Disclaimers: I do not own the rights to Star Wars in any form or its characters. I am merely an insane writer who can't help but use them for my own nefarious purposes. Don't sue. It's a bad idea. And a waste of time. Heh.
To any of you who are big action fans, I should warn you that this chapter is dialogue heavy, just as this part of the game was, at least for me. I'll do my best to keep the story interesting and going on its way, but just be aware.
I haven't said this before, but after noticing a few new things, I decided I would. The reason I'm using so much of the game's original dialogue and scenes is because many scenes and conversations seemed too stiff or to lack the depth they should have, and that annoyed me. Essentially, I'm more or less writing an admittedly somewhat biased novelization of the game. If that bothers anyone, that's fine and I'd be happy to hear about why. On the other hand, if you like the idea, I'd be glad to hear about that too.
What all this is leading up to is that reviews are often bread and water to a writer. They're a lifeline of sorts, our way of connecting to our readers. In my case, I suffered writer's block for over a year and just recently got back into writing, so reviews are especially important to help me get back into some sort of groove.
Now, on with the show!
Dakari: The Real Story
Chapter 5: Leave Takings and the Returns of Past Lives
As the trio walked away from the shadow of the ruins, Alriah felt her headache retreating, allowing her to think clearly once again. Immediately she realized that both Carth and Bastila had things on their minds. Knowing Bastila as she did, whatever she wanted would be relatively interesting, and likely more informative than whatever Carth had to say. That being the case, she turned and approached Carth.
"Yes? What's on your mind?" he asked, sounding somewhat sullen.
"You've been very quiet lately, you know that?" she replied, her eyes searching his. He looked angry and frustrated, and more than a little confused. With any soldier, and Carth in particular, that was not a good combination.
"Have I been quiet?" he asked, his tone making the question rhetorical, "I suppose I have. I guess I just don't like being left out of the loop."
"Left out of the loop? I don't understand."
Actually, she did understand, but he needed to vent and he sometimes wouldn't do it without prompting.
"Left out of the loop. You know. Not being told anything... strung along."
"I'm not the one leaving you out of the loop, Carth," she replied coolly. He had information she didn't, for one thing. For another, she really wasn't intentionally keeping him uninformed. There were large gaps in the information she had, and if she tried to explain she wouldn't make any sense, even to herself.
"No?" he shot back, "Well, you certainly aren't helping matters any, either, and it's really starting to irritate me. For one thing, I want to know what the Jedi Council said to you. They pulled you in there and refused to tell me a thing about it."
The thought that Carth had a right to know everything the Council did was ludicrous, and apparently Bastila agreed. Her eyes flashed, changing from translucent to nearly opaque.
"That is none of your concern, Carth, and you would do well to leave the matter be."
He was clearly taken aback by the vitriol in her tone, but while he was more respectful in tone and bearing, still he persisted.
"I respect you, Bastila, but you've been as close-mouthed as the rest of the Council," he said carefully. The idea of Bastila being part of the Council was almost amusing, but Alriah didn't interrupt.
"If you won't talk to me, then maybe somebody else will.
Alriah tilted her head, thinking about what she could say. Something about this whole rant seemed off, though, and she asked a question that had been nagging at her before giving any actual response.
"Why should anything the Jedi do seem strange to you?"
"I may not know much about the Jedi," he replied, understanding the implication behind her question, "but I do know they aren't famous for taking on old Padawans and sending them on dangerous assignments."
She shrugged. She didn't know the answer herself, and so gave him the only one she had.
"They thought it was more important that I help find the Star Maps than stay."
"And why is that? You were a great help on Taris, but why would they keep you with us? Don't they... don't they have to train you?"
Now she understood. He was afraid. He didn't understand the Jedi or their powers, but he did fear them. A barely trained Jedi must seem awfully threatening to him, even one he had fought with and seen in action.
"I've done pretty well so far," she replied softly, saddened by the thought that someone else she traveled with might be afraid of her. It was bad enough that the woman she might be falling in love with was afraid of her, but now this arrogant, overconfident soldier was too.
"That's completely beside the point," he stammered, apparently seeing the pain on her face. He wasn't very reassuring, however.
"The Jedi encouraged you to stay with us, and I don't believe the reasons they gave. You're a neophyte Padawan who's been saddled with the responsibility of tracking down these Star Maps. Why? That's not normal! I'm not trying to provoke you or imply that you're somehow responsible for the Jedi Council... but give me a hand, here! There has to be a reason!"
Black eyes flashed, closely resembling black diamonds in that moment. She was tired of this. All she wanted was some peace and quiet, and he kept demanding more of her. She didn't have the answers to give! With an effort, she schooled herself to calm, breathing slowly and deeply. Still, when she spoke her voice betrayed some of her frustration and hurt.
"Are you saying I'm not needed?"
He stared at her, holding up his hands. Apparently he realized that he had crossed a line.
"No, I don't... I didn't mean that you weren't wanted, or that I want to go, It's just... damn it!" He shook his head violently, gesturing widely.
"I'll tell you this much... I am not going to wait around until I'm betrayed again!"
"I am not going to betray you! I am not Saul!" she replied sharply. She understood that his past was still tormenting him, but that was no excuse for behaving like this. They were all haunted by their pasts. She didn't even remember hers, and yet still it seemed to torment her! His eyes clouded, and she knew that whatever he said next, the conversation was over. If he didn't end it, she would.
"Well, we'll just see about that, won't we? Look, I didn't mean it that way. I want to get to Saul, not... no... no, forget it. It seems all I can do is insult you, isn't it? Just forget I said anything. Let's... let's... just get on with what we were doing."
Bastila looked ready to say more, but Alriah shook her head, watching the soldier walk away a little way to calm himself down. Putting Carth from her mind for the moment, she turned back to Bastila, who was watching her with that painful mix of fear, interest, and compassion.
"How can I help?" she asked softly.
"You look like something's bothering you," Alriah answered just as softly, not feeling like drawing Carth back into the conversation. Bastila sighed, her eyes looking into nothing before turning back to meet hers.
"No, not bothering me. Not exactly. I've been thinking about what the Jedi Council said about the two of us. There is a bond between us, I do not dispute that. I can feel it, as I'm sure you can. The nature of that bond and its effect on our mission remain in question."
"I think you're interested in more than just the 'bond' between us," Alriah observed, hiding a smile. While she could sense the truth of that through said bond, Bastila would, of course, still try to deny it. It was a game of sorts, Bastila trying to learn all she could without exactly asking, while Alriah waited for the right moments to pounce on her words and trip her up enough to draw her out more.
"Please!" came the expected denial, and Alriah waited for the rest of, barely able to keep from smiling, "I'm a Jedi. Such feelings, such attractions, are... well, they're beneath me, quite frankly."
At that, the older woman rolled her eyes, making sure Bastila saw it. That was ridiculous, of course, and they both knew it. Still, Bastila soldiered on, digging herself into a deeper hole.
"I admit, I find you intriguing," she stammered, then realized how that sounded and added, "Uh... I mean I find your command of the Force intriguing. But my interest in you is purely academic. Surely you can understand why. Our fates are strongly connected; so connected that a literal bond has been formed between us. I saw your service records when you were transferred aboard the Endar Spire, but nothing beyond that. I know very little about you. I'd like to ask you some questions, given our relationship."
Another opening, and Alriah was not about to pass it up.
"Our relationship? Is this some kind of clumsy come-on?" she asked, her dark eyes dancing. Through their bond, she caught a flash of a thought, an image of herself with her black hair loose and framing her face and her dark eyes looking tenderly down at the watcher. Bastila shook herself, trying to sounding professional rather than fascinated.
"I was referring to the bond we share; the one the Jedi Council spoke of," she growled back, then added, apparently without thought, "If I actually was interested in you, rest assured I could come up with a better approach than this!"
"Whoa, guess I touched a nerve there, huh?" the darker woman asked, her laughter reaching her voice. Bastila glared, but at the same time her expression was almost affectionate.
"Touched a nerve? No. Getting on my nerves, most definitely. I suppose this is what you consider being witty."
She sighed in exasperation, but once again Alriah noted a touch of affection behind her annoyance.
"Now, are you going to answer my questions? Or would you rather just keep annoying me?"
She thought about taking the second choice, but she knew she had pushed almost as far as she dared. Instead she resolved to wait for another opportunity. Knowing Bastila, she wouldn't have to wait too long.
"Okay, I'll answer a few questions."
Bastila looked and felt relieved, and not for the first time Alriah wondered if she knew how much of herself she gave away between her expressions and the bond.
"Don't worry, these are simple questions. Nothing too intrusive. First, what kind of background do you have?"
Alriah frowned, but decided she would go along with this for now.
"I was a scout. The fleet recruited me for my skills."
"Good," the other Jedi replied, nodding, "On which planet were you born?
"Deralia. It's in a remote system. Why?" she asked curiously, aware that if Bastila had seen her records she knew all of this. Clearly there was another reason for this interrogation. The younger woman just pressed on, and Alriah saw that she'd have to wait to get her answer.
"Excellent. Your current age is?
"Wasn't all this in my service records?" she asked finally. Bastila should know all of this. So either the Jedi hadn't seen her records, or she was testing her in some way.
"Yes, well... the truth is I was studying how you responded to my questions. Your reactions help me judge you; this was a test for me to learn more about your character."
Alriah shook her head, torn between a logical understanding of the need for that and an innate dislike for being used or manipulated. Something within her knew she'd had enough of that for several lifetimes.
"I don't like being manipulated," she said softly, her tone a warning. She cared very deeply for Bastila and would accept a great deal from this woman, but nonetheless she had boundaries and limits, and the young Padawan had come close to crossing them. She regretted her tone when Bastila paled and her eyes dropped.
"I see. I didn't mean to upset you, but I suppose it was inevitable. You've had a lot to absorb since we escaped Taris. I apologize."
She shook her head and stepped into Bastila's personal space, startling her. Before Bastila could step back, the taller Jedi gently lifted her chin so she could look the younger woman in the eye. In that moment, Bastila looked innocent and frightened, a child lost in a world that was too large and too painful. The sadness she had sensed was clearly visible in those eyes, which were now transparent and pale. She was both surprised and saddened when she saw a tear trickle unheeded down the smaller woman's face. With the pad of her thumb she wiped it away, that one small gesture enough to show Bastila that she'd been forgiven.
"And what did you find out?" she asked gently, letting Bastila take a step back, both mentally and physically, to gather herself. The compact Jedi sighed quietly, and her relief was unmistakable, even through the academic tone.
"You were honest, which is good. And you treated this as a serious matter, which it is. This bond we share will shape both our destinies. It is not to be taken lightly."
Bastila smiled slightly, calming down.
"But I imagine you've had enough questions for a while. So many things have happened to you since Taris. It's probably a lot for you to absorb. We can speak again later, after you've had time to think about all this."
Before Bastila could even sense what she was going to do, Alriah bent and embraced her warmly.
'Thank you.'
'For what?' she asked, confused by the sudden change in her attitude. To the scout's amusement, the question, which had been barely more than a squeak, had been asked through their bond rather than aloud. It was interesting that at times Bastila seemed to find comfort in the thing she fought so hard to ignore at other times.
'For noticing,' Alriah replied honestly, using the bond as well, 'No one else has.'
Bastila seemed pained for a moment, then gingerly returned the embrace.
'It may not always seem so, but I do care, Alriah, and I do pay attention. I am sorry that you have had to shoulder so much alone.'
Alriah smiled gently and released the smaller Jedi, just as Carth turned back to rejoin them. He looked between them strangely but didn't otherwise comment on their closeness, for which they were both grateful. Alriah did note, however, a touch of jealousy in his eyes and resolved to be more careful around him. They walked back to report to the Council, and Alriah noticed that even as they walked and fought off a few roaming kath hounds Bastila would occasionally touch her. The comforting gestures soothed much of the pain that had been building up within her, and it reassured her that she wasn't just a subject of study for the other Jedi, which was obviously what the younger woman had intended. Once back to the Enclave, they went straight to the Ebon Hawk for a short rest, and Alriah took the opportunity to speak with Bastila again. She had noticed that the other woman had been staring at her for a while, and she was rather curious as to why. Feeling those eyes tracking her, tracing her, was very distracting.
"How can I help?" she asked as she often did when Alriah approached, though this time there was a note of genuine concern and affection that hadn't been there so far.
"You have something you want to ask me?" she asked, a disarming smile spread across her face. Those unusual eyes blinked slowly, and for a long moment Bastila seemed frozen, only her eyes moving. Her gaze was almost a caress, and Alriah almost moved closer, finding herself wanting more contact with the woman, but she restrained herself. Bastila's reactions were unpredictable at the best of times. Besides, she was still curious. The younger Jedi finally broke out of her momentary trance and shook her head, though she still seemed dazed.
"I do. How did you know?" the other woman asked, clearly curious but also intending to use the time it took her to answer to re-gather herself. Alriah decided that she wouldn't give her the chance, at least not right away. She wanted to know what it was Bastila kept staring at, why her eyes kept sweeping her up and done, kept following her as she moved.
"Well," she replied, savoring the moment a little, aware that she would only get so many chances to openly flirt with the woman and get away with it, "you keep staring at me. See anything you like?"
Those purple-gray eyes widened, and in that moment of surprise the answer was clear. It only lasted a second before Bastila's expression became that familiar flustered, embarrassed glare, but it had been answer enough.
"You are easily the vainest, most arrogant woman I have ever met!" she retorted, though her thoughts weren't in sync with her words, "Besides, I know you can't be serious since I was purposefully not staring in your direction. I am a Jedi, remember? I have for too much mental discipline to reveal what goes on inside my mind with such obvious physical clues. My thoughts remain hidden, including whatever my feelings are for you."
The Sentinel's eyebrows rose as her companion gave her a look that clearly said 'so there!' and yet she had rather obviously contradicted the point she'd had in the beginning of the tirade. Bastila seemed to realize that as well, and quickly backtracked.
"Uh... I mean whatever I feel about you... uh... I mean whatever I think about you."
"You're so cute when you're embarrassed," Alriah commented, utterly charmed by the younger woman's stammered and weak defense. Bastila hadn't even realized she'd been staring, which just made it better. What was even better was that when she had noticed it she'd had to force herself to stop, and as soon as she'd stop thinking about it she'd do it again. Then something else she had said processed fully, and dark eyes widened just slightly as she realized just how much Bastila's stammering had given away. She almost wanted to kick herself for getting so caught up that she'd missed a key point.
"You have feelings for me?" she asked softly, awed by the thought. She had started to believe that perhaps Bastila might feel some attraction toward her, but the near-confirmation that this woman, who was so obviously afraid of her on some level was also interested in her was far more warming than she had imagined it could be. The Padawan, for her part, just stared, doing a fair imitation of a fish before she managed a response, her face and ears bright red.
"I... that is, you... Why must you be so impossibly infuriating! You know very well what I'm really talking about. I'm referring to the bond between us; the one the Jedi Council spoke of."
The young Sentinel raised her eyebrow, the implication clear. On one hand the scout was amused, but on the other she was concerned, and she felt she had good reason to be. Once again Bastila had used the Council and her unusual position as an excuse to ignore or suppress her emotions, and that was dangerous. Alriah kept hoping that if she teased the woman enough to pull her out of her shell she might learn that expressing emotion without giving up control to it was actually beneficial, but she seemed bent on driving herself to the brink of insanity by ignoring the very core of her being. Bastila's expression calmed somewhat as if in response to her thoughts, though she'd kept them shielded, and her emotions became almost stable again, though there was a definite element of fear still present.
"Our connection allows us glimpses into each other's minds. We can feel some of what the other feels," Bastila paused, the conversation taking a serious, abrupt shift that seemed to surprise even her, though she kept going as if it hadn't, "And what I feel within you troubles me. A Padawan must receive considerable training. They must learn to control their emotions and darker impulses. Often it takes years before using the Force can be considered safe. The fact that you are so strong in the Force and have had such relatively little training could have terrible consequences. For you, and for everyone around you."
"What do you think I should do?" she asked, aware that there probably wasn't going to be an answer to the question, but still curious. This abrupt shift worried her, because she could see that whatever the young woman saw or feared, it haunted her constantly. Something told her that Bastila was far more aware of the dangers of insufficient or incorrect training than she should be, and she wondered just where that knowledge came from. She was starting to wonder, though, if Bastila wasn't talking about herself. For now, she put the thoughts from her mind and focused on the younger woman's response.
"I don't think there is much you can do," she replied miserably, confirming Alriah's fears but making her wonder further what Bastila was really talking about, "If things were different I would recommend several years of training under one of the Jedi Masters. But I fear that won't be possible."
She broke off, thinking quietly in the shielded part of her mind where even their bond couldn't quite reach, then something inside her seemed to unknot slightly. Alriah watched her curiously, surprised and curious when she seemed to calm and some of her fear dissipated somewhat. She felt a gentle probing touch reach through their bond, and to Bastila's apparent pleasure, she allowed it. The younger woman nodded, managing to smile slightly.
"Thankfully you have exhibited a degree of compassion and self-control up to this point. I sincerely hope you can maintain these traits in the future," she commented, managing to sound almost content, then paused again, her expression darkening and her eyes glazing slightly, as if she looked out into the future, or perhaps the past, and what she saw there tormented her.
"We must all resist the influence of the dark side! It is everything we are fighting against! This is doubly important for you, with your natural affinity for the Force!"
"Why are you getting so upset?" Alriah asked, mentally reeling from the sudden force of Bastila's emotions. The question seemed to bring her out of whatever place she'd fallen into, and she calmed somewhat, the maelstrom easing, though not subsiding. The scout shook herself inwardly, futilely trying to relieve some of the pressure of the barriers in her mind. Whatever was tormenting Bastila so was something she was not supposed to know. For her part, the younger Jedi regained her composure, though to Alriah's concern she did so by once again suppressing her emotions.
"I'm sorry if I come across as harsh. But I am concerned. For you, for our mission. And for myself, as well," she replied softly, her voice more gentle now. Alriah appreciated the effort, but didn't want the young woman to burden herself further at her expense.
"I will try," Alriah promised, and she could see that Bastila understood her meaning. Though the real topic of conversation was questionable, the fact remained that she felt she had to say something to get Bastila to calm down and stop worrying herself so much, so she agreed to guard herself, which was something she would do in any case.
"That is good to hear. Without the proper training, however, I'm afraid you will find the path difficult even with the best of intentions. There is great danger ahead, for both of us."
She shook her head, and Alriah could feel that tide of emotions rise again, only to be pushed away again. Still, something in her bearing took on some of her previous autocratic attitude, and it hurt. Once again she was dismissing her own emotions, and at the same time doing the same to Alriah's. That was dangerous, foolhardy, and painful to experience. It was something a Jedi should never do, because it risked not only his or her self, but also everyone else around him or her.
"Our destinies are intertwined. Everything one of us does will have consequences for the other. Any reckless behavior on your part is likely to affect me as well."
The implication struck the older woman like a blow. At no point had she done anything to endanger the other woman, had done much to protect her in fact. Almost everything she had done had been thought out and considered in case she take some action that might negatively impact the younger Jedi. She shook her head, and her eyes became guarded and sad.
"So you're just worried about yourself, then."
Bastila stared for a moment, sensing once again that she had gone too far, pushed too hard. Once again she had pressed against a raw wound, a wound she had put there, and once again she had hurt the woman she was trying to help.
"That's not true," she replied sadly, clearly aware of how she had sounded and regretting the way she had spoken, "I am worried about myself, but also about you. I would rather see neither of us come to any harm."
Had this been anyone else, Alriah would have doubted the words on little more than principle, but this was Bastila. Even without the bond she could not ignore her sincerity, and the bond made it doubly clear. Her insides seemed to relax somewhat and she started to forgive the young woman once again.
"It works both ways, doesn't it? You could help me stay strong."
The unspoken words hung between them, and this time Bastila accepted the implication with a certain amount of equanimity. She knew that at times she needed help. Alriah had proven that. The fact she was still willing to offer such aid even after all the hurt she'd caused the woman seemed to reassure her.
"Yes, that is true. I will do my best to guide you, but I am no Master. Not yet. And there are times when I find the sheer strength of your power almost overwhelming."
There too lay something unspoken. Bastila was considered a prodigy, and her skill with Battle Meditation was unrivaled, but here she was, saying that Alriah was the more powerful. The older woman didn't know if that was true, but she did see what it took for the proud Padawan to make the admission, and admired her all the more for it. It helped that it also leant support to the theory that Bastila cared for her as rather more than just a traveling companion, or even a friend. The tone of both her thoughts and speech had certainly implied more.
"I won't do anything to hurt you," the dark woman said gently, the last of her anger fading. Bastila's expression warmed, but at the same time something haunted her eyes and mind.
"I believe you truly mean what you say. For now. But sometimes it is not so easy to keep such promises."
She spoke with wisdom gained from long experience with such betrayal, and she wondered who had wounded this beautiful, somewhat delicate soul so deeply. Bastila was too young to know such things. It wasn't right that her innocence had been so thoroughly stolen.
"Your power could be a gift or a curse," Bastila continued, apparently deciding she had given away too much of herself, "When you need guidance, or advice, or support I will do my best to help you stay on the path of the light."
"I would appreciate any help you could offer, though I doubt I'll be a risk to the mission," Alriah replied, not from any sense of pride, but from a very strong sense that if anyone were going to be a threat to their mission, it wouldn't be her. The thought haunted her, because she had a sinking feeling she knew who of her small group could be a potential threat. At least if she were the threat she'd know how to respond. If she were right, however...
"No, of course not. Not yet. But there will be challenges ahead that might make it otherwise."
Bastila too seemed haunted, and she wondered if perhaps the young woman sensed what she did, and if she was even referring to Alriah anymore.
"I only hope I will have the wisdom to help you through the dark times... But for now, we should return to our mission."
The hasty retreat from the conversation Bastila herself had started concerned Alriah, but she knew that now wasn't the time to deal with it. She strode away and spent a few moments with Mission, playing Pazaak with the teenager. Mission had apparently been playing with Zaalbar, and she was bored. Wookies weren't exactly known for their skill at card games. Next she spent a little time with Canderous, hearing more about his time as a warrior among the clans and about his experiences with Revan. Feeling that she'd done her duty to her companions, she took Carth and Bastila with her to report to the Council. As she approached, Master Vandar greeted her while the other masters looked on.
"Ah, you have returned, young Padawan. Have you discovered what it was that Revan and Malak sought in those ruins?"
"We found an incomplete Star Map and mention of something called a Star Forge," she replied concisely. She had a feeling they knew more than they said, and didn't feel the need to go into more detail. Vandar didn't object, so she decided she was probably right.
"This news of a Star Forge is disturbing. Action is required, but we must not do so in haste. We must discuss recent events in light of this new information. "
"We should consult the Jedi archives to see if there is any mention of this 'Star Forge' and what it might do," Master Vrook interjected, looking at Alriah as if she were some kind of harbinger of death and destruction. The worst part of it was that for all she knew, she just might be.
"We must learn why Revan and Malak sought it out," Vrook continued, glaring at her as if he had sensed her thought. Bastila certainly had, and she didn't like it.
"Return to your ship with Bastila and we will summon you when we are done," Vandar said, though something about his bearing said there was more he wanted to say. She bowed and left with her companions, returning to the ship. Before she settled down to rest, she took some time to sit down with T3-M4. She asked his permission to work on him and he agreed, though he, like many of the more independent, and thus more quirky, astromech droids, was wary of being damaged by 'imprecise human hands', so she set about exploring his expansive functionality. Even for an astromech droid he was impressive and versatile, and she couldn't help but be saddened that the woman who had built him was dead. T3 was a work of art, and she told him as much. He seemed pleased, and she laughed at his commentary on her companions. He didn't talk much, but when he did he said a lot. She noticed that he got quiet around the others, so she took care to ensure they had some privacy,
"You are definitely an incredible droid," she commented, giving him a quick polish and making sure his routine maintenance was sufficient. She found she couldn't think of the little droid as 'it,' so she didn't. He seemed to like that, and by the time the Council had called her back, she was satisfied she had a good rapport with him. Bastila had looked at her oddly to see her talking to a droid, but she sensed that somehow the younger woman liked that her compassion extended even to droids. Once back in the Council chambers, Vandar again greeted them, this time even more serious.
"Padawan, you have done well in discovering the Star Map within the ancient ruins. But there is more you must do in the battle against Malak and the Sith. We Jedi know victory over the Sith will not come through martial might. The Council has a mission for you, Padawan."
She had been waiting for this, and she stood at military rest, prepared to do their bidding, but not blindly.
"I have consulted our vast archives in an effort to discover the nature of this 'Star Forge', but all my efforts have been in vain," Dorak said quietly, clearly disappointed with this failure. To a scholar, a lack of information was a wound that cut deep.
Vrook shifted, adding in sour tones, "Still, the Council are in agreement: the Star Forge must be found! Revan and Malak sought it out when they began their tragic fall; the Star Forge is surely as powerful tool of the dark side."
She frowned at that. No tool was ever anything except what it was made to be. If the Star Forge was a tool of the dark side, that was simply because that role had been forced upon it. As for his commentary on Revan and Malak... that she took with a grain of salt. He clearly had a deep bias.
"The Star Map in the ruins showed you four planets, but it was incomplete," Vandar continued after a long look at Vrook, "It did not show the location of the Star Forge itself. We believe there may be similar Star Maps on other planets. Each Star Map is likely a small piece of a larger puzzle. Find the Star Maps on Kashyyyk, Tatooine, Manaan and Korriban and we believe they will lead you to the Star Forge.
"I am ready to do the Council's will," she said softly, her eyes shifting between each of the four Masters. She kept getting the nagging feeling that something was missing... or someone. Was there another member of the Dantooine Council? Her head throbbed, and she shied away from the thought. Clearly that was one of things she might have once known but was now forbidden.
Vandar noticed her distraction, but still he went on, perhaps aware that given something to focus on her headache was reduced.
"The Jedi numbers have been ravaged by this war, by defections to Malak's cause and by Sith assassins. But we realize the importance of this mission. Yet if we sent a company of Jedi Knights with you we would surely draw the full attention of Malak and the Sith, dooming your efforts to failure."
That alarmed her. If she had to do this alone, she would surely fail. From their bond, she could sense that Bastila was also upset at the prospect, and had actually started forward, her expression determined. She sent a quiet thought through their bond, halting her, then asked, "Am I to undertake this task alone?"
Vandar shook his head, the slight smile on his otherwise unreadable face showing that he had seen or sensed the interaction between the two women.
"Bastila will accompany you, for there is a powerful connection between you two... a connection that might be the key to unraveling the mysteries uncovered by Revan. And Juhani has also asked to accompany you. After long deliberations we have granted her request."
That was both reassuring and something of a surprise. She had liked the spirited young Cathar, and while she was concerned for her state of mind she trusted that the young woman was strong enough to overcome her doubts. In Bastila's case she wasn't so surprised, but she was reassured. She didn't want to do this without the beautiful Jedi at her side, even taking into account all her lectures and attitude.
'So, Bastila and a talented, beautiful, powerful Cathar. This should be interesting.'
She sensed something that might have been jealousy from Bastila, but before she could give it her full attention, Vrook started speaking and she had to pay attention to him.
"Juhani nearly fell to the dark side. Perhaps her presence will serve as a reminder to you of the dangers of that path."
She sighed. That man had such a black and white view. He had a point, yes, but still...
"There are others I want to join me," she said, this time focusing solely on Master Vandar, who immediately understood what she was asking.
"Of course those who aided you on Taris will also come; they possess skills you may find useful in your quest. Remember that secrecy and discretion are paramount to your success. You will not be able to hide the fact that you are a Jedi, nor should you. But the true nature of your mission must not reach Malak's ears. You may return here at any time. Dantooine will be a sanctuary for you, a safe haven. Here you can find supplies and whatever advice or other aid we may give you."
She wanted to say that they could count on her, that she wouldn't fail them, but she said neither. She didn't know if she'd be able to keep those promises. Instead, she chose a neutral response.
"When do I leave?"
Vandar seemed to approve, but clearly Vrook did not. Still, he didn't seem to approve of anything really, so this came as no surprise.
"You may leave whenever you wish; the sooner the better. The longer you wait the stronger Malak becomes. But first a warning, young Padawan: The lure of the dark side is difficult to resist. I fear this quest to find the Star Forge could lead you down an all too familiar path."
"The fate of the galaxy is in your hands, young Padawan" Vandar said, interrupting Vrook while appearing not to. Nevertheless, she was grateful. Thinking about what he had said was giving her one of the worst headaches she'd had so far. "We pray you are up to the challenge. May the Force be with you."
Shaking her head, she approached Master Dorak, who smiled warmly, if somewhat absently.
"Greetings, young Padawan. Have you come seeking knowledge of the past? Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it, or so they say. As Chronicler of the Academy here on Dantooine, I find your quest for knowledge admirable. But I do not want to overwhelm you with the long history of the Jedi Order. You should ponder the history of Revan; it contains many lessons you may need if we hope to defeat Malak and the Sith."
Alriah tilted her head, contemplating the man. She had listened to his and Master Vandar's lectures, and to Master Zhar's speeches and Vrook's rants. Still, she wanted to know what he thought she should be gaining from the story.
"What am I supposed to learn from this?"
The scholar nodded approvingly, sensing the true intent behind her question.
"Revan's tale shows us how even the greatest of the Jedi can fall to the dark side. You must always be on guard against the evil that dwells within you. Think hard upon this lesson."
That was an interesting answer. He had not said something like "the evil that dwells within us all," as she might have expected. He had been very specific. Either he knew about the shadow and interpreted it as evil, or her connection to Revan...
'Ahh!'
Her silent cry alerted Bastila immediately, and the young woman rushed to her aid. To her surprise, Bastila didn't just strengthen her, she pushed against the barrier, sheer will forcing it back just slightly so Alriah could think. The older woman smiled, relieved and pleased. Relieved because now she could think without almost immediately being overwhelmed by pain, and pleased because only sheer force of desperation, fear, and concern could have moved that wall. She had yet to reach that level of desperation and was unwilling to try, especially not here in front of the Masters. Bastila's quick thinking and action had kept her from even stumbling before the Council and allowed her to recover quickly enough that Master Dorak apparently didn't notice the long pause.
"Where are the Academy's archives?" she asked curiously now that she could think clearly enough for the question to occur to her. She had discovered quite a bit of information on her own, but she hadn't actually seen these vast archives the Jedi spoke of.
"This facility is a training academy. The archives here are restricted to those who have attained the rank of Master. We must protect overeager Padawans from being exposed to dangerous knowledge. The pursuit of knowledge is a noble goal, but there are some things that require the wisdom of a Master to truly understand."
"I will think on this, Master Dorak," she replied, though inwardly she wondered. Bastila had made some reference to seeing the archives, and she knew that her studies had taken her on courses she doubted the Masters would want "overeager Padawans" to take. So either they had counted on most Padawans not knowing what questions to ask or there was some other reason she had discovered the information contained there.
"May the Force be with you," Dorak said, interrupting her thoughts. She smiled at him and bowed slightly before turning away. She liked Master Dorak. He was a kind soul, if a little too caught up in academic pursuits. Still, he was brilliant and sensible, as well as capable of a certain amount of neutrality that some of the other Masters clearly weren't.
'Bastila...'
Before she could continue, Vandar called her attention to him. She turned to look at him, curious to find both him and Vrook looking between the two women, one with a certain amount of cautious respect, the other with something not unlike rage and disdain.
"You must not fail in your mission. Find the Star Maps that lead to the Star Forge. This is the only way to stop Malak and his Sith followers. You and Bastila are the galaxy's last, desperate hope."
Vrook twitched visibly, his shadowed eyes almost feral for a moment before calming. Obviously he had not taken very well to Bastila meddling with the barrier in her mind. Perhaps he had helped put it there.
"But beware the dark side. Bastila will guide you, but she herself is young and new to the ways of the Jedi. You must help her as much as she helps you."
That was no great burden. She had already agreed to do such a thing, and would have done it anyway. To do otherwise would not have been right or fair. What she did notice was that Vandar had said nothing about Bastila guiding her. Only Vrook had said any such thing. That was curious, but as Master Vandar spoke again, she turned her attention back to him.
"The fate of the galaxy is in your hands, young Padawan. We pray you are up to the challenge. May the Force be with you."
She was part of the way back to the Ebon Hawk before remembering a question she had wanted to ask Vrook, who seemed to be more or less in charge of domestic matters. As she walked up to him, he glared and commented acidly, "It is good that you are still alive, Padawan, in that you have not yet managed to fail us completely. Why is it that you are now bothering me instead of seeking out the Star Map?"
She chose to ignore his commentary and get right to her question rather than prolong this conversation with the bitter old man.
"Why does the Council not stop the Mandalorian raiders?"
Vrook grunted, and she got the sense that for once he wasn't annoyed at her when she spoke. Instead he actually considered the question before answering.
"So you heard about them, did you? They have been harmless up until now. It is tragic that someone had to die before we took action. You have our leave to deal with the murdering Mandalorian raiders should you encounter them."
His look as he finished clearly indicated that she had better state some important business with him or leave. She decided that a diplomatic retreat was probably wisest, and immediately followed that course.
"I am sorry, Master Vrook. I will go."
"You have a mission to attend to, Padawan. And as much as I may wish it otherwise, you are our only hope. The Council has placed the fate of the galaxy within your hands. I pray both you and Bastila are able to emerge from this ordeal as servants of the light. May the force be with you, young Padawan."
Of that small speech, only the last half was free of Vrook's typical distaste for her. He was being honest, and she appreciated it. He did want the women to succeed, and he honestly hoped for their well-being. She bowed respectfully and strode away, catching up with her companions where they waited near the Ebon Hawk. Before she could meet them, however, a young Twi'lek by the name of Deesra stopped her, introducing himself as Master Dorak's apprentice. Immediately she paid him her full attention, and was glad she did. His warning about the beasts called terrentak was disturbing, and she had the distinct feeling she'd be grateful for her attention later. Another Twi'lek stopped her, making her wonder idly if there was something about her that drew Twi'lek. This one called himself Lur Aka Sulas, and he was looking for a human girl named Sasha, who had been kidnapped. After agreeing that she'd look out for the girl despite knowing it was a long shot, she was finally able to meet up with her companions. Mission and Bastila waited for her at the Hawk's boarding ramp, and she gave Mission a smile then turned to Bastila and looked at her for a long moment in silence, until the woman twitched under her dark eyes.
'What is it?'
'Thank you for earlier,' she replied simply, all her gratitude and warmth for the woman slipping into her tone. Bastila blushed slightly and turned away, just as yet another Twi'lek approached.
'Are Twi'lek really this common on Dantooine?' she asked. She hadn't noticed many of them, but perhaps Bastila knew something she didn't on the matter.
'No... not really... actually, I believe you have met almost the entire population of the planet,' Bastila replied, sounding confused herself.
"Mission? Is that you?" the pretty Twi'lek asked, surprising the two humans by speaking Basic. Apparently Mission recognized her, because she immediately launched into a fit of rage. Alriah listened with half of her attention, chiming in when appropriate to calm the teenager down but otherwise staying out of it. Apparently this was the Lena Mission's brother had left with, but she was nothing like Mission had described her. It was clear, however, that she was a dancer, and from the way she moved she was talented in many forms of dance... probably including those that weren't usually performed in public places...
'Are you quite finished?' Bastila asked acidly, her eyes flashing. Alriah turned, trusting that the two Twi'lek were distracted enough to not notice.
'Finished with what?' she asked, confused. Bastila was so angry that any control she might have had had vanished, leaving her emotions exposed for a moment before she realized how much she was revealing.
'You... You're jealous!' Alriah realized. There was no denying what she had sensed in that great wash. 'What do you possibly have to be jealous of!'
Bastila glared, radiating menace that seemed to include both the dancer and Alriah.
'Do not mock me! I was not jealous! I simply think that you have better things to do with your time than contemplate the talents of some dancing girl that just wandered up to you as if you were some... some sort of... man! This has nothing to do with jealousy!'
Alriah smiled, further infuriating her companion. Bastila sounded so disgusted at the thought, which amused her deeply. After all, Bastila apparently wasn't accustomed to the thought of a woman being interested in other women, which Alriah could tell was one of the reasons she so thoroughly unbalanced her. She was probably a few too many new experiences for the somewhat sheltered, naive Jedi to handle. That didn't mean she was above teasing the woman.
'And just what is so bad about contemplating the talents of a dancing girl, Bastila? Even women are capable of appreciating the... assets and talents of other women, especially those who are especially gifted with such things. You should know that. In any case, it was an idle thought, nothing more.'
'Idle thought! You were practically undressing the woman with your eyes!' Bastila retorted sharply, not helping her cause in the least, 'Not that she needs much undressing, Why not just use the Force and get it over with?' she added with a dark look, her tone bitter and angry.
'My dear Bastila,' Alriah said calmly, though she actually was feeling a rather guilty thrill at the response to her imagined sins, and at the idea of doing such a thing, though she'd certainly not use such a thing on the Twi'lek, 'Lena is not my type. I tend to favor those who are a little more...'
She paused, searching for the right words, then slowly, deliberately, looked Bastila up and down. The message was clear, but she decided to make it almost impossible for the often dense woman to miss her meaning.
'Well, I prefer those with a little more spirit for one. And a contrary attitude. Not to mention eyes that flash like lightning at some times and at others can be softer than silk.'
It wasn't like her to be so blatant or blunt, but she wanted to make her point excessively clear while still not quite saying anything specific enough to be beyond caution or tact.
'Alriah, that is... I... I don't know what you are talking about! Honestly, you are a confusing, infuriating woman!'
'Be that as it may,' she said, seeing her victory near at hand but unwilling to risk Bastila's self-control to obtain it, 'I was not undressing Lena in any sense. Now, calm yourself Bastila. As beautiful as you are when you're angry, you need to mind your emotions. It's one thing to experience them, but quite another to let them control you.'
Bastila flushed darkly despite how gentle the rebuke had been, and once again she turned away, going into the Ebon Hawk and leaving Alriah to deal with Mission and Lena. She was worried about Bastila, and while she sensed that the younger woman had control of herself again, she wondered about that explosion. While on one hand she was both flattered and gratified by Bastila's possessive jealousy, she didn't want the Jedi to lose herself in it. That was a dangerous path and could easily lead to a fall to the dark side.
'I am sorry. I did not mean to be harsh, but I worry for you...'
She almost expected Bastila to tell her off or tell her there was no need, but to her surprise, the younger woman just looked at her for a long moment through the bond with such abject terror in her thoughts and gaze that Alriah almost stumbled back. Bastila shook herself and retreated from the contact, leaving her to calm Mission as Lena walked away. Her first instinct was to rush after the younger Jedi, but something told her that would be the wrong move. Instead, she walked up the boarding ramp and found Juhani near the storage compartment wearing red robes that were very different from the skintight powder blue and brown-orange garment she had worn before. The young Cathar smiled slightly at the sight of her, and Alriah was relieved to see that at least this Jedi wasn't afraid of her. While the reverence and awe she did see was disturbing and confusing, it was much less painful than fear would have been.
"I feel I must apologize for the way I acted towards you before, in the grove" Juhani said softly as she approached and they had some privacy. "It was wrong of me."
Alriah shook her head. She wasn't surprised Juhani still felt guilty, but she really did not blame the young woman. If anyone was responsible for Juhani's "fall" it was the Council for their inappropriate management of the situation. Cathar could be trained to do many things, including control their wild emotions, but they needed a great deal of help to do so. The Council had apparently not provided that.
"You thought the dark side had consumed you," she continued, her dark eyes meeting fierce yellow calmly and without prejudice, "It is nothing."
Those catlike eyes widened, but still Juhani seemed burdened. Alriah sighed inwardly, knowing the young woman would need to prove herself before she would allow herself to release the guilt. Little did she know that she'd already proven herself in the dark woman's eyes.
"I am sorry for attacking you," Juhani continued sadly, as if she hadn't heard or quite processed Alriah's comment, then added with even more shame, "I am sorry for thinking you would only try to kill me. I hope that by helping you in your task I may redeem myself in your eyes... and in my own."
That was the real problem. Juhani could not forgive herself, as Alriah had thought. She decided then and there that the best thing she could possibly do was encourage the woman and reassure her as best she could.
"Do not worry, Juhani. I forgive you."
"Thank you..." the cat-woman replied, managing to smile faintly as she commented, "it is most reassuring to know that you can forgive me, even though I tried to take your life. I can only hope that, in our time journeying together, I will succeed."
Alriah could see her determination and fierce devotion to her promise and shook her head. She didn't doubt for a moment that Juhani was capable of doing anything she set her mind to, which included learning to control her more feral impulses, but she hoped the young woman would also learn that ignoring or suppressing her emotions, much less her true nature, was the quickest way to the dark side. Many people underestimated the Cathar, but some part of her knew better than to make that mistake.
"How may I be of assistance, Padawan?" Juhani asked uncertainly as she continued to fix an appraising gaze on the woman.
"I had hoped we could talk," the Sentinel replied after a long moment. It was true. There was quite a lot she didn't know about Juhani, and she hoped to learn, and in the learning help the girl find herself.
"What would you like to speak to me about?" she asked, sounding both uncertain and touched. It was no wonder, though. Clearly almost no one had taken the time to learn about this talented young Jedi, and that was a mistake. Bastila, at least, seemed to know something, and she respected the other Jedi for that.
"How did you come to be a Jedi?"
"How I came to be a Jedi?" the Cathar asked, clearly startled, "I am sure you would not find it very interesting..."
Alriah smiled, keeping an interested, patient expression on her face. She honestly did want to know. It was just a matter of finding out if Juhani was willing to tell her. Finally the young woman asked, "Are you sure you would like to hear?"
"Yes," she replied firmly trying to be as reassuring as possible, "Please continue."
"Well..." the Guardian started slowly, clearly unaccustomed to being asked questions about herself, much less actually being given a chance to answer in her own words, "it goes back a number of years... Back on my home world we did not see Jedi very often, especially where I lived."
The first question that came to mind was about the Cathar home world, but she discarded it. She got the sense that many of Juhani's troubles came from the fact that she had spent most of her life isolated and misunderstood. She doubted that would have happened on the Cathar world. She also knew that the Cathar home world had been destroyed, and while she thought Juhani might have been old enough to be born there, she certainly couldn't have grown up there.
"Where did you live?" she asked instead, curious. Juhani's expression twisted to one of disdain, and she began to wonder if she couldn't guess the answer.
"The hind end of space. A pit of a world, to be sure. Where Jedi rarely tread... But we had heard of them," the Jedi laughed faintly, and Alriah thought she detected a note of deprecation in it, but Juhani pressed on so she didn't comment, just listened.
"Well, everyone had, so that is not to be unexpected. Champions of truth. Defenders of justice. Heroes of the Republic," Juhani paused, her gaze distant and her voice nostalgic. "It was very easy for a child to be enthralled by their image, their mystique. Maybe I was one of those children."
"Did you meet a Jedi?" Alriah asked, not wanting to interrupt what seemed to be some of the young Cathar's more pleasant memories, but she wanted her to be able to finish the story, and she had the feeling that if she let it go on too long she might be interrupted.
"Yes... Yes I did. When I saw a Jedi for the first time they lived up to everything my imagination had created them to be. I was awed..." Juhani blushed, looking at her with eyes that shown with some barely contained, inexpressible emotion, "and maybe a bit enamored..."
Alriah's dark eyebrows rose, her black eyes widening slightly. The significance of the look wasn't lost on her, but she didn't quite understand its full depth. Clearly there was a piece of information she was missing. A critical one, if she was any judge. She asked the only question she could think of, her mind cautiously sorting through possibilities.
"Enamored?"
Juhani smiled slowly, obviously seeing the surprise, confusion, and the beginnings of understanding on her face.
"They were quite striking... especially the tales of their leader," she replied, her tone almost caressing that memory from long ago, "From that moment on I knew that I would have to try to become a Jedi. To lift myself out of the rut I had been living in for years and to make a real difference, as the Jedi were. The foolish delusions of a child. But THIS child made it happen!"
Fierce yellow eyes flashed, the cat-woman's face intense and almost proud. Alriah agreed with the sentiment. That couldn't have been easy. That would be a story for another time, though.
"As soon as I was able I left my world and went in search of them. I found them and was accepted. I had been living my dream on Dantooine for several years before you came."
She paused, and her voice became pained as she continued.
"Although... perhaps I was not entirely ready for it... or not completely suited to the task. Otherwise I would not have fallen...
She shook herself, meeting Alriah's dark eyes with mixed relief and awe and added, "But thanks to you I have been redeemed. Perhaps I may yet live to see that dream of mine come true. Come, there is much we should do. Let us not waste time talking. Action is what is needed."
Alriah might have turned away then, but something she sensed from Juhani froze her in place for a moment. The young Cathar watched her in uncertain silence, then the older woman asked simply, "Are you doing alright?"
"I... I thank you for your concern, but I am still a bit shaken," Juhani replied, surprising herself with her honesty. Alriah got the impression that she hadn't even realized how shaken she had been until she'd asked. Of course, that was one of the reasons she had asked.
"What is wrong?" she asked, the question coming out somewhat awkwardly. She had meant to say something a little different, but just then something changed on Bastila's end of their bond. She knew she couldn't abandon her talk with Juhani, but she needed to know what was going on with Bastila. She forced herself to focus on the young Cathar, but some of her attention was devoted to ensuring that whatever was going on didn't reach any sort of crisis point. Juhani, for her part, took her silence as a chance to think, and when she spoke she had gathered her thoughts and had an answer ready when Alriah's attention returned to her.
"I have been thinking about myself, about Quatra... and about my anger. I keep thinking that it was my anger that drove me that far, that nearly damned me. I look inside myself now and I can still see it, I still feel it."
Alriah could understand that. She knew she had the ability to go into a violent rage, or to be capable of uncontrollable emotions. Her attraction to Bastila could almost fit into that category. But a Cathar, who naturally had stronger, wilder emotions than a human, it was much worse. She decided right then that if she did nothing else for the girl, she would show the beautiful Cathar that she could be in control.
"Perhaps you just need more time," she temporized, knowing she certainly needed more time to think about the matter and the chance to devote her full attention to determining the best course of action.
"More time would do me good," Juhani replied, nodding, "Time to distance myself from my anger. I think that is why the Council agreed to send me with you. They think, perhaps, that in your company I will be able to free myself from it."
"I cannot afford to look after you all the time, Juhani," she warned gently, then added, "but if I see you begin to slip back, I will intervene."
That was the best she could do for the girl, and apparently Juhani thought this was enough. She didn't seem to realize that she was distracted, for which Alriah was grateful. She didn't want to be delayed any longer.
"I thank you for your concern and your acceptance. I will strive to prove that I am worthy of our company and trust."
Alriah smiled. In a gesture that was rarely recognized by any but Cathar, she reached out and carefully traced an arch from the corner of one fierce eye back to the base of one of those sharp ears. Juhani's eyes widened, and catlike she leaned into the caress, a sound that might almost have been purring rising from deep in her chest. Alriah smiled and turned away, feeling those intense eyes staring after her. She was concerned, though, that the Cathar gesture would be misinterpreted. It usually meant friendship, trust and affection. Sometimes it was even a parental gesture. She hadn't taken into account the woman's apparently rather intense feelings for her, however. Damning herself for uncharacteristic carelessness, she started toward the bridge, the place she had sensed Bastila last, but Mission, Zaalbar, and Canderous stopped her to ask what they were going to be doing, and she felt she owed them an explanation.
'Alriah...'
Bastila's summons immediately caught her attention, and this time she felt justified in politely but quickly excusing herself to seek out the woman. She found her on the bridge staring out the windows, but as she approached the younger woman turned.
"How can I help?" she asked, as she always did. Alriah frowned, uncertain of herself. Bastila had summoned her, so her behavior seemed rather odd.
"You wanted to speak to me?" she asked, her tone and thoughts conveying her confusion. Bastila just shook her head, her face a mask and her thoughts almost to chaotic to be understood.
"Yes, I did. I wanted to speak to you about our mission. About what lies ahead for us. It seems fate, or the Force, is driving us into a confrontation with the Dark Lord. You must prepare yourself for when we face Malak. The confrontation will be difficult for you," Bastila paused, wondering if she had said too much, then added in a soft, haunted tone, "I remember how hard it was when I first faced Revan."
"Is it true you killed Darth Revan?" Alriah asked curiously, reminded of the stories she had heard. Something about those stories hadn't seemed to ring quite true, and now she had an opening to ask. She would, however, try to get back to the subject of why her battle with Malak would be so difficult for her personally, but that could wait. Bastila, for her part, hesitated for a long moment before answering, and when she did the older Jedi got the distinct feeling she was holding back.
"It's true that, due to my Battle Meditation, I was with the Jedi strike team that boarded Revan's ship. We did not kill Revan, however."
That wasn't entirely a surprise, but still she wondered what could have happened to hurt the proud young woman so deeply.
"That's not what I heard," she said bluntly, hoping for a more direct answer in return. Disturbingly, Bastila's eyes glazed over slightly, leaving her looking lost and forlorn. Alriah almost, though not quite, wished she hadn't asked.
"Our mission was to capture Revan, if possible. It was Malak who turned on his own master, firing upon Revan's ship while we were still on board it. It was his desire to kill us and his master both. Thankfully, we narrowly escaped the vessel as it exploded."
That would be something a Sith would do, but some part of the story seemed to be missing. Did that 'we' somehow include Revan, or had her apprentice and former best friend actually killed the Dark Lord? That wasn't a question she was quite ready to ask, not until she knew more about the limits of the barriers in her mind, so instead she tried to find a way to take that look from Bastila's face.
"What else did you expect from the Sith?" she commented dryly, hoping for some levity, but once again Bastila's expression remained serious and wounded.
"True, I suppose," she replied, despair in her voice, "And yet the outcome of that battle was... unexpected. To all of us. Revan's end was... unforeseen. As I said, we were there to capture Revan alive."
Bastila shook her head almost violently, her almost opaque eyes looking off into the distance at something Alriah knew tormented her in some way.
"The Jedi do not believe in killing their prisoners. No one deserves execution, no matter what their crimes. Remember that Revan and Malak were once great Jedi. Heroes in every sense of the word. They demonstrate the danger of the dark side to us all."
Alriah almost stumbled at the sheer intensity of the younger Sentinel's grief, regret and guilt as she said those words, but before she could say anything, Bastila turned away, though not before Alriah thought she saw tears falling from her eyes.
"I'm sorry. We really shouldn't speak of this anymore. The memory of my confrontation with Revan is... painful. Let's return to the mission, please."
It was so shocking to hear Bastila begging that she agreed. Before the young woman could rush away, though, Alriah caught her arm and pulled her into an embrace. The action was enough of a surprise that Bastila hadn't been able to prepare for it, and it said much for her mental state that she hadn't sensed the motion, nor did she pull away immediately. Instead, she leaned into her touch, just for a moment allowing herself the chance to be hurt and fragile. She bent her head slightly, just enough that her ear was pressed against Alriah's heart. The strong beat seemed to course through her, filling the empty, echoing spaces. The older Jedi could sense that sound, that feeling, becoming the only thing Bastila was aware of for a long moment, then the other woman pulled away and retreated rapidly.
'I... I think I should... I should rest... clearly I am over tired.'
Alriah let her go this time, though her black eyes followed her as long as she could see the woman.
'One step forward, two or three steps back,' she commented to herself, hoping the thought wouldn't be transmitted over their bond. She elected to give Bastila a few minutes to calm herself before speaking to her again, so she went back to her companions to explain the situation. Juhani, who hadn't been present for Taris, listened eagerly to stories of their mission on that world, and grieved with Alriah for its loss in a way only another Jedi could. Once Alriah had sensed that Bastila had calmed down sufficiently, she went back to the bridge, and, as always, the younger woman asked, "How can I help?"
She'd used the time with the other Jedi to think about what she wanted to ask, knowing it had to be general enough that Bastila would answer but specific enough to get some information. Her conversation with Juhani had actually been a great help in that regard.
"I'd like to know more about you, Bastila," she started cautiously. The Sentinel seemed somewhat surprised and a little guarded, but still open, which was a good sign.
"Yes, I suppose I can understand your curiosity, given the bond that connects us. Very well, I'll tell you a bit about myself," she replied, as Alriah had hoped she would. She smiled to herself, knowing that if she could keep her wits about her, she could get what she was after.
"Tell me how you joined the Jedi, then."
For a moment Bastila's emotions were walled off, but as the wall came down Alriah realized that Bastila hadn't meant to block her out. Whatever the history here, she had very strong feelings about it.
"I was found to be strong with the Force at a young age, as most Padawans are," she started, her voice slipping into a smoother, gentler cadence and tone than what was her normal for her, and the older woman stayed carefully silent in both thought and speech. She wanted to keep Bastila talking like this for as long as possible.
"As a girl I was given to the Order to be trained. When I joined the Order I left my family on Talravin, as all Padawans do. My family is still there, the last that I heard," the younger Sentinel sighed, her eyes shadowed as she added, "I have had little contact with them, as it is discouraged."
"Discouraged? The Jedi separates children from their families? Why?" she asked, having to force herself not to sound sharp. She could guess the Jedi wouldn't want the separation to be too stressful or emotional, but if they completely isolated a child from their families, or their people as they had with Juhani... well, it was no wonder that some of the greatest Jedi rebelled. If that was the case, the Order was more corrupt than it could afford to be. All organizations with power were corrupt in some way, but...
"Relationships with family members are fraught with powerful emotions. Such extremes are to be avoided. Anger and hate are the worst, but even love can lead to folly," Bastila was saying, drawing her thoughts back to their apparently inevitable conclusion.
"You aren't allowed to love?" she asked softly, seeing and sensing a flare of pain from her companion. Bastila's eyes watered, and for just a second she reached out, the tips of her fingers just brushing the back of her hand before she pulled back, shaking her head almost violently.
"Emotional entanglements can be dangerous. They can impair rational thought; they can lead to outbursts of uncontrolled emotion. A Jedi must be above such things."
It sounded like she was quoting her masters, and it hurt to hear.
"You don't sound very convinced," Alriah observed sadly. Bastila's face and mind were haunted, and she could understand the pain. Though she came across as cold and aristocratic, she had sensed and seen such potential for love and compassion from the young woman, but someone had told her it wasn't allowed, so she didn't allow it of herself.
"It can be a hard lesson to learn," Bastila replied in a pained whisper, confirming her thoughts, then she shook herself, changing the topic slightly to something a little less painful.
"I was not on good terms with all of my family, but I do remember missing my father terribly for a long time."
"You and your father were close?" Alriah asked, confident she could guess who Bastila hadn't gotten on well with.
"Very close," Bastila replied with a soft smile that looked like it belonged on a little girl, not a grown woman. Of course, at times Bastila was very much the child.
"I was only a little girl when I left my family, but I still remember him fondly. He was kind and gentle and doted on me. My mother, however, was different. I was not on good terms with my mother."
Bastila's eyes darkened, and Alriah knew her suspicions had panned out.
"I was only a little girl when I left," she repeated, "but I was old enough to resent her and the way she treated my father. She pushed my father into treasure hunting. I spent all my young life on ships traveling from one false lead to the next. She whittled away my father's entire fortune, and I hated her for it. I think she was relieved to give me to the Jedi, but my father was heartbroken."
The scout frowned, sensing Bastila's anger rising like a black wave as she stewed, and she quickly asked a question, hoping to get her thoughts off the subject of her mother, which was clearly a dangerous one.
"You never tried to get in touch with your father again?"
The black tide eased somewhat, and while she was still angry and bitter, she relaxed somewhat.
"A child is too young to understand the sacrifices that must be made. It is better if they have no contact with their family once they are removed. Once I was older I realized the wisdom of this policy. A Jedi must do what is needed, personal desires notwithstanding. Love can only obscure and confuse the matter."
Once again Bastila's eyes and thoughts were haunted and sad. Once again she reached out, apparently involuntarily, her fingertips brushing Alriah's hand.
"You sound very sad when you say that."
Bastila looked away, but her hand trembled slightly. Alriah's black eyes bored into Bastila's, the other woman's pain tearing through her.
"Are you saying you no longer feel love?" she asked, her voice low and intense.
"Even a Jedi cannot always control the feelings of the heart. We must do our best to guard against it, no matter what the cost," Bastila answered weakly, her eyes unable to leave Alriah's, "But some sacrifices are harder than others."
She finally looked away, but her hand grasped the other woman's tightly before she realized what she was doing and pulled away again.
"I... I do not wish to discuss this anymore. I would rather return to our mission."
Alriah agreed, but only because she knew that she didn't need to press the issue. Bastila knew what she would say, and she was thinking about it. That's what mattered. Unlike many things, the younger Sentinel could not dismiss this. Alriah wouldn't allow it. If Bastila closed herself to love, that dark tide waiting inside her would overwhelm the strongest defense she had. It had already started. What bothered her was that she, a novice, could see the darkness in Bastila so clearly, while the more experienced Bastila and at least the master who had trained her initially could not.
'If even I know better... what is happening to the Jedi Order?'
She shook her head, knowing she wouldn't be able to find the answers yet. She would, but not yet. Instead, she had Bastila and Carth follow her out to the shops for one more quick check of their equipment. Once she was sure that they had the best equipment they could, she headed back to the ship. As they approached, she stopped abruptly and sighed slightly. Her companions looked at her oddly, right up until a Twi'lek female approached them several seconds later.
'Bastila...?'
'Don't ask me,' she replied, 'there never seemed to be this many Twi'lek here before.'
The pale golden woman walked up to Bastila and asked in huttese, "Excuse me... I know it's been a very long time, dear, but aren't you Bastila, Helena's little girl?"
She looked closely into purple-gray eyes, and her own eyes widened.
"Yes - it is you! I can see it in the eyes. My how you've grown!"
Alriah wanted to laugh. One of the things about Bastila that had always drawn her attention was her unusual eyes, and if this woman knew Bastila's parents, that would be a distinctive feature. And imagining Bastila as a little girl was too cute. Apparently Bastila herself wasn't so amused.
"I am Bastila, yes. I take it that you know my mother?" she asked coolly, her voice cool and her posture stiff. The woman seemed taken aback, but she recovered quickly, as if she was accustomed to such behavior, which she probably was.
"Oh, yes. I worked for your father on an expedition years ago. Your mother showed me holos of you before you... well, before you left. Such a pretty little girl you were."
'Malare, perhaps? She worked for my father many years ago, when I was still a baby. He talked about her at times. She was very skilled at keeping my mother occupied...'
The implications of that were too many to think through now, and Alriah doubted it was particularly relevant. At least she had a name for the woman.
"Is there something I can do for you, miss? As you can see, we are in quite a hurry," Bastila commented out loud, her body language and tone a clear dismissal. Her thoughts were less sure, and the black tide was slowly rising again.
"Don't be rude, Bastila," Alriah chided gently, locking Bastila's eyes with her own and calming her through their bond. Malare seemed to understand, but clearly she had a purpose.
"Oh, I didn't mean to take up your time. I just wanted to ask you if your mother's condition has improved any since I saw her."
Bastila started, fixing intense eyes on the Twi'lek.
"My mother's condition?" she asked sharply, her tone one of patent disbelief.
"Oh, you... you don't know?" Malare asked, startled. For the first time she seemed truly upset, and she looked at Bastila with pain and pity in her eyes, which didn't settle well with "Oh, dear. I just thought... I assumed that she had found you. When I talked to her last, she was desperate to find you..."
"I have not seen my mother since I joined the Order," Bastila replied, and Alriah heard her thoughts immediately shift to her father. Only then did she sense any fear or concern.
"Do you know what has happened? Did she... say anything about my father?"
Alriah wondered just how horrible this Helena must have been to earn such total disregard and unconcern from her daughter. This wasn't a new thing, she sensed, and it said much about Bastila's past, and of the woman herself. At the moment her best guess was that somehow her mother had caused her so much pain and fear that Bastila no longer had any to spare for her. Malare seemed to notice this as well, but she went on, perhaps hoping that what she had to say would reach the young woman.
"I'm sorry, dear, but your mother is very ill. So she told me."
Seeing Bastila's impatience and agitation, as Alriah had, Malare added, "She didn't say anything about your father, however. I didn't see him."
"I see. Where did you meet her, do you remember?" Bastila asked coldly. Alriah shook her head, wishing Bastila wasn't so strongly reminding her of the sith governor they'd fought on Taris. In some ways her bearing right now resembled his very closely.
"I saw her on Tatooine, dear. She said she'd been there for a while. Maybe she's still there?" Malare answered uncertainly, unable to look Bastila in the eye. Instead she looked to Alriah and was met with understanding and thanks from those black eyes. Bastila didn't notice the exchange, instead turning away in obvious dismissal.
"Thank you for informing me. I really must be going now."
Malare rushed away gratefully, and the older Sentinel turned to her companion, her dark eyes concerned and searching.
"What's this all about?" she asked, meaning Bastila's attitude and bearing. The other Jedi either chose to ignore the meaning, or she was just oblivious. Neither boded well for her mental state.
"It seems my mother has been looking for me. Strange. Should we get the opportunity, could we look for her on Tatooine?"
The dark woman sighed to herself. Whatever this situation was needed to be resolved quickly, if only for the sake of Bastila's sanity. Still, she was curious as to what the younger woman was really after, because she could sense that Bastila had no desire to see her mother.
"I thought you and your mother didn't get along?"
"We never did," she replied a touch sharply, then looked up, her eyes softening as she realized how she was behaving. She was too proud to apologize out loud where Carth might hear, but her thoughts were a definite second best.
'I do apologize, Alriah. I did not mean to take my temper out on you.'
Alriah gave in, allowing herself smile at the other woman, but her thoughts were concerned. She resolved to keep an eye on Bastila. Something was very off with her at times, and Alriah feared for her.
We can certainly go, if you think it's important," she said aloud. It wasn't a particular issue to her. Tatooine was the first stop she had planned, so it wasn't as if they were going out of their way.
"It is important enough that my mother was attempting to seek me out. Perhaps it has something to do with my father."
Some of Bastila's previous ire returned then, and she added, "Part of me would rather not see her at all. But if she is really sick... well, we shall see."
Had they been alone and Bastila less upset and confused, Alriah would have asked more, but things were as they were. What disturbed her most was not the anger or even the cold disregard. Those were things that could be discussed and brought to light. The confusion that was rising in Bastila's mind, however, was overshadowing everything, and that was something that could not be talked out. This kind of confusion came from something too deep for words. She sensed the only thing that would ease it was action, but she didn't know of what sort yet. The first step was getting to Tatooine and finding Helena. Things would become clearer after that.
'I hope...' she muttered inwardly, where Bastila couldn't hear. With a quick gesture she led her companions back aboard the Ebon Hawk, her eyes and mind following Bastila unconsciously. Finally they took off, and Alriah took some time to talk to Mission, who had finally calmed down somewhat. Apparently Griff was on Tatooine as well, and as she had with Bastila she reassured Mission that if they could, they would look for him. While it was true their mission was important, in her mind the people with her deserved answers and would do better once they had them. No one should have to go into battle with endless questions. That was potentially deadly.
"Alriah Dakari!"
She turned, sensing the owner of that voice rushing down the corridors. She smiled faintly at the image of Zaalbar's huge frame navigating the narrow ship's halls, but when he approached with an almost panicked look on his face she sobered. When he explained that their food stores had been tampered with, however, she almost laughed. Wookies had a love of food that she had never seen rivaled. Still, it was curious, so she agreed to investigate. As she entered the hold, she sensed the smallest whisper of a presence, and knew that there was indeed a stowaway. Whoever it was was not Force Sensitive, or a warrior. In fact, she doubted the person was an adult. As she paced the ship, she could hear footsteps now and then, and again that whisper of a presence, and turned back to the cargo hold. Whoever it was had returned there. As she rounded the corner, she came face to face with a small human girl.
'Something is off here... I think I know who she is.'
She spoke softly, asking the girl who she was and why she was on the Ebon Hawk, but the girl clearly didn't understand. Instead she grew frightened, crying out in what sounded like garbled Mandalorian. She briefly considering asking Canderous about what she was saying, but rejected the idea immediately. The big, imposing warrior would probably frighten the poor girl out of her wits, and she knew she understood Mandalorian very well. What the girl spoke was different, and yet not.
'So... where to start...'
She decided to try to learn the girl's language and kneeled, looking her in the eye. When the girl said something, she asked about each word, determining that bristag meant ship, laesfa was home, and yum, obviously, meant food. Little by little she determined that when the girl had shouted 'no abds!' at her, she had meant that she didn't want to be hurt. The 'manalory' had hurt the girl, which she understood meant that the Mandalorians had captured her and beat her. She had escaped and hidden on the Ebon Hawk. Finally she understood enough to ask her name, and was not surprised to find that her name was Sasha.
'I was right...'
Just to be sure, she asked about the girl's former home, and after a moment's thought, she answered that it had been Dantooine. She asked about Lur Aka Sulas, but Sasha didn't understand. She smiled at the girl, handing her some food when her stomach rumbled, and the girl laughed, communicating that she liked the tall Jedi and told her she wanted to know more about her. Alriah smiled softly, but knew the language barrier would keep that from being easily done.
'Bastila? Could you tell Carth to go back to Dantooine? We need to take our young stowaway home.'
Bastila, who had been watching her interaction with the girl, agreed, and they had shortly turned around. She spent the time talking with Sasha, telling her a little about herself. After a while Bastila had come to stand in the doorway, watching her with a mix of sadness and pleasure. As they approached Dantooine she left, only to be replaced by Juhani. She smiled at the Cathar and asked her to keep Sasha company while she found the man who had been looking for her. At first Juhani was reluctant and unsure, but Sasha's quizzical nature quickly had Juhani learning her odd language and talking with her as well.
'That's better... I knew Juhani had it in her.'
Once they landed she found Lur Aka Sulas almost immediately, right where he had been before. She gave him a quick explanation of her stowaway's situation, and he followed her to the Ebon Hawk with no hesitation. He immediately understood what she had meant by her warnings, but after a brief reassurance from Alriah Sasha was willing to go with him. As the girl was leaving, she sensed that Sasha had a good future ahead of her. She also sensed that the girl's path would shortly leave Dantooine, and she was grateful for that. Something didn't feel right here. It was like the calm before some great storm. She looked out over the plains of Dantooine and decided that she needed to do one last thing here. She left the ship on her own, searching for the place she needed to be.
'Circles... there are always circles...'
She just hoped this one wouldn't go the way she thought it would. Nonetheless she found herself in the ancient grove, and she knew then that her fears would soon become reality. It was as inevitable as her arrival here, as Revan's had been before her.
'She came here, just as I did, to say goodbye...'
With a sigh she settled herself into a meditation pose. All around her she could sense the taint that the Jedi claimed came from here, but this was not the source. The source was at the very heart of Dantooine and its people. This planet had become warped, and because of that it would have to be swept clean for the taint to end. The thought pained her. For that to happen many would have to die, and that was never good or right. But, dedicated as she was to the way of the light, Alriah knew that sometimes destruction was a necessary evil. As she faced that reality, the shadow rose within her once again.
You do not waste time, do you?
"What do you mean?"
It took me much longer to accept that reality.
"Perhaps it is because I have seen it in action. I studied Revan's battles. She never destroyed anything that wasn't already destroying itself. I wonder, sometimes, if it is possible that the Jedi who claim to be so wise couldn't see that."
You do not believe that those actions were driven by evil?
"Evil? I don't know. I think the necessity was evil, and was driven by evil. But Revan... Revan I do not yet understand. She... she is not what the Jedi name her, of that I am certain. But beyond that I do not know. She could have been a savior of the Republic, or its reaper of death. Beyond that, though..."
Answer me this, then, Alriah Dakari. Do you believe that a person cannot be both evil and good? Both light and dark?
"No."
Why not?
This, she sensed, was what the shadow was looking for, what she had really wanted Alriah to face. What she was about to say, she knew, went against something most Jedi believed very deeply, and would likely brand her a traitor should any of them hear.
"Because there is no light without darkness. The Jedi are not innocent or pure. Their code... our code... is a good one, but when taken too far... And there cannot be darkness without light. Nothing is purely evil. The idea of any life that exists without one or the other is impossible. I wonder if the reason Jedi have fallen to the dark side is because they strive to reach something that is impossible to attain and are punished for that impossibility. Such seems to be the case for Bastila and Juhani."
Do you think the little one can fall?
Her black eyes grew distant, and she looked at the rolling plains as if wishing they would provide her with another answer. With a sigh she closed her eyes, brushing her hair back from her face.
"It isn't a matter of can she or not," she answered heavily, opening her eyes and watching an iriaz soar overhead, "It is only a matter of time until she does. I can hope that the Force can guide her away from the cliff edge she is on, and I can try, but... when it comes down to it it's Bastila's choice, and I do not think she will see herself falling until it is too late."
The shadow came closer, close enough that the barriers around Alriah's mind started to throb. The sheer strength of the shadow was amazing, but what really struck her was the pain it bore, and with it the burden of knowledge.
You carry the same burden that I do, Alriah Dakari, she said softly, touching her face, But like me you will not turn away from it. Good. You are ready to face your destiny. Go now. Return to her side. She will need much from you.
As the shadow started to fade back into the darkness, Alriah reached out and stopped her.
"Wait a moment. I have a question for you."
Yes?
"Does she know?"
The shadow looked away, then back. She seemed more haunted than usual for a moment, then straightened, shaking herself free of whatever had pained her.
You already know. If you didn't, you wouldn't have asked. You know as well as I do that you could warn her, but as with the other matter, she would not be able to believe you. She cannot. She has to experience it herself, as you did, have, and will.
With that the shadow vanished, leaving Alriah almost alone in her mind. Bastila's presence was there, but she was distant, distracted. Alriah gathered her strength and will and reached down and out, not for Bastila, but for Dantooine.
"If I am to say goodbye," she whispered to the world, "I will do it with my whole self, to all of you, so that when the time comes you will not be alone."
She felt the world's gratitude and smiled. It was a strain to touch the entirety of a planet and its inhabitants, and the effort left her drained, but she sensed that the Force approved. Finally she rose, the song that made up Dantooine, that one tiny refrain in the great orchestra of the galaxy, echoing in her mind and body. Just before she reached the Enclave she turned and bowed. Behind her eyes she saw the kath hounds and the iriaz, the shadowy kinrath and laigreks, all the people of Dantooine, the plains, the caverns, and the ghosts. Finally she turned away and trudged back to the Ebon Hawk, giving Carth the order to take off before collapsing onto her bunk.
Farewell... she heard the shadow's voice whisper, and she echoed the sentiment. For now, though, it was time to rest and return to the present. The future would have to wait a while.