Yeah, I updated with like, NO REVIEWS, but I was busting to add this chap since I'd finished it so quickly, but next chap, EXPECT NO MERCY!!!

After Nica recovered from her life threatening mental images and I explained what had happened. She laughed, kicked DEZBOT3000 and we decided to leave him there and annoy the hell and of Claire,Charlie and Aaron.

'We're off to see the wizard!!' I sang.

'The wonderful wizard of OZ!!!' Nica continued.

'Wait a minute, is Charlie a wizard?' Nica asked.

'He must be.' I said.

'OMG! We have to drive a stake through his heart before he bites us and turns us into wizards!!!' Nica exclaimed.

Nica and I went to the lair and found ourselves some weaponry and went 'Charlie the evil wizard' hunting.

Sawyer and Boone saw us running towards the beach with some stuff to kill Charlie with.

'What the hell are you chicks doing?' Sawyer asked.

'Killing Charlie before he bites everyone and we all turn into blood sucking wizards!!' I said waving our weapons around.

'Don't you mean Vampires?' Boone asked.

'But don't wizards go around biting people and turning them into wizards.' Nica said with a very weird expression on her face.

'No thats vampires.' Sawyer said cracking up laughing at us. Boone also started laughing at us.

'Does that mean that Harry Potter is not a person-biting blood-sucker?' I questioned.

'As soon as we get back home we are so going to see the Harry Potter movies.' Nica said.

I nodded solemnly, lowering my stake. I cast Nica a sideways glance and we both nodded.

'WE'RE OFF TO KILL THE WIZARD,'

'THE DRUGGED UP WIZARD OF OZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

We found Charlie holding Aaron down the beach, humming some awful song that I'd never heard of before.

'Hi Charlezz!!' Nica said. She then tried to stab him with the stake.

'Oy!' Charlezz yelped, grabbing his chest. 'What was that for?'

Nica attempted to stab him a couple more times and Charlezz accidentally dropped Aaron. 'Woops!' He said. He bent down quickly and picked him up, swatting away Nica's attacks. 'It's okay, I got ya.'

I laughed. 'Five second rule dude. He's no good now.'

Charlezz stared at me, and Nica poked him in the butt. 'It's not working!' She growled, frustrated.

'Let me do it,' I said, elbowing her out of the way. 'FEAR MY GARLICKY WRATH!!!!!!!!!!!!' I screamed. I pelted garlic cloves at him.

'Oh yeah, that reeally worked, didn't it?' Nica said sarcastically.

'Why don't we just shoot him?' I asked.

Nica shrugged. 'We don't have any real guns. SOMEONE, as in, the authoress, thought it would be too VIOLENT...'

'Hey, I think I speak for everyone when I say we don't wanna see what you'd do with a gun. You're dangerous enough with water pistols!'

I gestured to a huge field of people all with soaked crotches lying not too far away. Nica giggled. 'It looks like they peed their pants!!'

She began to laugh hysterically, and I was about to bring my stake down over her head when someone interrupted.

'Excuse me?'

'Yes?' I said, stake still raised over the bent figure on the ground.

'I was wondering if you could mind Aaron for a while,' Claire said. 'Charlie and I are going for a walk and Sun and Jin are busy.'

I stared at her. 'You want ME to look after your baby?'

'Well, yeah.'

'Are you sure that's WISE? I mean, I wanted to throw him in the bin just before because of the five second rule and you're asking ME to babysit?' This chick was weird.

'So you'll do it? Great!' she said. Grabbing Charlezz'z hand, they walked away together.

'Dude...' I said, staring at Aaron. 'Okay, seriously, what kind of mother is she? She walks away and leaves her kid with a mental psycho while she goes off into the jungle of mystery with an evil bloodsucking wizard druggo!'

'To do SUSPICIOUS ACTIONS,' Nica added, recovering somewhat from her little spazz out.

'Yeah...' Aaron blinked up at us. 'HELLO LITTLE KID!!!!!' I bellowed.

He started to cry. 'Hey, what's wrong with him?' I said, confused.

'Well, maybe if you didn't BELLOW at him and have your hands outstretched like you're going to grab him...' Nica said.

I was dumbfounded. Didn't kids love peekabellow? 'Hey, I've got an idea! Why don't we take him for some swimming lessons?'

'Yeah! Let's do it!'

ONE HOUR LATER...

Evil Charlezz and Claire came back from their "WALK" (cough cough) only to find us looting their tent and carrying it back to the LAIR.

'What the hell are you guys doing?????' Claire screamed.

'Taking our payment,' I said happily, carrying a big box of apollo bars. 'You didn't expect us to work for NOTHING, did you?'

'Well... I... uh... where's Aaron?' she said, flabbergasted.

'Oh, we took him for some swimming lessons. He's a real natural!' Nica said, returning from her trip.

'Didn't move much though. Mostly just floated face down,' I explained.

Charlezz and Claire stared at us in horror. I laughed. 'Heh, just kidding guys. He's sunbaking on a rock over there,' I jerked my thumb in the direction of a rocky outcrop being pounded by waves. Claire screamed and ran towards it. Charlezz just stared at us. 'How could you?' He gasped.

'SILENCE, WIZARD!!!!' I screamed. I threw some garlic at him and he sidestepped them.

Charlie found some rocks on the ground and started pelting rocks at us and screaming about what psycho baby-murderers we are.

Nica grabbed a rock and pelted it at his head and Charlie was knocked cold.

'Back to work.' I said and we continued looting Charlie/Claires tent.

After looting Claire/Charlies stuff we decided to loot DEZZBOT 3000's stuff.

'HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!' We laughed manically.

Jack came over to us while we were looting DEZZo's tent and started cursing and throwing sand at us.

'GO TO HELL JACKASS!!!!!' I yelled and made an obscene hand gesture at him.

Nica turned around and also made an obscene hand gesture to emphasis the point we were making.

I found a coconut on the ground and chucked it at Jack.

The coconut sped through the air and hit Jack on the head. Jack fell down and the coconut insides splattered everwhere.

'I always knew he had a thick skull.' Nica said.

'Let's just take this load to the Lair so we can blame Hurley for this.' I gestured at Jack lying unconscious in the middle of the beach covered in coconut gunk.

We ran to the Lair and unloaded the goods.

'Do you think we'll be able to eat all of this?' Nica asked while we stared at the tonnes of food we had.

'Well we could share with the rest of the island, BUT that means that Hurley is gonna be even FATTER.' I said.

'Yeah, he'd eat everyones food and there would be none for us.' Nica said.

In the end we decided to keep the 2 million tonnes of food for ourselves, despite the fact that we stole some of it and claimed the winnings from the Big Fat-Fatties weight loss program for our greedy selves. Strangly we didn't seem to be gaining any weight.

'Must be part of the island's secret power.' I muttered to myself.

'I know.' Nica said. Sometimes we think the same things. Guess it was one of those days.

As we turned around to leave the Lair, there was a bright flashing light and a cloaked guy appeared.

'Who the hell are you?' I questioned.

'Who cares. He's HOT!' Nica exclaimed.

What the f? You can't even see his face.' I said.

The cloaked guy pulled the hood off his face.

'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!' Me and Nica screamed.

The guy stared at us. 'What the hell are your problems???'

'AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!' We kept screaming.

'Greetings squealing weirdos, my name is Sexyman.' The cloaked guy said.

'EEEWWWWW.' Nica cringed and ran outside to throw up.

I had a weird look on my face, as though I had just sucked a lemon. A very sour lemon. 'Your name is SEXYMAN?' I questioned. 'But you're...' I broke off, and my tummy made a loud gurr noise and I ran outside to throw up as well.

'Bleeh...' Nica said. 'YUK!!!'

Sexyman cleared his throat uncomfortably and pulled his hood back over his head. 'As I was saying... Greetings, squealing weirdos, my name is Sexyman, and you are probably wondering why I have appeared before you.'

He waited and we both nodded. 'Well, it is because I, Sexyman, brought you here.' he continued.

'Eh?' I said. 'Hey, wait a sec, this is our LAIR, you didn't bring us here! GET OUT OF THE LAIR!!!!' I yelled.

'No! I didn't mean it like that! I meant...' he searched desperately for the right words as Nica got out her cricket set. 'I meant I brought you here to this island!'

'Wasn't that Sawyer?' Nica said suspiciously.

'No. I sent him to your part of the world as a link- a way to get back. You see it is to do with astrophysics. I opened a wormhole and sent Sawyer through it, using gravitational forces and masses, combined with my knowledge of precise times and events happening. I was able to calculate where to send Sawyer thanks to-

WHAT WE HEARD...

'blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...'

Good God this is boring, I thought. I wonder if Nica wants to go for a swim?

Nica glanced over at me and I nodded. We both began to leave the LAIR.

'Hey! Where are you going?' Sexyman cried desperately. 'I haven't finished!'

'You were boring the crap out of us,' I told him.

'Oh... um, well...'

'Look, what's your reason for coming to see us?' Nica demanded.

Sexyman lowered his head and spoke quietly. 'I brought you here because I chose you.'

Nica and I threw each other puzzled glances.

'I chose you out of all the people in the world to come to this place. Because it chose you.'

'Woah woah woah,' I said. 'Slow down. Who's it? And why'd it choose us?'

'The island. It chose you. You are here to discover its secret..' He bagan to fade away, become transperant. ' You must discover the secret of the island, chosen ones...'

Then he was gone.

'Woah, he sounded like Locko!' Nica said. 'And we're the chosen ones! How cool is that?'

'That is pretty cool. So how do we discover the secret?' I said, reeling from this strange allegation.

'Dunno. We'll just have to explore some more. Maybe that monster dude, Smokey will help us.' Nica said.

Or eat us,' I added.

'Yeah...'

Suddenly this simple parody just became a whole lot more complicated.

Yes, we actually have a plot going for us now! w00t! Don't worry, we'll keep the humour in, but now we have something to build on.

So, next chap we're going to bring the polar bears into it, along with your choice of character bashing, but seriously, PLEASE review. We were really sad when we got none last chap. :(

PLEEEEEASE REVIEW!!!!! (not that we're desperate or anything...)