Sorry it took me so long in updating, hope you like it!

Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy or its characters

Tess looked from one to the other as they rode the elevator. Meredith had a worried expression and Derek was smiling broadly, somehow the roles had changed.

"It's really nice out" Tess pointed out. It was so uncomfortable being there, in between the two of them as they walked down the street. The expressions on their faces hadn't changed, he was still smiling and she was still worried.

Derek looked down at her and nodded with a smile. He saw Meredith's expression then and decided to push it a little further, changing places with Tess he moved to walk in the middle of both females and took their arms in his.

Meredith smiled nervously at him but to his satisfaction she didn't pull back, not at first at least. At his other side Tess just observed them with amusement. After a moment Meredith changed her briefcase from hands, effectively pulling away from him.

Derek released his sister's arm and took Meredith's briefcase from her. He knew Meredith was reluctant to have him touch her, so instead of taking her hand in his as he so much desired to he simply let his hand loose.

As they walked the back of their hands touched continuously. For much her face didn't show it he knew she liked it, proof of that was the fact that she wasn't moving away from him. He was enjoying it too, but he wanted more, so much more than that simple touch but he would take whatever he could get. It wasn't for more than a second but their hands entangled just before they arrived at court.

He watched her go into lawyer mode with a radiant smile, he was so proud of her, of who she was. He sat back and just watched her get ready for action. As minutes passed by her confident face changed to worry, she checked her wrist watch at least 20 times in only 10 minutes and looked back at Tess even more times, something was wrong. Derek leaned in to ask Tess what was happening.

"Her client is late, he should have been here 30 minutes ago"

Everyone on the room became really impatient at one point, specially the judge. Meredith tried to calm everyone, saying Jeremy was on his way and that he would be there in a few minutes even though she wasn't sure of it.

She tried to call a dozen times but there was no answer, right when she was about to give up her cell phone started vibrating on the table, with a quick excuse to the judge she picked it up. Derek watched as the color on her face changed to match the white on the walls, tears welled up on her beautiful emerald eyes.

"Well Miss Grey?" the scary looking judge insisted yet once again

Meredith ended the call before she stood up slowly. She opened her mouth to speak, to say whatever was the problem but her voice failed her. Derek looked at Tess with worry but she simply shrugged, she had no idea what was going on either.

"Ther- The-" Meredith tried with a shaky voice "I… I'm afraid…"

"What's going on Miss Grey?" the judge insisted, he wasn't the least bit worried about Meredith's pale face and tears, in fact he looked more annoyed than anything. He just needed this case to be over.

"They… They've just found…" she trailed off as she changed her focus to the lady sitting at the far end of the desk right next to hers "Jeremy is dead"

There was a loud scream followed by sobs, Jeremy's mother was inconsolable.

Derek looked at Meredith with worry, she was staring at the poor crying woman but she wasn't blinking, her face was still pale and tears streamed down her face like a fountain. Not even the loud thump of the gavel made her blink, yes she jumped with the loud noise as the judge said with sadness on his voice "I guess we're adjourned then" but she never reacted.

She was in a trance, and the more time passed the more worried he became. He rushed to her side and was about to pull her against his chest when Meredith's eyes shot up and met his. The emptiness on her eyes worried him even further.

"I have to see him"

"Ok" Derek smiled sadly at her as he placed his hand on the back of her back and guided her outside.

"I'll take her" Derek told his sister as she followed behind them with Meredith's briefcase "You go back to the office and tell Cristina what happened"

Derek took her to the morgue. She was just as absent and as shocked, especially when Jeremy's mother was in the same room. Derek had a feeling of what was going through Meredith's head, she was feeling guilty. He wanted to talk to her, explain to her that it wasn't her fault but it was never the time. Every second that passed Derek felt worse, he couldn't see her suffering that much.

As the day finished Meredith's head started clearing, it helped that Jeremy's mother wasn't there anymore, her eyes looking at Meredith with hurt and deceit.

He helped her on a cab, climbing in right after her. The second the cab driver looked back with curiosity, as to why they weren't giving him their destination, Derek realized he had no idea where she lived. He looked at her and was about to ask her for an address when he realized he couldn't leave her like that, no matter what.

"Mayflower hotel please" Derek finally directed the driver, who simply nodded and put the car on drive.

Derek pulled Meredith closer to him, bringing her head down to rest on his shoulder. Derek had never been as close to Meredith as he was now, as he had been that entire day. For much it hurt him to see her like that he also felt lucky to be so close to her, when just two days ago he had no idea where she even was.

"Mer?" Derek whispered when the car came to a halt, they were at his hotel "Do you want to come up with me?"

She blinked twice before looking up and telling him "I'll wait right here" She was so tired and so drained she didn't even want to move.

"I'll be back in a few minutes" he told her softly before pressing his lips against her warm forehead, kissing her softly.

"I'll be back, just wait here" he ordered the driver before closing the door shut and rushing towards the entrance of the hotel.

"The meter is still running" the driver muttered with a shrug.

Meredith was so lost she hadn't even asked why he was going to his hotel, or why she had to wait there for him. She just sat there and followed his form inside of the hotel.

In record time Derek had everything packed on his suitcase and was outside the elevator, ready to check out of the hotel and join Meredith on the cab. He tapped the key card against the counter impatiently as he waited to be attended, the thought of simply leaving and checking out another day crossed his mind. He didn't want to leave Meredith alone for much longer, she needed him. And he needed her.

"Checking out" he mumbled as he pushed the car key towards the uniformed man behind the counter.

"Very good sir" with a smile the young man did all the arrangements as fast as Derek hoped for.

When he opened the car door Meredith was right on the same place, but there was something different about her. She was holding her cell phone, more like hanging onto it for dear life; her knuckles were white from the tight grip she had on the vibrating cell phone.

As Derek sat down next to her Meredith looked up "It's Wyatt" she said, fear evident on her voice.

Derek barely knew anything about what had happened that day. What he did know was that Wyatt had been the one finding Jeremy's body, but he had no idea what had really happened, he didn't ask and as far as he knew Meredith didn't either.

"Let me take it" Derek offered given Meredith simply stared at the small silver object on her hands. He could tell she was afraid to know, to learn it was exactly what she thought, a suicide.

"Meredith's phone" he answered the small device as he looked at Meredith's eyes. She was looking right back at him with fear but there was a hint of hope hidden behind those beautiful emerald eyes of her.

"Who is this?" Wyatt asked on the other end with confusion, he was expecting to hear Meredith's sweet voice instead of a deep manly voice

"It's Derek, Derek Shepherd" answered Derek with a little bit of frustration, if Wyatt was calling why in the world did he have to be the one identifying?

"Oh" Wyatt replied, not sounding too excited

"Look" Derek sighed running his hand though the thick locks of his hair, his concerned eyes never leaving Meredith "She is in no state of talking to anyone. You better call later, perhaps tomorrow" Derek suggested and by the look Meredith gave him she agreed with his words

"Ok" Wyatt reluctantly agreed "Wait!" he quickly said when Derek said a quick goodbye "Tell her it wasn't a suicide, that will make her feel better"

"It wasn't?" Derek asked with hope, this was good. Not good for poor Jeremy but good for Meredith, this would make her feel better, it would make part of the guilt to leave her right now troubled mind.

"I knew who he was the moment I saw him and the first thing that came to mind was that he had jumped in front of the bus but I talked to a few witnesses and they all agreed he didn't jump. The light was in amber, about to change but the bus didn't stop, Jeremy had his earphones on and he didn't hear anyone warning him" Wyatt told him sadly "They are checking the bus driver, they think he had been drinking and was over the limit"

"Ok. Thanks for letting us know" Derek thanked him. The word 'us' had slipped from his mouth without a thought but when he heard it he knew it was what he needed to say, show this other guy Meredith and him were an us and that he wasn't a part of it.

"Tell her I will call first thing in the morning"

"I will" with those words Derek pressed the button to end the conversation. He handed the small device to a still very worried Meredith. Her big green eyes stared back at him with a mixture of hope and guilt. She was hanging to both feelings until she knew what had really happened with her young client. But before he told her everything Derek asked for an address for the cab driver to take them to.

Thankful for finally having a destination the driver put the car in drive and maneuvered the yellow cab through the busy streets of the city while the two occupants on the back remained silent.

He wanted to tell her everything so she would stop hurting but his own feelings were stopping him. She was leaning against his body, her head resting on his shoulder while his hand caressed the soft petal skin of her arm back and forth. He could smell the flowery smell of her hair; feel the heat radiating from her body and if he said a word he knew the moment would end. It was completely selfish, he knew that and knowing that he still couldn't bring himself to break the moment.

Years before, months before he would not had a repair on breaking the embrace. And he was beating himself over that. He had been so blind before, so stupid as to not have seen her the way he could see her now.

"What did he say?" Meredith broke the silence, her voice shaky and fearful. She looked up to meet his eyes but didn't pull back from his body, instead she moved even closer, her hand fisted his blue shirt, preparing herself for whatever he was going to say.

"It was an accident Mer" he told her softly and couldn't help but smile when she let out a huge breath of relieve. Some of the worry and guilt she had been carrying around the entire day dissipated from her face and when he looked at her eyes he could see a glimpse of the Meredith of hours ago. Her brow wasn't furrowed any longer and he was sure the head ache was long gone.

It was something he had learned over the years. You could tell when she had a headache just by looking at her face, two deep lines would appear in between her eyebrows. It was the only way she'd get them.

"I feel relieved" she confessed with embarrassment "I know I shouldn't, but…"

"I understand what you are feeling" he sympathized with what she was thinking about "He is free now"

"Yeah" she whispered "No more chemo, no more tumor"

"No more pain"

She sighed and rested her head further on his shoulder. It felt so good to be right there, being held by him, having his strong arm around her, his masculine scent around her, his lips pressing against her head when they weren't talking. But it was so incredibly wrong.

Her brain screamed for her to pull back and move as far away as she could, but he made her feel so good in such a difficult moment that she let it go for the time being. It was an excuse to be close to him and she knew it but right now she was not in a cab in New York, she was swimming in the Nile.

"Do you think I'm a bad person?" she asked, her eyes looking up at him through her long eyelashes. He frowned for the random and strange question and she elaborated "For being relieved that he is… free now"

"You're not a bad person" he answered her question without taking a second, his words reassuring her "This is what he wanted all along"

"It is" she agreed "But it's wrong that I feel like this"

"It's not wrong" he told her. She knew he was trying to make her feel better and looking up she gave him a tiny thankful smile. One he appreciated but felt the need to continue and make her understand her feelings weren't wrong or bad in any way.

He sighed, he didn't want to let her off his arms but he needed her to look him straight in the eye when he reassured her she wasn't feeling anything wrong. He moved a little to his left and she shifted. Her head no longer on his shoulder and his hand no longer caressing the soft skin of her arm, he felt the void of her heat.

"Meredith" he called, her name rolling off his tongue like a sweet caress to her ears and her green emerald eyes locked with his baby blue eyes. "You knew firsthand what he wanted and it may not be exactly this but in the end he is where he wanted to be"

"But-" she tried to interrupt him but a sole finger against her lips was enough to silence her.

"Let me finish" he said as his finger succumbed to its need to feel her soft warm lips. Moving it back and forth he simply grazed the soft dry skin of her full bottom lip, his eyes never leaving the sight of the path his finger took.

He felt as her breathing deepened and came out though her parted lips and to his finger. Derek wanted nothing more than to replace it with his lips. He was hungry for her, he had been hungry for her since that very night he had first tasted her.

Her lips and her skin had been like a drug that night, always calling out to him for one last taste, but it was never the last, it called for him after long kisses and quick licks; he always wanted more, needed more. In the end there had been a last and right this moment he wanted nothing more than to fall into this addiction all over again. He was willing to throw his recovery chip away and let his addiction for her skin, for her lips take him so she could drug his senses all over again.

"It's ok to feel somehow glad he is gone, that he is free" Derek finally continued. It wasn't a good idea to kiss her right this moment, she was still very much affected by her client's death and there was also the fact that once he tasted her sweet lips there would be nothing stopping him. "He won't suffer anymore and like he wanted his family and friends will remember him by the strong man that fought for his freedom and his own right to choose his end"

"So…" she trailed off completely out of breath. His finger was now caressing her soft cheek and very very slowly he was inching closer to her.

"He was a very brave man" he concluded as his eyes stared at her lips, her tongue had just moisten them and he decided right there that he needed a small taste, just a little sip to quiet his thirst.

"He was" she agreed in a soft whisper. He was so close to her by now she couldn't think, she couldn't speak, all she could do was close her eyes in anticipation of the inevitable.

But it never happened. The car came to a sudden and harsh stop, interrupting their moment completely. Meredith's eyes opened wide with realization of what she had almost done and she quickly turned to exit the yellow taxi.

On the other side of the cab Derek was giving a nasty look to the driver while he looked through his wallet for the exact amount of money he needed to give him, he sure as hell didn't deserve any tip.

Rather frustrated by the interruption Derek grabbed his small suitcase and followed after Meredith inside the tall building. He waited right by her side for the elevator and rode silently with her the ten floors to her apartment.

She fished for her keys inside her designer bag and shoved them to him once she found them. "I've been having problems with the door. I always have to call a neighbor"

He gave her a smile and accepted the keys, but stopped dead on his tracks when he saw the red door. This building had obviously been a fabric of some sorts. The door had been changed but it had the same spirit, it was a huge piece of red metal. He unlocked the door easily and proceeded to pull to the side to open the sliding door.

She watched from the corner of her eyes as he opened the door. She leaned against the wall, knowing fully well they were going to be stuck out there for a while until he could finally open it. The door was driving her insane, she was always late everywhere because it wouldn't close, and if she knowingly left the house early because she knew it would give her trouble it gave her double the trouble and she had to stay even longer so she could close it. Luckily someone would be there tomorrow morning to fix it.

Much to her surprise Derek managed to open the door with a fast and hard tug. The way he quickly pulled from the handle with his hard hand made her go back to that night, when he had managed to undo the stuck zipper of his now wife's wedding gown. She had felt him nibble the tops of her breast and tried to reach more of her skin unsuccessfully, he had looked down her cleavage frustratingly until he found a way to reveal her pert breast to his curious eyes and his starved mouth.

"You coming?" Derek asked, pulling her out of her own thoughts. He looked at her with curiosity, her face had blushed to a pinkish tone in just a few seconds and he started worrying she might be running down a fever. "Are you feeling ok Mer?" he asked with concern

"I'm fine" she replied, she wasn't able to look at him now. The memories of what his mouth had done to her sensitive breasts had her blushing and feeling all hot and bothered, she felt the need to repeat the little tryst so the memories could be a little bit fresher on her head.

"Are you sure?" he insisted approaching her. He faced her much to her refusal and placed his hand on her forehead "You feel hot" he commented, making her blush further. She was praying he wouldn't realize why she was that hot and why her cheeks had that crimson tone. "But I don't think you're running a fever"

She nodded and turned around quickly, being around him only made her feel hotter. "There's food on the fridge if you want to eat, I'm going to take a shower" she informed without looking back. She needed time to calm down, time to block all the memories back behind those walls she had so carefully built. She needed time away from him and what he meant.