Disclaimer: The events that will transpire are intended to entertain you, the reader. If you feel that these events are highly unlikely or purely stupid, it's because it is meant to be. Hence why the genre is humor. In other words, don't be trollin'. Enjoy the chapter!

Rated T cuz Mer's a big perv. You are warned.

VI. The Baker, Challenged

Because I normally didn't go to sleep fast, I would preoccupy myself by going outside to the courtyard and if I was still awake, I would go bother Sebastian. It appeared that he was a fellow insomniac and he let me follow him around, as long as I kept my hands to myself. But that would be no fun, would it, my readers? Well, I could at least talk.

"Mr. Sebastian?" I began.

"Yes, Mer?"

"If I were a cat, would you like me better?"

"If all humans were cats, that would make them more easier to be around," he answered. There was a pause and I started to put on my one-piece cat suit. "However, that would make them less interesting when they're not concerned with trivial things, such as status and money."

I put away my cat suit, disappointed.

"A simple yes or no would have sufficed, but I'll consider that as a 'yes.'"

Suddenly, Sebastian blew out the candles on the candelabra and pushed me against a pillar. Was he going to confess to me?

"Pardon me," he excused, reaching up my dress then my skirts. Come on…come on…and he grabbed my dagger, chucking it at the bushes some distance away. Bollocks! A rather effeminate wail sounded then and a red blur creeped out of the foliage.

"As I suspected," Sebastian concluded. "What is your business here, Mr. Grell?"

The red thing called Grell stood up casually, as if he wasn't spouting blood from where my dagger impacted. A seductive shark-toothed grin went across his face as he sauntered over to where my butler was. The redhead was getting awfully close to a point I would call uncomfortable for my butler and I wanted to viciously assault the fool for such a violation (I have yet to do myself)!

As politely as I could, I shoved the red-clad stranger away and took his place at Sebastian's side. Dramatically, the long-haired menace tottered on his heeled-wait a minute, heeled!-shoes and placed his hands on his hips in what I could assume to be an attempt to show attitude. He harrumphed and began to chew me out and not even in a good way.

"How dare you lay your filthy hands on me! And just what do you think you're doing with my Bassy!" he demanded, sending me a glare that could electrify.

"Who is this man, Mr. Sebastian?" I asked, walking over to the bush to retrieve my dagger. I might put it to another use other than to rip Sebastian's clothes off with.

"A death god-"

"No need to introduce me to that blue thing, Bassy. It doesn't deserve to know the flaming magnificence that is Grell Sutcliff!" announced the red behemoth, posing ostentatiously. Oh, he was "flaming," alright.

"I don't think Mer appreciates you referring to her as a 'thing,'" Sebastian said, but it was already too late for the red thing. I flung the dagger at the back of his head and it hit the target beautifully. Or I would've thought so if it wasn't for the redhead's suddenly awesome reflexes. And get this: he pulled a chainsaw out of nowhere. Even though I wasn't supposed to know the name for such an invention, I knew this:

The red riding whore was going down and not even in a good way.

"Mr. Sutcliff, as a Phantomhive servant, it is my duty to eliminate any threat to the Young Master. I'm so sorry it has to come to this," I insincerely apologized, releasing the swords I kept strapped to my forearms. Yes, I was a dangerous girl, but not dangerous in a way that involved any STDs. Who does Mr. Slutcliff think he is, marching in like he's actually important in this story's plot?

"You might be sorry, but I'm not apologizing for the improvement that will be the blood staining your corpse!" he retorted, revving up his weapon and charging at me. I was prepared to defend myself against the attack, but Sebastian gallantly intervened and caught the whirling blade between his palms. That's my butler! Protecting me, the future carrier of his forty babies-

"That is enough, you two. You'll wake the Young Master if you continue this," Sebastian said, and we immediately obeyed. He turned to me. "Mer, even though you put the Young Master's well-being first, it wasn't your place to act. Would you apologize to Grell for your behavior?"

Apologize! That was as likely as my Sebastian actually being attracted to the Red Bitch!

"And you're not exactly Sebastian, either, are you?" assumed the red-haired Shinigami, adjusting the gloves on his hands. The ebony-haired butler before him gave a flirtatious wink.

"It is what my Master has christened me, yes. However, that can change, if you happen to have a free schedule tonight, Mr. Sutcliff," he bravely answered, mildly surprising the reaper.

"Oh. Well, can I call you Bassy?"

"If that name is what you wouldn't mind calling out when I'm done with you, then yes."

Grell Sutcliff blushed at the very thought of knocking unmentionables with the handsome butler. He felt like a school girl, again. If he were alive, his heart would have been fluttering like crazy. For now, he had to settle with revving his Death Scythe and attacking his crush. When they got close enough to the point that their noses touched, Sebastian beckoned to the rooftop as he feigned launching the reaper in that direction. At last, Grell thought, as he flew. A man that knew a good actress when he saw one.

The butler went after him after assuring his master that he was going to "take care of everything." The only thing he was going to take care of Grell's sweet body. Speaking of it, the redhead's form looked really enticing to Sebastian under the light of the moon.

"Oh, Bassy! Never has this lady thought that love would come to her in the form of a demon such as yourself. Demons and Reapers never seem to get along well," he practically sang, charging the engine of his Death Scythe once more and sprinting towards the demonic servant. The butler knew that the self-proclaimed lady wouldn't hurt him. No, he simply ripped his clothes just enough to reveal his nosebleed-worthy body.

Sebastian knocked the scythe away, dragging Grell down on top of him by the collar.

"I hope that I am an exception to that, my lady," he purred, lifting his head to bite at the reaper's neck.

"Really?" the bespectacled redhead replied, a seductive edge to his voice.

"By yonder moon, I swear it."

And then, things got dangerous. No, seriously. Mer came in and kicked Grell off of Sebastian, who watched as he fell off of the roof.

"Well!" the red harpy demanded, crossing his arms over his chest and tapping his foot. I sighed heavily, reminding myself that I needed to be the better woman, since the better woman usually had the better chance of claiming Sebastian's better half, if you can follow me. So I'll make nice with Grell and kiss his scrawny ass as much as I have to in order to completely annihilate his chances with my butler. Of course, those were pretty much more non-existent than his aforementioned ass.

I put away my swords and put on a pitiful face, taking Grell's hands into mine.

"I apologize, Ms. Grell. It was so unladylike to approach you like I have previously demonstrated. Will you please forgive me?" I performed perfectly, if I do say so myself. Grell was taken by surprise at my polite manner, it seemed. His green eyes turned forgiving.

"I suppose so, er…what's your name, again?" he answered.

"Mer Sullivan."

Indeed. Mer, as in "Mega erotic rabbit," the one you cannot hope to defeat in the pursuit of Sebastian Michaelis's very scrumptious tail. I released my grip on the red thing's hands and peeked over at Sebastian, who was sending a smile my way. If Lady Cornelius were here, she'd probably say it was a "bitch-I-saw-what-you-did-there" smile. Either way, I loved all of my darling's smiles. I was sure that the result of directly staring into one too long would eventually lead to the excuse, "Pardon me while I go wring out my panties."

"Grell, you never got to explain your purpose in being here," reminded the butler, thankfully bringing me out of being one second away from using that excuse. That would have been embarrassing, not being able to contain myself in front of what could be the most easiest person I have met since…since-oh, shut up!

"Oh, right. Well, I'm here to decide the fate of the soul I'm supposed to reap belonging to a Creux Sullivan," he explained, his eyes meeting mine for a moment. How utterly convenient! Creux was my older brother. He was as gay as Sebastian was sexy so you could imagine how fabulous he was. It was unfair how I got kicked out of the house for embarrassing my father with my clumsiness, but my darling brother doesn't get punished when he held orgy parties in my room during my absence.

You couldn't begin to know how humiliating it was to know that I've been sleeping in my brother and his lover's sexual filth for weeks. I jumped into the Thames river and stayed there for an hour, hoping that the cold water would kill me so that my spirit could escape the nastiness. Of course, I had no such luck and I forced myself to return to my room to excessively clean my sheets. One day, I shall get my revenge.

"Revenge?" questioned Sebastian. Oh, did I say that last part out loud?

"Oh, nothing, Mr. Sebastian," I convinced him, making unwanted eye contact with Grell. "You said reap his soul, Ms. Grell? Will he die?"

"As a reaper, it's my job to determine whether this particular soul lives or dies, judging by his Cinematic Record-basically, the overview of his life," he elaborated nonchalantly, yelping at the sight of my Ultimate Revengeface.

"Mer," you're probably saying, "you're a horrible person to want your brother to die!" First of all, person, who said I wanted him to die? I'm just gonna help Grell out, in hopes that he sees how drop-dead gorgeous my brother is so that he could forget about Sebastian for awhile. The revenge part? My brother absolutely hates redheads! Ever since he was a kid, a redheaded girl used to bully him and if he ever saw one, he would have an unnatural bout of nausea.

"Lord Sullivan was supposed to be our guest tomorrow morning, so it would be best to come back after he is done discussing business matters with the Young Master," Sebastian suggested, my heart dropping into the acidy recesses of my stomach. I was going to be humiliated…again!

A/N: Aw, poor Mer. Just how much of a douchebag is her brother? And how will she avoid being embarrassed in front of Sebastian? Review! Oh, and guys, do me a HUGE favor. It's for the sake of Chapter 8. Tell me what you and your friends would do if Grell suddenly busted out of your closet! Give a me a couple of names and you might be featured in that chapter!