A/N: Finally got this chapter up. I went through so Many diferent Emotions writing this chap. I'm emotionally drained. BTW this is the longest chap so far so i hope it makes up a bit for the wait


Over the next few weeks I avoided all physical contact with Bella. I was never around her alone and I was sure to keep my emotions and thoughts in check.

The problem was that it was becoming much more difficult to hide my emotions. It seemed the more I tried to deny these feelings the stronger they became. Sitting at lunch with Jasper's arms wrapped around me, I watch as Edward holds her the wrong way and makes decisions for her and it completely pisses me off.

When Jasper would pick up on my moodiness I would play it off as just being upset that I was stuck in school when I could be shopping. He accepted my answer but I don't think he believed me too much.

Ever since the talk with Jasper I've been starting to notice things that I just honestly can't stand about him and because of it I've been spending a lot of time away from him. I never thought my feelings for Jasper would change but I feel like they have.

When I first saw Jasper in my vision it was about a day after I had awakened, I had just finished my first meal and I felt guilty. I had no idea what was happening to me and for awhile after I thought I was crazy but when I saw him his presence just put me at peace. I was still scared of what I might be capable of but I felt that finding this man who was already searching for me would make everything better.

At the moment I was sitting in the highest tree I could find. I had been getting small flickers of vision about me and Bella: Bella resting against me while we watch pretty in pink, Bella giggling while I tickle her feet, and just different small scenarios that were common between us. We had always been able to be close like that but lately I had been trying to stray to keep her safe. I think she might be starting to notice the distancing but if it keeps my Bella safe then it's worth it no matter how much it hurts.

I had given up on trying to not think of Bella like that. I had resigned it to be a crush that could have deadly consequence if pursued. I could live a perfectly sane and simple life and Bella could be happy with my brother. I would never have to complicate her life and most of all no one would ever get hurt.

I got a vision of Emmett coming to find me. My big brother the teddy bear in grizzly's clothes. The vision showed that he was going the wrong way. I pulled out my cell and called him.

"Hey Kitty where are you?"

I laughed a little at the nick name he had given me the first day we met. "You're going the wrong way turn around and run about 35 miles west of the house. I'm in the tallest tree." I hung up

Emmett has always been my favorite brother. Edward and I only have a bond because of our talents. With Emmett our bond is genuine; there is no catalyst needed to keep us friendly. Emmett although he is know for being playful he is also a protective and caring older brother.

No matter how convincing my lie is he can always see through it and knows when there's something bothering me. That's why I wasn't surprised or annoyed when I had the vision of him coming to find me. I already knew it was only a matter of time before he came, and at the moment I wanted to see him and vent all my problems and get a big bear hug from Emmett then listen to him make some sort of crude joke that would make me laugh and free my mind of stress for a few minutes.

I heard Emmett before I saw him. For a vampire he really hasn't grasped the idea of quietness. No matter how graceful he is I don't think he'll ever be able to be quiet it's just not in him.

I saw him jump into a near by tree and swing off the highest branch, launching himself up at me I moved before his body crashed into mine. He grazed just over the branch I was sitting on in a perfect somersault, wrapped his hand around the base of the tree and ended up on the branch facing me.

"I have to say Emmett I give that a 9.5 you're getting better." He looked at me with a mock hurt expression

"Come on, that was at least a 9.8. I almost had you that time"

"Not even close but it nice that you're enthusiastic. So what's up why were you looking for me?" she already knew the answer but wanted to hear him say it.

"Like you don't already know."

"Yea, I do but I wanna have a conversation not just answer thoughts from my visions."

He looked at me seriously then smirked and I knew instinctively that I wasn't going to like his next question or statement. "Soooo… tell me Kitty, how long have you been in love with her?"

I stared into his sparkling gold eyes with the biggest disbelieving expression ever. I was expecting him to ask me why I wasn't 'given it' to Jasper. That's what my vision was about he changed his mind at the last minute to catch me off guard I hate it when he does that.

"What are you talking about? I'm not in love with anyone except Jasper" I knew the lie was unconvincing to my own ears so it would never come close to registering as truth to Emmett.

"Come on Ali. This is me you're talking to. You know Emmett, your giant brute of a teddy bear. I know when you're lying. So be honest, if not for me for yourself. I know your in love with Bella I'm not as dazed and confused as everyone thinks."

I sighed loudly and looked at him with a resigned look. "How long have you known?"

"A while now but I want to know is how long have you been aware that your in love with her and how long are you going to keep fighting your feelings?"

"Do you remember the day you and Jasper were being reckless and I moved Bella out of the way of your concussion inducing football?" he nodded. "That's when I realized that I had more than friend feelings. I wasn't sure what they meant but I knew it was different."

Emmett was just sitting there looking at me I guess he was just taking in what I had confessed. He then looked at me tentatively and I knew what his next question was going to be but I let him ask it anyway know that my answer for it was unsure.

"What… I mean how strong…" I laughed at his stammering. He was really adorable when he was unsure of himself. And it was sweet that he tried to state his question so it didn't upset me, Edward would have just been blunt and cruel with his questions had I been talking to him. That's why Emmett was my favorite brother.

I looked up at the massively muscled up vampire and smiled reassuringly. "It's okay Emmett you ask your question I won't be upset. I'm honestly surprised no one else has asked but then again no one else is as bold as you are." He laughed his loud booming laugh. (Like I said he can't be quiet)

After a few moments his laughing quieted "So Kitty… what really is going on with you and Jasper? You're never around him and you don't have that sparkle that you used to have when you were around him. And he's always so on edge. When ever someone mentions your name he gets all high strung and leaves the room mumbling that he has something important he needs to do especially if Edward is in the immediate vicinity."

I sighed then took in a strained unnecessary breath, pulled my legs up to my chest and was quiet. I wanted to sob because I knew that when I answered Emmett's question I would be admitting something that I tried so hard to avoid. I looked away from Emmett and breathed in deeply trying to control the sobs threatening to take over my body.

Emmett must have noticed because he slid across to the branch I was sitting on and gathered my petite frame in a bone crushing hug.

I couldn't hold it in anymore and broke down in his arms. I sobbed harder then ever before, shaking ferociously. If it wasn't for Emmett holding me, my tremors would have completely knocked me out of my tree.

"Alice it's okay. You don't have to answer if you're not ready. I was just wondering I didn't mean to hurt your feelings in any way. I'm so, so sorry kitty." Emmett kept babbling on like this but not once did he tell me to stop sobbing or that there was no reason to cry. He just sat and hugged me being the best big brother any vampire could ask for.

Once I was able to gain a semblance of composure, I looked up at Emmett and took a deep breath before getting ready to ask him a question before answering his. "Emmett, do you believe in fate and soul mates?"

"Well I'm not sure. I think everything happens for a reason. I mean if I wasn't mauled by a bear rose probably wouldn't have given me a thought. But looking at it I realize only now that her being a vampire and me at the time being a bleeding human, it could have gone horribly wrong. It was only her decision that changed anything in that situation. So I have to say we decide our future, you know better than anybody that the slightest change of heart could completely alter the future. As for soul mates I like our darling brother Edward don't completely believe we still have souls therefore we can not have soul mates."

I thought about this for a minute completely shocked. "So what about you and Rosalie! You can't honestly tell me that she doesn't complete you."

He laughed at a little before answering me. "You're right I can't honestly tell you that she doesn't complete me. She does. But I don't think of her as my soul mate but more as my salvation. I walk this road of trying to be the best I can, because of her. With out her I'd probably be even more vicious than James was. But I find that with her in my life I want to live better and be better. I want her to be the person she believes I can be. I try to make her proud to say that I'm her man. Oh yeah I'm a big romantic" he joked lightening up the mood. I laughed with him but then grew quiet thinking about what he said I realize that I feel exactly like he does but my feelings are not for my husband.

I looked down at my feet ashamedly a whispered barely audible even to a vampire. "I feel that way to… but not about Jasper." I finished biting my bottom lip.

He looked at me with a sympathetic face. "Is that why you've been avoiding the both of them?"

"No not entirely… but that's a small part of it."

"So what's the big part?" Emmett looked so confused I would have laughed at his expression if the situation had been different.

"I can't tell you cause if I do you'll over react."

Emmett huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. He looked remarkably like a large five yr old who just lost his favorite toy. "You know I have more control over myself than I used to."

"Sure Emmett, I know you well enough to know that you will definitely over react. You wouldn't speak to me for a week when I said I hated the color of you jeep."

"That was different you went and had it repainted without even asking me."

"Emmett all I did was have them take sparkles and darken the tint so the red shines more and you love it so don't even go there. Anyway what man drives around with shimmering candy apple on their jeep?"

"The kind of man who lets his girlfriend pick out the color of his jeep so she would… Whatever that was then this is now. Why are you avoiding Jasper and Bella? I mean I can understand why you're avoiding them but what is this, bigger picture you speak of?" he stared at me pointedly awaiting my answer.

"Okay but if I tell you, you have to promise not to say anything to anybody. Not even Rose."

"Okay Kitty I promise now what's the secret."

I took a deep breath and started to explain the conversation between me and Jasper. "So the day I realized my feeling for Bella, me and Jasper had a talk when I came home from shopping with Bella. At the time I wasn't exactly sure what my feelings meant but Jasper said I had been having them longer than I had realized – damn his empathy – but I told him that he was the only guy I loved and Isabella swan was only my best friend nothing more. I thought my reassurance would pacify him at least until I could figure out what was going on with my feelings but then he said that he wouldn't be responsible for his actions especially if I left him for a human." I could see Emmett tense and heard the growl building in his chest. But I just continued on. "I don't want to believe that he would really hurt Bella but Emmett I love her too much to ever take a chance that grave. And if keeping her safe means I have to keep my distance than, so be it. I can't have her hurt over me. And this way no one gets hurt; she stays happy with Edward and I stay Jasper the way it's supposed to be."

Emmett looked completely livid. I got a short vision of the future which showed me what he was thinking. I couldn't let him do that it would completely ruin our family not to mention Bella and Edwards's relationship. I wasn't so worried about mine as I had already succeeded in fucking it up myself I snapped out of my vision to see Emmett preparing to jump from the tree in search for Jasper.

"Emmett wait!" I yelled grasping his shoulder just as he leaped down causing him to pull me down with him. We both instinctively reached out for a branch to stop our 60 ft. fall.

Once we had our balance Emmett rounded on me with furious glare. "What Alice! What do I have to wait for? Unless you had a vision telling me that Jasper got caught in a gasoline and match factory we have nothing to discuss. I know you don't honestly think that I'm just going to sit around while there's an imminent threat to both of my little sisters do you?" He looked at me with challenge in his eyes as if daring me to tell him he was wrong to care.

"Emmett just listen to me for one minute please. I know you care, but I also know that if you go find Jasper which in my vision you did" he smiled evilly at this "and the two of you start a shouting match that will eventually develop into a fight it will completely ruin everything. When the reasons for the fight come out it will tear apart the family."

He looked at me like I had grown two more heads. "Mary Alice Brandon! Why do you always put everybody before yourself!!! Jasper's threat is what would be breaking apart this family. Just because you fell in love with a human hot topic does not give him the right to threaten either one of you."

When he said this it just dawned on me that Jasper's threat was vague and could have been intended for me and not Bella. It shook me to the core to realize that the man I thought I had been in love with for the past several decades may have possibly threatened my life. I suddenly realized what Emmett meant about me putting everyone else before myself.

In that moment everything I thought I had known about Jasper had shifted. And everything I thought I knew of myself came into a clearer focus. I realized the reason I didn't recognize my feelings for Bella in the beginning was because I knew that Edward didn't want to be alone anymore and felt it necessary to let him have her. I realize that I was with Jasper because he needed me to bring him a second chance and I did that.

I realized that the only times I ever really did what was my choice was when I made Bella go shopping with me and even then I focused on her human needs. She tried to tone down her displeasure to let me have fun and enjoy my release and found that that was the only real time I felt alive and happy, at any other time I merely existed to do for others.

Right then I could care less what Emmett planned to do to Jasper the only thing I needed was to see Bella and hug her and thank her for making me feel alive. I would figure everything else out later.

I hoped down from the tree using the branches Emmett looked at me like I had gone crazy. "Where the hell are you going?" he yelled at me from the branch we were on.

I couldn't help but laugh. There was a sense of freedom that came with my revelation and I was reveling in it. "I'm going to feel alive." I shouted back as I hit the ground. I know I didn't have to shout but it felt go so I did.

He gaped at me in confusion for a second then spoke again with a slight edge to his voice. "What about Jasper? "

I knew I should have told him not to do what he was thinking because it was going to lead to huge problems but at the moment I couldn't find it in me to care so I said what I was feeling

"At the moment I honestly can't find it in me to care right now." And with that I ran off to find the most wonderful creature to ever walk this earth.