee, a bright lights flashes behind her.
"She's back." Bethany muttered to herself and went back to her coffee.
Rory stood in the middle of the room with a new attire on. She had on plaid pants, the same shoes, a System of a Down t-shirt, spike bracelets, and shades of purple were in her hair. In her arms was the same jacket she wore before. She also had a bag in her hands.
"Ah, that's better." She said aloud to herself. Rufus stretched and asked,
"Did you get anything for me, bitch?" Rory rolled her eyes and sighed.
"As a matter of fact, yes. Next time, refrain yourself from calling me 'bitch'." She replied and threw some clothes at him from the bag. Rufus then left for the bathroom. Bethany walked into her living room, her coffee in hand. Rory was looking through her bag while Bethany asked,
"Whadda ya have in there?" Rory looks up and smiles.
"A present for Maggie." Was all she said. Just then, a door opened and down came Maggie. She had on periwinkle-colored PJ's, her GIR doll in one arm (A/N-incase you're wondering, its GIR in his disguise). She smiled at Rory and said happily,
"You're an angel!" Rory seems a little confused, since she hasn't even seen this girl 'til now. She looks at Bethany who just says,
"I'm just as shocked as you! Uh, Maggie, honey, what makes you think that?" Maggie sat at the bottom step and replied,
"The lady from my dream told me that the girl who dresses funny is an angel." Rory is a little hurt that God said that.
"The lady told you that?" She asked. Maggie nodded her head.
"Yup. She's also the one who told me about the other angel." She explained. Rory nods her head and replied,
"Maggie, I got a present for you!" Maggie's face lit up. Bethany then pushed Maggie towards the stairs while saying,
"You'll get it once you've changed into some clothes. Come one, mommy needs to get dressed, too." Both go up the stairs. Rory smiles and mutters to herself,
"I see why Metatron has fallen in love with both of you."
Meanwhile, somewhere in Wisconsin, Azreal, Bartleby, and Loki are waiting at a train station. Azreal is wearing a suit similar to the one he wore in Dogma, only it was black and blood red.
"Uh, guys, you wanna cover up those horns? People have a tendency to be freaked out by it." He suggests. The two look at each other then steal the hats of two random men. They look back at Bartleby and Loki and one of them sternly says,
"Hey, this is Wisconsin, man! You just can't steal some dude's hat! Who do you think you are, God's frickin gift to earth?" Loki steps up to him and replies,
"Not God's-" He snaps the guy's neck, "Satan's." Bartleby then slashes the neck of the other guy with his nail. Azreal then looks at the bodies.
"Nice comeback, Loki, except the part where you killed him! Remember our talk about keeping low profile?" He shouts at them. The two former angels just shake their heads and walk away, putting on the baseball caps. Azreal sighs and snaps his fingers. Suddenly, a little red, hunchback guy, only about 2 feet tall, appeared by Azreal's side.
"Here, you can eat the bodies of these two. But do it somewhere secluded. Last thing this place needs to see is a real life Demon Lackey." He told the thing and walked after Bartleby and Loki. The thing gives a creepy little laugh and drags the bodies into a janitor's closet.
Bethany walked back downstairs with Maggie. While Maggie was dressed in a pair of dungaree overalls with a long, white shirt, Bethany had on long black pants with a periwinkle long-sleeve shirt. Maggie walked up to Rory and asked,
"Do I get my present now?" Because her persistence, Rory gave a little laugh. She then pulled out of the bag a semi-thick book.
"It's a book of bible stories…in Latin. Sorry, but it's all we have in Heaven. I'm sure your mommy can read them to you." She explained. Maggie took the book, hugged Rory, and thanked her. Bethany looked at her and said,
"Surprisingly, Maggie can read REALLY well for her age. But she can't read the-" Rory cut her off,
"She can too. God made sure Maggie could read early. Remember, everything happens for a reason." Bethany nods her head. She stands in shock as her daughter reads the strange language. Jay then walks down stairs, his pants off. Rory's jaw drops as does Bethany's.
"Hey bitches, what's up?" He says, a beer in hand. Maggie then shushes him and comments, "Don't curse. God doesn't like it. Besides, Silent Bob is sleeping." Jay then gets a confused look on his face and asks,
"Who told the midget about me and Bob?" Both Bethany and Rory look at him angrily. Then it struck them that no one did tell her about Jay and Silent Bob. Rory shook her head and replied,
"Never mind that. Wake up Silent Bob. We're leaving. And get some pants on!" As Jay headed back upstairs, Rufus walked past him, dressed in a new attire.
"We goin' already?" He asked. Bethany nodded.
"Yup. I think we should take a plane. Much faster." She said. Rufus shook his head no and explained,
"No planes. They scare the living shit outta me. I trust trains more." Bethany gave a heavy sigh.
"Fine. We'll take a train. Maggie, get your coat. We're gonna be going now." She said. Maggie looked up from her book and asked,
"Can I take GIR mommy? He's never been to New Jersey before. Please mommy, please?" All Bethany could do was smile.
Flash to a blonde woman (A/N: imagine Gwen Stefani) talking to a 20 something girl who seems to be mere seconds away from committing suicide.
"Is this what you really want, Alice? I mean, what about your baby?" The woman asks the girl. The girl, who's been crying, looks up and weakly says,
"I'm pregnant?" The woman smiles.
"You will be if you show your boyfriend a good time t'night." She tells the girl. The girl smiles, hugs and thanks the woman, and runs off home. The woman just keeps smiling when a familiar voice calls out,
"Speaking of babies, where's yours?" The Metatron is standing behind her. The woman turns her head and barely mutters,
"The voice!" She stands up and walks to him.
"Yeah, yeah, I know. Where's the kid, Shaylee?" Metatron asks her. The woman, her name apparently Shaylee, stutters out,
"W-what kid?" A long sigh comes from Metatron and replies,
"The kid you had 5 bloody years to create! Jesus Christ, the Last Scion is already 4 years-old and isn't getting any bloody younger!" Shaylee's face becomes pale.
"Ooohhh,, that kid. Woops." She says. The Metatron shot off an angry look.
"Woops. That's all you have to say for yourself?" He said in a pissed off tone. Shaylee looked down and started rubbing her arm.
"Um…yeah. I lost track of time. And you know, the suicide rates having been going up as of late, so-" She was explained when the Voice yelled at her,
"ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS GET SOME GUY TO 'JUMP YOUR BONES'!" Shaylee jumped back a little and meekly said,
"I-its been really hard. I mean, guys wear condoms nowadays." The Metatron was getting fed up with her.
"Get some guy drunk then. You're a very pretty angel, Shaylee., It shouldn't be that hard." He suggested. Shaylee gave him a sad-little-girl-look.
"It would be easier if I could get drunk, too. I mean, what if he's ugly?" She asked, whining a little. Metatron takes in a sharp breath.
"Then find a nice little pretty boy." He says this through his teeth. Shaylee then whined,
"Most pretty boys turn out to be evil, though." The Voice rolled his eyes and replies,
"Not all of them. Just avoid the one named George. I just got done with that fiasco with Bethany." Shaylee shook her head from shock and questioned,
"Wait, wait, hold the phone. George, evil George, was going after Bethany? Did you tell her about…what he is?" The Metatron stuck his tongue in his cheek.
"I only told her about the girls. She's not ready to know the whole truth." He confessed. Shaylee just stared at him. She then bluntly (A/N-Hehehe, funny word…bluntly) commented,
"Well, you better tell her or she'll try to run away again. And I doubt she'll leave the Last Scion behind. Rory's not gonna tell her. She'll probably leave it to you." Metatron sighs and says,
"I know she will. Bethany will find out when the time is right. Speaking of time, mine's running out. I need to meet with Noam, discuss his duties. I'm off." As Metatron turned to leave, he told Shaylee,
"And do get a move on with that kid! God expects 13 apostles. And Darlita just gave birth 13 months ago to another black baby. I suppose she'll be another Rufus. We expect another Peter from you, Shaylee…only this time, a girl." He then disappeared in a flash. Shaylee just stood there and called out,
"I was gonna get to that eventually!"