Chapter Six: Games in the Head

Dear Willow,

I can't wait to see you play! I'll definitely be there.

Love,

Dad

Today, I was simultaneously stressed out and extremely excited.

My dad was coming to watch my game! My dad, for goodness sake's.

I couldn't wait to see him. He would be proud, I know he would, my dad would be proud of me whatever I did. Sure, he wasn't a perfect father but he still was supportive when he was there. And I missed him.

"Ready, co-captain?" I looked up to see James who I was speaking to - but as limited and short as possible. Sure, he saved the day but it was really also his fault. And he was now co-captain. I wasn't mad over that, just confused. I needed to have a talk with Headmaster.

"Yeah, sure," I grumbled. "God, what did you even tell McGonagall?"

His ears turned pink again and his cheeks flushed red.

"Nothing for you to worry about," He said. "Just stuff."

"Whatever," I glared. "You better bring your best game today."

"I hope you realize we are on the same team."

"Of course," I smiled fakely. "But like I said, bring your best game today or you will regret it."

"Okay! Okay!" James held his hands up. "Godric."

As the team filed into the locker room, all geared up, I shot James one warning glare and decided to go with a happy speech - not just because James said I was mean - but because my dad was here in the stands!

"Okay, team," I said. "Remember what we have to focus on, alright - "

"And - " James cut me off, finishing the speech for me. "We have to be in this a hundred percent. We're going against Ravenclaw and their team improved tenfolds. So, don't let anything stop you from being aggressive, okay?"

"Also," I interjected, jabbing my elbow into James' side. "Let's keep our mind on the game, and focus on winning!"

And so that's how the rest of the speech went, by the time we were done - our sides were aching from all the elbowing that we got in.

"Ready for this, Potter?" I arched an eyebrow as we walked out and our names were announced together, as much as I hated it. ("Co-Captains of the Gryffindor Team, it's Willow Wood and James Potter!" George Jordan announced loudly).

"More than you think, Wood," He kept his eyes focused on the field. "Don't let your boyfriend ruin your game."

"Shut up," I said angrily. I looked in the stands for some sight of my dad but there were too many faces.

"Hey, Al," James teased. "Wave at mumsie and dadsie!" Al excitedly waved at them, not understanding that it was a joke on Al.

"Do you write to them to come?" I asked with a small part of curiosity. His parents went to almost every game.

"No," James snorted. "Why would we do that?" I looked at him in envy. I still couldn't make out my dad's face. Maybe he's currently being swarmed by fans.

I made eye contact with Grant, who looked spiffing in his Quidditch robes. He smiled at me. I gave him a cautious one back. I twisted my head again back to the stands.

"Looking for someone?" James asked. "A bloke, perhaps? Wouldn't Manet be jealous?"

"Bugger off," I mumbled. I couldn't see my dad. It wouldn't be the first time he bailed, but it certainly would be a disappointment. This was the first time I ever got a response back that was from him - not his assistant who wrote tell me he had a busy schedule but might make it. This was serious.

"He's not here," Theo muttered back to me with a slight annoyance in his voice. "You told us never to expect him, but you always expect him."

"Did you write to him, too?" I asked quietly, so the team couldn't hear us.

"No," He looked at me in confusion. "Don't bother, right?"

"Right," I said. I had mentioned in my letter that it'd be Theo's first game, and Dad had always been so proud of him playing Quidditch.

Soon my thoughts were swept up with the game once it started as I darted from side to side, ready to snatch the Quaffle away from the Ravenclaw chasers. They were good, but I knew we were better. It'd be an easy win. It would be only, my game was off. I lost the Quaffle, didn't score as good or fly as good. I was too busy looking at the bleachers. He wasn't here.

"What's so interesting about the stands, Wood?" James hollered at me. "Don't you remember your speech?"

I gritted my teeth. He was right. I couldn't let my personal drama get in the way of winning this game. We were up only ten points and we needed a bigger gap than that.

"Wood is off her game," George Jordan commented. "However, she does look mighty fine so - "

"JORDAN!"

"Alright, Professor, I'll keep it professional!" He paused before narrating what was currently going on after James had yelled at me. "Wood takes the Quaffle, wow, she's going quite fast - really fast - she's faster than the snitch and - SHE SCORES!"

I sniffed at Grant's outstretched arms that the Quaffle had just passed and went back. I was being a little bit of a Quaffle hog, I'll admit, I wasn't working with the rest of the team. But I was angry and my emotions always played with my mind. It was like my own little Quidditch game in my head. Right now, my fears and anxieties were winning.

At the break, Roxanne and James turned to me with angry faces.

"You have to work with us!" James exclaimed. "Willow, I don't know why you're acting so weird today - " He scoffed when realizing I wasn't paying attention. "What is so interesting about those stands?"

"N-Nothing!" I stuttered nervously. "You're right, you're right, okay. Right now we're around fifty points ahead, let's get to hundred and fifty and then Al, you can go for the Snitch. Make sure the Ravenclaw Seeker never gets it, alright?"

I still didn't work with them as well as I could have. Maybe my dad came late, I thought frantically just as the Quaffle soared to me. I quickly caught it, still offguard, but realized James had just passed it to me. He gave me a strange glance. I wasn't following any of the plays, I was just scoring for myself.

"Wood is on fire today - she's scored over a hundred points herself - " George said as I just scored another one, waiting for Al to catch the snitch. It felt like the longest game ever - maybe because I was doing everything or maybe because it took forever for Al to catch the damn snitch!

"Wood, come on!" Roxanne said to me as I (finally) passed the Quaffle to her. "I really - "

"ALBUS CATCHES THE SNITCH - GRYFFINDORS WIN!"

I should I felt happy. The team should have been joyous, but there was obvious tension as we flew down from the sky to celebrate. I didn't feel like it at all.

It was my fault, I realized as I pushed past throngs of people being congratulated. I looked desperately at all the faces, scared to look at every one because they weren't my dad. I looked all around but I knew my dad wouldn't be there. Despite knowing that, I stayed until there was little people left on the pitch.

"Good job, James!" I heard Harry Potter and Ginny Potter say simultaneously. "You did great, I'm so proud!" I pushed past them forcefully, just to be a little spiteful. My dad didn't come. Of course, he didn't. I didn't know why I was so hopeful.

I stood on the pitch until it was just me left, and then I walked back to the locker rooms begrudgingly, not ready to meet my team.

"Wood, what the hell was that?" I turned to face my entire team, James leading them with a scowl on his face. "You didn't follow any of the plays or even listen to us! You just scored for yourself and didn't do anything if we passed it to you - you just kept looking over at the stands! What was even so important there?"

"She's deluded, that's what," Theo rolled his eyes before making his way to the showers. Lily followed, as did Cory - who seemed to decide to keep his nosy self out of it for once. It left all the sixth years on the team alone to discuss.

"You're right," I murmured. "I'm sorry." I turned to my locker so Roxanne, Fred, and James couldn't see that my eyes were growing glassy.

"I don't need your sarcasm, alright?" James said, obviously not understanding anything and being the stupid prat he was. "I get you're mad that I'm captain with you, but you don't need to prove that you're better than us - a better player would work with the team! It was really messed up, you yell at us all week to do good and focus and then you do the exact opposite!"

"Yeah, Willow, what was that today?" Roxanne spoke up. "I mean, you kept - " I saw her eyes widen with realization. She knew a little about my life, so I guess she understood once she saw my growing red cheeks and glassy eyes. She whispered something to Fred who simply nodded as if he knew. "Never mind, I get it."

"Get what?" James narrowed his eyes. "What was so interesting about the stands, huh? What was so interesting, more than the game and sticking to the plays that we worked hard on?"

"I told you James," My voice hollow and empty. "I'm sorry." I choked back a sob, wiped my face, and turned to face them. "I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean to do all that, I just really - I - " I felt my voice waver and sound all weepy while tears were pushing to fall out of my eyes. "I just wanted my dad to be there." Once I said that out loud, I felt all the tears crash down right at that very moment.

James' eyes went wide and his ears went all pink while Roxanne shook her head at him.

"You're so oblivious sometimes," Roxanne whispered to him.

"I - I need to go," I heard myself say in a panicked fashion. "I'm sorry, you're right." I rushed through the hallways, and I didn't bother looking back. Maybe my dad was there on the pitch. Maybe my dad wasn't there. All I knew was that Theo was right, I'm deluded. All I wanted to do was go and cry in my room alone.

UPDATE: wow, I'm wild. Three updates in one day.