Trigger warning: drug use.
Two Months Later...
Arthur gently places his hands on either side of Merlin's face. They lock eyes and stay open as Arthur leans in to kiss Merlin. It's a different kind of kiss than they'd previously shared; it's soft and delicate with their lips just barely in contact. Merlin's the one who tilts his head to the side to deepen it with his forearms now resting on Arthur's shoulders. The latter then moves his hand to cup the bump of Merlin's hips. They stand there in his foyer, slowly kissing with the utmost care, for several perfect moments.
Arthur reaches up and wraps his hands around Merlin's bony wrists. Without speaking, he leads Merlin across the flat to his bedroom. As they pass the kitchen, his right hand slips down to grasp Merlin's. The other man squeezes Arthur's fingers gently, almost as a sign of approval. It makes Arthur's stomach flutter.
"Arthur," Merlin says when they enter the bedroom. When Arthur turns to look at him, Merlin's deft fingertips tug at the knot of Arthur's tie. He wraps his own hand around Merlin's hand to stop him.
This is new. They've never had sex fully undressed. It left a bit of privacy that Arthur really appreciated. However, it feels that things have changed between the two of them. Arthur gets a sense of reassurance now that he hasn't gotten before. So after meeting the other's eyes, he gives a small nod and releases his hand.
Merlin slowly unties his tie and lets it fall through his fingers onto the floor. Next the man ghosts his palms down the front of Arthur's shirt, touching each of the buttons once before snapping it open. Soon Arthur's standing before Merlin for the first time without the safety of his shirt over his chest. Merlin traces the outline of the gold and red dragon tattoo on his left bicep then touches the track marks on the crook Arthur's elbow. Arthur can see the burning question in his eyes (he'd never be able to explain his very sparse drug use without explaining what he does). Another soft, light kiss follows that; Arthur's hands are on either side of Merlin's face while Merlin's rest on his shoulders.
Arthur hesitates before slipping his hands down to Merlin's collar. It's a strange sight to see him in something other than a t-shirt, but he loves the way the button down hugs his sides and clings to his bony arms. His own fingers aren't nearly as graceful as Merlin's, but he manages to get the job done. He pulls his face from Merlin's just far enough to marvel at the sharp lines of Merlin's chest, dusted in a fine layer of dark hair leading down to the top of his trousers. Like Arthur, Merlin has an assortment of tattoos on his torso - a black line of foreign symbols up his side and a beautifully drawn couple of leaves along the curve of his upper hip with a saying written in loopy handwriting. It's a beautiful sight. And Arthur tells him that.
Merlin smiles then nudges Arthur's face back up to his own, where he captures his partner in yet another one of these strange, intimate kisses. The next thing Arthur knows is Merlin's fingers struggling again with his belt. When his slacks drop to his ankles, Arthur instantly toes out of his shoes and kicks the offending material away.
It appears Arthur's skill with removing belts has improved. Not more than ten seconds later, both men stand completely naked in the middle of his bedroom. Arthur's hand firmly rests on the small of Merlin's back as he pushes their bodies together. Merlin cups the back of Arthur's neck gently then leans in to mouth at his collarbone.
It's such a change from their usual rough, filthy sex that Arthur almost doesn't know if it's real. He isn't used to feather light kisses across his neck with gentle touches and kisses that he can barely feel on his lips. It almost reminds him of when he and Gwen actually made love and meant it, back when sex was a display of affection and not just a weekly chore to maintain a somewhat normal relationship.
Arthur slides his hand down Merlin's side and around to grasp the back of his thigh. Merlin somehow knows what Arthur's trying to do and bends at the knee, which helps Arthur loop the man's leg around his own hip. The other one follows suit.
All those trips to the gym really pay off as Arthur effortlessly carries Merlin over to his bed and lays him down on his back.
Merlin reaches up and affectionately brushes some hair out of Arthur's eyes. He smiles at the man with something Arthur can't quite identify twinkling in his eyes. But Arthur returns the grin before draping his own larger body over Merlin's thin one.
Arthur rains kisses down Merlin's neck to suck on one of the many sweet spots housed there. Merlin grips Arthur's neck, tightening with every pointed suck, and quietly moans periodically. It's such a drastic difference from their usual sex sessions; most of the time they're so loud that Arthur terrified someone will hear and investigate. Now the air is punctuated by Merlin's soft noises and the occasionally suction-like pop whenever Arthur moves his mouth. It's almost sweet. Almost.
Arthur now doesn't struggle with preparing Merlin anymore. His fingers somehow know just the right angle and just the ride pace to have his partner writhing underneath him. So Merlin almost instantaneously moans (with a twitch of his cock under Arthur's belly) when the man merely touches the outside of his entrance. He dips his finger inside with just the right amount of pressure. Once he's certain Merlin can take it, he slips in a second and third beside the first. Merlin's arms are loosely looped around Arthur's neck with his legs wraps around Arthur's hips to keep his lower body elevated enough to be prepared. Arthur lets his head hang forward to brush his lips across Merlin's cheek before he withdraws his hand and replaces it slowly with his cock.
As they sink together, they both breathlessly moan. Merlin lifts his head to catch Arthur in a deep, slow kiss as he adjusts. Arthur shifts his weight so that his elbows take the brunt of it on either side of Merlin's shoulders. When he begins to move inside Merlin, the two press their bodies as close together as possible, not a piece of paper could separate them. Arthur's face is buried into the crook of Merlin's neck while his partner holds him close with a hand resting on the space between his shoulder blades.
The room becomes filled with soft groans and deep breathing, occasional snap of a kiss separating, and the slap of skin. When Arthur comes inside of Merlin, he sees stars. When Merlin comes between their stomachs a minute later, he curses into Arthur's ear.
Arthur pulls out and reaches for a towel. He gently wipes down Merlin's and his bellies clean of come then ties off the condom and disposes of it. Merlin welcomes him back onto the bed and kisses Arthur once more, long, sweet, and deep before snuggling up to his chest. Arthur drapes his arm around his partner's shoulders to keep him close. They drift off to sleep tangled in each other's arms.
He's not sure why 'fucking' suddenly just became 'love making' but he thinks he likes it.
Life has become more bearable since Merlin walked into his life. It took him months to realize it, but it has. Merlin's not just another hookup ordered by his father; Merlin's someone special now. He may not be a boyfriend, but he's definitely his friend. They spend at least one night together at Arthur's flat every week (usually Wednesdays when Arthur is least likely to be called into some sort of business). Sometimes they eat lunch together in his office if Arthur doesn't have an appointment or meeting to attend (which is rare). If he's lucky, he might see Merlin caring for someone in A&E if he's summoned down to give advice to another resident or to take over a patient's care.
Arthur really has no clue when he started falling for Merlin.
It's terrifying, utterly terrifying. He's never fallen for any of the girls he'd had an affair with. It's been almost strictly sex and occasionally a heartfelt conversation. If he's being honest, he'd been either high or drunk during most of it. (He does work for a drug network, after all.)
Speaking of which, he could really use a fix right now. He wakes up on a Saturday around ten with an empty space beside. Merlin is already up and the smell of eggs and bacon waft through the open doorway (Gwen had spent the night at his sister's to give them privacy). As Arthur sits up, he realizes he can easily shoot up in the bathroom without Merlin even seeing. A bit of morphine straight to his vein might make his day a little less miserable after Merlin leaves and keep his head from going a million miles an hour, spinning with how complicated his life has become. It would be nice to be able to attempt to enjoy his morning with Merlin before hell. He's being summoned at two for a meeting with his father and some of the other higher ranking members. If he doesn't put too much in the syringe, it should wear off by then… Gwen wouldn't be back until noon…
He quietly tosses back the blankets and walks to the bathroom, passing the mess they'd made the night before. He laughs a little to himself when he notices his boxer are missing, which probably means that Merlin's currently wearing them. How cliche.
Once in the bathroom, he relishes control of his hands to his brain. His fingers find his supply of needles and morphine under the sink, mostly untouched (he's not a frequent user, just when he feels particularly depressed or overwhelmed). He opens the alcohol swab with his teeth, much like how he opens the condoms when with Merlin, and the coldness is welcome on his skin. A quick prick to the soft flesh of his elbow is followed by a rush of numbness and clarity.
It's as if the world slows down a bit. Arthur leans on the sink as the effects sink in. It's like every sharp, painful feeling and emotion in his body is washed away, or at least toned down. It makes him feel a little less like a pawn towards his father or a liar and user towards Merlin. Hell, he evens feels less like a failure. It's not enough keep him from functioning normally; it's just the right amount to keep him from succumbing to his demons for a handful of short hours.
Arthur washes his face in some icy water before he feels ready to face Merlin. He grabs a fresh set of boxers from his drawer and pulls a sweatshirt over his torso to his the marks as he leaves the bedroom.
Merlin is in the kitchen, bent over the stove with a skillet in hand. Arthur can see an attempt at scrambled eggs before him. He's quiet as he comes up behind him and wraps his arms loosely around the other's waist. After a quick kiss to Merlin's cheek, Arthur rests his head on his shoulder. "Good morning."
Merlin clearly is pleased by this by the way he tilts his head to rest upon Arthur's. His whiskers scratched at Arthur's temple. "Good morning to you too. You're quite affectionate today. Fancy some breakfast?"
Arthur can't help but know that his change in level of affection is due to the chemicals swirling inside his body. "I would love some."
Merlin shrugs Arthur off so he can properly serve up the food. Arthur doesn't question how Merlin knows where the plates are or how much of a portion Arthur wants.
"I have an idea," Arthur says as he takes the plate from Merlin. He leans in and kisses Merlin's mouth, biting down on his lower lip when the lad tries to pull away.
Merlin loops his arms around Arthur's neck and deepens the kisses. Soon, they're furiously snogging with their hands down the front of the other's trousers, completely oblivious to the sound of footsteps walking up to the door.
When Arthur hears the key turn in the lock, he pushes Merlin away. "Shit," he hisses as he grabs the man's wrist. Gwen must have forgotten when she was supposed to be home or just blatantly disregarded it. She does know about Merlin, but it's quite another thing to find your husband with a bloke's hands down his pants. "Get in the pantry. Go." He shoves Merlin into the kitchen pantry, which is sparsely populated to begin with, just in time.
Gwen comes around the corner just a second later. She takes one long look at Arthur, hesitating on his crotch for a moment longer than necessary, and clears her throat. "Did you just wake up?"
Arthur nods. She must've thought that Merlin hadn't spent the night; she probably just assumed that he'd left after they'd finished fooling around. "That obvious?" He has to get rid of her. There's no way he's going to let her see Merlin hard and wearing his boxers.
Gwen walks into the kitchen and eyes the breakfast spread. She most likely thinks that Arthur had made that himself. "You almost always wake up with morning wood. Your alarm wakes me up too, you know."
Arthur flushes. She thinks he's just woken up turned on, like a teenager. "Oh, right. Yeah."
She smiles at him, and Arthur's stomach flutters a bit. Damn morphine, clouding his senses so that any little smidge of affection screws with him. "I know it's not Sunday but…" Gwen blushes and looks shyly away. God, she could be so cute sometimes; it makes Arthur remember why he'd agreed to marry her back when he father asked. He smiles back.
Merlin is cramped. Actually, that's an understatement. He's positively squished. His knees are bent up into his chest with his head at an awkward angle to fit underneath a shelf and next to a really large box of pancake mix. He can see through the crack in the door but not well. He can sort of see Gwen by the stove and Arthur leaning against the island. Their words are muffled, but he can safely say that they're having a civil conversation. She is smiling, after all.
But then they're kissing. And Arthur hoists her up onto the island. Her hands are in his hair, just like how Merlin likes to do, and shit… Arthur's mouthing at her neck.
Why are the kissing? What's going on? Is this a diversion so Merlin can get out? He thinks he can get away with sneaking out. But the door was squeaky when he came in, wasn't it? Oh god. He's stuck in here until Arthur lets him out. That means he has to watch…
When he glances back through the crack, Arthur has his hand up Gwen's skirt and her nipple between his teeth. Guess the man really is in a hurry to get his hands on her tits. Gwen is clutching his head for dear life.
Merlin's cock twitches. He'd never been into voyeurism but hell, seeing his boyfriend with his wife is only putting more seductive imagines into his head.
Fuck. Arthur has disappeared from view and Gwen has started moaning with a new intensity. Merlin can only assume what's happening and it's hot. So hot, in fact, that Merlin can't resist touching himself.
But just as soon as it's begun, it's over. Gwen shoves Arthur away so hard to man nearly hits his head on the countertop. "What the hell, Arthur?" she shouts.
Arthur stands up rather wobbly. "What are you talking about?"
Gwen grabs his arm. "This, Arthur! You said you were going to stop. You promised."
"You don't understand, Gwen. Sometimes I have to. Sometimes I need it just to get out of bed," Arthur pleads. Merlin's never heard Arthur's voice sound so vulnerable and he doesn't even really know what's going on. What had Arthur done? Shit, did Gwen figure it out? That Arthur's cheating? Shit. He backs up even closer to the back of the pantry.
"I was foolish to think you'd really stop this time. Sometimes I wonder why I still put up with you." Gwen sounds on the verge of tears. "I don't get it."
"You do not understand my life. You will never understand it. You don't get what a struggle it is - "
Gwen cuts him off with, "Where the fuck is it? I'm getting rid of it right now. In the bathroom again, I presume? That's where it was last time." She storms off with tears streaming down her face.
Suddenly the pantry is yanked open by a very disheveled looking Arthur. "Go get in the car. I'll drive you home when I finish up here." He tosses the keys at Merlin then practically shoves him out of the closet before he can utter a response. "Go," Arthur hisses. "Before she comes back."
The car is about half as comfortable as the closet for someone who doesn't know how to drive, let alone turn a car on. Who knew it'd be so comfortable hiding in the closet while your boyfriend argues with his wife, wearing his boxers and smelling like sex, so much that he's wishing he was back in it?
Arthur returns fully dressed with Merlin's clothes in his hands. The ride home is silent and Merlin can tell something is bothering Arthur, but he can't bring himself to ask when the situation seems so delicate. What had Gwen been shouting about? Him? It didn't seem like it. But Merlin's clothes had been on the bedroom floor. She must have seen them when she'd stormed into the bathroom; therefore, she couldn't have realized Merlin had been there until after she'd begun to be upset with Arthur. It doesn't make sense.
Arthur looks straight ahead when he pulls up to the curb beside Merlin's building. He doesn't even say goodbye. Merlin hesitates then gently reaches over to squeeze his hand. He thinks he might even have caught a brief softening in Arthur's eyes before he departs from the car.