Not Normal People, Chapter 6: Stark, Raving Mad

Justin's POV

Brian rolled his lips into his mouth and looked down. Then, he looked back up and replied firmly, "Yes."

I was mortified. At least I was at first. The truth is, I'd wanted him to read it, and, in fact, I'd written it thinking that someday he would. I just hadn't had the courage to give it to him yet. So within just a couple of minutes, I lost my steam. But I had decided that I would make Brian suffer a little (for lying to me about it). Plus, I rarely had leverage when it came to him.

I sat up. I asked him pointedly, "You do realize that that's a complete invasion of my privacy, don't you?"

Brian cleared his throat and nodded.

I've never been great at pretending, but, fortunately or unfortunately (depending on your perspective), it was a skill I'd been honing over the years, so pretending to be angry, particularly at Brian, wasn't very difficult. I'd had a great deal of practice with the real thing.

Sharply, I inquired, "When and how did you get ahold of it?"

Brian sighed and answered slowly, "I can't tell you how, but I read it on my birthday."

I didn't have to feign the surprise in my voice. "At the party?"

Brian nodded. "I'd just finished reading it when you found me in your workspace looking at a painting you'd done."

For a moment, I was afraid that Brian hadn't actually been able to understand the painting representing my feelings for him, but, then, I shook off the fear, the panic. I hadn't said anything telling about it in my journal. Yet he'd managed to pick it out and interpret it. I turned away from Brian and breathed a sigh of relief.

Without warning, I felt Brian's hands on my shoulders, no doubt a response to the frightened look on my face. He's been like that since the bashing, a quiet presence that appears whenever I weaken, whenever I'm scared, infusing me with strength, shoring me up. Suddenly, I didn't want to play games anymore, no matter how innocuous they seemed.

I spun around. Before I could speak, Brian admitted, "I'm not sorry I read it, but I should have told you."

I laughed. Loudly. Brian looked at me with a puzzled expression on his face and smiled a little. He wasn't sure why I was happy, but he was obviously glad, probably relieved, too.

I explained, "I was just about to say, 'I'm not sorry you read it, but I wish you had told me.'"

He grinned in response.

I added, "So I'm willing to forgive you…"

Brian tilted his head as if to ask, "Did I apologize?"

Cheeky fucker!

I laughed and continued, "But there's a price."

He shot me a tongue-in-cheek look and inquired saucily, "Isn't there always?"

But he waited expectantly for me to name it.

"You have to be as vulnerable with me."

At that, he quirked an eyebrow.

I stated firmly, "I want us to write a journal together."

Brian just gaped at me. I'm surprised that he didn't ask me whether I had taken leave of my senses. Maybe I had. But I was determined. The idea had come to me as I wondered what his reaction had been to each of my entries.

I elaborated, keeping my voice as even as I could (I was afraid he'd burst out laughing; I wanted him to know that I was serious), "The idea is, you or I would write an entry and the other would respond. We'd take turns, of course."

Brian continued to stare at me. When he finally spoke, I thought he'd gone mad, too.

"Okay."

Much, much later…

We had dropped the E and gone dancing, but, soon after we arrived at Babylon, Brian went caveman on me (seriously), tossing me over his shoulder and declaring that he was going to throw me down on his 'bear skin' and fuck me all night. The E was definitely more potent than I remember it being before.

We didn't even make it into the car before he was having his way with me. He set me down by the passenger's side, grabbed me by the cheeks, and thrust his tongue into my mouth, kissing me passionately. Then he moved his hands down to my ass, pulled me closer, and started grinding his hard cock into mine. When he began kissing, licking, sucking on, and biting my neck (after I had recovered a little from the tongue play), I laughed and asked, "So you're not going to throw me down on your 'bear skin' and fuck me all night?"

He popped his head up at that and replied urgently, "No, no! We are so doing that!"

Then, he pulled me toward him, opened the door, and bowed, saying, "Sunshine, your carriage awaits…"

He certainly had a great many stories going on in his head. I climbed into the car, and we raced back to the loft.

Once there, Brian carried me into the building, kissing me passionately all the way. He set me down in the elevator and spent the entire ride rubbing and squeezing my ass. I think he liked the leather pants.

When we finally made it into the loft, he tackled me on the bed, and (lying on top of me, my legs wrapped around his waist) he started kissing me, alternating between long lingering French kisses and open-mouthed neck kisses.

Then, suddenly, he rolled over onto his back, pulling me with him, and started talking to me in between kisses.

He muttered, "I'm so glad you came back, Sunshine. I was a little pissed that you lied to me, but I was too relieved to see you to be pissed for long. Fuck, I missed you!"

Then, unexpectedly, he sat up a little (leaning on his arms) and asked, "You know how I read your journal?"

I smiled a confused smile and nodded. "Yes."

Brian took a minute to catch his breath and said, "When I read it, I realized that there are some things, some things I want to tell you."

I inquired, "Oh?" and raised an eyebrow.

Brian nodded furiously. "Yes, first of all, I eat peach frozen yogurt whenever I miss you."

My eyes widened. "You do?"

Brian again nodded furiously. "Yes, yes. I also keep a cupboard full of cheerios and other sundry snacks for when you're here."

I laughed. I exclaimed, "You said Deb brought all that over!"

Brian wagged a finger at me. He countered, "I never, ever said that. You assumed that Deb brought them over, and I didn't correct you."

I huffed. But then, I smiled.

He shocked me with his next revelation. He threw himself back onto the bed, spreading his arms out wide, and declared, "You laid me low, Justin Taylor!"

He sat back up again and continued, "Do you know that I haven't kissed anyone (besides Mikey, Gus, and Lindsay) since we made the rules? I also come home every night promptly at 3am, whether or not you are here. I read the arts section of the paper every morning, and…and…I haven't tricked since I proposed. The first time."

I was too stunned to speak. I just gaped at him.

Brian giggled. "Close your mouth, Sunshine. Very unbecoming."

When I found my voice, I asked, "You seriously haven't tricked since you proposed?"

Brian sat up all the way and replied, "Nope. No tricking. Not anymore."

I tackled Brian and started laying open-mouthed kisses down his neck and pulling his clothes off desperately. I moaned, "I fucking love you, Brian Kinney!"

Brian giggled and declared, "I fucking love you, too, Justin Taylor…Sunshine. My Sunshine."

He repeated, "My Sunshine" and started running his fingers gently through my hair.

That did it. I ripped off his pants and deepthroated him, sucking his cock desperately. He cried out, Fuck!" and then started moaning. I think that was the shortest blow job I've ever given him. I grabbed a bottle of lube on one of the end tables, lubed up a finger (all the while sucking his cock), and then pushed it inside Brian and massaged his prostate as I deepthroated him, swallowing every time the tip of his cock entered my throat. Within two or three minutes, he came with a guttural moan.

Then, he pulled me into his arms and kissed me passionately. After a minute or two, he pulled back and said, "You know, when I was looking for that painting you mentioned in your last entry, I think it was your last entry, the one about your feelings for me…"

I encouraged him, "Yes."

"Well, when I was looking for it, I was really nervous."

Surprised, I inquired, "You were? Why?"

Brian shrugged. Then, he explained, "I was afraid I wouldn't pick out the right one. It hit me then how much pressure I had always put on you. I expected you to know how I felt and what I was saying by the way I touched you…kissed you…looked at you."

He paused. His voice broke as he continued, "No wonder you ran off with the fiddler. It must have been a relief to not always need to be translating…to be reading subtext."

I whispered, "Brian…"

Brian interjected, "No, no. Don't make excuses for me. I was a real shit sometimes. I pushed you away and refused to tell you things plainly. I just expected you to know what I was thinking and feeling. In the end, my pride cost me you. Many times. But I don't, I don't want to risk that anymore. I want to try to be more open."

I kissed Brian passionately and then pulled back and said, "You have already been doing that. You amaze me sometimes with your capacity for change…"

Brian pulled me closer and held me tight. Suddenly, he declared, "I love it when you cook for me."

I laughed and pulled back so I could look into his eyes. I asked, "What?"

He smiled softly and repeated, "I love it when you cook for me. I always have."

My face a little flushed, I inquired, "You do?"

Brian nodded.

Then, he admitted (as he rubbed his lips gently against mine), "I've also always loved the way you kiss. You've gotten even better at it over the years, but even that first time, our first kiss, your first kiss, was incredible. I was never more jealous of other men than when they kissed you."

I swallowed hard. I breathed, "You never have to worry about that ever again."

Brian smiled. "That's good."

Then, he gave me the biggest shock of all. He stated, "I want to start fucking you raw on our wedding night."

I just gaped for a minute. I responded huskily, "I want that, too."

I flashed Brian my naughtiest smile and added, "I also want to spend every second from now until dawn kissing, sucking, and fucking."

Brian giggled, flipped me over so that he was lying on top of me, and teased, doing a grotesque imitation of my earlier declaration (breathing like a pervert might on the phone), "I…want…that…too."

I smiled, but then Brian sent his lips crashing down on mine, kissing me passionately, so deeply. I was going to be so sore the next day…