Chapter 6

Back to Square One

I decided to move this story on to the beach to kind of speed up the plot just a wee bit. Also, bringing Sawyer into the angst mix never hurt any Jate fic as far as I am concerned, and for those of you (myself included) just aching for Kate to beat the every lovin' crap out of Juliet, fear not - she isn't gone for good…. Also, there will be some steamy Jateness but not until a later chapter…as always reviews tinkle me pink, leave one. Thanks!

"Jack, how far do you think she could have gotten?" I asked as we walked onwards, me beside him with Sayid pulling up the rear.

"Pretty far," he said and then he paused and looked at me, "if she's lost, she could be going around in circles, walking right past us…"

"I think you should consider the option of not going back for her at all," Sayid said quietly from behind us.

We both turned, I fully agreed with Sayid but kept quiet while Jack shot him a scathing look.

"You want us to turn around and leave a woman out here alone with that thing running around…"

"Yes," Sayid said quietly.

Jack turned to me and I could tell he was waiting for me to offer my opinion on the matter. I looked to both of them – both gazes intense and demanding, I swallowed hard and said, "I think we should go back…"

"Why? Are you anxious to get back to someone, Kate?"

I recoiled from the anger of his words as if he had slapped me in the face; I blushed hard and knew exactly what he meant or better yet who. He hadn't forgiven anything, I could see that.

"Yes, everyone – are friends, is she more important then them, Jack?" I countered as we both stood for a moment and glared at one another.

"Our people need a doctor, Jack…" Sayid said, breaking the intense stare down between us. "You getting yourself killed for one of them is the very last thing those people down on the beach need to hear…"

Jack shook his head a moment, took a deep breath and then nodded.

"Fine," he said, and his gaze when it brushed across my face was cold, "will go back now but I am coming back for her."

"Alright," Sayid said as we started heading back towards our camp. I turned and looked to Jack who caught my gaze. I went to speak but he shook his head as if angry with me and moved past me, trailing behind Sayid.

How could you have screwed this up again so soon Austin, I thought to myself as I trudged along behind them.

It took us six hours to get back to the beach by then the rift between Jack and myself had grown an oceans length, we were barely on speaking terms and I was at loss as to what I could do to repair things. I thought that my honesty earlier had given us both the chance to start healing but I was wrong. I could see now that his feelings were still hurt and though he wanted to trust me, let it go, he couldn't bring himself too.

I was slowly coming to the realization that maybe he never would.

When we stepped onto the beach just before sundown, a murmur went up as we were spotted, people started running up to us, with hugs and hellos. They all seemed so pleased to have Jack back, relieved.

He was their rock, their savior and they looked to him with the utmost respect and trust.

I saw Sawyer hovering in the background, eying me warily. He smiled as we made eye contact and I stepped towards him. We hugged.

"Good God, am I happy to see you, freckles."

"I am happy to see you too," I said and that was true. I really liked Sawyer. I knew now that beneath the snide remarks, the careful veneer of cool, there was an honest to god human being in there, one who cared for me a great deal. I cared for him too, the problem was I wasn't in love with him and seemed to think that I was.

I turned back and caught Jack's eye as he straightened up from greeting Claire and Aaron. He quickly lowered his head back down.

I turned back to Sawyer who was walking towards Jack.

"Good to see you again, doc."

He held out his hand and for a moment it seemed as if Jack was going to ignore him but instead he took Sawyers hand and shook it.

"Good to see you, Sawyer," he replied.

His gaze drifted over to me and as are eyes met, I could see only raw pain in his and my whole body felt bolted to the sand below me, I wanted more then anything in that moment to erase everyone around us and leave only me and the man I loved alone here on this beach. If it was just us and we were alone, we could learn to rewrite the past, we would be able to love once more, fully and completely.

The moment was broken when he turned his gaze from me in order to give Rose a welcoming hug.

"Doc, seems a bit on edge," Sawyer said whispering it into my ear.

"That's putting it mildly," I replied.