Disclaimer: Bleach belongs to Kubo Tite, who'd probably be appalled if he found out about how I play with his refined characters.
Notes: Thanks for all feedbacks. Without them, I wouldn't push myself this hard to finish each chapter. Sorry I took so long to update. I feel guilty and yet slight evil at the very same time. Comments, criticisms, rants, flames and threats are welcomed.

Chapter 6

Ichigo wanted to open his eyes, but for some reasons, his eyelids were ridiculously heavy. He could feel slight pain in his body while he was enveloped by something warm.

What happened? And where was he?

Slowly, the memories returned to his mind: Rukongai, a fight with an Arrancar and some Menos, suppressing his inner Hollow and then…Byakuya?

Ichigo felt his heart leap. The thought of the noble alone was enough to reboot his system that he suddenly shot up and tightened his hold around the fabric he felt in his palm before he shouted the first thing that came to mind, "Don't go!"

It was a few seconds after his outburst that his vision became clear, and his brain began to register his surroundings.

He was still in Rukongai, not far from the spot where he fought against those Hollows. However, he wasn't standing, but instead he was lying on the ground, being healed by some healers from the Fourth Division.

It was then that he began to scan the area with his eyes in search of a certain raven-haired blue-blooded leader of the Sixth Division only to feel his heart sink when he saw no sign of that man.

Was Byakuya really there or was it just a cruel trick his mind was playing on him?

"Please lie back down, Kurosaki-taichō. You've just reopened your wound," said the healer, whose face Ichigo failed to recognize.

Ichigo complied and lay back down although he was too busy feeling a pang of disappointment to feel any pain from his physical wounds. As he lay still on the ground, Ichigo slowly lifted his hand from his side, almost didn't dare to look at it in fear that if he did, he might just find it empty, but he looked anyway.

The Third Division Captain wasn't sure how to react when he saw a silver-white windflower silk scarf that turned brown with dry blood, so he simply stared at it as though it was the most fascinating thing in the entire Soul Society.

A longing look reflected in Ichigo's brown eyes as he tightened his hold on the light fabric.

He would never be able to understand how Byakuya's mind worked no matter how hard he tried. One day the man said he never wanted to see his face again and did everything in his power to push him out of his life, but then the next, he appeared out of nowhere to aid him when he was in need and possibly got himself injured while doing so.

A very small smile crept up on Ichigo's face.

He might not understand why Byakuya chose to disappear before he could even thank him or why the man left behind the one thing that would prove his presence there, but he didn't need to understand those now. The only thing that was important was that Byakuya had just provided him with a reason to seek the man out once again, if for nothing else, then to express his gratitude. Whether the arrogant patrician did so out of his full intention or not, Ichigo knew better than to waste that opportunity.

It was almost the end of the work-hour when Byakuya tried to channel his attention toward the paper he had hand over to the Commander General by the next day, yet his mind kept wandering elsewhere, and the sound of the dojo being rebuilt in the background could only make it harder for him to focus.

Byakuya put his ink brush down on a small stand next to an ink stone then closed his eyes for a moment.

It had been seven days since the dojo was blasted in a duel between him and Kurosaki Ichigo, two days since he went into Rukongai to assist that man just to be wounded by that man's inner Hollow. Yet, to Byakuya, it felt as though he had been in this mess for much longer than that.

Now he was stained, both physically and mentally, and he had no one to blame for his agitation but himself.

Although that was the closest thing the noble had to being relaxed, he had to open his eyes soon after he closed them for there was a soft knock on the wooden door of his office.

"Enter."

The wooden door was slid to the side to show a Shinigami Byakuya recognized as one of his seated officers.

"Pardon my interruption, taichō," the Shinigami said, bowing deep. "Kurosaki-taichō is in the front room. He requested to see you in private."

If the Shinigami looked at his superior in the eyes instead of keeping his gaze fixed on the wooden floor, he would have noticed a light that flashed behind Byakuya's slate grey eyes and the way the noble's face lit up if only for a short moment before his expression returned to its normal blank look.

Byakuya bit the inside of his lower lip, cursing his heart for the way it betrayed him by beating faster at the sound of Ichigo's name. He hated the effect Ichigo had on him even after he had decided it was best to seal his feelings away. Why was it so hard to stick by his own decision?

Knowing that his subordinate was still waiting for his response, Byakuya cast his thought aside.

"Ask him if his business is urgent. I have an important work to finish, and I don't think I will be able to get it done shortly."

"Yes, sir," the Shinigami replied before he bowed and left, closing the door behind him.

Byakuya sighed softly before he gingerly ground the ink on the ink stone, forming a small pool of ink just enough to dip his brush down then started writing again.

Although it was true that he really had to work to finish, it still didn't help the fact that anyone with half a brain would interpret his reply as a cold rejection, and Ichigo wasn't so stupid not to get the message. If he knew Ichigo, which he liked to think he did, the Vizard would either stomp out of his division with anger or bust into his office within the next couple of minutes to get what he wanted, and somehow, Byakuya didn't know which option he preferred.

He didn't progress much with his paperwork when the door was knocked once again, and since he knew Ichigo would never enter his office in such manners, Byakuya didn't bother to lift his gaze from the paper when he remarked, "Come in."

The door was once again opened in a slide, and the same Shinigami who had been there to inform him about Ichigo's request bowed in front of the door.

Although he already assumed that his subordinate was only back there to inform him that Ichigo had left, Byakuya still needed to ask, hoping his voice wouldn't betray any trace of disappointment.

"What did he say?"

"Kurosaki-taichō said that he would wait for as long as it took, sir."

The Kuchiki lord was astounded. Kurosaki Ichigo, one of the most impatient men he knew, had decided to wait. The action caught Byakuya off guard, and now it left him curious as to why the Vizard wanted to see him. Surely, it wasn't something trivial, for it wasn't like Ichigo to waste his time waiting if that was the case, and yet, if it was something crucial, he could just say so, and Byakuya would have no choice except for meeting him without stalling.

"In that case, bring him some tea," Byakuya said after a long consideration.

The Shinigami took it as a sign to leave so he bowed again before he left to do as he was told. Once his underling had left, Byakuya narrowed his eyes. Once again, his mind was distracted from work, this time by the question of what kind of game Ichigo was playing.

Ichigo sat on a floor of the Sixth Division's front room, studying the pattern of the tatami mats for there was nothing else better for him to do in that empty room. The cup of tea that was brought to him a moment earlier by one of the Sixth Division's Shinigami was left cold and untouched by his side.

He couldn't tell how long he had been waiting there, since he had been too busy trying to calm his nerves to pay attention to the sunlight that gradually became dimmer. His heart would race every time he heard footsteps coming near the room, but then it would soon sink back down when no one opened the door and entered it. Obviously, the working hours had been over and all Shinigami were heading away from their division.

The thought of barging into Byakuya's office sounded more appealing as time went by, but something told him that it wasn't the best idea at that moment. After all, infuriating the man would only divert them from the subject he wished to speak. Besides, he could use a little more time to rehearse what he was planning to say once the man was there.

He hadn't really noticed how dark the room had become until the fusuma door was slid to the side to reveal a silhouette of a man he had been waiting to see. Ichigo felt a pitch in his stomach as the man closed the door behind then moved to light all oil lamps that were placed above lamp stands at each corner of the room.

Ichigo took the chance that Byakuya was still lighting the lamps to take a look at the man.

While his posture and his expression remained as cold and stoic as ever, the noble seemed tired. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that his left arm was hung in a sling with bandages wrapped up from his hand to around his neck.

"No wonder it takes you so long to finish your work," Ichigo voiced his thought aloud, cutting the awkward silence. "I'm amazed you can work at all."

Byakuya turned to Ichigo after he lit the last lamp then walked to sit down with some distance from the Vizard. It was then that Ichigo took note of how the famous headpiece and scarf were not in place. It was rare to see the noble without those two accessories that indicated his status, but apparently, Byakuya wasn't capable of putting them on himself yet too proud to ask for help.

It was the fourth time he saw the man without them, and something deep down told him he might have caught Byakuya at the right moment. After all, it was usually when those things were missing that Byakuya would be less poised as if he had dropped some masks.

"I don't have other options. As you already know, tomorrow is the deadline for all taichō to turn in their recommendation for any Shinigami to be promoted. It would not be fair if some names were missing from my list because I allowed my personal matter to get in the way of my work."

Ichigo raised his brow at Byakuya's comment and he just couldn't stop himself from saying, "Yeah, try telling that to Rukia."

As soon as the word slipped out, Ichigo regretted saying it, if not for the fact that he had said something that could start another unwanted dispute then for the fact that Byakuya seemed to be more withdrawn after his sister was mentioned.

"I'm sure you're not here to discuss Rukia's advancement in the Gotei 13, Kurosaki-taichō, for if that was the case, you came to the wrong division."

While Byakuya's tone didn't betray any sign of anger, Ichigo couldn't help flinching at the cold and impersonal way the noble had just addressed him. It made him feel as if they were worlds apart even though they were sitting face to face.

Sighing, Ichigo hoped he hadn't just ruined all chance at civilized conversation with Byakuya by making a stupid mistake and saying something he shouldn't have said.

"You're right. I'm not here to talk about Rukia," Ichigo remarked. "And I haven't been waiting all this time just to pick up a fight with you either."

"Then why are you here?"

The orange-haired Vizard thought of using the Arrancar incident as his excuse, but he knew the current situation didn't allow him to beat around the bush. He was never good with words, and he just proved that point when his attempt for a small talk ended in a disaster, so he might as well just be blunt.

"I miss you."

Byakuya's eyes widened, seemingly taken aback by Ichigo's solemn declaration. Concern flashed through those charcoal eyes as they gazed Ichigo carefully.

Having already predicted what kind of comment would come from the leader of the Sixth Division, the brown-eyed captain cut him off with a gesture of his hand.

"I know you'd probably think I'm under an influence of some drugs they gave me at the Fourth Division, but I'm not," Ichigo remarked. "And to prove I'm not just joking either, I'll say it again. I miss you, but that's not the main reason why I'm here. I'm here because I have something to say to you, and if you still want me out of your life after I've finished saying what I have to say, then I'll go and I won't bother you again. All I'm asking is for you to hear me out."

Ichigo paused for a moment to see Byakuya's reaction.

The man seemed to be contemplating his options, but after a short while, he nodded slowly, signaling Ichigo to continue.

"I've been thinking, a lot, about what's happening between us," Ichigo said calmly after taking one deep breath. "I'm not gonna say that I know what's become of us. I'll even admit that I was afraid. Actually, it frightened me to the point where I agreed to stay out of your life, thinking it'd be easier that way. But then I realized how wrong I was to think I could solve my problem by pretending that everything was fine when it wasn't. We can't go back to where we were before all this happened. We can't just go back to hating each other's guts. At least, I can't anyway. So it makes me think that maybe walking away isn't an answer. Maybe we ought to walk down that path and see where it leads."

Byakuya closed his eyes and sighed softly.

"Surely, you did not just suggest you wanted to start something with me."

"What if I did?"

"Then I must ask you what you are hoping to gain. Isn't it already clear to you we cannot make each other happy? We'll always be at each other's throats. I won't be surprised if one day we'd pick up our katana and try to kill each other. Can you honestly say it is what you want?"

"Do you think I haven't already known that my life would be better off without you?" Ichigo returned. "I've been around long enough not to have blind optimism."

"Then why do you keep coming back?"

"Because I'm not a kind of guy who takes an easy way out just because he's afraid of the consequences of his actions," said Ichigo. "I hate the 'what ifs'. I'd rather do something then apologize about it later than do nothing and spend the rest of my life wondering what it would be like if I did something different."

Byakuya opened his eyes and gave Ichigo a weary look.

"If you need to satisfy your curiosity about what it would be like to be with another man, I'm afraid I cannot help you in that matter," said the noble. "Unlike you, I have a name to carry and an image to live up to. I cannot afford to be careless about the consequences of my actions."

Ichigo narrowed his eyes as he snorted.

"Funny. That's exactly what I thought you'd say, and you know what I think? I think you're just using that as an excuse to hide under your shell. So for once, would you stop giving a damn about what the rest of the world want and concentrate on what you want? It's one thing if you hate me and want me out of your perfect life, but it's another if you want me but keep pushing me away because you're a coward."

The vibrant Vizard knew he had hit Byakuya's nerve when the man winced slightly.

"What are you afraid of?" Ichigo asked softly. "Why do you keep walking away?"

A minute went by and there was no sign that the raven-haired Shinigami would answer those questions.

Ichigo couldn't help feeling dejected and sigh softly.

"Very well then, if you can't answer those questions, I guess there's nothing left for me to say."

With that said, Ichigo moved to stand up. While he might not have a pride or an ego that was as big as Byakuya's, he still knew it was the furthest he could go. He had given his best, but it just wasn't his place to force Byakuya to do what the man didn't wish to do. If the noble refused to meet him halfway, then he had no choice but to accept it. There was no point in trying to pursue someone who could never return his feelings.

Before he stood up, Ichigo paused for a moment before he dug into a huge sleeve of his kimono and pulled something out of it.

"I might as well just return you this," the Vizard remarked as he placed a white silk that was neatly folded down in front of Byakuya. "I already have it dry cleaned. At first, I thought I'd keep it, but I don't need a reminder of something I've lost."

Ichigo then stood up and headed for the door. After he slid it to the side, Ichigo paused at the door for a slight moment, inwardly hoping for Byakuya to say something to stop him, but when nothing came, he closed his eyes and sighed.

"I guess this is our last goodbye, Byakuya," Ichigo said sadly. "Thank you for your time. I won't be back to bother you again."

Then Ichigo stalled for another moment, waiting for Byakuya to say something, even if that something was a final farewell, but nothing came.

Just as he was about to give up and step out of that door, he heard a flat voice, cutting through the silence of the night.

"You asked me why I kept walking away."

Ichigo paused but didn't dare to turn around to look at the man.

"I hate it," Byakuya continued, hesitation showed in his voice. "The feeling of being left behind. The pain I felt when I opened myself up just to be betrayed by those I cared about."

Ichigo loosened his grip on the fusuma when he asked, "Is this why you turn your back on people? So they can't turn their backs on you first?"

"It's easier to push them away before they had a chance to hurt me. In that case, they will be out of my life before I care too much about them and end up with heartache. I guess now I'm more used to pushing people away than letting them in, and I can't change that. Perhaps, in a way, I really am a coward."

"Byakuya…"

"If you want to leave, by all means, go," the headstrong noble remarked with finality. "I will not stop you or ask you to stay. That way, you'll only stay out of pity, and pity, like other useless emotions, doesn't last long. In the end, you'll wind up leaving anyway."

The Vizard took a careful moment to contemplate his options.

What made him to think hard was no longer the question of whether or not he wanted to leave whatever happened between Byakuya just the way it was, for he already knew he didn't. However, it was the question of whether he was ready to pay the price of what he was after.

With a deep breath, Ichigo slid the door and moved.

To Be Concluded