Oh man. I wish I'd done a better job with this. But it just got to the point where I couldn't fix it anymore. So...Here it is. If it's confusing, let me know. I'll try to clarify. I couldn't find a song that went with this very well, so if you know of a better one, please tell me!Reviews, constructive criticism even angry rants are EXTREMELY appreciated.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
My Immortal, Evanescence
It was one in the morning, or a few minutes past when I heard the voices. They were loud, but I was to tired to comprehend them. When I was finally fully awake they had become hushed. I looked over at Claire's bed. It was empty. She was probably downstairs.
I slipped out of bed and pulled on a pair of socks. I wasn't sure what was going on, I didn't even know if I should let them know I was coming down. I decided to tip toe.
Only when I reached the foot of the stairs and saw red and blue lights outside our window did I get a bad feeling. On the other side of the canal a small crowd of people had formed, and several officers were huddled together while others held the crowd back. I swallowed, my heart sinking.
The house was utterly silent now. An eerie silence, really. The only sound was my heart racing, and even that was something only I could hear. I stepped around the corner. Meredith and Robert were sitting at the kitchen table, facing to officers. Meredith had her fingertips on her temples and eyes closed. I saw a tear escape from beneath her eyelids. Robert had an arm around her and was stroking her hair. His eyes were glassy as well, I watched him fight to hold back his emotions.
Then one of the officers, a tall dark skinned man saw me. He opened his mouth, then shut it and cleared his throat. Meredith's eyes flew open and Robert turned his head to look at me.
"Ch-Cha-arlie," Meredith stuttered, "Come here." I glanced around for Claire. Maybe she was in the bathroom.
By the time I sat down, which seemed to take forever to do, I had a feeling about what was coming. I tried to deny it anyways. It was hard though, death has a certain undeniable presence. Sometimes you just know. God I hoped she was in the bathroom. I wanted to be wrong so bad.
"I'm officer McMasters," The dark skinned one said in English with a trace of an Irish accent.
"Officer Lombardi." The other, the stocky man beside him added.
I nodded stiffly, "Where's Claire?" I asked, struggling to keep my voice even. There was no need to freak out. No need to freak out. No need to freak out. She was in the bathroom, right? Or part of the crowd across the canal, right?
"Charlie," The Irish officer said, "Your sister…She-"
I couldn't sit there. I knew what was coming. But I didn't want to hear it. So I stood up, and left the room as fast as I could.
By the time I was out of the house, I was running as fast as I could towards the crowd, though I can't explain why I would want to go there of all places. I heard one of the officers, the Irish one shouting after me, but I ignored him.
I tried to push my way through the crowd; I was almost to the front, when someone grabbed my wrist. I turned around; ready to hit whoever had done so.
"Charlie," It was my neighbor, a recent college graduate whose name I think was Jason.
"What?" I snapped, trying to pull away.
"You should- you shouldn't see this. Go back." He said, already starting to pull me away from the scene.
"What. Happened?" I clenched my teeth and dug my feet into the ground.
"Charlie-" He stopped, "It's…It's Claire."
There. My goddamn instinct was right. Shit. Shit. Shit.
"Charlie, I'm sorry." College Grad Jason pulled me into a loose hug.
I took several deep breaths. I will not cry. I will not cry. I. Will. Not. Cry.
Then I cried.
Again, I woke up to several voices around me. Or at least, I thought I did. When I was completely aware of my surroundings the voices disappeared. They were just part of the dream. There was something heavy lying on me; A thick red blanket. I kicked it off, it was to hot for a blanket. Claire probably-
Claire.
The previous events rushed back to me all at once. They flashed through my head one after another.
Meredith and Robert in the kitchen talking to two officers.
A crowd gathered outside.
Me, trying to push my way through.
Jason, holding me back.
Me crying.
Jason walking me back to the house.
Meredith and Robert's faces as the officers explained that the serial rapist and killer was the suspect. That the DNA samples should come back from the lab any day.
Me collapsing on couch.
Black.
Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead, I kept saying to myself. Dead. Gone. Lost. I repeated, trying to make the words sink in even though I wanted to deny it. I wanted to wake up and find out it had been an awful dream, that I'd imagined it. I wanted her back.
What was the last thing I said?
All I could remember was a spew of accusations leaving my lips as we argued. God, I was awful to her. Truly awful.
I stood up from the couch and looked around. Everything was dark. Outside a few streetlights were on. One of them, on the other side of the canal was right beside the crime scene. It illuminated the yellow police tape. Everyone, the crowd that had gathered earlier was gone.
I looked around the room for the clock. It was just past three in the morning. I went into the kitchen, it was empty.
I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep, and I didn't want to wake Meredith and Robert. This might be the only sleep they get in the next few days.
I pulled on my shoes then crept outside and sat down on the stairs. The police tape glared at me. I wanted to look away, really, I did. But somehow I couldn't. Instead I moved closer, maybe hypnotized.
POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS POLICE LINE DO NOT CROSS
I flicked the tape, it wavered, then became still. The scene was barren. The police had come and gone by now. There were a few red stains on the stone ground. I tried not to think about what the stains were. I took a deep breath, then let it out.
Dead.
I took a step back from the tape. What was I doing here? There wasn't anything that could be done.
Dead.
Damn it, I thought, I should leave.
Dead.
I took another step back.
Dead.
Then I ran.